To feel anxious when walking past groups of teens.

[Astressedmumoftwo]

Earlier I went to pick my kid up from school, narrow alleyway, group of 6 teen girls coming down in school uniform. I immediately feel anxious and try to avoid eye contact. The one at the back sort of squared up to me as I walked past! I'm 27 but only look about 18 so that doesn't help but I get so anxious walking past groups of teenagers. I was a "nice" teen and I know most teens aren't the sort to start things but I'm always paranoid. I know it's sort of pathetic but I'm hoping I'm not alone.

YABU.
Just smile and make eye contact.

Why ? They are normal humans like the rest of us, you need to stop seeing them as awful as they really are not.

Nope! I smile and say ‘hey guys’ usually get a mumbled ‘hiya’ in response and giggling. That’s fine for me.

Another secondary school teacher here, feel very comfortable with teens, spend more time with them than my own primary school DS and my DH.

Sometimes there are a group of 7/8 teens, hoods up, looking all scary and 'hard' blocking the entrance to my local Tesco express. I just march up and say 'excuse me' with direct eye contact and confidence, they all move instantly.

School gates mums however, nope! Head down, don't make eye contact, get out of there quickly

Most teens are big softies and lovely.

Op I think you need some kind of support.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

They are like animals. They can smell fear and take a piss. I refuse to be afraid of teens here. I am an adult. The only ones I properly keep away from are the scramble biker morons because I just don't trust them to be smart enough to be able to handle that bike properly.

Honestly there is something to this. I read a really interesting article about a study done with convicted criminals. Essentially they were trying to figure out how they chose their victims.

During the study they would show pictures of random people and ask if the would be a good target. Then would ask the why questions. The conclusion was it was less about male/female or size of the people and more about confidence and how they carried themselves. For instance one petite woman was overwhelmingly placed in the “not a target” category. And the reasons given for that choice was her eyes were focused and alert, her shoulders were squared, she was walking in the middle of the sidewalk, etc. All this while a built tall guy was chosen as a victim because of his averted eyes and rounded shoulders, etc.

It’s been a long week and I read the article and study notes years ago, so no chance of finding it tonight, one of these days I’ll look for it again.

Yep. "Goth" mum walking the school run. Targeted even when I'm walking with my child. I've been avoiding eye contact up until now but my tolerance is severely waning. I'm too old for this shit. Little scally bastards thinking they're Billy Big Bollocks.

Good point pp. I'm a petite woman and have changed how I carry myself when walking alone, earphones in. Just need to work on not automatically avoiding eye contact.

They can seem intimidating if they're in groups but I find if I walk with my head held high and striding like I know where I'm going lol they're fine.

Nope. The local teens are a bit scared of me lol. No idea why.

Well I do know. I have a reputation for being vicious when crossed. It’s absolutely 100% not true! I’m a registered foster carer ffs lol. I’m not going to disillusion them though.

The conclusion was it was less about male/female or size of the people and more about confidence and how they carried themselves.

Just seen this after posting my comment, interesting - not heard this before but makes sense!
As I say, it's how you carry yourself. body language type thing.

If it was dark I wouldnt like passing a group of any teens/adults that I dodnt know. In daylight, unless a fight looked about to break out, I would be fine.

Group of 13-15yo boys gave a middle aged bloke a kicking in my village this week. No provocation whatsoever, just for 'sport', poor bloke was only going to the shop.

No! The teens are lovely around here, and I always smile and say hello, they usually smile and say hello back.

How sad that so many of you have such a poor view of teenagers. The vast majority are lovely and most of the ones who look tough are actually desperately insecure anyway.
Teenagers love it when you treat them humans from time to time!

round here the teens have been known to carry knives

I get like this too. I have a teenager and can wholeheartedly say the teenagers I’ve met have been lovely. But when I see them in a group I do find it really intimidating. I live in an area where a lot of youths carry weapons and that terrifies me, you could never know which ones they are so I’m caution of everyone. I do suffer with anxiety though so I acknowledge that I often over react to these types of situations.

Not usually........ But I've banned dp and ds from walking past groups of teenage girls after an incident in a park last week when two girls who were ahead of us on a path started screeching at my ds that he was a sex offender etc and wanted to touch them. Ds was actually with us but walking ahead but still a good distance away from them(( my ds looks like anyone else but also has a learning difficulty. He doesn't go anywhere alone or without us and we'd never met these girls before.))

Shit like this can spiral, it really can. If ds had been able to go out alone and someone came to the rescue at the noise that was being made anything could have been said. And much as I wanted to tell them to fuck off I just beckoned him over and we went via a different path.

They both ran off laughing whilst I was left shook up for days.

No. never bothered about walking past any teenagers, male or female. I would normally say Hi to them all, even though I have never seen them before.

YANBU. I'm not from the UK (I'm assuming you are?) but when I lived there I often felt this way. Where I lived it was wise to be on alert as the teens were absolutely feral. Luckily I'm back home now so I don't feel this way but yes I can totally relate.

@HarrietSchulenberg

How sad that so many of you have such a poor view of teenagers. The vast majority are lovely and most of the ones who look tough are actually desperately insecure anyway. Teenagers love it when you treat them humans from time to time!

I agree, most are lovely. I have two teenage boy ones myself and they wouldn't hurt a fly. Doesn't mean it's automatically not intimidating if there's a gang of teenagers on a street corner though that you have to walk through to get to where you're going. As some can be little shits and shout after you as you pass.

No I don't. I'm not a teeny tiny person though.

Nah. I've got one and am as blind as a bat so I just assume I know them all round here and have known them since they were knee-high, even when I don't. Big smile and a hiya gets a grunt back. They're just super-sized toddlers.

It seems those of us who have been parents or teachers of teenagers see them in a less threatening light.

My DS would sometimes bring back 3 or 4 hooded friends for lunch after school on a Friday ( always been a half day here). I can imagine they could look quite threatening when they are hanging about in the street or waiting at the bus stop.
These guys were always charming, hilarious, polite, they would clear up, offer to do the washing up and feed my cats treats.
Whenever I see teens in the streets I automatically think of my son's friends and don;t view them as a threat at all.