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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s too late and I’m too old

81 replies

Mehtothemeh · 15/03/2021 20:25

Aren’t I?

I started trying to conceive at 31, cue years of infertility, an emergency ectopic, tube removal, three cycles of ivf and the birth of my miracle Dd at the age of 40.
I’m now 43 and still have two frozen embryos. The plan was to go to transfer back last year, then covid hit.
I had covid back in March last year and am still not 100%, but manage ok. I spent summer recovering and thoughts of another child were miles away.
Now I’m panicking that it’s definitely too late.
If one of the embryos were to work, I’d be 44 when I had a baby. In myself, physically, I think I’d be okay, my worry is for the future child, I’d be 62 when they are 18.
It makes me so sad and looking back, I so so wish I’d been able to have children younger.

Is it too late?

OP posts:
XelaM · 15/03/2021 20:31

My colleague gave birth to her first baby at 44. Definitely not too late

Parkerwhereareyou · 15/03/2021 20:34

Oh don't be daft! Get on with it! It'll be fine.

Merename · 15/03/2021 20:35

I don’t think anyone can answer this for you, it’s so personal. Good luck whatever you decide Flowers

Gunpowder · 15/03/2021 20:35

I don’t think it’s too late either. Go for it now.

RickiTarr · 15/03/2021 20:36

No not too late. Not yet. Flowers

Mylovelyhorsee · 15/03/2021 20:36

Go for it if it’s what you want! Good luck

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 15/03/2021 20:37

No 44 isn’t too old, especially as you’re not relying on falling pregnant but have frozen embryos.

Your child will be loved and wanted which is a great start in life for any child. Plenty of people have children older than 44 and sadly none of us know what the future holds even if we become parents much earlier in life. If you want a baby and have the wherewithal to make it happen, go for it.

elliemara · 15/03/2021 20:37

I'd still go for it!!

Birdslovesinging · 15/03/2021 20:38

It's not too late for you. Go for it! Good luck.

SidSparrow · 15/03/2021 20:38

We are living longer. Just make a promise to yourself that you'll look after yourself health wise and go do it!! Good luck!!

DramaAlpaca · 15/03/2021 20:39

You'll never know unless you try. You've two embryos there, go for it if you want to. I've three friends who've had healthy babies at 43 or 44.

WomenAndVulvas · 15/03/2021 20:41

If you really want another child, then go for it!

Elieza · 15/03/2021 20:42

If it’s what you want and you can handle a few more years of sleepless nights and have finances in place to do this plus look after another child then go for it ASAP. Tomorrow!!!

Your eggs were frozen so are healthier than if you were trying without ivf.

Your child will have a sister so won’t be alone if you end up not in the best of health as you get older.

Go for it.

EnglishRain · 15/03/2021 20:43

For me the difference between 40-44 isn't that big. Your DC would have each other too. If you had your first at 30 and your second at 44 I would probably be more wary just because I don't think they may necessarily be as close as siblings. I know some absolutely are with bigger gaps though.

Original poster
Mehtothemeh · 15/03/2021 20:48

@Elieza The embryos were frozen at age 39, so I’m guessing in terms of health of the embryo, they are from 39 year old me, so would be like I was getting pregnant at 39, wouldn’t it? Just in my slightly older body 🙈

OP posts:
CharlotteRose90 · 15/03/2021 20:49

My mum had me at 43 . I’m now 31 and she’s in her 70s. Full of energy and thriving still. You’re not too old.

honeylulu · 15/03/2021 20:50

How old is your partner? If similar then go for it!

I say that because I had my youngest at 40 and would have loved just one more but my husband was already 54. You can't be sure of anything but I wanted to feel reasonably sure if one of us fell off the perch the other was statistically likely to stick around for 20 years! Ideally both of us though!

Iloveshreddies · 15/03/2021 20:52

My mum had my little brother when she was 43 and she's fit, healthy and well. And he is a lovely young man. Go for it, you are definitely not too old.

Sunbird24 · 15/03/2021 20:54

@Mehtothemeh I’m 43 (as of December) and 6 weeks pregnant after my second attempt at ivf to conceive my first. If this one miscarries as well I’ll have one more go, but I don’t really want to be more than 44 either. As you’ve already got the embryos then why not go for it? If they don’t stick then you can chalk it up to ‘not meant to be’, but know that you gave it a go and have no regrets.

Original poster
Mehtothemeh · 15/03/2021 20:54

@honeylulu He’s 43 too

OP posts:
honeylulu · 15/03/2021 20:59

OP! That's great! Do it do it do it

Yapplepearora · 15/03/2021 21:04

Go for it. Assuming you live to 80 and get pregnant around now, this DC will be 37 when you go and will ideally have built up a solid support system of their own by that age. You’re still statistically unlikely to die while they are in their 20s and the worry of having a sudden death and leaving a child without you applies to any parent, even a 20 year old.

OpusAnglicanum · 15/03/2021 21:06

Go for it. Nothing in life is ever perfect. You’ll regret it if you don’t try.

Mylittlepea · 15/03/2021 21:09

Definitely go for it, you have frozen embryos so if you don’t give them a chance, you’ll always think what if.....?
IVF messes with your head and makes us over think everything (mum of 2 IVF babies here) - I was 34 & 39 when I had mine so I’m not a young mum either.

Wishing you tons of luck xxx

Liverbird77 · 15/03/2021 21:09

I had my second at 43. I'm still 43. It is fine. I had my first at 41.
If you're fit and healthy, and you want to, then go for it!!!!

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