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Original poster

Virgin at 28?

71 replies

meadowbreeze · 14/03/2021 15:04

This is very cringe, I apologise, please forgive me for this thread. I want to start off by saying I am normal; in all senses of the word my life is just normal. I have a lovely group of friends made up of both sexes, I go on holidays with some during normal times, have a great social life normally.
I am having a bit of a crisis. I will be turning 28 in a couple of months and I will be a virgin. I remember watching the 40 year old virgin when I was younger and laughing about it, but now i'm starting to think this will be me now.
I am not particularly ugly, not awkward, not too loud etc. I have previously had a boyfriend in my early 20s but that only lasted about 7 months and never got sexual for religious reasons. I had some pretty promiscuous friends growing up and hated seeing them in tears, getting the morning after pill every month. I did not want that to be me and promised myself I would wait.
I have never really worried about this, I don't want to sound big headed but I never had a problem attracting guys. I am beginning to feel a bit like this is getting really embarrassingly late.
It is a personal decision and I don't care what others do but I really am not interested in a one night stand. How are people doing this? I feel like my life is just running away from under me. This thing started when I was 26 but I'm knocking on 30 and my social life, and my friends is depleting. I'm losing hope I'll ever find a partner and start a family.
Please tell me I am not the only non-nun soon to be 28 year old virgin?

OP posts:
Lacucuracha · 14/03/2021 15:15

I was a virgin at that age! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it.

It sounds like you’re not in a relationship, do you want to be in one?

Original poster
meadowbreeze · 14/03/2021 15:18

@Lacucuracha yay! I'm glad I found one lol. Thank you for commenting. I'd love to be in one now, it's just so hard finding people. I am really hopeful life will open up again and things will be possible. My social life used to be thriving and now its non existent. I have some camping trips and festivals booked this summer so hopefully things will pick up.

OP posts:
partyatthepalace · 14/03/2021 15:29

I genuinely don’t think it’s all that unusual - and it really doesn’t matter,

Everyone’s social life is at rock bottom right now, but things should get back to normal soon. Good that you have events planned. If you want a partner, think about how to make that happen in the next year or two - rest will follow.

Lacucuracha · 14/03/2021 15:35

@meadowbreeze lol, to be honest I was a virgin until my early 30s, I was a slow developer in terms of relationships. (Only had 1 boyfriend before DH).

Could you try online dating during lockdown? Or have you already tried that?

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 14/03/2021 15:39

Given your religious background it’s not uncommon. I’ve known quite a few still virgins into their 30’s.

Better to wait til you find someone you really want to make that connection with than just get on with it for the sake of it in my opinion.

Sparklesocks · 14/03/2021 15:39

Honestly it’s fine. Everyone is free to make their own decisions regarding sex/sexuality and frankly it’s nobody else’s business. Some people wait until they find the right person, others don’t. Some people see it as a big deal and others don’t.

Crystal90567 · 14/03/2021 15:52

Try online dating. I do think it's the only way to meet partners now. Even before covid, approaching people for dates in bars or elsewhere was becoming socially unacceptable.

Log on. No need for detailed profile. Mine says Hi and a few box ticked details that the site asked of me. One pic that isn't even me at my best. I'm a lot older than you and I got 100s of likes. I'm not that good looking.
'Like' back the ones you like.
Start chatting
Agree to date.
Its usual in non covid times to have sex on third date. I tend to do this but I like sex. :) You dont have to though. Maybe wait 3 months / 6 dates? Or 6 months and both said 'I love you' / 10 dates. Or wait for marriage proposal. Youd need to say this from start though eg 'I dont believe in sex before marriage' and look deliberately for marriage potential type men.
It's all quite formulaic.

cinnamonchips · 14/03/2021 15:54

My SIL was a virgin until she met her now husband at 34! 10 years on they are incredibly happy. ☺️

lidoshuffle · 14/03/2021 15:55

A couple of generations ago, and for time immemorial before that, it would have been the norm. Things have only altered in the last 60 years or so.

WhoStoleMyCheese · 14/03/2021 16:00

Don’t worry OP it’s perfectly normal! I’ve got quite a few friends like you - lovely girls, they just haven’t happened to meet anybody in their usual circles. Most of my friends in relationships for whom it happened ‘naturally’ met at work/uni.

