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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that a mum would want to see her kids today

100 replies

toobusytothink · 14/03/2021 07:34

Specifically wanting to know if IABU to think that if parents are separated, even if it isn’t mum’s weekend, mum would want to see her kids today.

OP posts:
GeorgeandHarold66 · 14/03/2021 08:11

@toobusytothink

I guess that’s the problem with separated parents though. Either mum gets to see her kids in which case no doubt she will be doing everything or she doesn’t and gets a peaceful day. Win win I guess (or lose lose depending on how you see it)
What you haven't said at any point is why you're so invested in this. Some people like it and want to spend a day doing family things, some prefer a rest..... it's live and let live surely??

I'm guessing that at the heart of this is a "friend" of yours who doesn't have her kids today and you're a tiny bit jealous. Am I close? Grin

Heysiriyoutwat · 14/03/2021 08:12

@hulloall

Mother's Day isn't a big deal for me. If I'm totally honest, would I like my partner to look after them for the whole day and leave me alone for a bit? Yes.
To be fair I'd like my husband to do this sometimes but not just under the guise of a made up day.

He needs a massive deal made out of Father's Day, and his birthday. It's such a stark contrast to me.

But that's a whole other issue.

Whocares2021 · 14/03/2021 08:16

@GeorgeandHarold66 I’m going to say there are SC there who she feels should be at their Mum’s today 🤔

peak2021 · 14/03/2021 08:18

If mum wanted to, I hope dad would respect this and agree. Though judging by the way some dads (and maybe some mums) behave over shared parenting, I doubt this would always happen.

SarahAndQuack · 14/03/2021 08:18

Depends. My mum's birthday is at Christmas so we make a big deal of her today because it's rough she doesn't get two special occasions otherwise. OTOH my DD was born on Mothering Sunday and it was a pretty traumatic birth, and neither DP nor ever feels very celebratory to remember that!

Original poster
toobusytothink · 14/03/2021 08:18

@GeorgeandHarold66 well I do know somebody who has chosen not to see her kids today yes. But it doesn’t affect me in the slightest and not judging. Was just curious. My kids are teenagers so capable of spoiling me today and I can do sweet FA if I want. But I know it’s very different with young kids. I don’t blame her at all. In fact I agree with her. Was trying to word post in a neutral way but obviously didn’t work and I went too far the other way 😄

OP posts:
Original poster
toobusytothink · 14/03/2021 08:19

@Whocares2021 no step kids with me today. I’m not a step mum. I am happily alone with just my 2 gorgeous kids today

OP posts:
MrsPeacockInTheLibrary · 14/03/2021 08:20

Just move your celebration of it to another day if it is that important.

Aimee1987 · 14/03/2021 08:21

This year DSS had made something he wanted to give to his mum. It was supposed to be our weekend but it's been swapped for next weekend at her request. I'm in work so will see DS for about an hour today before he goes to bed. I dont see it as a particularly big deal to be honest but that varies by family.

DinosaurDiana · 14/03/2021 08:22

I think some mums might be glad to see the back of their kids on Motner’s Day.

midnightstar66 · 14/03/2021 08:22

It's just another money making commercial day, I have to accept not having Xmas and birthdays if it falls on his time, I couldn't get the least bit upset about Mother's Day which is essentially just made up unlike a birthday. If it meant a lot I'd just celebrate the next available day as I do with the birthdays.

Eviethyme · 14/03/2021 08:23

Don't know, I'm a mum but don't care about mothers day, to me the only occasion I celebrate is birthdays and Xmas, all others seem pointless to me and Easter we do for the kids but that's it

DavidsSchitt · 14/03/2021 08:23

What a weird thread to start. You sound really bothered by what other people are doing.

HintOfVintagePink · 14/03/2021 08:23

No. Many mothers may just want a few hours rest abs quiet time today.

Whocares2021 · 14/03/2021 08:23

@toobusytothink ah called it wrong this time 😁 enjoy your day! 😀

Whoopsies · 14/03/2021 08:23

I wouldn't be bothered. My son came home from school with a homemade card on Friday, that's all I want!

Chewingle · 14/03/2021 08:24

I honestly and truly don’t give a hoot about Mother’s Day

Last week my daughter made me a beautiful card. Why? No reason, just wanted to say “love you mum”

Meant the world to me.

SionnachGlic · 14/03/2021 08:25

I cannot understand why people get so precious about it, as other posters say it is a marketing gimmick . The spontaneous daisy pulled in a field on any day of the year means as much, prob more, than the massive bouquet. There was a thread a few weeks ago where poster wanted DH to stop his young DC from first marriage coming over for visitation as poster wanted Mother's Day to be all about her & no distractions. And she felt that his Ex was a poor mother not to want to cancel visitation plans bc it was Mother's Day. OTT much! Sweet Baby Jesus.

GoodMumBadMum · 14/03/2021 08:25

I would be incredibly sad not to see my children on mother's day.

SeeYouInAnotherLife · 14/03/2021 08:27

My kids are with their Dad today and it didn’t occur to me to change the contact schedule. I’ll see them this afternoon but I’m not bothered by Mother’s Day really.

Your post sounds quite judgy to me. Surely you can appreciate that other people’s lives and priorities might differ from yours?

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 14/03/2021 08:28

I think all women are different. I know a few women at work that volunteered to work longer shifts today to allow men the day off to be with their wives and children (adult children in some cases) despite the fact that they themselves have younger children. Some mothers don’t see it as a huge deal.

GladysTheGroovyMule · 14/03/2021 08:29

Mother’s Day has happened to fall on my kids weekend with their dad before (and vice versa on Father’s Day). Disappointing, sure, but not the end of the world. My kids and have fun and are very close to each other and we don’t need one designated day to have that.

MuddleMoo · 14/03/2021 08:30

@toobusytothink

Specifically wanting to know if IABU to think that if parents are separated, even if it isn’t mum’s weekend, mum would want to see her kids today.
YABU to think all mothers think in the same way.
Blueuggboots · 14/03/2021 08:30

My DD's mum was never fussed about Mother's Day. We always have her the option of moving our day if it fell on Mother's Day and she was never bothered about it and was happy fir us to have her regardless. I think being given the choice is important.

Confusedandshaken · 14/03/2021 08:43

@toobusytothink

Yes luckily I’m with my kids today. Well I will be once they get up which could be 10/11:00 😄. Will have done a couple of laundry loads and walked the dog by then. Tbh the day doesn’t mean a lot to me and I don’t need a huge thing made of it but I would be sad if I didn’t see them at all today
I'm sad too. My DC are young adults not long moved out of the family home. It's sad to think that they are just a shortish drive away but lockdown means I can't see them, but it's no sadder than it had been any of the previous days of the year.

I have one friend who breaks the lockdown regs by walking with her adult children and their partners every weekend. Quite often she will walk with one child and their partner in the morning and another couple in the afternoon. There are 4 children so that's a lot of walks and there is a lot of driving involved as one lives over 50 miles away. Its all outdoors (she says) and she's has been vaccinated so it's a fairly minor, low risk breach of the rules but it still grates on me that I'm missing my DC so much and she is still seeing hers.

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