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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told off these children in the park?

102 replies

Lollyneenah · 19/03/2021 22:07

I feel like I might have been tbh.

Took my dd (9) to the park after school today and was watching from the bench as she played on a swing. She'd been on it a couple of minutes when 3 girls who looked about a year older sort of gathered around her.
She makes friends quite easily so I assumed all good until she got off quickly and walked away. I caught up with her and she was red faced and tearful. She said that the one of the girls had called her a" fat loser" (she's neither of those things) in order for them to use this swing.

I went straight over to the girls and asked her to point out who her mother was as I wanted to speak to her about her behaviour. This girl was surly and rude and wouldn't point out her mum so I said "speak to my daughter like that again and you will be in a world of trouble".

I feel so fucking rubbish that I lost my temper and spoke to a 10 year old like that.

I'm normally so cool headed but eurgh.

OP posts:
thistimelastweek · 19/03/2021 23:12

It's a minefield. Yeah, the OP sorted out the nasty kids. Always satisfying.

Or was she just the bigger bully? Her choice of words suggest maybe.

Womencanlift · 19/03/2021 23:15

My mum did the same for me when I was younger and I will always remember how relieved I felt afterwards

They never did come near me or my friends again even though they were supposed to be the ‘tough’ girls who bullied everyone

AmelieTaylor · 19/03/2021 23:17

Little shits.

They were lucky that's all you said/did.

Don't give it another thought 💐

Mamanyt · 19/03/2021 23:24

You did exactly right. And you were even more right not to specify anything that might have been construed as "threatening." "A world of trouble" is vastly (and legally) different from "I'll slap you into the middle of next week." Although certainly not nearly so satisfying.

Well done.

ViciousJackdaw · 19/03/2021 23:28

You've done that girl a favour.

Behave as she did and it's only a matter of time before someone bigger comes along. She should thank her lucky stars that it was you and not a teen ready to give her a clout.

Etinox · 19/03/2021 23:31

[quote Donotfeedthebears]Etinox -
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7843569/amp/Primary-schools-searching-children-knives-gates-metal-detectors.html

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/education-50056275[/quote]
I very much doubt that sort of anecdote has have changed since caveman times. What I am certain of is that your chances of being shanked by a primary school aged girl are practically zero.
OP’s daughter saw her mum had her back and that’s incalculably beneficial.

bendmeoverbackwards · 19/03/2021 23:32

You did the right thing OP.

We ALL need to call out bullying behaviour, whether the victim is our child or not. I hate bullies but I also hate bystanders.

Notgoodatchoosingnames · 19/03/2021 23:34

Nope, you did the right thing. I did the same the other week. My DS is 7 and a girl of about 10 was rude to him when he was on the swing thinking no one was looking. He came over and then when she thought I wasnt looking mouthed off at him. She shut up quickly when I told her to knock it off and stop picking on kids smaller than her. He was half embarrassed but also looked super proud. How can I expect him to defend himself if I dont. X

Cowbells · 19/03/2021 23:36

YANBU. When some older boys bullied my DC in the park I gave them the option of coming over and apologising in full to my DC or I would follow them home and have words with their parents. People think that is OTT but I think it actually helps the bullies long term. Make life difficult for them every time they bully and they will stop. The ones who bullied DC chose to come and apologise.

GrandTheftWalrus · 19/03/2021 23:42

I was at the park with dd who was 3 at the time. There were older boys there who were about 7/8 and dd said something to them, one of them then said they were going to get their dad!! Because a 3yo said something to them!

I honestly couldn't move for laughing and dd just went about playing on the chute.

Tbf they shouldn't have been in the same playground as it was the one for small children.

Anyways point is, I will stand up for my dd and my unborn dc no matter what. Although dd does have an attitude on her and will call out people being cheeky.

HarmonyHedges · 19/03/2021 23:47

Your daughter will likely remember this for the rest of her days and be proud and grateful to have a fearless mum who stepped up when she needed protection.

Viviennemary · 19/03/2021 23:59

Why should a nasty little bully get away with upsetting your child. She might think twice before picking on her next victim. Well done you.

