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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit fed up with DP and his KFC...

87 replies

BeansOnToastWithCheese · 19/03/2021 15:49

Me and DP have been TTC for a long time, I finally got pregnant last year but it ended in a MMC. I had lost some weight before this, but am now committed to losing more before we TTC again to reduce the risk of another miscarriage (as much as possible - obviously losing weight is no guarantee). So, I'm counting calories, walking the dog for an extra hour a day and doing 40 mins of hard-ish cardio 4 times a week. It's working well (disclaimer - I'm also using Ozempic to help) and losing between 1/2 a stone and a stone a month. But...

I'm really sick of making such a big effort to lose weight and eat well while he doesn't do anything. I know my BMI is more important when it comes to TTC but he's overweight too and is going in the opposite direction to me. I just feel like I'm making ALL the effort and he's doing nothing.

He's just had a pizza delivered, and I feel bad about it but I lost my temper. To be clear - I didn't criticise him for eating the pizza - I just said how difficult it is to stay on track when he's getting that sort of thing delivered. A bit of moral support wouldn't go amiss, etc. I'm sure I'm just jealous that he doesn't need to do any work - it doesn't really matter what his BMI is - but, when I tried to get him to see if from my point of view he denied he'd find it irritating if our roles were reversed. I just don't believe him. So, AIBU?

OP posts:

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/03/2021 17:51

Such hype, thecatandthevicar
Rein it in.

Sunflowers095 · 19/03/2021 17:52

@justchecking1

If he's this unsupportive now over something as easy as food, how supportive will he be when the baby arrives?

Agree. Does he actually really want a child?

You'll be working on your eating habits and then carrying a child for 9 months and giving birth and he can't do one tiny thing to support you?

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/03/2021 17:53

And yet more hype...

Original poster

BeansOnToastWithCheese · 19/03/2021 17:56

He definitely wants a baby - he just ALSO wants to eat KFC. And he does support me in some ways - he stopped eating chocolate around me when I asked him to for example, but I think he's just a bit thoughtless sometimes.

I definitely resent him a bit because I'm sweating my balls off most days to irritating aerobics videos, and counting every calorie etc while he's gradually putting on the pounds. I'll tell him that. It's only fair really, to both of us. But I'm not (and won't start) policing what he eats, or criticising his weight. That is 100% up to him.

OP posts:

Namechangeforthis88 · 19/03/2021 17:57

I notice he's DP rather than DH, maybe check out some of the threads started by unmarried mothers who are in unhappy relationships.

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/03/2021 18:03

How overweight are you, op? You know it very likely makes zero difference to the outcome, right?
The “obviously doesn’t want a baby”, “will be a crap role model”, “do you want to have a baby with an unsupportive arsehole?” type comments are batshit.

Bluntness100 · 19/03/2021 18:03

I think it’s up to the individual to decide what they eat and it’s not ok to bully someone into not eating becayse you can’t.

You need to remove youtself from the dining area when he eats something you want but can’t have. But he is entitled to eat what he wishes in his own home.

Sausageroll67 · 19/03/2021 18:09

@billy1966

Really OP?

Who wants this baby?
He sounds selfish and unsupportive.

This is not the action of a kind, decent man.

He sounds like an absolute twat.

Have a good hard think about him.

This is who he is, he's showing you very clearly.

It certainly isn't the action of a man wanting to be a father.

This is a bit of a stretch? The guy wants some fried chicken 😂😂😂

CiderWithRosiee · 19/03/2021 18:16

OP, do you have Type 2 diabetes? You mentioned Ozempic... if so I feel like he's being quite unfair, if you're trying to manage a medical condition as well as TTC surely he could keep the junk food to a minimum when he knows you will be able to see/smell/want it?

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/03/2021 18:16

That post is so OTT I assumed it was satire?

Sunflowers095 · 19/03/2021 18:19

@Bluntness100

I think it’s up to the individual to decide what they eat and it’s not ok to bully someone into not eating becayse you can’t.

You need to remove youtself from the dining area when he eats something you want but can’t have. But he is entitled to eat what he wishes in his own home.

Oh please. Women are expected to eat healthy and not drink in pregnancy but men can't survive without fried chicken because they're "entitled to"?

Funny how I would make sure Im considerate for a partner who is going to do most of the work to bring us a child into the world but God forbid a male doesn't get fried chicken. No wonder so many men are crap when the bar is on the floor and women accommodate it.

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/03/2021 18:23

Oh please. Women are expected to eat healthy and not drink in pregnancy but men can't survive without fried chicken because they're "entitled to"?
He’s not getting pregnant. Why shouldn’t he have fried chicken if he wants to? I’m sure he doesn’t feel “entitled to” it at all, it’s just food.
It’s the loons on here that are turning into a symbol of disrespect and oppression.

billy1966 · 19/03/2021 18:28

For the obtuse amongst us.

It's NOT that pizza or KFC make the slightest bit of difference to the OP getting pregnant 🙄.

It's the fact that the OP is going to such lengths to help herself get pregnant and to hold on to that pregnancy after a very upsetting miscarriage......

