To not want to be a parent today

[Sayamino]

Anyone else feel like this? Just really don’t want to a parent today. Been up since crack of dawn with teething toddler, 6 yr old with ADHD who just won’t sit down, ever. It’s only just gone 9am & I’m grumpy, knackered & fed up. Just the thought of how long the day has been, already and is going to be makes me feel depressed.

Days like these I don’t want to be in parent mode, I want to be me, that other, shinier version of myself that would like to live in a (moderately) clean house, finish a cup of tea, watch something on tele that I want to watch, not feel relentlessly harassed by a zillion questions about gravity/different species of bears/why the titanic sunk/what are we doing today/I’ve lost my x y z. Not constantly crawling around picking up contents of cupboards which the toddler rips through and tips onto the floor.

So tired. Parenting feels tough because of the relentlessness, these days where you want to do anything but & yet somehow you’ve got to pull something out the bag, from those dry reserves of energy.

Not in the mood

Same here. 7yo has asd (also suspected adhd) and it’s just been relentless. We’re on constant damage control, trailing behind him turning off bath taps, or looking for food he’s hidden in his room. I’d love to build him a den like a pp posted a picture of, only he’d never lie under it reading calmly. He’d be jumping on top of the table, demanding everyone and the cat gets inside then screaming because it’s too crowded in there. There is no respite, and few people would watch him for a bit because “he’s hard work” 🙄
I love him and his brother dearly before anyone starts, I’m just bloody knackered and would love to be able to just get a couple of jobs done/have a hot cup of tea without having to sort out another disaster.

I anticipated that there would be tough times.

I did not anticipate a fucking pandemic taking away our support network/places to go/sanity. I also didn't anticipate the shocking effect it has had on my ds.

Sanctimonious twats can get in the bin.

@TwilightSkies

Yeah I so feel like this today. Woke at 4am because of a nightmare, then DD2 started tossing and turning just as I was going back to sleep. Now She’s a grumpy mess and so am I. Shes 5 and her sleep is still patchy and I’m so burnt out. Sick of being responsible for everyone. You can’t pour from an empty cup and mine has been empty for so long. Work in a care home so this pandemic has been really taken its toll, as well as homeschooling and all the other shit I have to do on a daily basis. Nothing to look forward to today. I fucking hate it on days like this. Single parent, very little support.

Now to head to Tescos with a grumpy child. The fucking joys.

Feels therapeutic to rant to be honest.

You do well if you get to the shops at around the time you posted! Because we have also been able to do it, plus everything too slow in the mornings, we don't go out until late morning early afternoon at best! Had to laugh at the F word about grumpy child 😁 I can sympathise, my DC is at a stage where he can be good in some ways in the shops, but I have to take him at the right time, otherwise you get the tantrums the yelling etc, and he wants to buy everything! 🙄😡 shown me up a good few times but somehow we got through it lol.

Do you ever do deliveries? They have changed things for me a lot, I have relied on them quite a lot since my child care support stopped(on going case with ex) and I just felt overwhelmed with trying to do it all!

@Savethewhales

But savour every single damn moment of it because what you feel like just now as in never ending, you will one day in the near future think where did the years go it zoomed by, why are kids 20 and 26 it seemed like yesterday they pulled cupboards out and asked to many questions. That's a true fact many of us have with our older kids, the years of stressing out when we should of appreciated every single thing

I know, I have friends who say the same, and I do try but sometimes it is very hard! You shouldn't wish the time away, and even when people say it will get easier they mean when they are not with you 24/7, I think yeah, but then starts the early morning starts and the home times to deal with, I've been made to feel bad to of wanted the contact to of continued with my ex and our DC, but there are two parents for a reason!

@TwilightSkies

But savour every single damn moment of it

Savour getting no sleep, no break, no headspace? No thanks.
Easy to tell people that are struggling to ‘savour it’ when you’re in a much easier position than they are.