I’d recommend Bumble for online dating - you can set filters as to what you’re looking for (casual, relationship) so filter out time wasters, and women message first. I had a lot of dates, some lacklustre, but once I got the paid version on a week trial quality of matches really good. Met quite a few decent guys, got into a 6 month relationship with one of them.

Also have you considered speed dating/singles events? These are a lot better as you get to meet people in person! :)

Crystal90567 · 14/03/2021 16:01

A couple of generations ago there was a whole society set up to matchmaking young men and women, dances on Friday and Saturday nights that people went to ages 14 to 21, and from this social romantic (society supported) interation, most people were married by 21.

MiaMarshmallows · 14/03/2021 16:02

It's more common than you realise.
I've never understood the obsession of losing virginity at a young age. You are fine, please do not worry.

CoraPearl · 14/03/2021 16:05

I was a virgin until my late 20s, not due to lack of opportunity as I had plenty of boyfriends and did various sexual things, but because there just wasn't anyone I wanted to 'go all the way' with.

Growing up, I was friends with a lot of girls who were promiscuous, and it did turn me off not only how indiscriminately they had sex, but how un-educated about sex and contraception they were. As I had boyfriends, no-one knew I was a virgin, neither did the first guy I had sex with. In fact, he refused to believe me. (Although why anyone would like about being a virgin in the late 20s is beyond me).

No advice really other than try to stop fretting about it, it will happen when it happens. That's what happened with me. I met someone and wanted to have sex with him, so I did.

Perversely, many years later, I am now a part-time escort!

AgeLikeWine · 14/03/2021 16:08

@lidoshuffle

A couple of generations ago, and for time immemorial before that, it would have been the norm. Things have only altered in the last 60 years or so.
That really isn’t true at all. In the 1950s, the median age of first marriage for women was 20. Today, it’s 28 and rising. Source : Gov.UK.

OP, you will be fine. You just need to meet the right person which obviously is easy at the moment, but when life gets back to something resembling normality you will be able to start actively dating. Good luck!

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 14/03/2021 16:08

I’m confused by your post because you’re seemingly both asking if it’s ok while boasting about it and slamming friends who have sex lives? If you want to be a virgin that’s fine but it’s not cool to judge others.

Are you wanting to stay a virgin or not, I’m confused by your post?

Lacucuracha · 14/03/2021 16:10

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy OP is being factual, not judgemental.

mum2jakie · 14/03/2021 16:12

It's perfectly fine for you to be a virgin at your age, just as it is perfectly fine for your friends to be enjoying sex with a number of different partners. Be happy with the choices you've made and leave others to enjoy theirs.

Original poster
meadowbreeze · 14/03/2021 16:14

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy how on earth did you manage to get that from my post? If you have nothing nice to say just leave.

OP posts:
GoGadgetGo · 14/03/2021 16:20

I know someone in their 40s. However, I think it's mainly due to religious reasons and them not meeting the right 'one'. I think they have given up which is a shame because they do/did want someone. They are currently in the process of having a child on their own.

Flev · 14/03/2021 16:20

I was a virgin until I married my husband at 38, having met him 18 months earlier through online dating. For me it was a religious thing, I didn't want to have sex outside marriage. He was divorced, but had similar views to me.

We are very happy together 4 years later, and I don't regret waiting at all (although aged 36 I was really wondering if it would ever happen).

There are many different views about when people are and aren't happy to have sex - if it's important to you to wait then don't let yourself be steam-rollered into something you may later regret.

GoLightlyontheEarth · 14/03/2021 16:21

@GoGadgetGo

I know someone in their 40s. However, I think it's mainly due to religious reasons and them not meeting the right 'one'. I think they have given up which is a shame because they do/did want someone. They are currently in the process of having a child on their own.
A virgin birth then?
Lacucuracha · 14/03/2021 16:22

Wouldn’t be the first, I think.

vixeyann · 14/03/2021 16:22

You are not alone - it's just people don't talk about it. I was 28 when I did. I just hadn't met the right person and wasn't interested in casual stuff. Life changes quickly - 3 years later I was married with a little one.

GoGadgetGo · 14/03/2021 16:24

No. Adoption.

lidoshuffle · 14/03/2021 16:33

@AgeLikeWine

"A couple of generations ago, and for time immemorial before that, it would have been the norm. Things have only altered in the last 60 years or so."

That really isn’t true at all. In the 1950s, the median age of first marriage for women was 20. Today, it’s 28 and rising. Source : Gov.UK.

I meant that it would have been the norm for an unmarried woman to be a virgin