It’s too late and I’m too old

[Mehtothemeh]

Aren’t I?

I started trying to conceive at 31, cue years of infertility, an emergency ectopic, tube removal, three cycles of ivf and the birth of my miracle Dd at the age of 40.
I’m now 43 and still have two frozen embryos. The plan was to go to transfer back last year, then covid hit.
I had covid back in March last year and am still not 100%, but manage ok. I spent summer recovering and thoughts of another child were miles away.
Now I’m panicking that it’s definitely too late.
If one of the embryos were to work, I’d be 44 when I had a baby. In myself, physically, I think I’d be okay, my worry is for the future child, I’d be 62 when they are 18.
It makes me so sad and looking back, I so so wish I’d been able to have children younger.

Is it too late?

If I were you, I'd call it a day and stick to one beautiful child.

My mum had me at 45, she's still doing great at 80 and is a good fun and a great help to me and my children, more so that some other mums and grannies I know that are 20 years younger!

44 is fine! I know plenty of women in their mid 40s having babies. Good luck OP!

I had a baby at 41. My child told me only recently that she has been angry for a long time that she will have less time with me than her other siblings.

Go for it

I had dd1 at 41 and dd2 at 44. I'm 45 now and about to go back to work, in a career I'm secure in and can afford to only work 2 days a week, which is a big bonus. I keep fit and healthy and am loving every second.

I think I would want to try with those embryos given that you have them already. When I was pregnant they calculated the trisomy risks based on the age I was when my embryos were conceived, not my actual age at pregnancy, so yes it is like you are 39 not 44.

Wow Redsquirrel your mum sounds amazing what a brilliant friend she was.

A relative of mine fell pregnant when she was around 46-47. It was unplanned, but she has done brilliantly. She and her now 16yo have a great time together and her age has never been an issue. She is over 60 now but she's so full of energy and actually now has more time for her child now that she's retired. I think there was something like 18 years between her two kids.

Give it a go rather than overthinking it. It might be older than ideal but no reason it won’t work out fine - I have 3 friends who’ve had babies at 44, 46 and 47.

64 here with 19 year old, it's been lovely, he's second year university now. I wouldn't hesitate

You had your first at 40, it's not far off from your future calculations should you try again. Definitely go for it while you can!

I'm 45 with a 1 year old. I don't feel too old. Not remotely. If I'm honest I would have liked to had my children at 33 and 35 rather than 42 and 44 but circumstances didn't offer that to me at the time. I'd add that as an older parent I felt even more of a duty to provide a sibling for DC1.

(And this is from someone who had a child at 22 and suffered two miscarriages since. Years later DD is 9 and no hope of a relationship coming along so I'm starting to accept that my baby days are behind me.)
I'm shit out of luck, but you may not be.

My friend gave birth at 46.

Hi OP, I had a forth child at 47 so a little different but definitely not too late. We are 50 and 3 this year and she is a ray of light (most of the time 🤣)

Well what’s the harm in trying? If you succeed, you’ll have a lovely baby, if not you will know you tried and have a lovely daughter to spend your life with. Either way your future sounds good!

Honestly, go for it if you want it.

My DF has her twins at 46. At 50 she has everything she has. Other friends have not been successful. No one ever regretted trying.

I gave birth to my two DCs aged 39 and 42, but I was three months from my birthday with each, so really it was more like aged 40 and 43.

They're now teenagers but because of diet and exercise I don't feel that much older now than when I gave birth.

So don't worry and go for it is my advice!

@Twillow

I had a baby at 41. My child told me only recently that she has been angry for a long time that she will have less time with me than her other siblings.

What a guilt trip! The alternative of course is that she would have had no time at all with you, if she hadn't been born.

Of course it isn't too late. Go for it.

I've seen some total bullshit on here over the years about how pretty much every woman who ever lived was either too old or too young to have her children. We really love to berate each other for our choices. It's all fucking nonsense. There is no right age. There is no perfect time. And for goodness sake, being in your early 60s when your child is 18 is really not a big deal at all. Most people are still in fulltime employment at that age.

Good luck x

If one of the embryos were to work, I’d be 44 when I had a baby. In myself, physically, I think I’d be okay, my worry is for the future child, I’d be 62 when they are 18.

I'm about to turn 60 and my 'miracle baby' is 19. There is nothing I haven't done with him over the years, my age has never been an issue. I have arthritis now and some mobility problems but he's off at uni living his life and having a ball.

It's not too old. If you want it, go for it and enjoy every minute.

I had my DS at 41 and my DD at 44. I'll be 61 this year. I'm not sad I'm happy and so so blessed to have them in my life. For their part they get to live with someone who has time for them and who has perspective. Live your life and enjoy.

Thank you! My clinic recommended putting one back this time as we had a previous success. I think if we go again I will put 2 back. It is hard to think about letting them go. There’s no right thing to do, and I had a lot of thoughts of ‘well we’ve been so lucky isn’t that enough?’ And my daughter is totally enough, but it’s also ok to want another child too.

My gran had twins at 43