Virgin at 28?

[meadowbreeze]

This is very cringe, I apologise, please forgive me for this thread. I want to start off by saying I am normal; in all senses of the word my life is just normal. I have a lovely group of friends made up of both sexes, I go on holidays with some during normal times, have a great social life normally.
I am having a bit of a crisis. I will be turning 28 in a couple of months and I will be a virgin. I remember watching the 40 year old virgin when I was younger and laughing about it, but now i'm starting to think this will be me now.
I am not particularly ugly, not awkward, not too loud etc. I have previously had a boyfriend in my early 20s but that only lasted about 7 months and never got sexual for religious reasons. I had some pretty promiscuous friends growing up and hated seeing them in tears, getting the morning after pill every month. I did not want that to be me and promised myself I would wait.
I have never really worried about this, I don't want to sound big headed but I never had a problem attracting guys. I am beginning to feel a bit like this is getting really embarrassingly late.
It is a personal decision and I don't care what others do but I really am not interested in a one night stand. How are people doing this? I feel like my life is just running away from under me. This thing started when I was 26 but I'm knocking on 30 and my social life, and my friends is depleting. I'm losing hope I'll ever find a partner and start a family.
Please tell me I am not the only non-nun soon to be 28 year old virgin?

I was the same, don't worry about it. I was brought up as a Catholic (now lapsed) and didn't meet my OH until I was in my 30s. No need to panic, you have lots of time.

When you meet the right man he’s not going to be put off by it. It’s soon remedied anyway.

Does your religion only permit people to have sex after marriage? Being a virgin in your 20s is very unusual as people usually have boyfriends or girlfriends. You don’t have to be “promiscuous” to have had sex.

@lidoshuffle

A couple of generations ago, and for time immemorial before that, it would have been the norm. Things have only altered in the last 60 years or so.

It was never the norm as people married young, as in early 20s, until the past 10-20 years. Maybe even as teens depending on how far back you’re looking.

@CuteBear long story short yes. I agree it's not usual. I don't think there's anything wrong with people having sex, or being promiscuous if that's what they want. I also know that those two things aren't the same.
I was very busy with work and school until I was 25 so had no time really. Once things settled covid happened and I'm not thinking if I was maybe taking too long.

[quote meadowbreeze]@CuteBear long story short yes. I agree it's not usual. I don't think there's anything wrong with people having sex, or being promiscuous if that's what they want. I also know that those two things aren't the same.
I was very busy with work and school until I was 25 so had no time really. Once things settled covid happened and I'm not thinking if I was maybe taking too long.[/quote]
I lost it at 16, but it wasn’t consensual. I then didn’t touch another man until I was 20 and half way through university. I haven’t slept with many men, but I’m now in a long term relationship. I just didn’t like the way you dismissed younger people as being promiscuous. I’m a few years younger than you. I’ve been busy with uni and then busy with work since I graduated. If you find the right man then you will find the time. Good luck

@CuteBear I really don't mean to be rude, I'm sorry if I offended you. I don't see anything wrong with promiscuity if that's want the person wants. It does upset me to think back though how my very impressionable friends were practically used by stupid boys. They do the same thing as adults and I really couldn't care less, it makes them happy and that's fine.

@CuteBear It's not that unusual. In my group of friends most of us were early to mid 20s. It's not something that we would broadcast to others though. Also a lot of teens lie about whether they've had sex or not.

I’m a few years older than you and also a virgin. I haven’t even had a relationship.

Nothing religious here just very shy, lack of confidence, and genuinely didn’t feel like anyone would like me as I’m not pretty or outgoing etc

I have been working on these things with a councillor and was all set to put lots of effort in them covid hit and stopped all that.
I’m now considering trying OLD. Any recommendations of the best sites would be great?

It’s nice to hear I’m not alone

Of course your not alone, society has a narrow definition of normal but honestly why would you have sex with someone unless you wanted to?.

I’ve never been on a rollercoaster, don’t want to and it’s fine. Never been abroad either. Meh. It’s no one else’s business.

