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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told DP I wasn't proud of him

59 replies

Confusednovice · 13/03/2021 08:32

Yesterday DP announced he was proud of himself, not only for doing the washing up un-prompted but also for wiping up all the water and rinsing the sink when he was done (he has form for leaving the splashed water sitting all over our wooden work surface, and the sink full. A job unfinished as far as I'm concerned)

I swiftly told him this was a normal everyday household activity that he should be doing by default anyway.

YABU: how ungrateful for not praising DP for doing a basic task on his day off. I can't believe you didn't have the trophy ready and waiting in the wings.

YANBU: you'd need an extension to the house to build a trophy room if you got a prize for every basic household task you did. So best not to set a precedent now.

(Obviously this is light-hearted, there was no argument or anything!)

OP posts:

StopGuacAndRoll · 13/03/2021 08:34

It’s clearly an issue for him so he was proud of seeing the mess and sorting it.

Begonias · 13/03/2021 08:56

My husband hates washing up so will hoover the living room instead. I just let the dishwasher do its job. I don't think I've ever praised him for doing anything house related, we both live in here so it's only fair we both chip in with the chores.

I do sing his praises about his work though. He works to a high standard and is very ambitious and goal orientated. He is well respected in his industry and has never actively looked for a job,he has always been headhunted. Now that's praise worthy in my eyes. I just realised I'm hard to please 😂

Scarlettpixie · 13/03/2021 08:56

I sometimes feel pleased with myself for getting a job done, particularly if it isn’t something that comes naturally. There is a difference between being proud of yourself and expecting someone else to offer you praise. From what you have said, I think it was a bit unnecessary to say what you did.

mmgirish · 13/03/2021 08:59

YANBU I hate it when people seek praise for doing something they should be doing anyway?

TaraR2020 · 13/03/2021 09:04

Once had a bf who came bounding in like a puppy as pleased as punch looking for praise because he'd put wd40 in car door lock.

He was most puzzled when he only got a 'thanks', hurt he said 'but you asked me to do it', 'yes, a YEAR ago!!'

MrsSugar · 13/03/2021 09:04

Lol you are correct. It is a normal every day task that needs to be done. Although I am a bit of a sap and offer praise when my DH does these things ! I suppose I think of it like praising a child in the hope they continue

BlondehairRedlips · 13/03/2021 09:05

Haha, this made me laugh. Even my 10 year old washes dishes and tidies up without being asked, and does not expect a song and dance every time.

BullOx · 13/03/2021 09:06

@TaraR2020

Once had a bf who came bounding in like a puppy as pleased as punch looking for praise because he'd put wd40 in car door lock.

He was most puzzled when he only got a 'thanks', hurt he said 'but you asked me to do it', 'yes, a YEAR ago!!'

And why couldn’t you just do that yourself?

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 13/03/2021 09:06

Ask for praise next time you go to the loo and don't splash wee everywhere?

TaraR2020 · 13/03/2021 09:09

@BullOx who said I hadn't?

activitythree · 13/03/2021 09:18

Being proud and looking for praise are not the same thing.

FireflyRainbow · 13/03/2021 09:21

Yanbu atall. I hate ironing but still do it because I'm a grown up. Who feels proud for washing up. Sounds like he must be a right slob usually if he's proud of such a simple thing.

Elieza · 13/03/2021 09:24

I had one of those guys.

He’s an ex now.

The worst time was when I asked him to hoover the living room ‘just a quick run round with the hoover’.

For some unknown reason he took this to mean he should do a full hoover involving moving furniture and using practically every head in the machine.

As he never did housework it was probably my fault for not fully explaining the process of the quick hoover procedure and not supervising or delivering sufficient praise and a medal with certificate to put on the wall.

It took him over an hour instead of the five minutes I had expected. He complained he didn’t like it and he wouldn’t do it again. And went in a strop.

He refused to hoover again. He is an ex now.

Meruem · 13/03/2021 09:26

Whenever my exH used to do something like hoover a room, he’d come and get me to go and see how well he’d done it and expect thanks. Even though I did 95% of the household chores. If men see housework as such an achievement, why don’t they give us praise and thanks for it?!

Tal45 · 13/03/2021 09:32

Him feeling proud that he had actually done something properly for once is fine if it helps him keep doing it that way. Him expecting you to also think he's amazing when you do it that way all the time is unreasonable as it really isn't rocket science.

Aussieadopter · 13/03/2021 09:34

If you don't act pleased he won't be incentivised to continue trying. Inwardly he'll probably think well last time I tried it wasn't good enough so what is the point, even if I try even harder that probably still won't be good enough so may as well not bother trying at all if she will never be happy with what I do.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 13/03/2021 09:39

YANBU at all.

I bet he doesn't praise you when you do basic household tasks!

Iwonder08 · 13/03/2021 09:40

When someone cleans up in our house the other person says thank you. Maybe your husband just needed a bit of recognition and encouragement

sunflowersandbuttercups · 13/03/2021 09:42

@Iwonder08

When someone cleans up in our house the other person says thank you. Maybe your husband just needed a bit of recognition and encouragement

Does he recognise and encourage her?

I can almost guarantee that the answer is no.

AaronPurr · 13/03/2021 09:45

If you don't act pleased he won't be incentivised to continue trying.

Why does an adult need to be incentivised to do a basic household chore?

YANBU OP, I know it's lighthearted but I would find it incredibly annoying.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/03/2021 09:47

@Aussieadopter

She’s his wife, not his mother.

He should do a thorough job of cleaning the home they share because he’s an adult and he lives there too. He shouldn’t and doesn’t need a pat on the head or a fucking medal because for once he did something properly.

Tangogolf55 · 13/03/2021 09:49

Yabu for not putting his head in the sink full of dirty water (lighthearted... ish)!!!!

bumblingbovine49 · 13/03/2021 09:53

@Confusednovice

I swiftly told him this was a normal everyday household activity that he should be doing by default anyway.

YABU: how ungrateful for not praising DP for doing a basic task on his day off. I can't believe you didn't have the trophy ready and waiting in the wings.

YANBU: you'd need an extension to the house to build a trophy room if you got a prize for every basic household task you did. So best not to set a precedent now.

(Obviously this is light-hearted, there was no argument or anything!)

He wasn't asking for your praise. He was telling you how he feels so dissing his feelings makes it all about you so YDBU

You didn't need to praise him but saying you were happy for him feeling proud of himself wouldn't have hurt.

ElizaLaLa · 13/03/2021 09:54

Yanbu. At all. What an arse.

SilverRoe · 13/03/2021 09:56

I guess it’s fair enough to be pleased if you’ve remembered to do a task you normally forget but unless there is a certain reason why washing up and wiping a sink is particularly challenging for him, being proud is a bit far.

I’d be incredibly turned off a grown man who felt completing such a normal, everyday task that is very simple is something to be proud of. I’d also be annoyed at the implication praise was due from me like i was the mother of a young lad who had done the washing up for the first time or something.

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