Do I cancel date tomorrow?

radiateforme · 2021-03-19T23:22:56+00:00

Chatting to a guy for a while. Seemed lovely. Intelligent, seemingly kind, funny etc. Recently things got a bit flirty via text but I was quite reserved which made it a bit awkward (never met him before!). Now because I've showed a bit of interest, he's become really intense. Sending jokey messages 'how's my future gf' and asking me for selfies. He's nearly 40 and asking for selfies to me just seems daft and immature (I haven't sent him any). Am I being harsh here? Are these things normal? I'm only 30 but recently out of a LTR so haven't dated since my very early 20s... Should I just cancel? Feels harsh the night before but he's really irritated my today with his questions. I'm also on day 1 of my period so can't work out if I'm just irritable...

Clymene · 19/03/2021 23:24

Bleugh

imalmostthere · 19/03/2021 23:25

How's my future gf would be me done. That's just weird.
Asking for a photo is ok I guess as long as he's not expecting nudes!

Original poster

radiateforme · 19/03/2021 23:26

@imalmostthere

How's my future gf would be me done. That's just weird. Asking for a photo is ok I guess as long as he's not expecting nudes!

Not asking for nudes no, but just seems all a bit childish.

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SheikahSlate · 19/03/2021 23:31

I'd cancel if it were me. I think he's pretty much blown it. And if you're irritated now, I imagine it could only get worse.

ThatchersCold · 19/03/2021 23:33

Oh god he’s way too keen. Seems a bit desperate? Not that I’m suggesting he’d have to be desperate to date you OP , but calling someone you haven’t met yet your future gf is WAAAAY too intense. He’s already given you the ick, and for good reason. Trust your instincts here.

Ribrabrob · 19/03/2021 23:33

Yeah he does seem a bit immature but I think you should still meet him, maybe he just comes across a bit strange in text.

If you don’t like him just make your excuses and leave :)

Original poster

radiateforme · 19/03/2021 23:35

@ThatchersCold

Oh god he’s way too keen. Seems a bit desperate? Not that I’m suggesting he’d have to be desperate to date you OP

, but calling someone you haven’t met yet your future gf is WAAAAY too intense. He’s already given you the ick, and for good reason. Trust your instincts here.

It is isn't it? It's also made me realise that I'm maybe still not healed enough yet from my previous relationship which was abusive. Tge fact that I always feel the need to ask mumsnet. I hate to admit that. I feel like a broken person.

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Original poster

radiateforme · 19/03/2021 23:37

@Ribrabrob

Yeah he does seem a bit immature but I think you should still meet him, maybe he just comes across a bit strange in text.

If you don’t like him just make your excuses and leave :)

See my gut tells me to meet him then make my mind up. Covid is the perfect excuse for no psychical contact (not that I need an excuse but makes it easier to decline a hug!). But the other issue is that the part of my brain that controls gut feelings has proven to be wrong in the past!

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mrsrat · 19/03/2021 23:40

Just goes to show how desperate people are . I'm late 50s Amd if someone wrote my future gf id be over the bloody moon

Original poster

radiateforme · 19/03/2021 23:41

@mrsrat

Just goes to show how desperate people are . I'm late 50s Amd if someone wrote my future gf id be over the bloody moon

It just seemed really weird considering he's never met me. Paired with him asking for photos. Maybe I'm just a prude. Who knows.

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lavenderlove · 19/03/2021 23:46

If he cancelled now would you be relieved? If you would then definitely cancel. Future gf made me cringe and it is really weird to keep asking for selfies.

Original poster

radiateforme · 19/03/2021 23:47

@lavenderlove

If he cancelled now would you be relieved? If you would then definitely cancel. Future gf made me cringe and it is really weird to keep asking for selfies.

I feel like cancelling at midnight the night before is a shit move. I feel like I'm too confused to go on the date though.

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GreenlandTheMovie · 19/03/2021 23:49

Sounds like a weirdo/potential stalker. Or alternatively, just you're typical guy on OLD who depends on women who will be grateful for this sort of attention. I'd block.

Original poster

radiateforme · 19/03/2021 23:50

@GreenlandTheMovie

Sounds like a weirdo/potential stalker. Or alternatively, just you're typical guy on OLD who depends on women who will be grateful for this sort of attention. I'd block.

I'd never just block someone I'd feel far too cruel!

