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Original poster

Has anyone ever called out their school bullies?

58 replies

Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 20/03/2021 08:36

Has anyone ever called out their school bullies? I messaged the worst few yesterday just saying how they treated me during the school years led me to wanting to kill myself every day after school and how I hope that they, their kids or someone they love is never made to feel the way they made me feel. I said that now I’m turning 30 I wanted to make peace with my anger and feelings towards how they treated me and I felt getting it out would help me move forward.

The main lad who made my life absolute hell blocked me straight away, one of them replied and apologised and said no one should be made to feel like that.

Another one blocked me 🙈😂

I feel a kind of sense of weight off my shoulders. Iv held on to so much pain from my childhood (still lots to go, mum an alcoholic but she’s died so can’t call her out 🤷🏻‍♀️).

The bullying and home life led me to have BPD and mental health issues.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 20/03/2021 20:25

It was 90% lads who bullied me.

Two of them who apologised I felt really meant it. And I accepted their apology.

The one who blocked me was the worst one, he was vile. Every minute of the day at school.
The one who gave me abuse and told me it wasn’t his fault I ate so much etc was one of the worst ones too.

Funny thing is I lost a lot of weight when I was 15/16. I went swimming and he was sat in the cafe area that over looked the pool. He was proper trying to flirt, waving and smiling. As soon as he realised it was me he turned around and walked away and looked so embarrassed.

OP posts:
BigPaperBag · 20/03/2021 20:32

My school bully died of cancer at 31. I wasn’t sad.

FlipFlapFlop1980 · 20/03/2021 20:36

A kid that lived down our road used to be awful to my little brother when my little brother was going through a really awful time. He made my brother's life even more miserable for a few years.

Imagine my delight when I was on an interview panel in front of this guy. I made sure I DIDN'T put him at ease in the interview. None of the other interviewers rated him anyway so he didn't get the job. And no, I don't care that it was unprofessional.

Karma I say Grin

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 20/03/2021 20:41

I’m so sorry you were treated so very badly. Well done for working to move forward - that can’t be easy.

I did call my bully out (it was not as serious as yours but did affect me badly for a school year), but not in any premeditated way! I saw her in the supermarket in my home town on one of my visits back, about 15 years later, and she came towards me, smiling, and asked if I remembered her. I smiled back, a big beam, and said “I do! You were a horrible little bitch, weren’t you? I hope you’ve grown up into a nicer person.” And turned and walked away. My heart was absolutely pounding, my mouth had gone dry, and I couldn’t believe I’d had the self-possession to think of what I wanted to say on the spot, but I did it! It couldn’t have gone better if I’d had the chance to rehearse it. I’ve no idea if it had any effect on her at all, but it certainly made me feel better.

GrannyWeatherwaxsHatpin · 20/03/2021 20:43

Two of my childhood bullies friend-requested me on FB, and I found it immensely satisfying to click “Decline”. One of them was as thick as mince then, and presumably still is, because she sent me two more which also got declined!

Being friend-requested meant I could see their profile, however, and neither of them seem to have particularly nice lives so I allowed myself a few moments of schadenfreude...

SatansHelper · 20/03/2021 20:47

One of my school bullies tried to friend me on fb around the time I turned 30. After ignoring the request 5 or 6 times but it continuously popping up I called her out on how awful she'd been to me. Her response was 🤷🏻‍♀️ everyone gets bullied. I blocked her but still felt a weight off my shoulders.

Well done op - goes to show who has matured and who hasn't.

Sparklesocks · 20/03/2021 20:53

I think it depends on the person and whatever best helps you.

Personally I haven’t and don’t wish to, because I’ve managed mostly let go of those bad feelings and don’t want to relive it. I found myself quite bitter and angry towards them a few years after school and realised I was tying myself up in knots about it and they most likely don’t give a shit. It made me feel worse to think that they were still causing me grief even years later (and living in my head ‘rent free’ as the saying goes) so I took steps to let go and move on. I understand why a showdown and confrontation could be more satisfying, but my conscience is clear - I can say that I never made anyone’s school experience worse, I was and continue to be kind (well I hope so!). This isn’t true for them, even if they don’t fully realise it. Living well is the best revenge and all that.

