Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that a mum would want to see her kids today

100 replies

toobusytothink · 14/03/2021 07:34

Specifically wanting to know if IABU to think that if parents are separated, even if it isn’t mum’s weekend, mum would want to see her kids today.

OP posts:
Bigbigknickers · 14/03/2021 08:44

I did Mother’s Day yesterday with mine. I try not to be too precious about dates.

GeorgeandHarold66 · 14/03/2021 08:46

@Confusedandshaken I must admit I don't see much wrong with this, although the driving about isn't ideal. Would you really not consider going for a bit of a walk with your adult dc? Or do you live too far away?

17bluebirds · 14/03/2021 08:48

Noooo. I'm with my ds, who has additional needs, constantly when I'm not at work.

This month he begun going to his dads 2 days a month. Today is only the second day he will be going. I'm so looking forward to the break.
If he was here it would just be exactly the same as every other day, so I dont feel I'm missing out on anything.
I am going to get some chores done and enjoy drinking tea and watching tv with no constant demands.
(In the interest of fairness, he does see his dad every weekday, as he does wrap around care, but I am either at work or with DS, so no breaks what so ever.)

17bluebirds · 14/03/2021 08:49

And I will see him 6am till 9am, and 5pm till bed at 9pm.

Unanananana · 14/03/2021 08:53

My DC are with their Dad today. We saw my Mum yesterday for Mothers Day and I got my card and present too. I'm WFH today so its better for them to be with their Dad.

Its just a day. If you don't observe Mothering Sunday as a religious holiday, its just a 'nice' day. And realistically, how many mothers will be doing most of the work anyway? Hardly a day off!

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 14/03/2021 08:53

I'm sad too. My DC are young adults not long moved out of the family home. It's sad to think that they are just a shortish drive away but lockdown means I can't see them, but it's no sadder than it had been any of the previous days of the year.

I have one friend who breaks the lockdown regs by walking with her adult children and their partners every weekend. Quite often she will walk with one child and their partner in the morning and another couple in the afternoon. There are 4 children so that's a lot of walks and there is a lot of driving involved as one lives over 50 miles away. Its all outdoors (she says) and she's has been vaccinated so it's a fairly minor, low risk breach of the rules but it still grates on me that I'm missing my DC so much and she is still seeing hers.

The driving and walking with more than one person are the only breaches.

Providing you are all able bodied, there’s absolutely nothing stopping you from having a walk with one of your children as many times a day as you feel like it. Better to do that than harbour a lot of resentment towards a friend. It’s within the rules to walk for exercise with one other person from another household, do you realise that?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 14/03/2021 08:54

In not too bothered really. It's just a day. DS is at his dad's right now but will be back later.

ThornAmongstRoses · 14/03/2021 08:57

My children are at their Grandad’s house today as they slept there last night and won’t be back until 5pm this evening.

Mothers Day is so materialistic. I see my children every day so I don’t see what’s so special or different about today.

I know my children love me....I don’t need a Special Day dedicated to me and I really don’t need cards and presents to thank for me what I do for them. I know that during all the other 364 days a year, as well as this Magical Mothering Sunday, that my children love me and appreciate what I do for them.

So far today I’ve not been woken up at 6am like I normally am, I’ve had breakfast in bed, I’ve enjoyed the peace and quiet and my and my husband are getting some lovey quality time together.

I will see my children later, just as I do every day.

However, I know it means a lot to other people so I can understand why if that is the case they’d be upset/disappointed if no effort was made.

My mom has always loved Mother’s Day so I’m dropping off her card and presents later but only because consumerism and society tell me that I should Grin

supersonicginandtonic · 14/03/2021 08:58

Nah! There's always tomorrow. My elder two are with their dad, they are every weekend. It's their time. They'll be home this evening but i know they love me so that's all that matters.

Kidssendingmenuts · 14/03/2021 09:01

My kids are at there dads this weekend but will be back this afternoon. I know they have made me a card at school and I'll get nothing off dad because well he is a toss pot and thinks it's a con like every other day! Best present ever though is a day of peace and quiet and a clean house 🤣

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 14/03/2021 09:02

For those who celebrate it as a religious event, I can understand swapping contact days if the other parent is in agreement.

