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Original poster

Homebirth

108 replies

CP191989 · 15/03/2021 10:43

Have name changed as don’t want to be outing.
My MIL rang the other day fuming. Long story so will try and keep it short. Sister in law is having a baby she’s in a same sex relationship something MIL has always had issues with she says she has nothing against it but had dreams her only daughter would marry and have kids (the way MIL had)
Anyway they are expecting its fantastic but then they told MIL they are having a home birth. The issue my MIL is having is that they live in flats so according to her everyone will be able to hear they have told neighbours no one seems to have raised issues but MIL just won’t let it go. She’s calling them saying they are being unsafe things could go wrong (I can understand her worries but it’s not her choice) she then got worse saying it’s selfish on neighbours they won’t want to hear it it could go on for days. Now SIL has got upset and thinks it’s because she’s in a same sex relationship and said MiL has always made life hard for her because of this. They now aren’t talking. I just wanted to see what others honestly thought. Is it unreasonable to have a home birth in flats? I agree with SIL that her mother has always handle her sexuality badly.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/03/2021 11:59

Why would it matter if my young kids get awaken by a woman giving birth? Are you for real?

I know 2 little girls who have been completely traumatised after witnessing their mother in labour and being rushed in hospital

I'm fairly sure the OP's SIL won't be inviting the neighbour's kids in to come and watch?

Each to their own, but no one gets to impose that to my kids.

Yes they absolutely do if they've chosen a home birth and your kids will have to get over it.

Hardbackwriter · 15/03/2021 12:00

@luxxlisbon

I've not heard of home births being cancelled due to the pandemic. In my direct experience more people are opting for home birth than ever due largely to the covid restrictions particularly around partners.

There is no reason you would disturb anyone more in a flat than a terrace or a semi so it is an irrelevant point, not least because it isn't anything to do with your MIL.

Mine was cancelled when I was 36 weeks but that was mid-Jan, when things were at their worst - I think they might be back on in my area now, and in fact may have been by the time I actually gave birth in mid-Feb
Kpo58 · 15/03/2021 12:00

I wouldn't be impressed with my DD choosing a home birth living that far away from the hospital. It's 30 mins assuming there was already an ambulance outside your house. It could easily end up taking an hour in total to get to hospital and in the worst case scenario, the mother and the baby wouldn't be reaching hospital alive due to such a large time delay.

Hardbackwriter · 15/03/2021 12:02

@Kpo58

I wouldn't be impressed with my DD choosing a home birth living that far away from the hospital. It's 30 mins assuming there was already an ambulance outside your house. It could easily end up taking an hour in total to get to hospital and in the worst case scenario, the mother and the baby wouldn't be reaching hospital alive due to such a large time delay.
They do a home birth assessment including visiting your home if you're planning one, so the midwife will be fully aware of where the flat is, so her professional judgement and experience is rather more relevant than either your or the OP's MIL's speculation of whether it's safe enough...
luxxlisbon · 15/03/2021 12:09

@Hardbackwriter Must just be individual local areas becoming overwhelmed. Probably staff levels more than anything actually.

I know two women having home births in London mid Jan. One ended up needing to be induced but neither was cancelled due to covid.

Must have been quite stressful for yours to be cancelled at 36 weeks!

Hardbackwriter · 15/03/2021 12:15

They said it was the ambulance service that was why it was cancelled - they could no longer guarantee they'd be there in the usual time. Which is quite a scary thing all round. It worked out fine, I had a really good experience in hospital, and they'd reopened the MLU which had been shut (because they turned it into a Covid unit) when I originally opted for a home birth, so I could still have a water birth. Luckily I hadn't yet paid for the pool I was going to hire for the home birth when they cancelled it!

BiBabbles · 15/03/2021 12:15

My DD1 was born in a flat and I had no issues with getting care or from the neighbours. She'd have been born there no matter my plan as my hospital at the time had a 'do not call or come in until you've consistent close contractions' (unless exceptional circumstances) which never happened with her.

For me, the main thing would be how supportive are the medical people involved and, with everything going on, what are her options if she finds the midwives who arrive on the day unsupportive.

I had one good homebirth (in the flat) and one terrible homebirth (in a house) and, just like my two hospital births, it all came down to the people involved. One of my biggest regrets with my terrible homebirth is that I didn't have the confidence when they came in barking orders and telling me what I would be doing to show them the door. They ended up putting my life at risk and if it was my loved one, I would want to make sure they'd looked in how to handle that wherever they give birth.

Whuut · 15/03/2021 12:19

I had my first baby at home in a block of flats. Told neighbours- mostly because I didn't want police turning up- and they were totally cool about it.

I absolutely loved my home birth and will be doing it again this time in a different block of flats!

thecatandthevicar · 15/03/2021 12:22

WorraLiberty

it's never anyone's interest to piss off your neighbours like that. Who wants to start a war, especially with a new baby? What a horrible atmosphere to give birth Confused.

Any normal individual would realise that friendly neighbours could just quietly take the kids away for the night, but in the middle of a lockdown, they cannot.

Only on MN people so inconsiderate.

Contrary to the myths "you don't care or even notice anything when you are giving birth", many mothers actually DO care, are very conscious of what is happening around them!

WorraLiberty · 15/03/2021 12:28

@thecatandthevicar

WorraLiberty

it's never anyone's interest to piss off your neighbours like that. Who wants to start a war, especially with a new baby? What a horrible atmosphere to give birth Confused.

