To feel anxious when walking past groups of teens.

[Astressedmumoftwo]

Earlier I went to pick my kid up from school, narrow alleyway, group of 6 teen girls coming down in school uniform. I immediately feel anxious and try to avoid eye contact. The one at the back sort of squared up to me as I walked past! I'm 27 but only look about 18 so that doesn't help but I get so anxious walking past groups of teenagers. I was a "nice" teen and I know most teens aren't the sort to start things but I'm always paranoid. I know it's sort of pathetic but I'm hoping I'm not alone.

There were some very intimidating teens where I used to live. A bunch of girls snatched my handbag once. I grabbed it back and gave them the tongue lashing of their lives. Made them cry. Not sorry about that, they might have done it one day to someone who would give back more than verbally.

Plenty of others were lovely and friendly, but there was a lot of problem teen behavior in that part of town.

No I never feel this way. But I was definitely one of the "scary looking teens that hang around in groups" back when I was that age so I know the reality. I always smile and they are always either polite or awkward back.

@OverTheRainbow88

No but I’m A Secondary school teacher.

I would suggest smiling, saying hi and just walking by.

bloody hell. I would only take this advice if I fancied a stabbing.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Why are some posters telling OP that she's wrong? Bloody hell. She was anxious about this particular group of teens. They were not 'lovely' in her experience and I find it really insulting that so many teachers have rushed in to dismiss her.

Would you be feeling the same were you to experience some sort of issue at school and posters piled in to diminish what you say?

Is it some sort of mad, pointless competition now?

The OP has had unpleasant experiences with the feral minority. Of course that will put her on her guard. That doesn't mean that most teens do turn out to be nice people once you get talking.

At work, we're forever having to get security to move on groups of teens congregating in the evenings (I wish management would just put a timer on the WiFi). Quite intimidating, lads pulling wheelies on bikes, vaping etc. The community group have had to replace the flowers numerous times due to vandalism. Yet I had some customers of the same age who may well attend the very same school. They were a delight to chat to.

DdraigGoch, this is starting to sound a lot like 'NAMALT'. What's the point? Your experience is irrelevant to the OP, as would mine be. OP has referenced her own experience and you and others are saying - to paraphrase - "Oh but intimidating-looking teens can be really nice deep down".

Think about it.

Love the experience of a pp who used to fear teenagers until she met a nice one and now, hell, they are all lovely!
In many of our towns and cities it would be madness to greet loitering teenagers with a cheery smile and greeting. At best it might elicit the response ‘you dissin’ me man?’ And threatening movements. At worst, a stabbing. As my son and I approached one such group during his student days in London he muttered ‘ Eyes ahead, don’t engage’.

Yes i feel the same at 36. As a teen mobs would shout insults at me if walked past alone (ugly etc) which then changed to sexual harrassment (catcalls, lewd comments) when walking past groups of males (teens or adults) in my 20's. I was also a 'nice' teen so hate that i feel this way. The most recent experience was when I was 28, I walked to shop to get a pizza before bf came over later. Three teen girls who had been shouting comments at a man as he walked past clocked onto me. They followed me into the shop laughing and yelling 'Ewww, who would go out with her etc'. I ignored them and they stopped. But it did still affect me. I'd worked hard on my appearance over the years and felt I looked nice (or even average in my head) and most would have probably describe me at that point as pretty. But it made me feel like the scared 'ugly', nervous teen I felt I used to be. I seemed to attract mean comments or hassle from teens for no reason than walking past. It used to annoy me as no one else seemed to have this problem. The last few times when i have seen groups of teens i have braced myself for comments and...nothing happened :) I feel so relieved thst It doesnt really happen anymore now im 36, average looking (sometimes maybe even 'nice'ish looking if im able to get showered) with a small child so I am probably entering the invisible zone. And i am completely ok with that. But i still get the nervous feeling sometimes as i dont trust it to stop completely. I think generally though, I think teens are getting nicer than when i was one in the early 2000's. Sorry you had this experience though. People will try to say yabu but they likely didnt have the experiences you did while young. Or were one if them. I always wonder what people who did this sort of thing do when they remember how they behaved, how they justify it to themselves etc.

I have to go to the surgery once a week and going home on my mobility scooter coincides with end of school day. If I am confronted with a huge crowd of secondary aged children they are usually pretty good and move over for me. We sometimes have a laugh as often one of them will be on their mobile, walking backwards and close to colliding with my scooter. I give them a wave and a cheery thanks and move on. I have never felt anxious but even if I did there is no way I would allow them to know how I felt.

I don't but I've worked in enough dicey scenarios to know the pretty much magical power of walking with authority and confidence. Not aggression (I look like what I am ...a middle aged woman so aggressive would be comical) , I have never had an issue with eye contact and a smile and a confidant walk.

