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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to go on sick at work?

80 replies

alixxx1 · 11/03/2021 15:59

Hi all,

Quite a complicated one here. When I was on maternity with my first child, my whole job changed, my manager, my team, my office however my job title and salary remained the same, so I didn't really see any issue with the changes, I of course was disappointed but accepted it.

Since I've returned from maternity, well over a year now, I have been subject to work place bullying and to make matters worse my manager is not helpful. He is very young, very bitchy and deceitful. He has his office favourites and it shows. I always have my annual leave declined, I'm always asked to cover everything with his response to this being 'other members of the team don't like doing that', so I am expected to do it. He even called me on a day I had annual leave and asked me to work because he didn't want to trouble one of my colleagues to cover a meeting... she was in work that day. It's a disgrace. Anyway there's lots and lots of issues that I have been noting down and enough is enough now. I'm pregnant with my second child and I need to think about my mental health. I physically end the working day with a pounding headache from the stress work is causing me. I feel like nothing I do is good enough, I am never thanked for the tasks I do and I feel totally undervalued and under appreciated. I have been in this job for five years and it has totally changed. I really am miserable.

Funnily enough I am due to go part time in April. This was my decision, one that I wanted to do when I came back from maternity leave but my manager was insistent I came back full time, so I agreed and have been working full time for over a year since I came back. However, even though I am due to reduce my hours, I don't believe any changes to my contract have been made and there is no official change of hours date in place as yet. I can’t recall anything I’ve had with an official date in writing. My manager has already recruited someone for my job... his close friend funnily enough, who applied and was interviewed against no other candidates... suspicious. It was meant to be a job share with me but she has been given my job for four days a week and I have been told when I finally go part time, I won't be doing my job and I basically will be the office floater... I'll just float around and pick up everyone's shit basically. I’m genuinely annoyed about this as my manager told me over a year ago that my job needed five day a week cover, hence why I’d suggested a job share to ensure business needs were met. Job shares are common in my workplace! He even asked me to change the hours I was reducing to accommodate his friend taking over MY JOB and asked me to work Fridays because she couldn’t! I was in so much shock about this. I explained I am reducing my hours and have picked the dates I can do which he agreed to. I have a child. But it’s interesting to note, before I’d even officially said I was going to go part time, I’d only briefly mentioned it, he brought her in for a tour of the building right in front of my nose. So he knew what he was doing all along. I feel pushed out.

My manager is actually a gay man, but makes inappropriate comments towards me that if I continue ringing him to ask work related questions 'people will talk' and then puts my first name with his last name and says it has a 'ring to it'. Now I just take it as a joke but when I really think about everything I face it work, this is actually just something else that is going on in the office that shouldn't. I am a mother of two, with a partner and it makes my partner very uncomfortable when I tell him.

I'm so fed up I'm contemplating going on sick leave. However, I am due to go part time in April and think maybe I should stick it out. But I can't see it changing. So I was wondering if I take sick leave now, whilst I am full time, will they have the right to then change my hours to part time and sick pay to part time in April? It is agreed I will go part time but it has been very unprofessional and my manager has been focused on his friend starting my job more than anything.

I would look for another job but with the current pandemic, me being pregnant and the fact that I really need the hours I've agreed, I cannot at this time look for another job but likewise if it carries on this way I'll end up having a breakdown.

Does anybody know what will happen if I go on the sick now as a full time employee? Whether I would still be paid full time in April? Will they be able to still change my contract to part time if I am on the sick, or will they have to wait until I return from sick leave. My sick leave will be work related stress. I have approached my manager about the bullying but nothing has been addressed and in all honesty, he is just as bad. AIBU to even think this is an option?

Thank you all x

OP posts:
Giddly · 11/03/2021 16:04

But you're not sick. You have a number of grievances that you need to deal with through the proper channels.

DynamoKev · 11/03/2021 16:06

If you are too sick to work, take sick leave.

