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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel anxious when walking past groups of teens.

98 replies

Astressedmumoftwo · 12/03/2021 16:34

Earlier I went to pick my kid up from school, narrow alleyway, group of 6 teen girls coming down in school uniform. I immediately feel anxious and try to avoid eye contact. The one at the back sort of squared up to me as I walked past! I'm 27 but only look about 18 so that doesn't help but I get so anxious walking past groups of teenagers. I was a "nice" teen and I know most teens aren't the sort to start things but I'm always paranoid. I know it's sort of pathetic but I'm hoping I'm not alone.

OP posts:

Apple1971 · 13/03/2021 07:02

I’m a secondary school teacher and talk to the kids at school about this a lot.

The problem is they are so self unaware at that age and most of the time just don’t notice what’s going on around them. I genuinely think most are good kids - they just look scary in groups

squiglet111 · 13/03/2021 07:05

No. I'm a secondary teacher and have worked in tough schools. I've never taught a child that isn't at least some what respectful.

MyLittleOrangutan · 13/03/2021 07:08

I felt anxious around a rowdy bunch of any type of person.
I think part of the problem is that when you "fear" teens, you look really judgemental. Imagine you're with your with your friends and someone sees you and pulls a face and tried to avoid you. You'd be insulted and defensive. Teens are no different. I haven't had trouble with teens since I started being nice to them instead of trying to avoid them. I still get shit from older people no matter what I do.

MsTSwift · 13/03/2021 07:11

No not at all. Hosted teen foreign students for years - brisk polite confident and friendly works well with teens.

Remember in my twenties I was with a very outgoing American friend playing tennis in a London park. Some teens were hanging about making the odd comment I was getting abit edgy. She started talking to them in a really open confident way and they responded well and were perfectly nice.

LimitIsUp · 13/03/2021 07:17

My experience is that my two teens get snippy attitudes from some older people. For example, we have a reactive dog who barks aggressively at other dogs (she's a rescue). She is walked on a lead, always under control, and we use distraction to minimise her barking when another dog passes (and we cross the street). When I walk her no problem, when one of my teenagers walk her they get snarky remarks despite having her under control and managing the situation.

There are other examples of less than courteous behaviour from adults towards my teens.

I remember experiencing the same thing from older adults when I was a teen.

lpchill · 13/03/2021 07:18

No, but I am a youth worker so part of my job is to challenge groups of youths when I do detached work. I tend to say hi to them and if they are being too rowdy or causing an issue to the public or I know they will be I will give the group a heads up about it. Ie a large group taking up a play ground near school and it's almost pick up time I'll let them know so they can move without causing hassle or get hassle. I've always had a neutral or positive response.I'll also talk back if they make comments on me or anyone in my general vicinity- but that is very rare about 95% of my interactions with groups of young people both from a work and private citizen perspective are fine and the young people are really polite and enjoy a quick chat.

LimitIsUp · 13/03/2021 07:23

@MyLittleOrangutan

I felt anxious around a rowdy bunch of any type of person. I think part of the problem is that when you "fear" teens, you look really judgemental. Imagine you're with your with your friends and someone sees you and pulls a face and tried to avoid you. You'd be insulted and defensive. Teens are no different. I haven't had trouble with teens since I started being nice to them instead of trying to avoid them. I still get shit from older people no matter what I do.

This is spot on

Amdone123 · 13/03/2021 07:31

I was walking home once and saw a group of about 6 young lads, with bicycles. They were either on the bikes or the bikes were on the ground, but all in my pathway. As I approached, I thought oh no....only because I was tired, and couldn't be bothered with aggro ( not scared. I can give as good as I get).
When they saw me, there was a chorus of, aw sorry Miss, as they moved their bikes out of my pathway. They couldn't do enough. It made my day. ( And also reminded me to be less judgemental).

Punxsutawney · 13/03/2021 07:33

My Ds is 16 and was severely bullied at his previous school.
I've noticed on the very rare occasions that he agrees to leave the house, his body language completely changes if we pass a group of young people. Staff at his new school have told me he is hypervigilent all of the time, even though he has not been bullied there.

Sunshine1235 · 13/03/2021 07:36

I’m my experience most teenage girls are terrified of any kind of eye contact or interaction with adults so give them a big smile and meet their gaze and they’ll probably just move on

KitesFlyingInTheWind · 13/03/2021 07:52

Sometimes yes sometimes no.
Group of teens in school uniform, presumably walking home: probably not.
Group of teens hanging around aimlessly, being generally rowdy: probably yes.

Icenii · 13/03/2021 08:09

@Strangekindofwoman

No I don't. I'm not a teeny tiny person though.

Do you mean this, or is this another crack at smaller posters, something that seems to be creeping into MN? As an under 5 footer, having people physically higher than you can be unpleasant.

Knitterbabe · 13/03/2021 08:12

It depends on how much interest they take in me. Group absorbed in their own pursuits, no problem. Group eyeballing passer by, silent, challenging.. I’m nervous. Secondary teacher, and I have felt this way in the corridors of the highly regarded private school where I teach. If asked to move along they will do so very slowly, staring all the while. This is only true of certain year groups, and certain groupings within who are perceived as ring leaders.

