To have told DP I wasn't proud of him

[Confusednovice]

Yesterday DP announced he was proud of himself, not only for doing the washing up un-prompted but also for wiping up all the water and rinsing the sink when he was done (he has form for leaving the splashed water sitting all over our wooden work surface, and the sink full. A job unfinished as far as I'm concerned)

I swiftly told him this was a normal everyday household activity that he should be doing by default anyway.

YABU: how ungrateful for not praising DP for doing a basic task on his day off. I can't believe you didn't have the trophy ready and waiting in the wings.

YANBU: you'd need an extension to the house to build a trophy room if you got a prize for every basic household task you did. So best not to set a precedent now.

(Obviously this is light-hearted, there was no argument or anything!)

I think this depends on context...I polish my halo if I am organised enough to give the fridge a proper clean before I do a big shop....I don't expect thanks from my DH....but I do want a "Well done" because organisation/energy are not my strong suit.
We both do what we can though, and while I might be the only one of us who is aware doors and walls need washing...he does 90% of the cooking and cleaning up after meals so I don't grumble... .too much
I would point out though that positive reinforcement works...

Um, if I posted on here and said that I’d told my husband I was proud because I’d managed to get all the dusting done today which I hate, and he had replied that I shouldn’t be proud of getting an ordinary household chore done, what would you all be saying?? I’m guessing you wouldn’t all say I was BU and he was in the right?

Detest 'helpless' man babies.

I once heard Archbishop Sentamu (hope I've got his title correct)deliver an entire sermon on this subject. One of the few church services I've attended where people really listened.
Leonard Cohen referred to those who serve and those who eat in one of his songs and it really resonates with me.

Nope Holly i’d still think you were weird af and a little pathetic for being proud of dusting even if you hate it.

@Aussieadopter

If you don't act pleased he won't be incentivised to continue trying. Inwardly he'll probably think well last time I tried it wasn't good enough so what is the point, even if I try even harder that probably still won't be good enough so may as well not bother trying at all if she will never be happy with what I do.

See this is what you need to be careful around children, not fully grown men. You praise a child's efforts when learning to do household chores, not grown ups, who are old enough to know how to do dishes.

Give him a biscuit and pat on the head.

I think there’s definitely a difference between a person doing next to nothing normally, leaving it to someone else and then expecting a medal when they do one tiny thing - especially when they say “I did the washing up for you” indicating that you are the dogsbody and it’s something they generally consider beneath them to do but fine for you....

and being regularly grateful to one another for doing things which make the other person’s life easier - like coming down to find a clean kitchen and breakfasted children as a nice surprise compared to a frantic morning rushing out the door with bowls in the sink. Similarly his appreciation of the things I manage to get done with small children around despite minimal evidence of achievement in a typical day. Give and take and appreciation of each other’s efforts.

I have told my dh that I will be impressed when he manages to complete a household task without telling me that he has done it. As I do every single day. 18 years and still waiting.

Sometimes when my dh arrives home l point out all lve done as housework doesn't come easy to me so l am pretty chuffed with myself. Nothing as basic as cleaning the sink!! But l would find it mean if he said you are only doing what any grown up would do. Think when you are living together it's nice to acknowledge things

@Holly60

Um, if I posted on here and said that I’d told my husband I was proud because I’d managed to get all the dusting done today which I hate, and he had replied that I shouldn’t be proud of getting an ordinary household chore done, what would you all be saying?? I’m guessing you wouldn’t all say I was BU and he was in the right?

Well, I would think you were unreasonable for expecting praise, yes.

I don't understand being proud of doing basic household tasks, either. It's a bit odd to me, to be quite honest. It's just part of being an adult, surely?

I got home to DH proudly telling me he’d spent all day cleaning. He then got the hump because I pointed out the mirror looked worse than before he wiped it and the kitchen floor is filthy. Seemingly this is why he never bothers doing stuff, because I always complain he doesn’t do it right. WELL DO IT RIGHT THEN ffs.
if I have to redo it it’s hardly saved me a bloody job.

I totally agree with @AnneLovesGilbert
He should do a thorough job of cleaning the home they share because he’s an adult and he lives there too. He shouldn’t and doesn’t need a pat on the head or a fucking medal because for once he did something properly

I think it's nice to recognise and appreciate one another.

We do it all the time, makes the relationship close.

@Aussieadopter

He’s not 5! Bloody hell, he lives there too so is equally responsible for cleaning up.

I think you’re over the top with the trophy analogy. Maybe for the big jobs like cleaning the oven, but for washing up a dinosaur sticker or similar would have been fine.

@Hrpuffnstuff1

I think it's nice to recognise and appreciate one another.

We do it all the time, makes the relationship close.

Recognising someone has done something is very different from demanding praise because you've washed the dishes.

YABU. I think a simple 'thank you, that's great' would've been nice. If he's proud of himself, it doesn't harm you in any way. To be honest, your response seems needlessly aggressive.

On the one hand, of course he shouldn't get praise for doing something that you do day after day (unless he always thanks you for every task you do round the house)

On the other hand - you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, so perhaps a small "thanks" and "Now would you...." would get long term results?

I think blokes are like puppies. They need to be trained, and praised when they are a good boy

@MaMaD1990

YABU. I think a simple 'thank you, that's great' would've been nice. If he's proud of himself, it doesn't harm you in any way. To be honest, your response seems needlessly aggressive.

I bet he doesn't thank her for all the work she does

I think blokes are like puppies. They need to be trained, and praised when they are a good boy grin

Christ. How depressing.

@sunflowersandbuttercups Well, that's quite a childish response. How very tit for tat.

[quote MaMaD1990]@sunflowersandbuttercups Well, that's quite a childish response. How very tit for tat.[/quote]
It's far more childish to be a grown adult and demand praise for doing something as basic as washing the dishes.

I’m about to clean the fridge for the first time since we started ivf. I expect DH to kiss my feet when I’m done.

If men see housework as such an achievement, why don’t they give us praise and thanks for it?!

100% agree with this sentence.

It would be interesting to ask your DH why he doesn't sing your praises from the rooftop 24/7 if this is what he expects from you after one chore has been completed.

@sunflowersandbuttercups

Do highlight where the OP said he 'demanded praise'

Yesterday DP announced he was proud of himself, not only for doing the washing up un-prompted but also for wiping up all the water and rinsing the sink when he was done (he has form for leaving the splashed water sitting all over our wooden work surface, and the sink full. A job unfinished as far as I'm concerned)

I swiftly told him this was a normal everyday household activity that he should be doing by default anyway.