Would you think it unreasonable?

[YoyoLoco]

If a step parent who used helped out a lot, stopped doing so when they had their own child?

By help out I mean things like school runs when parents couldn't, having DC during lockdown or helping with childcare in general etc...

@funinthesun19 Oh I absolutely agree, her being SM makes all the difference. I don't agree with the "what would you do if they were your own kids" argument at all, because they aren't her kids. But even if they WERE, why would changing the arrangement to reflect the fact that it's harder for mum in the morning be seen as so damaging? I've never heard it said that you shouldn't have another child unless you can ensure the school run's for the older kids will not change. It isn't that big a deal.

As for ringing social services because your boyfriend is in a huff since he can't treat you like his personal nanny anymore

Seems like a perfectly legit reason to me.
But to be honest, if I was constantly disrespected in such a way by the pair of them (yes the ex too), then I doubt he would be my partner anymore and they would MIRACULOUSLY do the parenting and the school runs themselves.

@DavidsSchitt

"Your argument was "nobody thinks that", not "nobody has said that.""

Nobody thinks that because nobody has said that, except since I said that it became very clear that someone thinks it.

Is that better for you? Hard work.

As for ringing social services because your boyfriend is in a huff since he can't treat you like his personal nanny anymore

Yes, but there had already been lots of comments about it being "very hurtful" and the SKs being and feeling "dropped like a stone", etc. I don't really want to argue with you because it's pointless but it was very clear both before and after your comment that lots of people did think the SKs would be deeply hurt by this 🤷‍♀️

I didn’t do the school run for about a month after my youngest was born. Either my ex (which is a bloody miracle he did tbh) or my dad took my older children to school. Nobody would have been worried about the effects this had on the children because their mummy was at home with the baby. But you can guarantee that if it was a stepchild, people would be concerned. It’s laughable if I’m honest.

As for ringing social services because your boyfriend is in a huff since he can't treat you like his personal nanny anymore gringrin

Sigh. Are you always this obtuse. The call to SS is about people leaving the children without any form of care, not because boyfriend is in a huff.

"Seems like a perfectly legit reason to me."

It's not a "legit" reason to add to the already ridiculously high workloads and pressures faced by SS.

The OPs friend has said she will no longer be doing the parenting of her boyfriends kid. He's sulking but the OP claims the kids are completely unaffected.

That is not a good reason to waste social services time.

"The call to SS is about people leaving the children without any form of care"

They haven't been left without care! Their lazy parents are doing it.

Do you always just make up scenarios regardless of the OPs version of events?

It's not a "legit" reason to add to the already ridiculously high workloads and pressures faced by SS.

Right so if any children (not just the ones in the op) are continuously being dumped on family and friends when they haven’t given permission, how else is the problem going to be resolved? SS would need to intervene as the parents would be neglecting their children. It’s only like going to a holiday club and dumping the children and running off.

Your friend has helped when and where she could and the parents should be happy and thankful for that. The situation has now changed and the parents need to step up. Doesn't mean she stops completely, but your friend and her dh's situation has changed, so in turn the mother needs to make changes.

If they are complaining and moaning then I'd be tempted to completely withdraw any help. Cheeky fuckers

@DavidsSchitt

"The call to SS is about people leaving the children without any form of care"

They haven't been left without care! Their lazy parents are doing it.

Do you always just make up scenarios regardless of the OPs version of events?

I recounted a previous thread where an OP was forced to call SS because the kids were being left in her garden without her permission. You responded to that post too. Not sure if you're conflating the previous thread with this one, but it's on you if you are, I've been perfectly clear.

The reason I mentioned the other thread is OP said her friend thinks the SCs parents are going to leave the kids with her without her permission.

Do you usually have trouble following a thread?

I think the SS talk is confusing things as I believe that's referring to another thread where the parents were literally dumping the kids at the SMs door and driving off after she had already said no.

No one is dumping kids anywhere here. Parents are doing it, just not very graciously.

No one is dumping kids anywhere here. Parents are doing it, just not very graciously.

Good, I’m glad they’re doing it at least.

They just need to stop being childish now and get on with it. They chose to have their children so I don’t know what they expected really. They can’t have a huff when people won’t do their job for them.

"The reason I mentioned the other thread is OP said her friend thinks the SCs parents are going to leave the kids with her without her permission.

Do you usually have trouble following a thread?"

Oh the irony 😂

@Lacucuracha no, the OP didn't say anything of the sort, you simply invented that and went off on a tangent about social services.

It seems you are having a bit of trouble following the thread.

