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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this a bit weird ?

91 replies

Flowers24 · 17/03/2021 16:42

I often chat to a guy in another department at work when we were office based, just a chat here and there, we linked up on Fb and chatted now and again on messenger. Now he is messaging me daily and even said he saw me come to the office the other day (I had to collect something, didnt know he was there) and said have I done my hair as i looked amazing.....next he is asking me to meet him early one morning so we can walk alone in a woodland area he knows and really enjoy each others company. I politely said that sounds nice and he said ' I want to go tomorrow now' so I made excuses.
He is married with kids too and what seemed a friendship with a work colleage now feels a bit weird. He wanted me to message him the other morning when he woke up as needs his fix of me.

Should I back away?

OP posts:

Original poster

Flowers24 · 17/03/2021 17:07

I think if it wife saw these messages she would think something was odd, i would if i found messages like that on my dh's phone?

OP posts:

MrMucker · 17/03/2021 17:21

@Flowers24

I think if it wife saw these messages she would think something was odd, i would if i found messages like that on my dh's phone?

Here's an idea-why not show the messages to your dh and see what he thinks?

PlanetPuddle · 17/03/2021 17:27

@Flowers24

So is it weird to tell a woman her hair is good, she looks amazing , walks in secluded areas, messaging daily, i have been naive thinking we were just work friends and now its in bright neon lights that he is after a lot more ....................

Yes he is hitting on you

FuckyouCovid21 · 17/03/2021 17:29

If you don't want the attention, not sure why you didn't shut him down when he started getting personal i.e. mentioning your hair. Just block him is the simplest solution

Echobelly · 17/03/2021 17:30

I think you need to shut this down firmly 'Hi X, I can't meet up with you, it isn't appropriate for you to be talking to me like this, please don't send me any more personal messages' or words to that effect.

19lottie82 · 17/03/2021 17:31

Do you really need to ask?

Branleuse · 17/03/2021 17:38

I wouldnt say its creepy, but hes definitely coming on to you, so you just have to make it clear youre not interested, or just ignore his messages and defriend him

Aprilx · 17/03/2021 17:41

@Flowers24

Yes it is weird. What planet are you living on?

HollowTalk · 17/03/2021 17:46

I'd tell your manager about this. I'd save the screenshots and then I'd block him. I wouldn't even say hello to him at work unless I had to.

nokidshere · 17/03/2021 17:46

I think the boundaries got blurred immediately you started chatting outside work and one to one in messenger.

I don't believe for a minute that anyone is this naive. As soon as he mentioned something personal (hair) you should have shut it down immediately. Suggesting you go for a walk in the woods alone in no way suggests going as a family there is no way you didn't realise that.

If you want to explain tell him you are uncomfortable with the way the conversation is moving then block and ignore outside of work. If you don't want to explain just block anyway.

Should I back away

Seriously? You need to ask?

nokidshere · 17/03/2021 17:50

I'd tell your manager about this. I'd save the screenshots and then I'd block him. I wouldn't even say hello to him at work unless I had to.

Why would you tell his manager? He's chatting someone up who hasn't backed away at the suggestions or run a mile at the way the conversation is going? I think the first step is to tell him the conversations have got too personal and he's overstepped, then block.

If he persists after that then maybe go to his manager

Mydogmylife · 17/03/2021 17:52

Come on, don't be so niave - of course you have to back away and stop giving mixed signals

FTEngineerM · 17/03/2021 17:54

Nah I go for walks with male friends in forests but not once has any of them said me looking good makes them feel better 😂 that’s creepy a f. He definitely does not want to be your friend.

Unless you want to have a fumble in a forest with a married guy, I’d probably do as PPs say and block.

thosetalesofunexpected · 17/03/2021 17:54

@Flowers24
Don't be so Naive !

You are a welcome pleasing distraction from the boring mundanes of every day life with his missus in lockdowns,

essentialy he is bored with the same company as his missus, he might be at home cause of the intense Claustropic atmosphere of Lockdowns ,
he is making attempt to explore to test the waters to find out how susceptible you are to his charms ,

He is obviously intrigued by you and quite strongly acctracted to you .!

Try not to be so nice
as he is obviously got a agenda up his sleeve,

He is up for a fling at least or affair . !

Don't go there !

Its obviously could be potentially be dangerous to go into the woods with a person you hardly know well !

mrsbitaly · 17/03/2021 17:55

I thought it was sweet until you said he's married. I wouldn't even private message him now as he has indicated he's into you so before things get ugly cut off ties

TheLumpySofaCushion · 17/03/2021 17:56

@Flowers24

I think if it wife saw these messages she would think something was odd, i would if i found messages like that on my dh's phone?

What does your husband think, OP?

Have you told him you've planned to go for walks etc with a guy from work that you're messaging?

thosetalesofunexpected · 17/03/2021 17:59

@Flowers24

Oops I ment to say it,
also the intense Claustropic atmosphere of home life with his missus,
he is looking exploring the idea of a welcome pleasing diversion that's you !
Or
anybody else if you turn him down, that is.!

thosetalesofunexpected · 17/03/2021 18:02

@Flowers24

Or anybody else he feels to acctracted to quite strongly.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 17/03/2021 18:10

Yeah he’s taken your friendliness as something else. Clearly because he wouldn’t give someone the time of day unless he wanted to shag them, so he assumes as you’re being polite and friendly you must want to shag him. He’s an idiot. Step away and block him on FB.

Defmy · 17/03/2021 18:12

You've misread this up to now. Easily done. Just set him straight. Not a nice chap at all.

Original poster

Flowers24 · 17/03/2021 18:21

Hi, the walk i didnt think anything off tbh as go for walks with friends (lockdown permitting) as at first he said come and join us on a dog walk, then changed to this remote woodland early in the morning.

The hair comment only happened when he messaged me at the weekend, I have not replied since then, i felt awkward when he said I looked amazing so just said thanks??!

OP posts:

Original poster

Flowers24 · 17/03/2021 18:22

@Defmy

You've misread this up to now. Easily done. Just set him straight. Not a nice chap at all.

Thanks, I thought we were just mates and it has been like that for ages, the initial messaging was only once a week saying hi, how was your week etc then he started messaging a lot more.

OP posts:

Original poster

Flowers24 · 17/03/2021 18:34

Funny how people arent what you think, all those times we chatted at work i thought he's sweet and geeky and never thought for a second he would 'hit' on me, omg i am naive.

OP posts:

indy241282 · 17/03/2021 19:28

I'm pretty sure you know its wrong and are just enjoying the attention....

I mean come on, nobody is that naive ffs!

Original poster

Flowers24 · 17/03/2021 19:34

I honestly thought it was just mates chatting as thats what it was, then it just seemed to change ! I am not in need of attention !

OP posts:

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