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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be a parent today

76 replies

Sayamino · 13/03/2021 09:20

Anyone else feel like this? Just really don’t want to a parent today. Been up since crack of dawn with teething toddler, 6 yr old with ADHD who just won’t sit down, ever. It’s only just gone 9am & I’m grumpy, knackered & fed up. Just the thought of how long the day has been, already and is going to be makes me feel depressed.

Days like these I don’t want to be in parent mode, I want to be me, that other, shinier version of myself that would like to live in a (moderately) clean house, finish a cup of tea, watch something on tele that I want to watch, not feel relentlessly harassed by a zillion questions about gravity/different species of bears/why the titanic sunk/what are we doing today/I’ve lost my x y z. Not constantly crawling around picking up contents of cupboards which the toddler rips through and tips onto the floor.

So tired. Parenting feels tough because of the relentlessness, these days where you want to do anything but & yet somehow you’ve got to pull something out the bag, from those dry reserves of energy.

Not in the mood

OP posts:
Sunhoop · 13/03/2021 09:23

YANBU. I've felt like this MANY days this year. I have days where I do the bare minimum, keep the tv on for hours and throw relatively healthy snacks at them so I don't have to actually cook/make a real effort.

Give yourself a break and get back on the horse tomorrow!

Cindersrellie · 13/03/2021 09:24

I could have written this today. I'm hiding in the hall with a coffee trying to distract myself with MN while DD watches TV. I'm not a natural at this.

ImInACage · 13/03/2021 09:43

I had a day like this the other day. 8 year old with ADHD and the worlds most stubborn 6 year old. I'd had enough of the endless damage control, the monotony of every Groundhog Day-like routine, but it passed, as it always does. I miss the freedom of being able to watch tv whenever, I miss tea time telly, as sad as that it. We can't have it on because it hypes up our 8 year old non sleeper even more. I miss being able to have an early night whenever because he is awake until late at night, until he passes out from sheer exhaustion. I miss being able to come home from work (long hours) and just eat dinner and chill. It's all so relentlessly endless. But I know that one day I will probably miss these days and long for the bath times, the silly chats over tea and the school reading books. For now I'm just putting one foot in front of the other and taking it one day at a time.

OwlinaTree · 13/03/2021 09:48

It sounds exhausting. Put hair bobbles round the kitchen cupboard doors to stop the toddler.

We've all been there (not all managing ADHD) bit the constant noise and questions. It gets easier. Mine are 4 and 7 now and it's much calmer. 7 year old still needs to talk all the time though!

TwilightSkies · 13/03/2021 09:48

Yeah I so feel like this today.
Woke at 4am because of a nightmare, then DD2 started tossing and turning just as I was going back to sleep. Now She’s a grumpy mess and so am I. Shes 5 and her sleep is still patchy and I’m so burnt out.
Sick of being responsible for everyone. You can’t pour from an empty cup and mine has been empty for so long.
Work in a care home so this pandemic has been really taken its toll, as well as homeschooling and all the other shit I have to do on a daily basis.
Nothing to look forward to today.
I fucking hate it on days like this.
Single parent, very little support.

Now to head to Tescos with a grumpy child. The fucking joys.

Feels therapeutic to rant to be honest.

Savethewhales · 13/03/2021 09:53

But savour every single damn moment of it because what you feel like just now as in never ending, you will one day in the near future think where did the years go it zoomed by, why are kids 20 and 26 it seemed like yesterday they pulled cupboards out and asked to many questions. That's a true fact many of us have with our older kids, the years of stressing out when we should of appreciated every single thing

TwilightSkies · 13/03/2021 10:19

But savour every single damn moment of it

Savour getting no sleep, no break, no headspace? No thanks.
Easy to tell people that are struggling to ‘savour it’ when you’re in a much easier position than they are.

Notanotherhun · 13/03/2021 10:21

I don't appreciate every moment. Go away and have a word with yourself.

Stilllivinginazoo · 13/03/2021 10:26

savethewhales i can see what you are trying to say but when you are in the thick of it,it is relentless.ADHD adds to that with bells on
Op YANBU in the slightest.i hope in time once you are out of the toddler years things even off and you can scramble a bit of time to fill your cup.everythings easier if you get a chance to do thatFlowers

moita · 13/03/2021 10:28

That's a true fact many of us have with our older kids, the years of stressing out when we should of appreciated every single thing

My daughter is ill with an ear infection- she was screaming in pain at 2am...no it's not possibly to savour a moment like that!!!!

ineedaholidayandwine · 13/03/2021 10:28

I hope your day improves OP, I second hair bobbles round door handles, I bought a pack of cheap ones, did the job.
All I’ve had since about half an hour after breakfast is ‘when’s it snack time’ ‘is it snack time yet’ she had 2 breakfasts!!!
I also had a broken night after 2 nightmares which each needed cuddles and me laying with her to stop her coming into bed with me (she wakes earlier if in with me as no blackout blind)
Lots of Octonaughts today! She’s tired after a few broken nights and being back in school