Thankfully the OP has been along to confirm that the kids aren't being dumped on anyone anywhere and that yes, the boyfriend is now just in a huff about it.

"You responded to that post too. Not sure if you're conflating the previous thread with this one, but it's on you if you are, I've been perfectly clear."

You've been very unclear and very mistaken if you think I was on another thread about some kids getting dumped in a garden. It's the first I've heard of that.

If you can't read the thread and what the op is saying then I'm afraid, to use your phrase, "that's on you".

@DavidsSchitt

Lacucuracha no, the OP didn't say anything of the sort, you simply invented that and went off on a tangent about social services.

The OP said ‘she is exhausted but was still being expected to get up and run around doing everything.‘ I took that to mean that the friend still feels put upon and feeling the pressure to look after SC. Granted OP didn’t say say the kids are being dumped on her friend but it’s clear that she is facing pressure. I think the other thread gives OP helpful precedent.

@DavidsSchitt

"This is exactly what an OP did a few weeks ago, called SS on them."

what?

This is the post I said you responded to David, not thread. I’d you don’t know the difference between post and thread then that’s on you.

You're clutching at straws now but FWIW you suggested I was possibly conflating the two threads. I wasn't on another thread so you're mistaken to think that.

As for the other thread helping the OP, how could it do that? Despite you claiming to have been "very clear" you're yet to link to this apparent thread 🤷🏽‍♀️

@aSofaNearYou

If a step parent who used to help out a lot, stopped doing so

From this part alone, no I would not think they were unreasonable. A SP does not need an excuse to stop doing favours for the parents.

This. 100%. She isn't their parent - the expectation in the first place is unfair and she now has a small baby ffs.

I think the lovely OP in that other thread was minding her hubands daughter's children and was working fulltime.

She was working at night to catch up on her work.
Her prick husband was offering her services as babysitter to his daughter without consulting his wife.
She repeatedly said No.
The children had turned up on her door to be minded before.
She was no longer putting up with it and threw her prick of a husband out after he wouldn't accept No.

Lots of these men around step mother=free childcare.

I hope the OP's friend is financially secure and returning to work.
She is so vulnerable with a man like that.

*She basically did everything before the baby, school runs before her own work started, packed lunches, had the DSC during lockdown when WFH, looks after them a lot for both parents and as PP said, felt like her maternity leave was seen as a free for all in terms of childcare.

She felt like she offered to help out a few times and then that was it, it was an expectation.

And an expectation which was expected to carry on even with a small baby whilst no one else made any attempt to work around the fact circumstances had changed. *

Cheeky fuckers. Nothing else to add, really.

@DavidsSchitt
You're clutching at straws now but FWIW you suggested I was possibly conflating the two threads. I wasn't on another thread so you're mistaken to think that.

You were conflating the two threads because you claimed that I suggested OP's friend called the SS because 'he was in a huff'. Which is patently bullshit. Do keep up.

As for the other thread helping the OP, how could it do that? Despite you claiming to have been "very clear" you're yet to link to this apparent thread 🤷🏽‍♀️

Because it tells OP that not every SM is willing to put up with this shitty behaviour.

@billy1966

I think the lovely OP in that other thread was minding her hubands daughter's children and was working fulltime.

She was working at night to catch up on her work.
Her prick husband was offering her services as babysitter to his daughter without consulting his wife.
She repeatedly said No.
The children had turned up on her door to be minded before.
She was no longer putting up with it and threw her prick of a husband out after he wouldn't accept No.

Lots of these men around step mother=free childcare.

I hope the OP's friend is financially secure and returning to work.
She is so vulnerable with a man like that.

Agreed billy1966. You are always a voice of reason on these threads.

"Because it tells OP that not every SM is willing to put up with this shitty behaviour."

Not unless she's psychic or you link to it but Billy has at least given us some idea of what on earth you're referring to. Thanks for that.

At no point did this OP state the kids were being dumped. Or that she had concerns they would be. Not at all. Yet you conflated the two threads. Still, you've been corrected.

@DavidsSchitt

Actually, OP's post of 14.42 shows she understood what I was referring to perfectly. You are the only one having trouble. What part of If she has made it clear her answer is no, then in her shoes I would tell them that if they leave the children with her, she will call Social Services there and then., did you not understand?

You've been schooled in comprehension today, and you're welcome!

I understand what your post means. You don't seem to understand that you are absolutely fucking reaching if you think a call to social services is in order here 😂

Anyway, gotta go. This thread is MN gone bonkers.