To have told DP I wasn't proud of him

[Confusednovice]

Yesterday DP announced he was proud of himself, not only for doing the washing up un-prompted but also for wiping up all the water and rinsing the sink when he was done (he has form for leaving the splashed water sitting all over our wooden work surface, and the sink full. A job unfinished as far as I'm concerned)

I swiftly told him this was a normal everyday household activity that he should be doing by default anyway.

YABU: how ungrateful for not praising DP for doing a basic task on his day off. I can't believe you didn't have the trophy ready and waiting in the wings.

YANBU: you'd need an extension to the house to build a trophy room if you got a prize for every basic household task you did. So best not to set a precedent now.

(Obviously this is light-hearted, there was no argument or anything!)

We always thank each other for doing jobs, ie, thanks for making tea, thanks for clearing up. My husband has just thanked me for making his lunch. We appreciate and respect each other and show that. We’ve been married for 25 years so it’s obviously working.

I hope you put a star on his chart.

YABU - but not for the reasons you’ve put!

[quote MaMaD1990]@sunflowersandbuttercups

Do highlight where the OP said he 'demanded praise'

Yesterday DP announced he was proud of himself, not only for doing the washing up un-prompted but also for wiping up all the water and rinsing the sink when he was done (he has form for leaving the splashed water sitting all over our wooden work surface, and the sink full. A job unfinished as far as I'm concerned)

I swiftly told him this was a normal everyday household activity that he should be doing by default anyway.[/quote]
But why announce it if you don't want a reaction or praise?

I find it very odd for a grown adult to do a basic household tasks and then announce it afterwards? Surely you just do it and it's normal because it's something you do everyday.

Announcing it suggests to me that it's not something he does very often and therefore he wants recognition for it.

So just to be clear- he didn't demand anything, you've made an assumption.

What's the problem with saying he's proud of it? What terrible harm has he done by doing so? What awful thing would happen with a simple "thank you, love"?

He has made the effort to do something the OP wants done a certain way. He's told her it's been done and gotten a pretty harsh response. If he didn't make an effort to do it the way the OP likes, the OP wouldn't be happy. The poor guy gets attitude either way.

@sunflowersandbuttercups that was Toyota if you hadn't guessed!

YANBU. I'm so glad I married an adult.

So just to be clear- he didn't demand anything, you've made an assumption.

Yes, fair enough, you're correct.

What's the problem with saying he's proud of it? What terrible harm has he done by doing so? What awful thing would happen with a simple "thank you, love"?

It's not problematic, it's just bizarre! And from her response I suspect that he doesn't praise OP for doing similar.

He has made the effort to do something the OP wants done a certain way. He's told her it's been done and gotten a pretty harsh response. If he didn't make an effort to do it the way the OP likes, the OP wouldn't be happy. The poor guy gets attitude either way.

But OP says that normally he doesn't bother finishing the job - so why should she be happy with a sink half full of dishes and water splashed all over the sides?

He's a grown man. He should be more than capable of washing up and wiping down the sides without needing to announce it afterwards. And he should be doing it properly every time as standard - because he's an adult - not because OP will be annoyed if he doesn't.

What is properly? Is there a standard definition for this term.

Different cloths, only cloths soaked in Milton, environmentally friendly cleaning products, scrubbed for 60.1456 secs..

Why do couples fall out about this crap, it's so bloody easy anyway.

It's just nice to be nice.
Even over the little things.