Justmoveonin · 20/03/2021 21:06

Yes and it was wonderful! I started a new job about 10 years after finishing school and on the first day I was buddies with her as my mentor. In school I was always shy and quiet and I’m sure that’s why she picked on me

She snidely said I looked familiar and she couldn’t figure out where she knew me from. Her little smirk told me she knew full well. I loudly and proudly said that she had made my life a living hell in school, physically abusing me, spitting at me, humiliating me and I was surprised she didn’t remember me. It shut her up very quickly, especially when her colleagues around her could hear.

It was only a temp job for me so I couldn’t care less who thought what of me. She was meek and barely said a word the rest of my time there. I hope she learnt her lesson.

PassionPeach · 20/03/2021 21:42

I dream of doing this daily. There is a boy (now man!) who pushed me towards a mental breakdown in high school who is famous in the extreme sports world. He is highly regarded for dealing with depression and being anti-bullying. I can't count the amount of times I have typed out a message to him, telling him how he made me feel so low with him constantly telling me to kill myself, laughing at me because a parent had died and generally being a fetid piece of shit, yet each time I wussed out. I kept thinking that by sending the message, I might make him feel as shit as he made me feel, but I honestly don't feel it is comparable. I would love to message him still, and I think it would make me feel better to make sure he knows I remember what he did, and that despite him being an AB advocate, he wasn't perfect himself and nearly drove me to suicide. Maybe one day I will be brave enough.

Original poster
Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 20/03/2021 21:48

Send it!

The lad who sent me abuse back is just a scruffy waster tbh. The fact he bought up that I broke a school chair (can’t remember this?!) and when I was groomed by a much older man (apparently I was attention seeking) makes me laugh. He obviously can still remember it all.

OP posts:
OverTheRubicon · 20/03/2021 21:52

@PassionPeach

I dream of doing this daily. There is a boy (now man!) who pushed me towards a mental breakdown in high school who is famous in the extreme sports world. He is highly regarded for dealing with depression and being anti-bullying. I can't count the amount of times I have typed out a message to him, telling him how he made me feel so low with him constantly telling me to kill myself, laughing at me because a parent had died and generally being a fetid piece of shit, yet each time I wussed out. I kept thinking that by sending the message, I might make him feel as shit as he made me feel, but I honestly don't feel it is comparable. I would love to message him still, and I think it would make me feel better to make sure he knows I remember what he did, and that despite him being an AB advocate, he wasn't perfect himself and nearly drove me to suicide. Maybe one day I will be brave enough.
A girl who bullied my friend into self harm and time as a psych inpatient when we were all at school is similarly a big anti-bullying advocate. I'm dying to tweet back every time I see her plug another talk/news article, often referencing the challenges she's overcome etc, and remind her how she treated me and her other mixed race classmates, and what she did to the girl who dared to come out as lesbian... But knowing her, she'd do a tearful apology book and make a killing on that, so maybe best not.
GreyhoundG1rl · 20/03/2021 21:54

What were you hoping to achieve, op? Their permission to feel better?

JustLyra · 20/03/2021 21:54

I did. It wasn't planned, but there was a reunion thing organised on Facebook that I was sent an invitation for. I meant to forward it to a friend saying "I can't think of anything worse than spending an evening with the school bullies", but posted it on the actual invite page.

A couple of people apologised on my message. One quite in depth and genuine.

Then the reunion organised commented "OMG I didn't even know our school had a bullying problem". To which I replied "What would you call it then Mary*? You know when you chucked my bag over the bridge numerous times, or when you stole my books, and in particular when you deliberately broke my jaw by swinging your bag, that you'd laden with multiple people's books, at my head while your sidekick held me down?" Her husband commented "You did what Mary?!"

She closed down the event citing lack of interest and there's never been another sniff of one since. She scurries away if she spots me out and about now.