From posts on MN there’s usually a lot of moaning that the gift wasnt good enough, a partner hasn’t celebrated enough even though it’s Mother’s Day not partners day etc.

HelloDulling · 14/03/2021 09:03

The best Mother’s Day I ever had, I had cards in the morning, then a friend and I went to Bath for the day, while our husbands took our respective DC to visit their respective grandmothers. It was WONDERFUL.

Heronwatcher · 14/03/2021 09:03

Nope. I love my kids very much but after this bloody lockdown a day on my own would be utter utter bliss.

ItscoldinAlaska · 14/03/2021 09:06

Oh thanks a lot OP. Insinuating that those not seeing their DC today are somehow less is a bit rubbish and narrow tbh.

I don't even bother asking to see my DC on Mother's Day anymore (they go to their dad's on a Sat teatime-Mon morning every weekend) because it just gives my arsehole ex another excuse to abuse and control me. It isn't worth the fight. We did mother's day yesterday. Don't really need to read passive aggressive judgement tbh.

Confusedandshaken · 14/03/2021 09:07

[quote GeorgeandHarold66]@Confusedandshaken I must admit I don't see much wrong with this, although the driving about isn't ideal. Would you really not consider going for a bit of a walk with your adult dc? Or do you live too far away?[/quote]
I know what you mean. But the guidelines are that you can walk with one other person and she regularly walks with 4 other people a day. That's three extra social contacts on just one day and she does this more than one day a week. I know that these 'walks' include breaks for picnics and drinks and hugs at either end. There is no denying I am jealous, but not jealous enough to ignore the guidelines and do the same thing.

One of my D.C. lives close enough that we could meet for a SD walk but I know my limits and theirs. If we spent time walking and chatting it would be almost impossible not to hug at the end of it so I'd rather avoid that temptation and stick to zoom calls for now. There is no shortage of social contact between us, it's the physical contact I am craving.

Mayzee · 14/03/2021 09:10

My kids are with their dad but will be home at 6pm. I don’t mind as I’m with them 80% of the time so value my break more than Mother’s Day. Pre covid times I would have always spent part of Mother’s Day with my mother anyway as I feel it’s more important to her.

Chewingle · 14/03/2021 09:11

* One of my D.C. lives close enough that we could meet for a SD walk but I know my limits and theirs. If we spent time walking and chatting it would be almost impossible not to hug at the end of it so I'd rather avoid that temptation and stick to zoom calls for now. *

So you don’t see your child because you know you can’t hug at the end of it?

midnightstar66 · 14/03/2021 09:11

Are people really avoiding seeing their family completely just in case they are overcome with the urge to hug? Just hug them if it's that important ffs.

Chewingle · 14/03/2021 09:12

It’s doesn’t need to be a socially distanced walk OP!

Chewingle · 14/03/2021 09:12

With the person you’re walking with that is
You have chosen to make life very unhappy for yourself

Thisgirlcando · 14/03/2021 09:21

We’ve got my partners kids with us today, he asked last week if she would like to swap so she can see them on mother’s day and she said no it is just another day.

A mutual friend messaged him this morning suggesting he dropped the kids off because she has put on Facebook that she’s devastated to not see her kids on Mother’s Day yet again as they are being kept from her. He just text her asking if she wants to see them and she replied telling him to stop trying to get rid of them (he isn’t, he loves having them here and keeps asking to increase to 50:50) and that it is just another day.

Xmasfairy86 · 14/03/2021 09:25

I’m in the same house as my DC but have only seen them fleetingly when they wanted something 🤣 DH has gone to work, we ‘celebrated’ yesterday (I got cards and flowers/gin!)

Some people out too much onus on a date

Freddiefox · 14/03/2021 09:27

Mine are with there dad, he offered to bring them back early.. I declined 😂

midnightstar66 · 14/03/2021 09:27

Ooh that would drive me mad @Thisgirlcando. Sadly I do know people like this myself.

stealthninjamum · 14/03/2021 09:30

Op you sound quite judgy and smug.

After months homeschooling, with no help from my ex, I would love nothing more than to be on my own. Im lucky that one dc is old enough to make a basic breakfast and lunch but I will be doing dinner. And getting uniforms and school kits ready for the week, checking up on homework etc