DynamoKev · 11/03/2021 16:09

Does anybody know what will happen if I go on the sick now as a full time employee? Whether I would still be paid full time in April?
Depends on your contract.

Will they be able to still change my contract to part time if I am on the sick, or will they have to wait until I return from sick leave.
They don't have to; but they might.

IntermittentParps · 11/03/2021 16:15

You don't need to go off sick, you need to take all this documented evidence to HR.

PresBide · 11/03/2021 16:16

I would recommend speaking to ACAS and an employment solicitor about maternity discrimination and provide your log of events and any emails or written proof you have to back it all up as you should have a case.

I'm sure you could go off sick due to anxiety but if your manager has already made things difficult for you he might make sure you only get SMP for a limited time with a potential unpaid period of time which would affect your finances so it's something to think about beforehand.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's definitely not right. Is there any chance you could speak to HR or your manager's line manager about all of this? I'm sure they'd want to avoid it going to a grievance if they knew what was happening.

alixxx1 · 11/03/2021 16:18

Thanks all. Appreciate your responses.

I have so far a four page document I have wrote up myself of all of the grievences since I returned from mat leave. But honestly I'm absolutely petrified about doing it. I feel like the bullying will get worse and I'll be singled out even further.

I just feel like I need that time off to gather my thought processes and prep myself for the battle I'll be facing if I go down the HR route. Honestly I wish I could just say good riddance and leave but I can't. And a part of me thinks, why should I? I once loved this job and saw a future, now I physically shake as I drive to the office and get out of the car wiping tears out of my eyes.

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 11/03/2021 16:25

You may not have a battle. Different circumstances (I wasn't bullied etc) but my old work essentially took away my job and wouldn't offer me an appropriate new one or redundancy. I got a lawyer to write to them and they offered me a settlement to leave. If you get one you'd have a bit of breathing space while you look for a new job.

NailsNeedDoing · 11/03/2021 16:25

If you need time to ‘gather your thoughts’ you take holiday. Taking sick leave when you’re not sick is a shitty thing to do, and you can’t really expect any respect or consideration from your employer if you do it.

If you don’t like the job, leave.

alixxx1 · 11/03/2021 16:29

@NailsNeedDoing I appreciate my question here is AIBU and yes you are correct in saying I am not sick, no I am not physically sick (except the bit of morning sickness 😉) but my mental health is severely impacted. If you read my post I have said I am heading for a breakdown based on how my employer is treating me. I have not yet done the 'shitty thing' by going on the sick, so why is my employer treating me like shit when all I do is what I'm asked and more? My mental health is compromised here because of my employer and that classes as 'sick'. The respect from my employer situation has sailed already hasn't it through no fault of my own.

If you also read my comment above I have stated that driving to work makes me shake with anxiety and I cry in the car before I walk in to the office. So if I go on the sick for work related stress, that's not a shitty thing to do.

My question was AIBU to expect full time pay whilst I do.

OP posts:
alixxx1 · 11/03/2021 16:32

@NailsNeedDoing and why should I leave my job? I have been at this job for years and saw a future here. If I leave, I was pushed out.
Plus I am pregnant, in a pandemic, I'm going to struggle to find a job aren't I.
I am in tears writing this post and responding on here. This is not the kind of person I am or the job I once had before the new manager came in.

OP posts:
alixxx1 · 11/03/2021 16:33

@IntermittentParps thank you for this information.

OP posts:
Crappyfridays7 · 11/03/2021 16:40

When are you due to go off on maternity leave? Surely if you have a contract in place they can’t push you out of your own job?..seems very odd and sounds an awful place to work.