LApprentiSorcier · 20/03/2021 00:02

Good for you. I wish my mum had stood up for me in situations like this rather than giving me a bollocking and once, a whacking, for 'being rude' when I tried to stand up to bullies in public places as a child.

Bookwyrm · 20/03/2021 00:05

Well done for standing up for your child. My siblings and I teasingly called our mom Mama Bear because we knew she always had our back when kids, usually several years older than us, bullied us. One bully in particular was a neighbor child who threatened my younger sister when she was 5 years old, he was 8; my mom told him in a stern voice to never, ever threaten her children again. He grew up and always had the greatest respect for my mom.

I hope your daughter is able to not take what those girls said too much to heart.

Haydugi · 20/03/2021 00:32

@GrandTheftWalrus

I will stand up for my dd and my unborn dc no matter what. Although dd does have an attitude on her

I’m not sure you’re doing her any favours standing up for her no matter what. If your DD was in the wrong and rude to other kids, she should have apologised.

Obviously different if they were bullying her.

Defmy · 20/03/2021 00:41

I would have done this and it wouldn't have crossed my mind to feel sorry.

Bullies should be spoken to like that. You didn't threaten her with anything inappropriate.

AnaisNun · 20/03/2021 00:41

It was probably good for the older girl, tbh. Kids at that age are testing all kinds of boundaries, working out what sort of people they are, who they want to be etc.

If you’ve given her pause as she navigate that, then it’s no bad thing. She might turn out to be a very very slightly nicer person than she might otherwise have been, because of that one tiny intervention.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/03/2021 00:47

I think you did the right thing. I sometimes get involved with my DD’s disputes with friends and shes 12. She doesn’t know how to stick up for herself and the girls are all drastically hormonal atm. Due to lockdown, so much has been over FaceTime, voice recording, texting and so forth. It’s usually just a simple ‘This is littledragon’s mum, can we just stop now please’.

The only thing I actually regret is not getting involved with one of dd’s ex friends, which went horribly wrong. This was due to parenting of the child. She and her mother saw my dd as her possession and objected to my dd widening her friendship group, inviting kids over and not her (this is when it was allowed btw). It got very very ugly, the girl said awful things about me as well and it came to a head eventually resulting in her mother bad mouthing my dd in our village.

Lesson learned and now I stop things before they really get started and have better boundaries with other parents.

SneezyGonzalez · 20/03/2021 00:51

Well done, hopefully they’ll think twice about doing being so vile again. If more people confronted the likes of these kids then they’d be less likely to cause trouble for others....

I’ll never forget the time I was on the bus as a teen, before the days of cctv. Some horrid boys were shooting balls of paper across the bus and aiming at other passengers. Having been told by a few people and not listened one other passenger had enough and pinned one of the boys down and physically attacked him. Obviously that wasn’t right but I’m pretty sure she had some kind of issues that effected her better judgement and I can’t say I wasn’t pleased 😃

FireflyRainbow · 20/03/2021 00:52

Been there done that. YANBU

ozymandiusking · 20/03/2021 00:54

Garlic twist, That isn't just name calling it's bullying.
I'd have shouted out, "who is the mother of this child?" And, taken it from there.

SquizzaMama · 20/03/2021 01:12

You did the right thing 100%!!

When my DS was 4, we were at a non local park and an older kid (est 7) told him he wasn’t allowed on the climbing tower unless he fought him. Cue 7 year old punching my DS and pushing him off a walkway (only 2ft up - but ffs).

Mama bear kicked in...went over and asked who his mum was. He wouldn’t tell me and told me to fuck off. A child!! So I gave him what for, said if he behaved like a bully all of his life, he would end up with no friends.

He started crying...but wouldn’t go to his mum as I was still watching.

Always, always call kids out on this behaviour!!!

FunnyWonder · 20/03/2021 01:19

I agree with the majority here. You did the right thing. I wouldn't be tiptoeing around children who were nasty to my DC either. Little so-and-so's.

partyatthepalace · 20/03/2021 01:44

Absolutely right to tell her off.

Shnuffles · 20/03/2021 01:49

Maybe her own parents didn't teach her better, or maybe she's just a bullying brat. Either way, it certainly won't hurt Little Miss Insulter to be told that she was wrong and shouldn't do it again.