In the last couple of years I've seen so many times the impact my ds2 , who has no fear , full confidence and a pathological need to treat everyone like his best friend (its taken months to drum in that he doesn't approach strangers without me and always stays in arms reach) . We live in a really rough area. There are gangs of teens that can be aggressive (before anyone comments i have also worked with young people in challenging circumstances like YOI etc i know the history but it doesn't change some can be a risk) , a massive substance misuse issue which brings with it dealers left right and centre....you get the idea. Ds2 has no concept of any of this. He will happily tell the man sitting in the subway drinking that his socks are blue today. He will greet the two teens that are dealing at the bottom of the steps and say hello and ask how their day is. He almost always gets a smile , albeit a surprised one , and an answer. From the most intimidating looking people they will stop , smile and say hello , or laugh , or thoroughly agree that percy is definitely the best train in Thomas.

Its taken any form of intimidation away for me. I'm far from silly and have worked closer with offenders than most people. I know the risks and ds2 is never out of arms length.

However it makes the world a little less scary when you know most people will respond nicely to a cheery happy 5 year old. Easier not to feel intimidated.

@saltinesandcoffeecups that's interesting! I was actually going with real animals and my experience. My friend used to be scared by a lot of them, they never did anything mean towards me, but always went after her. But in... Jest? If you get what I mean? Like I never had a horse sneeze at me... She did number of times and it always freaked her out😂 I swear to god animals are cheeky bastards.

Not at all and I have to walk past a special provisions school, I'm tiny and quite young looking and was a quiet little mouse at school. What is it you're worried they'll do?

I should add from my last comment that I've tried to walk confidently by default. Usually I'm just walking normally minding my own business (I am a fairly confident person i think) when they start up. But walking 'confidently' is not a magic cure for this i found, and no one should have to 'walk confidently' to ensure they dont get verbal abuse. For every attempt at walking confidently, someone will imply you are walking 'stuck up' so invite abuse as well.

On a side note, people always recommend i should go into teaching due to my past education and the shortage of maths teachers. I will never ever want teach at high school due to verbal abuse I got from groups of teens for no reason other than not looking like a supermodel aged 14-17, and the hassle I got in my 20s. It would not be good for my mental health. Not all teens are like that but unfortunately a significant portion were when i was younger. And that was in a middle/lower middle class area. Not a rough sinkhole estate or anything. But i do think teens today seem nicer. Or Im now im the invisible bracket 🤔

I walked past a gang of teens in an alley today. They did move over reluctantly to let me6theoifh but mimicked me saying thanks to ten in a silly voice and made fart noises at me

They are children?! Just walk past!

Okay, I have no idea what happened there. Not drunk I swear. Moved over to let me through and thanks to them*

@movingadvice

They are children?! Just walk past!

I did reply but it seems to have vanished. I've been literally blocked from walking past them in narrow alley ways before. Despite asking nicely or trying to sound assertive.

@Cotswoldmama

Not at all and I have to walk past a special provisions school, I'm tiny and quite young looking and was a quiet little mouse at school. What is it you're worried they'll do?

I've had abuse hurled at me, I've had girls yank my hair, my path completely blocked in alley ways, a lad kick my pushchair with my toddler in etc.

No not at all but round here the “worst” thing a group of teenagers has done is organise a large rounders match at the park in the summer 😂 there was outrage at that on the village FB group 🤷‍♀️.

No but I am old(er). I wouldn't have liked it when I was your age. Teenage girls can be so horrible but they don't even see you once you're over about 30.

I've had abuse hurled at me, I've had girls yank my hair, my path completely blocked in alley ways, a lad kick my pushchair with my toddler in etc

Hmm that sounds more like the area you live in. I assume moving somewhere else isn't an option?

I think it depends entirely on the area you live in. Where I grew up was rough and there were gangs of teens who carried weapons, dealt drugs and would give you a kicking for something to do. There you didn't make eye contact and you didn't engage.

Where I am now the teens are different. I think the worst thing they do is sit in the little park with their friends swearing. Or play knock knock run. So I wouldn't think twice about asking them to stop and move on so my DD can play on the park without picking up bad language.

Bloody hell- it sounds like a rough area if that’s what you face- you need to learn to walk with a straight back and look confident even if you don’t feel it.I am v small but always walk confidently.Just think of them as Giant toddlers in your mind- lots of noise but not much else.

I think your personal experience will always colour your perceptions. If like OP you live in a rough area where bad shit happens, you're going to be anxious around people who are similar to the ones who have done stuff to you. That's reasonable.

I do think it's sad that people continue to tar the whole tribe with the same brush, though. I've been name called by teenagers once, but I've had more aggression from middle-aged people. I judge as I find.