Any normal individual would realise that friendly neighbours could just quietly take the kids away for the night, but in the middle of a lockdown, they cannot.

Only on MN people so inconsiderate.

Contrary to the myths "you don't care or even notice anything when you are giving birth", many mothers actually DO care, are very conscious of what is happening around them!

Yeah, a woman's going to change her entire birth plan incase Molly and Johnny from nextdoor get woken up 😂😂

"Mummy, what were all those scary noises last night from nextdoor?"

"The lady was giving birth to a baby and it's sometimes noisy but I'm sure she's fine. Shall we pop a card through the door, or buy a little gift online?"

Best way not to piss your postpartum neighbour off...

thecatandthevicar · 15/03/2021 12:31

Best way not to piss your postpartum neighbour off...

you might find that people don't have to care about pissing off or not inconsiderate neighbours, thats' the point.

custardbear · 15/03/2021 12:35

Not the MIL's decision or choice and she should keep out of it.

Personally though, I wouldn't want to let me neighbours hear me, it would stress me out and I'd feel bad they could hear me when they're in their homes relaxing, or worse, working from home. But that's just me. Is also be quite worried about logistics of being potentially upstairs if I needed to get transported to an ambulance - again, just me

fairydustandpixies · 15/03/2021 12:35

I had a home birth in a terraced house in the height of summer with all the windows and doors open. No one complained!

JustLyra · 15/03/2021 12:38

@thecatandthevicar

Best way not to piss your postpartum neighbour off...

you might find that people don't have to care about pissing off or not inconsiderate neighbours, thats' the point.

Did you ask your neighbours if they minded the inevitable noise from your children before you moved in or is it only your neighbours that have to never make any noise that can be overheard?
thecatandthevicar · 15/03/2021 12:39

Only on Mn can you be on a thread where you state that a woman's choice has nothing to do with her MIL,

to end up into an argument and how it's perfectly normal to ignore neighbours kids and pretend you live in a detached home.
Let us know how that argument comes back when said kids are told to safely ignore the baby next door, and be as noisy as they love.

Warrickdaviesasplates · 15/03/2021 12:40

@fairydustandpixies

I had a home birth in a terraced house in the height of summer with all the windows and doors open. No one complained!
I think you'd have to be a real dick to go to the house of a labouring woman and complain about the noise.

"Hey, I'm Sue from across the road. Can see you're busy so I'll be quick. I'm trying to relax in the garden and your agony is just so distracting. Can you keep it down? We all want to enjoy the sunshine yeah."

thecatandthevicar · 15/03/2021 12:42

JustLyra

I never imposed my kids noise on my neighbours, it's very easy to do even when you chose to live in a flat. To a point that they were worried my babies had health issues as they didn't hear them at night. Because I am not a twat.

They returned the favour, which was lovely and made my life so much easier.

I am not one of these argumentative MN posters you see, I don't spend my life trying to fight the neighbours.

JustLyra · 15/03/2021 12:57

@thecatandthevicar

JustLyra

I never imposed my kids noise on my neighbours, it's very easy to do even when you chose to live in a flat. To a point that they were worried my babies had health issues as they didn't hear them at night. Because I am not a twat.

They returned the favour, which was lovely and made my life so much easier.

I am not one of these argumentative MN posters you see, I don't spend my life trying to fight the neighbours.

If you have silent children then no wonder they were worried.
luxxlisbon · 15/03/2021 13:03

@thecatandthevicar

Only on Mn can you be on a thread where you state that a woman's choice has nothing to do with her MIL,

to end up into an argument and how it's perfectly normal to ignore neighbours kids and pretend you live in a detached home.
Let us know how that argument comes back when said kids are told to safely ignore the baby next door, and be as noisy as they love.

Of course it is perfectly normal to ignore a neighbour's children when a woman is figuring out a birth plan that works for her. Your children have nothing to do with it.
Giving birth is something that happens under a handful of times for most people, it isn't equivalent to your children being kept up by late night parties every night.
snapple21 · 15/03/2021 13:05

I don't know what noises you really expect or how thin the walls are. I've been at countless homebirth in all types of houses and never once has anything happened where I've been thinking about the neighbours.

snapple21 · 15/03/2021 13:06

Except an ambulance arrival outside, of which there are no sirens but lights, I might expect the neighbours to have a look then.

WorraLiberty · 15/03/2021 13:09

It makes me wonder how some kids get through life if their parents think they're that entitled to be considered first at all times, over and above anyone else's personal plans.

shouldistop · 15/03/2021 13:10

I wouldn't worry about the noise but I would worry about the fact it could take 30 minutes to get me to hospital.
I had 2 complicated births though (with no indication of any issues in pregnancy).

Ellpellwood · 15/03/2021 13:10

This is not about neighbours. This is about your MiL being worried about a home birth and trying to think of anything and everything she can in order to object.

If it were my mum I'd be all breezy and say well, not your birth or neighbours mum, so don't worry about it!

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 15/03/2021 13:13

I think it’s fine so long as the neighbours have been told in advance. A previous neighbour of mine had a home birth in her bedroom which was next to ours, and it really was a bit of a shock to wake up to in the middle of the night. If we’d known we would have known what the noise was straight away and had ear plugs on hand. She was a fucking terrible neighbour generally though so maybe that’s clouding my view

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