To not want to be a parent today

[Sayamino]

Anyone else feel like this? Just really don’t want to a parent today. Been up since crack of dawn with teething toddler, 6 yr old with ADHD who just won’t sit down, ever. It’s only just gone 9am & I’m grumpy, knackered & fed up. Just the thought of how long the day has been, already and is going to be makes me feel depressed.

Days like these I don’t want to be in parent mode, I want to be me, that other, shinier version of myself that would like to live in a (moderately) clean house, finish a cup of tea, watch something on tele that I want to watch, not feel relentlessly harassed by a zillion questions about gravity/different species of bears/why the titanic sunk/what are we doing today/I’ve lost my x y z. Not constantly crawling around picking up contents of cupboards which the toddler rips through and tips onto the floor.

So tired. Parenting feels tough because of the relentlessness, these days where you want to do anything but & yet somehow you’ve got to pull something out the bag, from those dry reserves of energy.

Not in the mood

What about this?
That could keep them occupied for a little?

Most parents feel like this at times, particularly if sleep is in short supply.

When my children were young my husband used to give me a couple of hours on a Saturday and a sunday to myself.

All I wanted to do was go to the top of the house, 3 storey, get into bed with the electric blanket on with tea and chocolate and snooze.
Absolute heaven.
I had zero interest in meeting friends I just wanted to completely on my own and enjoy the silence.

I hear you! I haven’t had an unbroken night’s sleep for a long time and feeling so very tired. Sometimes I just don’t want to be around anyone and I start to feel totally claustrophobic and trapped. Parenting and pandemic life is relentless.

I hate the ‘enjoy every moment’ lie that gets pushed on parents (especially mothers it seems). Everyone said it to me when I was pregnant, and as my daughter was the result of years of trying, ivf and losses, I swallowed the line completely. I was then consumed with guilt and shame when it turned out that I didn’t enjoy every minute and struggled to cope with sleep deprivation and the anxiety that comes from parenting after loss. It really is ok to want a break from it all or find it boring, relentless and thankless at times.

Thinking about another thread....I really do envy those who have actively involved grandparents always on hand to whisk away their beloved grandchildren so that the parents get a break.

Felt the same this morning. Ive since dropped oldest two at grandparents house. Everyones alot happier.

Sorry- just read thread above. Bad timing for my post. But even if you dont have involved grandparents if you can meet a supportive friend or another family member and go to their house for a bit. It takes the pressure off alot. Im aware we are meant to be in lock down but sometimes you have to break the rules for the sake of yours and your kids well being.

@Savethewhales this is what I thought of when I read your post.

Savour every moment is a phrase that really pisses me off.

People kept saying this shit when my son was born and it added fuel to my awful post natal depression and PTSD.

OP I feel your pain. I don't think this constant lockdown is helping matters either.

I don’t understand why people have kids when they really don’t want kids.

I enjoy doing what I want, when I want, because I’ve always made the active choice not to get pregnant.

Baffled why people would do this to themselves, then feel surprised when their life is like this!

I feel your pain. I have a 5.5 year old (who I suspect is not neurotypical) and a completely mobile climbing one year old who is teething. I get woken between 0600 and 0630 most mornings after co-sleeping and breastfeeding. I am not proud to admit I hid in the kitchen and finished a bag of Colin the Caterpillar sweets pre-10am.

Oh, and I love my kids but spending 12-13 hours a day listening to one of them pretending to be a train announcer while quizzing me about whether I’d like to have three arms/how the dinosaurs died and if people would have had to wear T-shirts back then/why he shouldn’t let his little brother stick his finger up his bottom can get a little....is wearing the right word?

OP I really absolutely 100% hear you. It's so tough. All I have is going outside and trying to tire them out so they watch a film. You need to rest. Can someone take them for you for a bit?

@Ladyofmainlyleisure missing the point ! I longed for children but it's hard work and no one knows if their child is going to have issues until they are born .

@Ladyofmainlyleisure

But I did want kids. The good times outweigh the bad. Just because I’m having an off-day doesn’t mean I don’t want them! I’m just having a tired moan. That ok with you???

Baffled why people would do this to themselves, then feel surprised when their life is like

Do you think maybe people don’t understand how hard it is until they are in the thick of it? And then it’s too late?
And just because we are struggling right now doesn’t mean we hate being parents?

Hope posting that made you feel nice and smug though 👍
Little compassion wouldn’t go amiss.

@Ladyofmainlyleisure

I guess on reflection, I’d rather have kids & be a moaning exhausted mess than child free and sanctimonious

My kids are 12, 9 & 8 so past a lot of the early waking etc but my god sometimes I'm the same. I just want space!!

My son is constantly asking questions,even questions I know he knows the answer to! Its like he does it just so he can have something to say. My 12 year old is either in a temper or trying to hug me, and my 8 year old is just a demanding little madam

I want the house to myself, all day. No work, no chores, no having to feed people or remind kids eleventy billion times to brush their teeth.

