AIBU to think DH's knobber friend parks like this deliberately?

[anxietyaunt]

He does this every time he pays us one of his glorious visits and I can't get into my own driveway. DH claims he doesn't do it deliberately. I call bullshit. I have attached a (badly-drawn) pic showing our street and the abundance of places he could park instead. There is a key at the top but basically he could park anywhere I have put a tick.*

*Some ticks may look aggressive and deformed.

@anxietyaunt

Okay, I don't want to get nasty. But I have to get this out. I call him knobber not just because he's a knob. He also looks like an actual knob. He's all one colour. Hairless. Featureless. Pale. Veiny, but otherwise non-descript. Like a giant thumb. Or maybe he's just morphed into that in my mind's eye because I loathe him so much and now that's all I see. Bloody Thumb Man.

Haaa crying here

I hope nobody keys his paintwork.

Agree with Snoozy - take the mick out of his parking, ask for his keys so you can park the car properly for him as he clearly struggles etc (disclaimer, I offered to park a work colleagues car for him after he parked in a disabled space and claimed his perfectly average sized estate wouldn't fit in the spaces. He was embarrassed and annoyed but started parking in the correct spaces)

Will be even better if you can get your DH to join in the laughing..

Top thread, OP.

Are you ever in when the Knobber goes for a piss? I'd feel compelled to tell him to sit down to pee, so that his piss goes in the bowl, not on the floor.

And I'd go up afterwards to check, and tell him to wipe up his own pee if it's on the floor.

I can't tell you how much I love your diagram, it's really cheered me up this morning.

Anyone who "accidentally" parks like that isn't fit to hold a driving license. Knobber us a very tame nickname for him. I like the idea of offering to park for him.

'Have you done much parallel parking? I know some drivers find it tricky. Chuck me your keys and I'll do it for you'.

Some ticks may look aggressive and deformed

I've only read to this bit so far, and I'm already wanting to give the OP a medal for services to Posting On MN.

Yes - husband cleans up his piss. Every. Fucking. Time. I would write in lipstick on his windscreen. “Parks like knob and pees on floor”

The pissing on the floor... I would not allow him in the house. Has he done it more than the once?

Some ticks may look aggressive and deformed.

On behalf of my clients, the Idoxidae family, I must point out that ticks have a natural variation in shape and size, and to categorise any of them as 'aggressive and deformed' could be considered hate speech towards these delightful arachnids.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tick

Nickname his car the Knobmobile.

Once many years ago, I owned a book called "How to Be a Wally", and there was a chapter on "How to Park Like a Wally". I and a work colleague were gazing out of a top floor window (standard London three-decker) down into the carpark, and I commented on a selfishly positioned people-carrier down below as a prime example! I kid you not, it was impeding no less than four cars! I genuinely did not know who the owner was, I wasn't dropping hints, but my colleague grumpily admitted that it was his. His reasoning was that it was the middle of the school day, so they weren't going anywhere, my riposte was, "Not now they're not!" To be fair, he went down and moved it, and didn't repeat the offence.

'Knobbers car.'

I’ve drawn Thumb Man so you can picture him. Note the short arms which would explain why he can’t hold his dick to direct his wee. His thick, Neanderthal neck. Penile demeanour...

Best. Diagram. Ever.

I love this thread. Your DH needs to man the fuck up and tell his friend not to be a knob and stop parking over the drive.

Wonderful diagram! Definitely laugh disparagingly at his parking, and when he comes in the door hand him a cloth and a small bottle of disinfectant/bleach while telling him "this is for cleaning up your manky piss so my husband doesn't have to". Make sure dh is present to witness both actions. What a vile creature.

Wow, he looks like such a catch 🤮

🤣🤣🤣🤣 penile demeanor!!! I am keeping that one!!!

Your DH is being a bit of a knobber here by not telling him to move his car every time he does this. He knows it annoys you, but he’s rather you were annoyed than he had to bother saying anything!

Can you get a learners manual/highway code type book? If (when) he does it again, hand it to him saying you are obviously having trouble parking. I thought this revision might help you park like a competant driver. I've highlighted the relevant pages. Big pitying smile & walk away with a sigh.

@anxietyaunt

Okay, I don't want to get nasty. But I have to get this out. I call him knobber not just because he's a knob. He also looks like an actual knob. He's all one colour. Hairless. Featureless. Pale. Veiny, but otherwise non-descript. Like a giant thumb. Or maybe he's just morphed into that in my mind's eye because I loathe him so much and now that's all I see. Bloody Thumb Man.

You're killing me, OP...

Genuinely think you should just give him the diagram OP. Say you’ve taken up a new art course and you want his opinion on your drawings...

Of course it's deliberate. How could it not be?

It's behaviour which my BIL displays. He's rather an entitled 'look at me' character, very full of himself and oh so superior to we lesser beings. Perhaps he shares a similar mindset?

Last visit he parked slap bang in the middle of the shared exit/entrance of the driveway, not only blocking it completely but facing the house ifswim because he expected the road to be magically clear of any traffic as he reversed into the road. Thus he swans his way through life.