XenoBitch · 20/03/2021 21:58

I haven't, no. But I they keep popping up in various places on FB (I am not friends with any of them). I kind of wish I had the balls to PM them and tell them how they made me feel. Like you, I have various MH issues that stem from them including BPD.
The thing is, a lot of bullies wont remember how they treated you, and if they do then they will have minimised it. But our brains will remember the trauma they caused.

KatherineJaneway · 20/03/2021 21:58

No. Never had a chance to.

I hate them and will always hate them until the day I die. The damage they did is unrepairable.

PapaSierra · 20/03/2021 22:00

I give them a list of the children they can be horrible too (usually the top two mean girls and the class bullies). My children laugh at the thought and say that they would be physically beaten up if they tried and I tell them “good"

Wtf.

Fyredraca · 20/03/2021 22:04

I haven't but I still see him- he is the older brother of one of my best friends.
He hardly dares to speak to me and always looks embarrassed. The rest of the family I get on really well with. Including his wife who is lovely.
I think he's scared I will tell her.
I know he regrets it because he told my friend so I don't feel the need to say anything.
He was going through a bad time himself, doesn't excuse what he did but I have let it go.

Number3BigCupOfTea · 20/03/2021 22:07

odd how so many bullies are involved in anti bullying initiatives.
A woman at my office who love bombed all around us (if they were popular, attractive, senior to her) but iced me like I was a ghost for a year (along with the fat one the old one the foreign one....) She was involved in some anti bullying thing, it was on her linkedin. So weird. What goes on in their heads. Aren't the cringing?! This woman kissed up at work, kicked down. Quite shamelessly. She didn't waste a hello on anybody who was beneath her as she saw it. But then she made noise about how awful bullying was Confused

Sidewalksue · 20/03/2021 22:07

I went to school with a boy who was constantly horrible to me about my appearance.
I saw him and his children at an event. His daughter reminded me of myself at that age. I wonder what he would say if a boy mocked her for her appearance. I don’t think he would be that self aware to be honest.

SachaStark · 20/03/2021 22:16

I don’t tend to give mine much headspace anymore. We are all in our thirties now. I was so angry for a very long time, but I don’t want to feel angry anymore.

From what I’ve seen when in my home town or when they’ve come up on my social media, most of them had kids way too young, are in such loserish and boring jobs, or are in casual relationships with people from our year at school, as though we are all still fifteen. What a small life.

For me, I don’t feel as though I need to think about them anymore. But good on you, OP, if you felt as though you needed to send that message. It’s not on you to make them feel comfortable with what they did.

Lupinhere37 · 20/03/2021 22:18

I know I really want to call out the parents of my DD’s bullies. Arseholes of parents.

I particularly want to call out the smug, self satisfied twat of a high ranking military officer who has raised the most twisted, mentally torturing, manipulative son. He’s very proud of him apparently.

I would rather die than have a child bully another to the point that they are suicidal and I genuinely ill wish these parents who raise these kids.

So good for you op. So many empty platitudes about bullying but in my experience, most people are prepared to tolerate it and even excuse and minimise it. It’s rife in schools....the bullying, the minimising and the excusing.

As you can see, if gives me full on rage.

GreyhoundG1rl · 20/03/2021 22:32

If the bullying is current, why on earth are you not dealing with it, Lupin?
I see no point in looking for apologies for historic bullying but this is totally different.

toocold54 · 20/03/2021 23:04

I hate bullies but unless you are the exact same person you were in school then it’s not fair that you are judging someone for what they did years ago.

If they were still bullies as adults then I’d be 100% with you.

toocold54 · 20/03/2021 23:09

My children laugh at the thought and say that they would be physically beaten up if they tried and I tell them “good”.

Wow! Confused

Lupinhere37 · 20/03/2021 23:14

@GreyhoundG1rl.

It’s actually extremely difficult to deal with older 16, 17, 18 year old bullies. As a police officer pointed out to us last week, they receive so much information in schools these days on bullying and social media mis-use, they know exactly what they can get away with, without actually getting into trouble. I’d love to deal with it but there is literally nothing I can do, without withdrawing from school in the middle of exams.

Anyway....I apologise op. I shouldn’t have derailed your thread like that. I was just expressing my frustration that we don’t call out bullying enough.