"I hope our grandson had a nice Mother's Day, and enjoyed special foods"

[Asiama]

That's what my narc mother sent me, no comments about whether I had a nice day (I did ). She can't stand it when I'm centre of attention. It's riled me up but I can't express why it's annoyed me. I'm actually NC with her so she uses my dad's phone / email to message me pretending to be him. I have no proof but I just know it's her by the language used etc. My father won't stand up to her, I think I will have to go NC with him too to stop her contacting me with this drivel

Bit of a weird message!

thats such a weird thing to say?

That's so weird.

Enjoyed special foods 🤣🤣🤣

Weird. Ignore if you are nc.

Misses the point of Mother’s Day! Life is too short for that sort of nonsense. You have my sympathy, it just chips away at you. You aren’t imagining it. I would block numbers and move far away but I am pretty tough at this stage (in my 50s). As the saying goes there are drains and radiators in life. I am lucky my mother is a cheer leader for me. Glad you had a nice Mother’s’ Day.

I'd respond, "That sounds like the sort of nasty thing Mum would say!"

"Lol Dad you weirdo! Mother's Day is about great Mums like me - I had a wonderful day being spoiled rotten by DS and DH"

Ignore ignore ignore.

I don’t think you need to explain why that’s riled you. Huge sympathy

Thanks Dad! Hope you gave Mum the kind of day she deserves.

Or ignore. Probably the better option!

That's pretty desperate of your mother, OP, not to mention downright odd.

...enjoyed special foods.

That seems like a very deliberate and barbed comment! Does your mum think you're mean with food or something? It's very weird, so probably best to ignore her.

@LaurieFairyCake

"Lol Dad you weirdo! Mother's Day is about great Mums like me - I had a wonderful day being spoiled rotten by DS and DH"

Yep I'd send this. So she sees it didn't affect you and that you had a lovely day.

I like: Thanks Dad! Hope you gave Mum the kind of day she deserves.

She sounds exceptionally odd :(

This sounds exactly like my narc mum.

I gave birth 5 days ago. Very few questions or empathy about the pain of that. But lots of praise for my partner (as usual) for how hard it is for the men. She also regularly cuts me off mid-sentence to actively tell someone else to have a turn speaking.

I get frustrated with her every single interaction we have. But I wouldn't be able to go NC with her, I would feel too guilty. So instead Ive started to cut her off, be overtly uninterested and challenge her now.

I have a regular dilemma in my mind, that I love her but hate her.

You have my sympathies. What your mum said is just ridiculous and irrelevant. A simple "happy mother's day, I hope you've all enjoyed it" would have been sufficient 💐

‘Thanks Dad. Hope you had a good Mother’s Day too’.

It's hard but all you can do is pity her. Narc mothers are jealous bullies. It will be winding her up more than you, and these lovely little games are an attempt at regaining some control.
Unfortunately there will be many others who will have been on the receiving end of these barbed little remarks yesterday.
It's very annoying but you will learn to shrug it off. You can't rationalise with irrational people.

"He had a nice day spending time with and spoiling his wonderful mummy, it's a shame I don't have one of those!"

I'm going to ignore it, just like I ignore most messages from my dad these days.

And yes, she does think I'm mean with food because I won't give my toddler foods that have high salt or literally 40% sugar. She cried that for his first birthday he had home made pizza because it was nothing special, and because the cake was home made and not a professional order.

@FlamedToACrisp
This.

@Asiamia

That gives a bit of context to the special foods. How nasty of her. I love a home made birthday cake.

You have my sympathy, I no longer have my mother and had to listen to my dads partner banging on about how her daughters did xyz for her, bought gifts for my dad too (my dad doesn't even celebrate fathers day )
I mean I'm happy for her and all that but why she thinks I want to hear it on a day I'm thinking about my own mum I've no idea.

@MuddleMoo it was a great cake even if I do say so myself 😅 and it looked lovely, but definitely home made! My mother even brought her own cake as she couldn't trust that mine would be good enough!

@TutiFrutti I'm so sorry I don't understand how people can be so insensitive.

I find Mother's Day hard as it is because I don't identify with any of the sentiments about having a great mother. People ask innocently what I did with my mum and it's awkward. And to top it off she then she has to go and say something like this.

Hi again! If it helps there are so many women who also really don't identify with positive sentiments towards their mothers. It's something that those who have a good relationship with their parents find really hard to get their head around. It's so easy to say I know but I hope you can find a way to not let her intrude into your headspace too much, as she genuinely isn't worth the time.
You could try imagining if it were an acquaintance or social friend, what would you do if they behaved in a similar way? Which would be you'd probably ignore them.
It's so difficult as we are supposed to love our parents....but more importantly they are supposed to love us, and sadly narc parents generally don't.

You aren't alone! Xx