Icenii · 13/03/2021 08:14

I don't feel threatened as such, depending on how they are acting, uncomfortable. I tend to smile. If they act out around you, it's about them, not you. Although I'd like a good phrase should I ever need it.

Knitterbabe · 13/03/2021 08:32

I think the implication that all you need to do is smile at them wouldn’t wash with an intimidating group of older youths in hoodies and dark clothing, almost blocking your path as you attempt to walk through a city underpass at night. Group of giggling girls in uniform, less of a problem.

mediumduboir · 13/03/2021 08:37

I know how you feel OP. I cross the road if I see a group of teenagers. I even feel like it when my next door neighbours teen and friends are in the front garden or stood outside my house. I just keep to myself and it soon passes.

MrTumblesSpottyHag · 13/03/2021 08:39

I don't generally, I usually find that if I make eye contact, say good morning or thank them for moving over or something they're surprised but cheerful and polite.
I've pulled some up on their behaviour around my small kids in the past. I was polite and they were apologetic, as if they hadn't realised that anyone noticed them.
My friend's teenager was testing about with his friend once (as we all did!) in a cafe, being a bit loud and rough with each other. He saw me, elbowed his friend to stop and gave me a sheepish smile. As po said, they are just giant toddlers who get carried away most of the time 😁

LApprentiSorcier · 13/03/2021 09:32

@Strangekindofwoman

No I don't. I'm not a teeny tiny person though.

It's got nothing to do with whether you're 'teeny tiny'.

In fact when I was younger and got mocked by groups like these, it probably had more to do with not being 'teeny tiny' but being overweight and in their eyes 'ugly'.

bushhbb · 13/03/2021 09:37

@ClearMountain

I was bullied as a teenager and I’m still terrified of groups of teens. They’re unpredictable and they know there will be no consequences, so you never know if they’ll attack you.

Me too, I'm barely twenty and hate walking past groups of teenagers :/

I think the area I used to live made it worse as it was fairly rough

bushhbb · 13/03/2021 09:39

@indemMUND

Yep. "Goth" mum walking the school run. Targeted even when I'm walking with my child. I've been avoiding eye contact up until now but my tolerance is severely waning. I'm too old for this shit. Little scally bastards thinking they're Billy Big Bollocks.

I laughed at by a pair of teen girls for wearing black lipstick, had AirPods so it wasn't so bad but I get this. And the avoiding eye contact.

Original poster

Astressedmumoftwo · 13/03/2021 10:22

In my defense, I have social anxiety and was bullied horrifically as a teen. Also because I look young I've had teens laugh about me being a teen mom (I am not).
We've also had teens mugging people and machete attacks, throwing rocks at cats and kids here recently.

OP posts:

ChangedName4TheSakeOfIt · 13/03/2021 10:44

I hate it and I own one of my own! I've had a lot of actual harassment from teens though since one girl (the village feral horror) took a dislike to me and started encouraging her cronies to throw things at my house and windows, kick my door etc. I was walking up the main street once with DH and there were sweets bouncing off the shop windows beside us. She was throwing them at me really hard from across the street but had shitty aim. So me being nervous around groups of them is usually down to them being her associates and they do make comments or refuse to allow me to pass for a few seconds.
Home Cctv took care of the harassment at the house after I warned everyone's parents publicly that I will be posting their little darlings and naming and shaming the parents but this teen will still shout my name or things like "Bitch!" and turn away snickering in the street.

It seems I wasn't alone in being nervous around the groups of teens. They all used to hang around in one of the only two local takeaways because the owners DD was near that age. The place would be packed with them socialising and crowding round the doorway from open to closing time and upon seeing them, many potential customers would turn around and go to the place across the street instead. It took the takeaway a very long time to realise it was harming their business (pre Covid) so they banned them from hanging around. Now you rarely see someone go towards it, see the kids and do a 180 and go to the other place instead.

lljkk · 13/03/2021 10:50

I used to be afraid of teens.
About 15 yrs ago I went for a walk with a friend (teacher/father of teens & small children). There was a teen in the park where we stopped & friend spontaneously chatted to the teen. I was astounded.

I also realised I was being an idiot and had a ridiculous hang up to get over.

I often talk to strange teens now. It depends on the atmosphere but mostly they are as nice as anybody else. They are funny, witty, insightful, sincere, earnest, idealists.

It helps a lot nowadays that I live in a small town so locally, I can always pull the I know your mother line if they were being annoying.

en0la · 13/03/2021 13:36

@squiglet111

No. I'm a secondary teacher and have worked in tough schools. I've never taught a child that isn't at least some what respectful.

I have been told to 'miss, fuck off please' before now 😂

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 13/03/2021 13:45

Why are some posters telling OP that she's wrong? Bloody hell. She was anxious about this particular group of teens. They were not 'lovely' in her experience and I find it really insulting that so many teachers have rushed in to dismiss her.

Would you be feeling the same were you to experience some sort of issue at school and posters piled in to diminish what you say?

Is it some sort of mad, pointless competition now?

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