It’s too late and I’m too old

[Mehtothemeh]

Aren’t I?

I started trying to conceive at 31, cue years of infertility, an emergency ectopic, tube removal, three cycles of ivf and the birth of my miracle Dd at the age of 40.
I’m now 43 and still have two frozen embryos. The plan was to go to transfer back last year, then covid hit.
I had covid back in March last year and am still not 100%, but manage ok. I spent summer recovering and thoughts of another child were miles away.
Now I’m panicking that it’s definitely too late.
If one of the embryos were to work, I’d be 44 when I had a baby. In myself, physically, I think I’d be okay, my worry is for the future child, I’d be 62 when they are 18.
It makes me so sad and looking back, I so so wish I’d been able to have children younger.

Is it too late?

I may be in a minority, but I think you are too old. Around age 50 is the age where things start to go wrong with your health, even though you might have been perfectly healthy before.

Life (and death) is a lottery OP. I had ds at 39 and another never happened but I don't regret trying. I'm nearly 52 and I have lots of friends who lost at least one parent in their teens or young adulthood. No one knows!

@daisypond, I'm nearly sixty, I'm much fitter and healthier than I ever was in my thirties and forties.

Go for it OP.

I would say go for it. I’m in your position had my DD at 40 after IVF at 39. I’ve just had a failed FET at 44 (2 natural miscarriages in between) it’s heartbreaking but I feel it was the right decision to go ahead. We have 2 left and I know I just can’t leave them after all I went through to get them. I think if I was starting from scratch I wouldn’t do IVF again at 44 (mainly because it was a lot to go through once rather than just being 44). But honestly even today having found out that it didn’t work I don’t regret at all trying. Wishing you lots of luck if you go ahead 💐

Don't over think it! A lot of women have children around your age. Hope all works out for you. Good luck OP. Xx

I would go for it, my friend has just had twins through ivf after ectopic pregnancy, she's 44 and doing brilliant, and my sil is 43 and pregnant with her 2nd, she'll be 44 when baby is born, she also has a 2 year old, lots of people where I live have babies in their 40s now .

DC3 arrived when I was 43 (standard conception, might’ve been easier with younger eggs/embryos). Follow your heart, OP. And have some Brazil nuts Very best of luck

[quote AuntyMabelandPippin]@daisypond, I'm nearly sixty, I'm much fitter and healthier than I ever was in my thirties and forties.

Go for it OP.[/quote]
You may be. The OP may be. But no one knows. And the fact is, you are more likely to have health problems as you get older. I thought I was incredibly super healthy - slim, fit, vegan - until I suddenly wasn’t. Same with DH.

@kos88 So sorry 💐 It really is a rollercoaster, isn’t it. I wouldn’t do it now from fresh either as I just don’t think I could go through it again. I also feel immense guilt about not trying with them and just letting them go. The likelihood is high it wouldn’t work either, I think we got very lucky with Dd and I’m so very grateful 💜so I do worry about investing in it to and it not working.
Did you say you have two left? Will you put both at once?( I’m never sure about that either) they’ve always recommended it at my clinic but I’ve never done it.

The clock's ticking hon, you've got time but not much, stop dithering and get going xx

Definitely not too old. Go for it

@daisypond This does worry me. I always wanted to wait to have kids too and live my life more whilst young. I had that choice taken away from me anyway, but if I could do it all again without fertility problems, I think I’d start at 25 and have a few.

Btw, our chances were very low so they recommended we use both our eggs as the chances of them both taking was so small. I had twins in my early 40s 😂😂 wouldn't change it though, thank goodness they put both in I now think!

I wouldn’t choose to have a child at that age
I’ve just turned 40 and I’m very conscious of being as close to 60 as I am 20
I’m looking forward to my children gaining some independence and a return to an “easier” life not still having dependents as I approach retirement

OP, 44 is the new 34! Go for it

@Usagi12 Ahh lovely 💜
I was always too scared 😂but, actually if I had put two in as they often said, I would’ve had my two at once and done! I’m not sure I could do twins and a toddler at 44 🙈

There are lots of older mothers at the school gates. Your child won't be unusual or feel like the odd one out.

I'd definitely go for it in your position. I'm 51 & I feel like I'd physically cope perfectly fine with a primary aged child. In fact, I think I'd manage much better now than I did when I was in my late 30s with mine.

I think you should go ahead with the transfer...there’s really no reason not to and it seems like a huge waste.

My parents are mid 70s and still working. So are many of their friends, or they are enjoying a very active retirement still. In all honesty, those who had children later on seemed to have aged better! Maybe they were more conscious of looking after their health or the children kept them young. No one bats an eyelid about women having babies in their early to mid forties these days.

@GarlicMonkey In my mums friendship group, we range from early thirties to around 48, with a 3 year old child and I’ve honestly never thought much about it. So I’m hopeful any dc I have wouldn’t be ashamed to have a slightly older mum.

Why do you think you’d do better now that late thirties? More patience?

My mother was 43 having me. Was never something I gave a huge amount of thought to. Yes she was 60 when I was still in school, I don't really see the issue...

She was fit and healthy, I had friends with younger mothers who weren't. It's impossible to tell how these things go so I wouldn't make the decision wholly based on age.

After years of IVF, I had my twins at the age of 47. I meet lots of mums in their 40s. A close friend is due in a few weeks, and she's 43.
Pregnancy was a breeze physically.

I do worry sometimes about the future, but keep myself healthy, so hopefully I'll be around till the babies are in their late 40s. My mum had me at 42, and both my parents are still very healthy now at 90/91.

Also, I was so proud as a child to have an older mum. She had a career before getting married and having kids, which was more unusual 50 years ago.

I had my boy at 44. It was pure chance. Anything can happen, so you should try. Or you might regret it. It can only go one way or the other...

A dd’s friend had her 2nd at 45.

My mum had my youngest sister at 44 she thought she was going through change of life. Not only did she already have three girls but when my sister was 2 her best friend died suddenly and we moved and my mum at 46 looked after 7 girls and the house for two years until their dad decided, to our dismay, to send them to boarding school.
My mum was a great mum and lived until she was 83.

I think she would say go ahead. I think she often seemed younger than some of my friends mums. If you are fit and healthy then why not.