backpacks in secondary school

[Boudicca55]

My daughter is at secondary school and is being teased (bullied?) because she does not have a certain type of backpack...which costs a lot of money£70. I just can't afford it and even if I could, I reaally object to some other cirls dictating what kind of backpack I should buy for my child. COMMENTS PLEASE.

There were acceptable schoolbags when I was at school, and unacceptable ones. When the cool crowd bullied one girl for having the wrong bag, she replaced it with the right one. Then they bullied her for being a "follower".

I don't think the problem is about the bag.

At my DGD's school they all had to have the same (expensive!) backpack with the school logo in Yr 7 and have now been told to keep using them as they move up the school. The backpacks are very good quality but heavy, and a lot of the girls complain that they have backache because of them. Perhaps they're being worn on one shoulder though!

Our school has a school backpack but kids only seem to use them for year 7, then they switch to a branded backpack. Fjallraven and Herschel are the favoured brands. DD asked for one for Christmas at the end of year 7. Thank goodness here in Australia girls don’t use handbags - terrible for their backs!

Mine started with a large handbag, because the others did, stupidly, as they are not practical .
Awkward to carry, don’t close, everything falls out.

Now she doesn’t care, and chose a giant backpack, for about £30, it even expands, and is so full.

The other kids are pathetic, as it appears are some parents.

I still some sense into your daughter, as you have been, and ignore the bullying sheep .

Instill

Most kids at our school use backpacks. There was a trend for cath kidston style a few years back but my daughter gets hers from the Kipling outlet store (still expensive at £45) but they last two or three years. No one has ever bullied her. Boys tend to use ones with sport logos like Nike, though my son had a cross body one for a few years.
Ask around other parents in her year see if they report the same issue as your dd.

I agree with the PP’s who have said about teaching your daughter to brush these people off.

However, I remember quite vividly being a teenage girl, and how she might not yet have the resilience and strength for that.

I just had a quick look on eBay and there’s 53 used but in reasonable condition Kankens for sale (if it’s that one) and some of them are £10 and under at present. Maybe one of those would do her? Just beware of fakes.

@Tangogolf55

If she has a rucksack, then girls usually have big handbags. Stupid but that’s life. Shops will sell them for £20.

Why, why, why do we do this to our daughters? Girls don't have to "usually" do anything. It's a good thing to learn that not fitting in to what society/your peers think you should do/wear/look like is ultimately freeing. I'd be trying to equip her with the tools to ignore or challenge the teasing rather than teaching her to conform.

This was what we all HAD to have.

I think the fake / nearly new options sound good. I wish it was as easy as just doing your own thing but at that age some people just aren't there yet.

Probably unhelpful but my DD's school has a backpack with the school crest on it that is part of the uniform. DD isn't allowed to have any other type. We buy it from the school. It's £30, but the one she has has lasted 3 school years so I'm not complaining. It prevents issues like OPs DD is experiencing. Could you raise such an idea with the school?

Yes the Ebay rip off ones are good.

My dd15 gets one bag bought by me per year. I'm happy to spend up to £30. If it's not good enough she has to save up her pocket money or ask for it for Birthday/Xmas. She's currently got the big handbag style which looks so uncomfortable but that's her problem! When I was at school we had those ridiculous jelly bags which obviously were highly impractical but we thought they were ultra cool. On rainy days we used Snob, Etam or Chelsea girl carrier bags inside them

If it's a Kanken and she would genuinely like one or you decide to get her one, I recommend having a look on Depop, as there are lots on there for a reasonable price (second hand). It's so tough at that age, they all want to fit in until about year 10/11 when it's suddenly all about standing out!

My daughter is at a “massive black handbags” school. And she has a massive black handbag 🙄
She’s the one carrying it, and with all the sport she does I’m not worried about long term postural effects.

I think it’s possible to talk to your child about the problems with pressures to fit in, whilst at the same time allowing her to fit in. (with the second hand eBay option)

I’d also talk to her about bullies switching from one mean thing to another. So if she wants a bag because Amy teases her, I’d tell her - Amy is going to bully you about something else. But if it’s more a, “I feel left out” thing - then yeah, I’d fix that by saving up for a second hand one. Car boot sales can be good for this sort of item, too - once they’re allowed again!

Ah this brought back some fond memories of my school days, you'd be bullied if you didn't have a certain type of bag (Paul's Boutique was the "must have" in my school if I remember correctly) same with if you didn't wear a certain type of trousers, shoes or socks.. Etc all those particular styles/brands costing ridiculous amounts for what they were and would be out of style a few months later.

What sort of back pack is it? The fact that she’s being bullied is hideous. However, if she feels a backpack would sort some of the issues can you look for a second hand one on eBay? I’d did that with my DDs one and she wanted a fjallraven Kanken one , I got her a knock off replica one for around £15 on eBay. I know it’s not ideal but it really looked liked the right thing. Maybe there would be similar or second hand for your daughters preferred ruck sack. DD in the end now has a tote bag from urban outfitters and that’s only £18 properly branded.

Can school help deal with these bullies?

They've banned handbags at my children's highschool due to the whole increasingly expensive hand bag wars. Black backpacks with minimal decor on them. Most just have sports ones because of that.

I never had what everyone else had.
My children will if that's what they want

My daughter has a Fjallraven and has had for 3 years. It is really hard wearing and has lasted much longer than other rucksacks (looking at you Hype!)

@Boudicca55

My daughter is at secondary school and is being teased (bullied?) because she does not have a certain type of backpack...which costs a lot of money£70. I just can't afford it and even if I could, I reaally object to some other cirls dictating what kind of backpack I should buy for my child. COMMENTS PLEASE.

Is it tactless teasing or is it actual bullying? Tactless teasing is just going on about the same thing in a jokey way with no thought to how it’s affecting the person. Bullying usually uses a ‘difference’ (here her backpack) as an excuse to bully - ie the backpack isn’t the real issue and if she had the ‘right’ backpack, they’d bully her for something else.

Watch out if it’s the second of those.

I’d tell her to act like she’s unaffected by their words - smile, shrug and say something like “Oh no, I wouldn’t want one of those rucksacks! They’re so common and getting so dated now”. Tell her to keep this up even if their words hurt her. They’ll think twice about saying anything if she appears unaffected.

Get her a rucksack that’s practical and that’s ‘her’. Laugh at the ‘sheep’ with her.

Is it the Fjällräven ones? A lot at ours have it but not all, they’ve been around a while now so I reckon they will be out soon

I’d just buy it for her (if I could afford it) probably not the best parenting advice but I can’t stand the thought of my child being bullied.

I love your name...he was rather good looking wasn't he. I had forgotten all about him.

DavidDuchovnysRedPants....sorry, the comment about the name was for you...but there are loads of very intriguing ones.

Boudicca55

It was all "Head" sports bags when I was at school, and they had to be carried over your shoulder.

Apart from the 'individuals'. The all had identical army surplus green rucksack things.

I also think it's quite unusual for teenage girls to wear any kind of backpack these days. I know even when I was at school, they weren't 'cool'😲

In the massive secondary l teach in nearly every kid has a backpack. Practically all of them. A very few girls have big handbags, but all the rest have backpacks.

My dd14 has a Adidas back pack which cost about 25 quid.