Oh well, in a few years I suppose.

It's raining, no-one wants to go on another walk, no-one wants to play a board game, no-one wants to bake fairy cakes or savour this precious time together.
And there are still 8 hours till bedtime. That's an entire working day.
I hear you op, and I couldn't agree more.

@Savethewhales

But savour every single damn moment of it because what you feel like just now as in never ending, you will one day in the near future think where did the years go it zoomed by, why are kids 20 and 26 it seemed like yesterday they pulled cupboards out and asked to many questions. That's a true fact many of us have with our older kids, the years of stressing out when we should of appreciated every single thing

Glad you're not in the room with me, comments like that make me want to break things 😂

Hang in there OP 😘

Yanbu. This is my life today too. ‘D’H also working tomorrow (although he’s quick enough to book a day off to watch football..), so a 14 hour day with the children tomorrow on my own to look forward to, too.
DS just being a massive pain; throwing, crying, arguing....first week back at school maybe?
Feel like the house is a grimy bomb site and resentful of never having any time alone.
Agree with wanting the shiny version of me back!

YANBU! On days like that plan ahead and have backup activities- keep a basket or box of distracting things- colouring books, toys, bouncy balls, whatever it takes to keep your oldest occupied even for 5 minutes.

Could you make a sort of play pen/cordoned off area for your toddler to play? Even a den of sorts could keep them both occupied and give you 2 minutes of peace or at least free up your arms and mind for a bit.

Failing that play the "Where's mummy gone?" game and hide in a kitchen cupboard with a bottle of wine.

@Sunhoop

YANBU. I've felt like this MANY days this year. I have days where I do the bare minimum, keep the tv on for hours and throw relatively healthy snacks at them so I don't have to actually cook/make a real effort.

Give yourself a break and get back on the horse tomorrow!

What sort of snacks? I struggle with cooking, and if it were only me to make something for I wouldn't worry so much. But then I think do you really need to stand cooking big meals for one DC daily or every few days, if you are the type to freeze portions etc, which I don't, but just going by a previous suggestion. I feel boring doing meat veg potato etc, and DC won't eat certain other things, so I get stuck, then feel most of what is served up is stodgy.

Sorry @Sayamino waffled on there lol, but will hopefully add to what you wanted to know, that yes there are others who get fed up too, I have had many days like that lately, because I've been at home 3 yrs now with DC, also because I have no DP, and child contact has stopped due to case on going at the moment.
I am honest when I say children were never in my thoughts/plans, I do get very frustrated to think this is it now forever, and even when DC is in day care I will be most likely at work. Like today for example weather is not nice at all, and I really could do with dropping something off that I want to return, if I were back to the days on my own, I could just throw my clothes on and walk out the door.
If I want to go now, DC will want feeding before we leave=more mess, then get him ready then myself and by then somehow an hour can go by 😡 so I do feel very restricted. At least when I had my exP there I could say right I need to go here or there and get ready and go.

I agree that you need to just have off days, do the bare minimum! Don't feel bad. And I take my hat off to those of you with more than one child!

@OwlinaTree

It sounds exhausting. Put hair bobbles round the kitchen cupboard doors to stop the toddler.

We've all been there (not all managing ADHD) bit the constant noise and questions. It gets easier. Mine are 4 and 7 now and it's much calmer. 7 year old still needs to talk all the time though!

😁 Sounds like my DC.

Do you have a partner? If you do then please tell them you are exhausted and you need a non negotiable day off ASAP.

Oh lord yes, I know the feeling. Most weeks I would climb onto my hamster wheel on a Monday morning and keep trundling until late Friday when the last cadets/orchestra/night club-in-dodgy-area pick up was done. With small ones it is even more relentless, and no reduction in pace at the weekend.
It’s easy to say make time for yourself, but difficult to do. Easy meals; pizza with some raw veg. Put tv on and sit in the corner with your headphones or read a book. All things pass; I love all my free time now but I miss my DTs very much.

@Ladyofmainlyleisure well that's just goady isn't it. Love, in case you missed it this is Mumsnet, not the Daily Mail comments section. Take your half witted smugness elsewhere.

OP I get it. DC aged 5 and 3. Patience ran out last October I reckon. Adore them but the days are so. Very. Long. DS not sleeping again so that's wearing us all out. We're also attempting toilet training again so there's the added tedium of a zillion loo trips. DD5 is easier, and very good at playing by herself, but still so many demands and a lot of squabbling between them. There are days when I just want to press fast forward to 8pm...

Meant to be having an hour off but can hear DH getting frustrated with both DC, should have brought some earplugs up!

It's OK to struggle, parenting is amazing, rewarding...and fucking hard work.