EasterIssland · 13/03/2021 10:30

I feel you. I’m in bed after having an anxiety attack after Two big fights with my son. I don’t want to be a parent today

Grace58 · 13/03/2021 11:01

I hear you, I have a 5-year-old and a 3-year-old and the days feel bloody long at the moment with nowhere to go and nothing to do! I keep thinking about how nice it would be to sit quietly and read a book, watch something I want to watch on TV and do some baking on my own! I try to remind myself in ten years I’ll have a 15-year-old and a 13-year-old that will be hiding in their rooms constantly and I’ll get that time then (and probably be all nostalgic and teary eyed about when they were small). It’s hard at the moment though when you have to cram all your ‘me time’ into small chunks in the evenings.

WhiskyIrnBru · 13/03/2021 11:01

@Savethewhales

But savour every single damn moment of it because what you feel like just now as in never ending, you will one day in the near future think where did the years go it zoomed by, why are kids 20 and 26 it seemed like yesterday they pulled cupboards out and asked to many questions. That's a true fact many of us have with our older kids, the years of stressing out when we should of appreciated every single thing
🙄
LadyOfLittleLeisure · 13/03/2021 11:29

YADNBU - it's exhausting parenting children with SN and/or young children. Do you have any local respite playschemes for your 6yo? Both my boys are disabled and they are on a respite day today. We don't get many but they are an absolute lifeline. Flowers

lollipoprainbow · 13/03/2021 11:36

Thank god for posts like this ! They make me realise I'm not alone. Single mum, 8 year dd suspected autism and it's been a bad week with school and friendship issues. No real help either, no parents. It's very hard. Sending ThanksThanksWineWineCakeCake !!

Jumpers268 · 13/03/2021 11:40

So many days recently like this with my 6 year old. So many questions. What's inside a black hole at 5am today??!!! I don't know mate. You're not alone! It's exhausting.

NormanStangerson · 13/03/2021 11:50

@Savethewhales

How easy to spout this trite nonsense when you’re in bed with a cup of tea, undisturbed by your older children. Hmm

lollipoprainbow · 13/03/2021 11:56

I sometimes fantasise about my dd being 20! But of course I know I'll miss the younger days only the good parts though, I certainly won't savour the bad times !

RosieRoww · 13/03/2021 11:58

It's hard isn't?
I have a six year old twins- they are fine now- but can still remember how exhausted a mentally low I was some days.
My son is having possible adhd too, so I'm very sympathetic to you.🌼

Do you have a garden?
Could they spend some supervised time there meanwhile you can drink your cuppa?

StellaKowalski · 13/03/2021 12:05

@Savethewhales

But savour every single damn moment of it because what you feel like just now as in never ending, you will one day in the near future think where did the years go it zoomed by, why are kids 20 and 26 it seemed like yesterday they pulled cupboards out and asked to many questions. That's a true fact many of us have with our older kids, the years of stressing out when we should of appreciated every single thing
Really? lol.
2ndtimemum2 · 13/03/2021 12:07

Wow
Must be the day that's in it my 7 month old has cried for at least half of the last 24 hours 4 hours sleep, she clings to me. I'm a single parent and have no support unless my 16 year old takes her for an hour and to top it all off I'm in the middle of moving but can't move because there's furniture to build and there's so much dust in the house so it just seems like an impossible task. Plus the painters are still.in so trying to time it around them to clean.
My baby as much as I love her is soo whingy she's clingy she makes strange with people it's a never ending battle and she has reflux so nothing settles her. These are not moments I cherish, I'm overweight from eating chocolate and a poor diet I cry most days out of frustration/exhaustion...but her smile just lights up my life.

OscarWildesCat · 13/03/2021 12:10

YANBU. My kids are older now (14 and 11) and I do sometimes miss the days they were toddlers but I also remember how fucking relentless it was and quickly think, no, I don’t want to go back.

whatswithtodaytoday · 13/03/2021 12:13

Oh how I feel this today. I'm recovering from a bad cold (gift from toddler), can't stop coughing, exhausted. Got woken up at 2am by said teething toddler, and since he got up this morning he's been whinging and asking for snacks. Cbeebies has been on since 8am when I gave up.

It's too cold and windy to go for a walk when I feel shivery and yuck. I just want to go back to bed.

There's nothing to do, nowhere to go. We can't pop over to a friend's, go to a cafe, have a day trip somewhere more interesting. It is relentless having young children at the moment.

WildfirePonie · 13/03/2021 12:24

YANBU. It is relentless.