@cyclingbear You sound incredibly sweet and I hope you know you're amazing and I'm sure very beautiful. I am glad you're getting support, don't settle. I was perfectly happy up until recently when I'm having a bit of a wobble about it all.
I'm working on being less 'loud' as I think it puts some people off. I think most people would be quite surprised if they found out I am a virgin as I am very social and outgoing.

I didn't lose my virginity until around that age either, think I was 27. I don't think it's that unusual at all, especially if you're from a religious background. It hasn't been a problem for me at all.

I was late 20s - I think 27. I had just never met the right guy - boys I did really like when I was top end of school/early uni but I somehow wasn't ready, and then a patch of not meeting anyone for me in mid 20s. Am happily married to the guy I met at 27 and we have kids an ongoing pretty good sex life at now nearly 50 . I think it's later than average, but don't think it's a big deal.

Yes like LTGreggs, I'm 40 now, been with DH for 10 years. We have a really good sex life despite kids etc. I just mean that leaving it later than average doesn't imply anything about your ability to be happy sexually / have a fulfilling sexual relationship.

28 is no age! Honestly I think it’s fairly common.

It’s just not talked about but honestly some men are so rubbish why would you want to?.

Not everyone’s having sex at 16.

@cyclingbear I'd recommend bumble, stay way from tinder at all costs

Please don’t worry.

When you meet a genuinely nice man he won’t care and you’ll be able to develop a happy relationship.

Please don’t rush in to anything you may regret later. Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of! Lots of us regret earlier assignations and wish we could undo some early encounters. Far better to hold out for a man you really like.

Why is it cringe. Its your body. Good on you for making a decision and sticking by it.
If you've saved yourself until now its not worth losing your virginity now for the sake of it.

I was 25 and have only ever had sex with my now husband. To me, it’s a personal choice. I was brought up a Catholic by an Irish Catholic mother who would actually I think have preferred that we murdered someone than have sex outside of marriage. She isn’t all that keen on sex inside of marriage either. She would go on about how her mother and herself were both virgins when they married. They were also 17 and 21 years old respectively. So hardly held out forever. Both marriages lasted for life, but were pretty shitty I suspect. Well, my parents are still married in their eighties.

I was a virgin until 38 (!), never had a serious boyfriend until that point either. No issues, just never met the right person, can be very shy and never one for going to pubs/clubs. Felt very much the odd one out but became at peace with the fact that I'd probably never meet anyone, I did end up persevering with OLD and met my now DH online in 2014 and we got married in 2019. You are definitely not alone

@Tinkerbell456 haha your post made me laugh. My mum was technically v religious but she now has a child out of wedlock (I have nothing against this before someone jumps at my throat) so doesn't really get to make any comments.
@Awwlookatmybabyspider I meant it more in the sense that I'm embarrassed for being embarassed if that makes sense? I never really cared that much pre covid but it does feel a little like my life is slipping through my hands the closer I get to 30. It's all v dramatic and currently PMS related i suspect.
It's been really nice reading some of the posts though. Without wanting to start a political debate, it is quite sad that you're almost not allowed to express any 'conservative' or old fashioned views on here.

@jiskoot wow! that's quite amazing. I have some friends who are in their late 30s and I think have given up hope. It can be hard for religious people to find someone as OLD is often a no no.

OP, quick clarification: in your previous relationship, was it his religious views that kept you celibate or yours?

And when you said you promised yourself you'd wait, did you mean until you were married, you were older, or until you were in a committed relationship?

Absolutely fine either way, of course, but different routes forward depending--it would help with advice/thoughts.

@Tinkerbell456

I was 25 and have only ever had sex with my now husband. To me, it’s a personal choice. I was brought up a Catholic by an Irish Catholic mother who would actually I think have preferred that we murdered someone than have sex outside of marriage. She isn’t all that keen on sex inside of marriage either. She would go on about how her mother and herself were both virgins when they married. They were also 17 and 21 years old respectively. So hardly held out forever. Both marriages lasted for life, but were pretty shitty I suspect. Well, my parents are still married in their eighties.

I had a similar upbringing and shagged all round me the second I got to university.