I hate #bekind.

[cockneysalad]

I really hate the #bekind sentiment that is now everywhere. I have noticed it on womens jumpers, slippers, bags etc. Funnily enough I haven't seen it on any mens items of clothing.
I see it as another way to tell people to put up with things they don't agree with, "oh be kind, you must be nice," I'm not sure that this gets anyone anywhere. I asked my daughter what she felt about #bekind she asked me in what context and said that she wasn't going to be unkind. I think that is my point by challenging, questioning and debating we are not being unkind but the #bekind thing just feels like a way of shutting people down from discussion and debate.

And again... Fuck off!!!

I hate it too. Dd and I were watching the Lily James Cinderalla film at the weekend and all it goes on about is 'take courage and be kind'. We didn't;t think anything of it at the time when it came out but this time around it irritated both of us immensely. It's such a load of misogynistic bullshit that we are training young girls to believe. Be a doormat and let people walk all over you and then you will be rewarded (in this case with a handsome prince saviour) for being an utter walkover. Pathetic.

Anyway, I digress. I know this thread is about the social media hashtag, but it's such an insidiously manipulative order that has indeed been created to keep women in their place and to shut up, and has been a message perpetrated since time began.

As a general principle I don’t think anyone can disagree. As a hashtag and movement I despise it. It’s used to silence and bully others which is heavily ironic given the reason for its existence.

#bekind is one of our company values. I fought to have it changed to "be respectful" but was vetoed by the mousy saps I work with.

I will not #bekind

Cinderella. 'scuse typos.

See.. This is one area that I just dont see eye to eye on with a lot of people.

The be kind movement was in ode to a woman who killed herseld as a result of online trolling a mixture of other things in her life that she felt were out of her control and the media were using as click bait.

If in voicing your thoughts or opinions on subjects over the internet or in person someone says #bekind to you there's two reasons.

You've either crossed a line or they're being passive aggressive and using or to hush you. That is either on you or them. It has nothing to do with #bekind which is an important movement against online bullying/trolls.

Trying to shush that makes you just as bad really... Its like blaming the BLM movement for the idiotic white lives matter responders!

In response to there being no #bekind merchandise for men or boys.. Rubbish .. My 11 year old boy has a school bag with it, their dad has a key ring and sticker for his work van.. Sold at a traders outlet...

I hate it.

1. On my facebook page, it's the girls from school who were known bullies who use it the most. I mean, ok, they might have become nicer adults but none of my non-bullying friends use it.

1. It appears on various internet discussion groups to shut down debate on a topic.

1. Some people use it to stop others criticizing poor behaviour/unkindness by someone else #BeKind you don't know what they are going through. Well that's true - but I've been through some awful things and I've still managed to treat others properly.

There is a knobend 'anti-masker' on a local Facebook page, when he gets called out on his inaccurate "facts" he responds with #bekind you don't know what someone else is going through.

Hate it, used to silence people and dismiss issues.

Reminds me of teachers in school when a boy would pick on you and teacher would blow it off with "don't worry he likes you, be kind" or when the school bully picks on you, "be kind, their home isnt so great"

The be kind movement was in ode to a woman who killed herseld as a result of online trolling a mixture of other things in her life that she felt were out of her control and the media were using as click bait.

It's terrible she killed herself, it really is. However, every time CF and #bekind comes up, those in favour of 'remembering the cause' do tend to miss out one big, glaring part of her story.

Be Kind still means jack-shit. People are inherently 'kind', in the sense that the majority of people do not go out of their way to be colossal arseholes on a daily bases. Those who do, well they don't recognise it enough in themselves to actually care for #bekind, as much as those who have Live Love Laugh plastered over their homes doesn't stop them being sour faced individuals. It's empty sentiments, utterly meaningless and doesn't make a single person any 'kinder' once the phrase has been uttered. In fact, I'd suggest it's on par with 'calm down' - the person told to do so is far more likely to do the opposite.

Hate it too. It's a word that has been grabbed as a powerful one and it's now most often used to mean:

#becompliant
#enableme
#donthaveboundariesidontlike

It's an appeal to the good old: put others before yourself and be selfless. However it's only used this way to women: it's calling on the sexist trope of women should care for everyone else's needs and feelings without ever requiring anything back in return, and it's almost always used in a sense where it's not reciprocal. Those demanding #bekind are rarely modelling it or living by it: it's just what they want from you.

Codependency is not a good or healthy thing for women.

Having female biology does not make you everyone else's mum.

Mindless self sacrifice and a duty to nurture others before themselves isn't a good or healthy thing to see as the biological birthright of being born female.

Strong personal boundaries are a healthy and necessary thing for women to learn to have. And should never be predicated on someone else's feelings.

Kindness is massively overrated, respect for self and others is much more important.

This.

