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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU being upset

67 replies

Lynniepoo · 14/03/2021 18:09

I've been with my partner for nearly 2 and half years and living with him since the first lockdown last year. He's always very secretive with his phone and he's constantly getting messages day and night, so I other day he went to work and left it at home. He doesn't know I know the passcode and I know I shouldn't have looked but I did and on Instagram messenger he's messaged some woman saying how amazing she looks and he's very jealous of her husband and can she send him nude pics on messenger so her husband can't see and she won't get into trouble that way!!! Thankfully she replied saying she doesn't do that but now I don't know what to do, our sex life had always been very good and I'm already very insecure about my body after having 3 c sections and this other woman hasn't had any kids and has a washboard stomach. I also found out that he didn't get divorced years ago but that it only came through on 1st March this year...obviously I can't confront him because it's my own soft fault for looking but I really don't know what to do, has anyone been in a similar situation

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 14/03/2021 18:12

I would be binning him off faster than you can turn around. What a fucking sleaze.

JorisBonson · 14/03/2021 18:13

@Aquamarine1029

I would be binning him off faster than you can turn around. What a fucking sleaze.

This. Off he fucks.

StoneofDestiny · 14/03/2021 18:14

You need to ask?

Throw him out.

JustDespair · 14/03/2021 18:14

You snooped because he gave you reason to be suspicious and you were right. At that point, the snooping isn't wrong anymore in my opinion. You deserve to know if you are living with a scumbag and you do.

You need to leave. You deserve so much better.

Jumpers268 · 14/03/2021 18:14

You can confront him. And you can also tell him to fuck right off. The reason you looked at his phone was because he made it clear he was hiding something. You should, in no way, feel ashamed for that. I hope you're okay .

PinkiOcelot · 14/03/2021 18:15

Urghhhhh. He’s asking another woman for nude photos?! Bin him!!

Thehop · 14/03/2021 18:16

Vile sleazy cock nostril.

Bin him quick 🤮

FOJN · 14/03/2021 18:24

It doesn't really matter how you found out, you can't unknow what you now know. How would you characterise his request to the woman on Instagram? Do you think this is or will be the only time? His secretive behaviour with his phone suggests not. He has all lied or at least withheld information about his legal marital status. Do you think you could trust him to tell the truth if you talked to him about it?

He's not a respectful partner, asking women for nude photos, being secretive and lying is who he is. Do you want the rest of your life to be filled with suspicion about what he's up to?

I doubt it, he needs to go.

LilMidge01 · 14/03/2021 19:11

You dont need to confront him about the messages in order to leave him. You can just leave him. And tbh it sounds like you should

MuddleMoo · 14/03/2021 19:18

You can leave him and not mention the phone if you want. But just because you feel you shouldn't have looked doesn't mean what he did is any less wrong.

Giraffey1 · 14/03/2021 19:21

Why stay with such a sleazeball and a dishonest one to boot. I’d be binning him off. Did you send yourself some screen shots of his messages as backup?

JollyJlly · 14/03/2021 19:23

I’m usually stay and work it out but in this case LTB. What a prick.

Figgygal · 14/03/2021 19:25

Bin him off
Vile bastard

Outbutnotoutout · 14/03/2021 19:28

I would just tell him it isn't working and split

Or tell him he is a cheating wanker and leave.

Either way your better off without him

UnsolicitedDickPic · 14/03/2021 19:32

If you don't have kids together I'd be running for the door. How old are your children? I accept that it's not easy to up sticks when you've got three kids.

MrsBobDylan · 14/03/2021 19:37

Good grief it's a race to the bottom on MN at the moment.

It should be the basic minimum to want your partner not to be an untrustworthy sleazebag.

NeverMetANiceOne · 14/03/2021 19:54

What a nasty liar he is, he's duplicitous, sneaky and you are not his priority. Leave him.

Original poster

Lynniepoo · 14/03/2021 23:18

Thanks everyone I'm leaving him on Thursday when he's back in work so he won't know until he gets home and when he contacts me I'll tell him then exactly why I've left

OP posts:

YouBringLightInToADarkPlace · 14/03/2021 23:42

Yes good plan OP you definitely deserve better. Keep us updated and good luck for Thursday.

Icanflyhigh · 15/03/2021 00:03

What a vile specimen he is. You trusted him and he gave you a reason not to. Bin him off, you're worth a million of him x

Planty13 · 15/03/2021 00:48

He is cheating on you and will continue to do so. Good luck without him op!! 🧡

JustDespair · 15/03/2021 01:11

Good luck, OP. You will be better off without him in your life

toolatetofixate · 15/03/2021 01:24

It's so nice reading threads where the woman doesn't piss about.

Good for you OP

WisnaeMe · 15/03/2021 01:28

Good on you OP, you're doing the right thing. I hope you're okay within yourself, be kind to yourself 🌺

user1473878824 · 15/03/2021 01:38

@Lynniepoo

Thanks everyone I'm leaving him on Thursday when he's back in work so he won't know until he gets home and when he contacts me I'll tell him then exactly why I've left

Thank GOD. What a hideous man.

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