Well I guess that poster is talking from experience, as they have been through it, I assume, it seems and I am glad without that sounding weird? That when there are posts like these, how many struggle, and it's not just a few of us. I just feel mine is worse as I never wanted children, it's something I will struggle with for years to come I feel.

@TwilightSkies

But savour every single damn moment of it

Savour getting no sleep, no break, no headspace? No thanks.
Easy to tell people that are struggling to ‘savour it’ when you’re in a much easier position than they are.

Oh lol sorry I forgot to add, a friend of mine who has more kids than me, says this is the reality for most parents, all of the above you said, and that you don't get a break, I guess some see it as well you had the child, what did you expect. It's a difficult one

@2ndtimemum2

Wow Must be the day that's in it my 7 month old has cried for at least half of the last 24 hours 4 hours sleep, she clings to me. I'm a single parent and have no support unless my 16 year old takes her for an hour and to top it all off I'm in the middle of moving but can't move because there's furniture to build and there's so much dust in the house so it just seems like an impossible task. Plus the painters are still.in so trying to time it around them to clean. My baby as much as I love her is soo whingy she's clingy she makes strange with people it's a never ending battle and she has reflux so nothing settles her. These are not moments I cherish, I'm overweight from eating chocolate and a poor diet I cry most days out of frustration/exhaustion...but her smile just lights up my life.

Aww that sounds tough! I moved in the last few months and also a single parent, but my DC stayed with my parents or his father on those days where I was shopping for the new place or going around to sort it out, so it helped massively!

So you doing it alone you deserve a medal! I guess the only thing might be at that age they sleep more, well some do, my DC would nap a few times a day at that age and so I got things done or slept then myself. Now he is awake for the day and I still don't manage to get him to bed bed 8.30, but the time after that is nice to have to myself.

@MyCatHatesOtherCats

I feel your pain. I have a 5.5 year old (who I suspect is not neurotypical) and a completely mobile climbing one year old who is teething. I get woken between 0600 and 0630 most mornings after co-sleeping and breastfeeding. I am not proud to admit I hid in the kitchen and finished a bag of Colin the Caterpillar sweets pre-10am.

Colin the caterpillar 😁 love it!

@Ladyofmainlyleisure oh just bore off already.

[quote lollipoprainbow]@Ladyofmainlyleisure missing the point ! I longed for children but it's hard work and no one knows if their child is going to have issues until they are born . [/quote]
I have often wondered what it feels like to long for children, because I never did, though I am not agreeing with the other poster who is child free, I kind of thought if you don't want them then have them, what hope is there, and if you did want them, then I just assumed it all falls in to place, obviously not, of course.
Then I kind of think no wonder I feel this way.

@Knitwit99

It's raining, no-one wants to go on another walk, no-one wants to play a board game, no-one wants to bake fairy cakes or savour this precious time together. And there are still 8 hours till bedtime. That's an entire working day. I hear you op, and I couldn't agree more.

A whole working day, and then some! I worry how I will feel/cope when although I moan about how slow the morning is, and that we don't get out etc, but should enjoy having so much time, because when day care starts we will have no choice, it will be up ready and out the door, then to race off to work 🤦‍♀️ how I will feel when I collect DC and have to go home tired, to then have to do the evening routine.

YANBU.

I have many days like this at the moment.

Parenting during a pandemic is just relentless. Sending solidarity from one frazzled, drained parent to another. I’m off to hide with a cup of tea for five minutes!

[quote Sayamino]@Ladyofmainlyleisure

I guess on reflection, I’d rather have kids & be a moaning exhausted mess than child free and sanctimonious[/quote]
Excellent reply

This is me today! I feel guilty as I've spent all day on MN and DS has spent all day watching crap on his tablet. But we've had the cold all week, I'm tired and pregnant, it's raining outside and I just cannot be arsed today.

Pandemic parenting is shit. Can't send them anywhere for a break. Can't travel to see far flung relatives. Can't go to library for toddler rhyme time. Can't take them to town for a mooch. It's horrible. It's literally full on time with a small creature without a break. Torture.