I think there's an important distinction between genuine kindness, which is based on empathy and respect, but allows for critical thinking and assertiveness and hashtag kindness which is basically code for "be consensual, be nice, don't rock the boat".

People who respect themselves will find it far easier to respect others and be judiciously kind when it matters most, as opposed to displaying the sort of simpering, uncritical hashtag "niceness" with which social media was awash after the death of Caroline Flack.

Funnily enough it was never something which was asked of men.

I don’t see it like this, I see it as exactly what it says, be kind and don’t treat peoooe like shit.

Don't like the phrase, not least because the person who inspired it was about the perfect example of someone who was not!

Its the fact it has been co-opted by the emotionally bankrupt contingent who try to identify as rescuers and savers as an identity and use that identity to control and manipulate people. Now 24 years in Social care I have seen them more times than I can count. People who use kindness as a battering ram for controlling , manipulation and borderline abuse.

The be kind concept was a heaven sent idea for them to co-opt into their arsenal to force the world to march to their tune.

The original idea is valid. That we don't see or know others circumstances and our start point should be kindness. The more emotionally intelligent understand that kindness also includes boundaries, the more nefarious , knowingly or unknowingly, use it its most basic to corrupt into the exact opposite.

Like most things its not the concept its the innate ability of some to turn it into a parody that undermines the initial message.

@garden4569

I totally agree with your sentiments of what the #Be kind campaign was original was about.!

But what has happened this message has become manipulatived into a way of verbally gagging, people to only have a opinion that fits their own agenda,
For a classic example is on here earlier ,a poster comes across on facebook ,of a woman asking people if she is too fat to ride her horse,
so clearly this woman has got some idea this is the case,
as why would she ask this question in the first place?
other people truthful said to her,
if she does not want the truth do not ask for it then.!

But then others on her behalf decided to speak and say she was being fat shamed !
and #Be Kind to her.

But none of these people, had any compassion/concern in regard about equines horse animal welfare.

Another example years ago , I attended a event with a local multi cultural event ,
I saw a friend who is well known for championing Trans genders rights ect.

(at that time it was year of census times, and she told me that she would prefer it, if "Transgender did not have to complete these kinds of census forms," they should have speacial status(exemption)

But this friend believes in equal rights for "Transgender men"!
I too believe in equality (fairness equal in society for everybody !

The kirky irony, with my friend saying " Transgender people having speacial status not to have to complete census forms !

this means that my friend wants "Transgender community to be treated differently in wat,,
(that could potentially create a feeling in the wider outside community of " us and Them" etc.

Bizare Disjointed way of thinking /logic on my friends behalf on this issue.

She did say it was a Human rights issue for "Trans Genders"

I've seen it plastered over numerous sweatshirts and tshirts for little girls. Nope.

@FannyFlapClap

Be kind - said some of the most unkind people I've ever met.

This. I work with someone who jumps on virtual signalling, particularly #bekind and people think she is lovely because she is constantly promoting it. But she is not kind in the slightest, I've seen her manipulate so many situations to her advantage. She stalks people's social media and diaries and uses it against them as well as well as personal information, all under the guise of concern... because she is kind. I worked closer to her then most and constantly had to watch my back, it was horrendous.

In my experience 'Be Kind' is mostly used by people that are arseholes, in order to make sure they don't get pulled up on their shitty behaviour. I hate too that it's mostly aimed towards women; you don't find jumpers for men with 'Be Kind' or 'Be A Nice Human' written on the front.

I hate the expectation that society has that women should be 'lovely' and kind and patient and that if you're not all of those things all of the time, or you pull someone up on crappy behaviour, you're somehow a failure.

There was a longer version going around a few years ago. I had to look it up and the origin seems to be an American self-help guru called Germany Kent.

“Be kind. We never know what people are going through. Give grace and mercy because one day your circumstance could change and you may need it.”

I think it makes a LOT more sense in context: when you can afford to do so, give people the benefit of the doubt. It does NOT mean be kind at the expense of being just, fair, safe, truthful, efficient, effective, or anything else important. "Be kind, it costs you nothing" as a generalisation is a colossal lie (or, to be kind, spectacularly bad advice) and it usually hurts the most vulnerable people.

'Be kind' should mean 'don't be a dick'.

It is used to mean 'don't call me out on my bullshit' and/or 'don't have boundaries', almost exclusively to women and girls.

My DD requested a jumper from New Look with 'be kind always' scrawled on it. What, always? If someone nicks your bike, or kicks you in the face? Not a chance my kid is wearing that.

YANBU - such hard work to type though, rather than voting

I always read "shut up" instead of be kind, as that is what is actually meant by "be kind" in the context it is so often deployed.

I hate it too. With a passion. I'll be kind to those who are kind to me.

How about #GoFuckYourself as an alternative

I suspect with “treat people with kindness” being the official comic relief song this year that #bekind is going to go into overdrive on Friday and yes I agree #bekind has definitely become #bequietanddontargue