Is there no one above this manager? Or HR people you can speak to?..even another colleague who has witnessed the behaviour? or having the same done?..sounds like the manager thinks he’s still at school. You sound like you’re really struggling but I hope someone who knows more about employment issues can come and tell you what you can do going forward. Speak to your gp about your anxiety it can’t be good for your baby either.
Hope you are feeling better soon Flowers

allmycats · 11/03/2021 16:40

Why are people saying she would be doing a shitty thing going on sick. She IS sick with anxiety caused by her working environment. Please OP look after your own and your baby's health as main priority. I too think you need to talk with senior management and if you get no joy, go to acas. When you do get to speak with management make sure you have a trusted colleague in with you as a witness. Good Luck.

alixxx1 · 11/03/2021 16:41

I forgot to add There is a meeting I cover that none of my colleagues like doing and it has become assigned to me. I have voiced that it is too much and needs to be shared fairly but this has been declined and it has become my job to do it every week. Well last week during the meeting I nipped to the toilet for a wee. I am pregnant, therefore I go to the toilet a lot more. The meeting is 3 hours long. I've been in that meeting on occasions holding back my morning sickness, but last week I really needed a wee. I have been told today to go to the toilet during the meeting is unacceptable. Can an employer really tell me I can't go to the toilet? Even if I wasn't pregnant surely that is unreasonable. But whilst I'm pregnant I really can't hold it!

OP posts:
Clarinet1 · 11/03/2021 16:42

It sounds to me as though you could argue that you are suffering from work-related stress which is a recognised complaint and should be taking sick leave. However, given all the changes to your role etc I wonder whether you might also have a case for constructive dismissal.

alixxx1 · 11/03/2021 16:43

@Crappyfridays7 @allmycats thank you I appreciate your understanding. I think some people have misinterpreted my question but you are correct I am sick with anxiety, it consumes my thoughts. My partner works away a lot and he is fed up of me spending what should be a happy time, crying down the phone every evening

OP posts:
savethewales · 11/03/2021 16:44

How pregnant are you? Depending on the reason you’re going on the sick they could bring forward your maternity leave, I think this is only past a certain point but I’m not 100% sure,

If you’re going part time in April anyway, does it matter if the wage changes as you would have been expecting it to if you were working?

alixxx1 · 11/03/2021 16:45

@Clarinet1 my partner thinks my manager is trying to constructive dismissal approach and feels my manager is possibly threatened by me and my knowledge as I have been in that role far longer, so he wants me gone so he can have the team he creates beneath him. It all does make a lot of sense.

OP posts:
Vaiana · 11/03/2021 16:48

@alixxx1
I'm with you on this one, I think we should be taking care of our mental health as much as our physical health. If you need few days/weeks off to deal with your anxiety do so. I don't know about your specific work situation (do you get enhanced sick pay or just SSP?), but don't hesitate to do what's best for you. Flowers

RedRocketGirl · 11/03/2021 16:49

@alixxx1

Most organisations have a policy as to how long you can self certify for sickness, in mine it's a week. After that you will need to medical certification that you are unfit for work which can be due to stress and anxiety or any one of a myriad of reasons. These are usually for a defined period e.g. 4 weeks. Anyone who is not well enough to work should take sick leave. However, this isn't going to address the underlying causes of the issues that you are facing with your manager and the period of sickness will be on your record and some employers ask about that in reference requests if you do look for a new job.

Your first point of call should be the HR department / team as there is a real possibility of maternity related discrimination going on. Do you have a union at work? If so join it if you are not already a member, there is usually an introductory period before they can provide legal support buy Maternity Discrimination is a huge issue so if they are worth their salt they will be able to give you advice and support from the outset.

If the company is too small to have a union / proper HR function you need to speak to whoever does the HR related work and make contact with who ever oversees your boss and calmly explain what has and happened, how it is making you feel and ask if this complies with the company policy etc. Do you have a staff handbook or website that has information about the policies etc? Look at websites like Acas archive.acas.org.uk/pregnancydiscrim

Finally, what you need to focus on what they should have done but haven't which relates to this:

"when I came back from maternity leave but my manager was insistent I came back full time, so I agreed and have been working full time for over a year since I came back. However, even though I am due to reduce my hours, I don't believe any changes to my contract have been made and there is no official change of hours date in place as yet. I can’t recall anything I’ve had with an official date in writing. My manager has already recruited someone for my job... his close friend funnily enough, who applied and was interviewed against no other candidates... suspicious. It was meant to be a job share with me but she has been given my job for four days a week and I have been told when I finally go part time, I won't be doing my job and I basically will be the office floater... I'll just float around and pick up everyone's shit basically. I’m genuinely annoyed about this as my manager told me over a year ago that my job needed five day a week cover, hence why I’d suggested a job share to ensure business needs were met. Job shares are common in my workplace! He even asked me to change the hours I was reducing to accommodate his friend taking over MY JOB and asked me to work Fridays because she couldn’t! I was in so much shock about this. I explained I am reducing my hours and have picked the dates I can do which he agreed to. I have a child. But it’s interesting to note, before I’d even officially said I was going to go part time, I’d only briefly mentioned it, he brought her in for a tour of the building right in front of my nose. So he knew what he was doing all along. I feel pushed out."

If I were you I would not focus on this rather than the issues you have with him being a gay man.

Good luck.

Cailleach · 11/03/2021 16:55

No advice but you have my sympathies, OP. We have just had our old manager return to lead our team and he is exactly the same sort of character. He has already forced two people out of their roles, one of whom is our old manager, and everyone is sick with dread about what's coming next.

I am looking for another job already as are many of the rest of the team....we were such a happy productive group before and now everyone is miserable and demotivated.

It's so unfair, how one person can have such a terrible impact on a team :(

alixxx1 · 11/03/2021 16:55

@RedRocketGirl first of all, sorry if I have misunderstood your comment, but does my post appear that I have an issue with him being a gay man? Because that couldn't be further from the truth. I stated that he is a gay man because I think he makes the inappropriate comments towards me being his wife and that people will talk about us having an office affair because he thinks it's not offensive, because he's gay. And I have just laughed it off multiple times, however my partner now has noticed it's a weekly comment my manager makes to me and my partner is just as uncomfortable about my manager stating that people will talk about us having an office affair and getting married. My partner isn't concerned that he's gay, my partner is concerned that this is borderline harassment and makes both me and him uncomfortable. Because when you put these comments on top of his behaviour towards me, it's getting beyond a joke now.

Secondly, I joined the union a few months back when things started to get progressively worse.

I have spoken to my midwife in a lot of detail about what has gone on at work and she has been supportive so I assume if I discussed with a GP a mental health assessment would show that I am suffering with work related anxiety. For a woman who once used to stick at work after hours and laugh from morning until night, I am now not that woman, because of work. I actually am at a very low point in my life because of this treatment and every week I feel worse.

OP posts:
RedRocketGirl · 11/03/2021 16:56

@alixxx1

I forgot to add There is a meeting I cover that none of my colleagues like doing and it has become assigned to me. I have voiced that it is too much and needs to be shared fairly but this has been declined and it has become my job to do it every week. Well last week during the meeting I nipped to the toilet for a wee. I am pregnant, therefore I go to the toilet a lot more. The meeting is 3 hours long. I've been in that meeting on occasions holding back my morning sickness, but last week I really needed a wee. I have been told today to go to the toilet during the meeting is unacceptable. Can an employer really tell me I can't go to the toilet? Even if I wasn't pregnant surely that is unreasonable. But whilst I'm pregnant I really can't hold it!
Who told you that going to the toilet during a meeting is unacceptable OP? If it's your manager go straight to HR and ask them to clarify as that is utter rubbish. If it's a random colleague then they are talking out of their arse and I would have replied with "Really well that's a fast track to a discrimination claim!" and laughed.

Also stand your ground, don't agree to work on a day off etc.

alixxx1 · 11/03/2021 16:57

@Cailleach thank you for your support. I am sorry to hear about your experience x

OP posts:
alixxx1 · 11/03/2021 16:57

@RedRocketGirl yes, it was my manager!

OP posts:
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