So those of in healthy, happy supportive relationships, simply can't imagine working as hard as the OP to lose weight and then have a partner have pizza/Indian/KFC? delivered....wtf.

Who would do this.

Trying to lose weight is the greatest PITA...and to be doing it and have a partner make it so much harder is awful.

Why aren't you married OP????

Going to so much effort to conceive and NOT married????
Why???

Sunflowers095 · 19/03/2021 18:28

@GreyhoundG1rl

Oh please. Women are expected to eat healthy and not drink in pregnancy but men can't survive without fried chicken because they're "entitled to"? He’s not getting pregnant. Why shouldn’t he have fried chicken if he wants to? I’m sure he doesn’t feel “entitled to” it at all, it’s just food. It’s the loons on here that are turning into a symbol of disrespect and oppression.

Asked my partner what he thinks out of curiosity (without sharing my opinion) and he said that's very inconsiderate.

Maybe were just different people and want to be considerate towards others, who knows..

It's not about the food, he could go for a walk/to a drive through to eat this. Loosing weight is hard. There's a lot of mental work and emotions too in circumstances like this. If it's just food, then why can't he just not have it?

Original poster

BeansOnToastWithCheese · 19/03/2021 18:32

@GreyhoundG1rl my BMI is down to about 38 now - when I had the miscarriage it was around 43. I don't know if losing weight will make TTC easier and prevent another miscarriage but the NHS guidance seems to suggest it could help.

@CiderWithRosiee No type 2 diabetes - the ozempic is a private prescription for weight loss.

@Bluntness100 I'm certainly not bullying him into anything, don't be so ridiculous.

OP posts:

Original poster

BeansOnToastWithCheese · 19/03/2021 18:35

And @billy1966 - our wedding was cancelled because COVID. Rescheduled it for later this year.

OP posts:

Reinventinganna · 19/03/2021 18:40

You are stressed and trying hard to be healthy while ttc. I understand that but I do think you are being unreasonable!

Maybe he’s stressed by it too and eating his feelings?

I watch what I eat and exercise but my Dh hates exercise and healthy food. We are jack Sprat and his wife. If he touches my tofu he’s gone.

thecatandthevicar · 19/03/2021 18:42

@GreyhoundG1rl

Oh please. Women are expected to eat healthy and not drink in pregnancy but men can't survive without fried chicken because they're "entitled to"? He’s not getting pregnant. Why shouldn’t he have fried chicken if he wants to? I’m sure he doesn’t feel “entitled to” it at all, it’s just food. It’s the loons on here that are turning into a symbol of disrespect and oppression.

wow, aren't you a charm? Guessing you never had a supportive partner in your life then, have you.

Or would you be the kind of people stuffing their face in front of their partners who are nil-by-mouth or similar? No one here is pretending they would starve in sympathy, but it's pathetic not to have a tiny bit of sympathy.

If you can't support your own partner, why the hell are you even with them? And they with you? Sad life.

Bluntness100 · 19/03/2021 18:44

Oh please. Women are expected to eat healthy and not drink in pregnancy but men can't survive without fried chicken because they're "entitled to"?

I’m sure they can survive. Personally I’d never dream of forcing my husband to eat how I dictate, pregnant or otherwise. Or anyone else. For me, food and diet is a personal choice. And should remain that way.

So we will agree to disagree. You do you and I’ll do me.

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/03/2021 18:45

Your post is a pile of steaming horseshit, sorry.
Oh, and completely wrong on all levels. Sad life, my arse.

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/03/2021 18:46

That was to catandvicar

HollyBollyBooBoo · 19/03/2021 18:51

This is a Mumsnet classic!

If a man told a woman she couldn't have a pizza or a KFC he'd be called a controlling twat and she'd be told to LTB!

Hollyoakswatcher · 19/03/2021 18:55

I’m sorry but you are BU. Most women I know are always on some kind of diet, you can’t expect partners to constantly be changing their diet every time some latest fad comes along. Most of these diets aren’t even healthy so in no way being a good role model to children.

What happens when fingers crossed all goes well and you get pregnant, there is a whole list of foods and drinks you will not be able to have, will you be expecting DP to also give these up as well. Maybe now is a good time to learn the self control needed when you see other people drinking alcohol or tea or pate or whatever when you are not allowed.

Original poster

BeansOnToastWithCheese · 19/03/2021 18:58

@HollyBollyBooBoo I didn't tell him he couldn't eat it. And I wouldn't. I don't want to police what he eats, I'm quite busy enough policing what I eat. BUT - I would appreciate it if he wouldn't eat it when I'm around.

OP posts:

Sunflowers095 · 19/03/2021 19:13

@HollyBollyBooBoo

This is a Mumsnet classic!

If a man told a woman she couldn't have a pizza or a KFC he'd be called a controlling twat and she'd be told to LTB!

Yeah when men start having to go through birth control, pregnancy, a miscarriage, dieting to support pregnancy then maybe I'll find some sympathy. But they don't so asking them to eat their fried chicken out of sight for a few months is surely not OTT? Please stop enabling men in being inconsiderate twats, thanks :)

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