@Ladyofmainlyleisure

I don’t understand why people have kids when they really don’t want kids.

I enjoy doing what I want, when I want, because I’ve always made the active choice not to get pregnant.

Baffled why people would do this to themselves, then feel surprised when their life is like this!

Being a parent doesn't mean you're not a human being anymore. Some days it's hard to get the energy to do lots of activities and things. It doesn't mean we'd give up our children. Pretty much every mother would jump in front of a bus for their children without a moments hesitation, wishing you could binge Netflix for just one day without someone bouncing on your head is not the same as wanting to live life without children

Don’t be hard on yourself sounds as though you are understandably exhausted we all need a break at times and we should all be able to have that (in an ideal world)

My ds is 13 now he is gaming all day and I’m doing nothing I’m thankful I can I may even get a take away too

Of course I look back and miss when he was little but I remember the good bits not the constant questions, the repetitiveness, the tidying up, having to be so focused on them

Just getting by how you can is fine at times so they eat snacks all day while watching TV it’s not something that is going to bring any harm

I feel you op and my DC are a lot older 19,16,1.
But I have days when it’s all just too much a grumpy stressed 16 year old who thinks the world owes him a favour constantly wanting food and leaves a mess wherever he goes, a hormonal pre teen who’s so highly strung and a perfectionist and has so many questions I just want some peace luckily the 19 year old is at uni so he’s my favourite at the moment all he asks for is food money I can cope with that!
It does get easier but being a mum is a never ending battle is amazing at times but truly heartbreaking at others

My husband has taken the kids out. House is a mess, need to prep dinner, but I’m sat with a glass of wine. I hear you!

@Ladyofmainlyleisure

I don’t understand why people have kids when they really don’t want kids.

I enjoy doing what I want, when I want, because I’ve always made the active choice not to get pregnant.

Baffled why people would do this to themselves, then feel surprised when their life is like this!

Oh boii you can really tell you’re not a parent !! Ffs seriously - it’s not about people having kids when they really don’t want them it’s at all 🙄 it’s about not getting a break from said beloved kids !! Jesus surely everyone is entitled to a break & not be expected to be attached to their kids 24/7 !!

OP YADNBU I’m a single parent to 3 (now) teenagers but I remember my 3 being your children’s ages & I completely understand how relentless parenting is/can be & even more so when you can’t switch off for 5mins the teenage years aren’t a breeze but you at least get the chance to catch a breath u’no 😉 hold on in there easier times are coming I promise 😌 x

I hope your day has improved and Sending you the biggest & warmest of hugs 🤗 🤗 🤗 I feel you! Had a poorly, grumpy toddler all week! Broken sleep & a huge leaky explosive poo at 2am this morning. Had to wash pj's, bedding & toddler in the early hours! Its so hard being a parent, I feel for you I really do!

Wow @LadyOfLittleLeisure that's a lot of empathy you have. Noone knows the reality until they have kids and without stating the obvious it has been extra extra hard with this pandemic. Mine are 11 and nearly 14 now but I still remember the relentlessness and tiredness and wouldn't go back to it for any sum of money, even though there were some good bits. Its not easy having an 11 year old and 14 year old, but at least I usually sleep and can get things done, so so hard when they are little.

@Octopus37 think this comment was meant for @Ladyofmainlyleisure who seems to have a similar name to mine and then I can't tag them now?? Not sure why someone would say what they did and disappear.

Meh. So happily childfree she’s spending her day on Mumsnet. Whatever.

I must admit I’m in a foul mood this weekend. Mine are 6 and 3. Generally good but the fighting is relentless just now and the 6 year old is like a moody teenager just now. Walking on egg shells.

I just could not yesterday. I am staying in bed for the time being today. It’s the boredom and relentlessness. There’s no escape for them or for us and there is nothing to do but housework and refereeing.