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Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly · 19/03/2021 23:52

You've got the ick before you've even met him. Doesn't sound promising!

Original poster

radiateforme · 19/03/2021 23:53

@Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly

You've got the ick before you've even met him. Doesn't sound promising!

I've never heard of the ick before! But I can imagine...

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Chatterbox89 · 19/03/2021 23:56

Is the date planned for a busy/public place? I think it would be pretty harsh to cancel the night before. Maybe give him a chance and then if it’s a no after you spend a little time in real life then you can tell him there’s no spark for you or you’re not ready.

MMMarmite · 19/03/2021 23:58

He sounds weird to me. I wouldn't be feeling very optimistic about him.

Original poster

radiateforme · 19/03/2021 23:59

@Chatterbox89

Is the date planned for a busy/public place? I think it would be pretty harsh to cancel the night before. Maybe give him a chance and then if it’s a no after you spend a little time in real life then you can tell him there’s no spark for you or you’re not ready.

I think this is probably the best idea. Yes it's in a busy place and somewhere I know well. Also setting up Google location so my mum and friend can see where I am at all times. I always do this though.

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ThatchersCold · 20/03/2021 00:05

OP I hear you, I’ve been where you are. Had a horrifically abusive relationship, attempted dating in the subsequent years but it was always a disaster. It took me 7 years to really feel properly ready to allow someone into my life. I then had a wonderful relationship with someone for 2 years, who is still a very dear friend, although for long and complicated reasons I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with him. And now I have been seeing someone for 7 months and he’s fantastic, I am blissfully happy. Both of those people I met organically in ‘real life’, online dating seemed to just have endless weirdos.

I’ve seen your other thread about wanting another DC, which I realise complicates things. But you’re young, maybe take the pressure off yourself to meet someone for a while. The last thing you want to do is have a child with someone who turns out to be a bellend (take that from someone who had 2 children with 2 bellends). Enjoy your DS, and spending time with friends, and trust that things will unfold as they are meant to. Be open to the prospect of meeting someone but also learn to be TRULY fine with being on your own, that’s where you have power as anyone you let into your life is there because you want them there, not because you need them there, and you will make good decisions about who that person will be. Takes a bloody long time to get there but when it happens there’s no looking back.

Original poster

radiateforme · 20/03/2021 00:07

@ThatchersCold

OP I hear you, I’ve been where you are. Had a horrifically abusive relationship, attempted dating in the subsequent years but it was always a disaster. It took me 7 years to really feel properly ready to allow someone into my life. I then had a wonderful relationship with someone for 2 years, who is still a very dear friend, although for long and complicated reasons I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with him. And now I have been seeing someone for 7 months and he’s fantastic, I am blissfully happy. Both of those people I met organically in ‘real life’, online dating seemed to just have endless weirdos.

I’ve seen your other thread about wanting another DC, which I realise complicates things. But you’re young, maybe take the pressure off yourself to meet someone for a while. The last thing you want to do is have a child with someone who turns out to be a bellend (take that from someone who had 2 children with 2 bellends). Enjoy your DS, and spending time with friends, and trust that things will unfold as they are meant to. Be open to the prospect of meeting someone but also learn to be TRULY fine with being on your own, that’s where you have power as anyone you let into your life is there because you want them there, not because you need them there, and you will make good decisions about who that person will be. Takes a bloody long time to get there but when it happens there’s no looking back.

I could hug you! Thank you. I feel like I've been arguing with anyone who has tried to tell me this and was genuinely convinced I was ready but I don't think I am...

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PinkArt · 20/03/2021 00:11

You said that the comments were jokey? I think I'd be tempted to give him the benefit of the doubt to see if it's just humour that landed badly over text. But would have 'an emergency' calls lines up!

Clymene · 20/03/2021 00:13

@mrsrat

Just goes to show how desperate people are . I'm late 50s Amd if someone wrote my future gf id be over the bloody moon

I'm late 50s and I think it's creepy and weird.

You can't be that desperate surely?

Barcodes · 20/03/2021 00:16

Its fairly common to ask for photos if you meet online

Its to help figure out people who have very old photos up, look nothing like their photos or are straight up catfishing and not the person in the photos at all

Gekeos · 20/03/2021 00:18

I would give him a chance, he might have a jokey personality, my husband said something similar to me the first night I met him.