AIBU to go on sick at work?

[alixxx1]

Hi all,

Quite a complicated one here. When I was on maternity with my first child, my whole job changed, my manager, my team, my office however my job title and salary remained the same, so I didn't really see any issue with the changes, I of course was disappointed but accepted it.

Since I've returned from maternity, well over a year now, I have been subject to work place bullying and to make matters worse my manager is not helpful. He is very young, very bitchy and deceitful. He has his office favourites and it shows. I always have my annual leave declined, I'm always asked to cover everything with his response to this being 'other members of the team don't like doing that', so I am expected to do it. He even called me on a day I had annual leave and asked me to work because he didn't want to trouble one of my colleagues to cover a meeting... she was in work that day. It's a disgrace. Anyway there's lots and lots of issues that I have been noting down and enough is enough now. I'm pregnant with my second child and I need to think about my mental health. I physically end the working day with a pounding headache from the stress work is causing me. I feel like nothing I do is good enough, I am never thanked for the tasks I do and I feel totally undervalued and under appreciated. I have been in this job for five years and it has totally changed. I really am miserable.

Funnily enough I am due to go part time in April. This was my decision, one that I wanted to do when I came back from maternity leave but my manager was insistent I came back full time, so I agreed and have been working full time for over a year since I came back. However, even though I am due to reduce my hours, I don't believe any changes to my contract have been made and there is no official change of hours date in place as yet. I can’t recall anything I’ve had with an official date in writing. My manager has already recruited someone for my job... his close friend funnily enough, who applied and was interviewed against no other candidates... suspicious. It was meant to be a job share with me but she has been given my job for four days a week and I have been told when I finally go part time, I won't be doing my job and I basically will be the office floater... I'll just float around and pick up everyone's shit basically. I’m genuinely annoyed about this as my manager told me over a year ago that my job needed five day a week cover, hence why I’d suggested a job share to ensure business needs were met. Job shares are common in my workplace! He even asked me to change the hours I was reducing to accommodate his friend taking over MY JOB and asked me to work Fridays because she couldn’t! I was in so much shock about this. I explained I am reducing my hours and have picked the dates I can do which he agreed to. I have a child. But it’s interesting to note, before I’d even officially said I was going to go part time, I’d only briefly mentioned it, he brought her in for a tour of the building right in front of my nose. So he knew what he was doing all along. I feel pushed out.

My manager is actually a gay man, but makes inappropriate comments towards me that if I continue ringing him to ask work related questions 'people will talk' and then puts my first name with his last name and says it has a 'ring to it'. Now I just take it as a joke but when I really think about everything I face it work, this is actually just something else that is going on in the office that shouldn't. I am a mother of two, with a partner and it makes my partner very uncomfortable when I tell him.

I'm so fed up I'm contemplating going on sick leave. However, I am due to go part time in April and think maybe I should stick it out. But I can't see it changing. So I was wondering if I take sick leave now, whilst I am full time, will they have the right to then change my hours to part time and sick pay to part time in April? It is agreed I will go part time but it has been very unprofessional and my manager has been focused on his friend starting my job more than anything.

I would look for another job but with the current pandemic, me being pregnant and the fact that I really need the hours I've agreed, I cannot at this time look for another job but likewise if it carries on this way I'll end up having a breakdown.

Does anybody know what will happen if I go on the sick now as a full time employee? Whether I would still be paid full time in April? Will they be able to still change my contract to part time if I am on the sick, or will they have to wait until I return from sick leave. My sick leave will be work related stress. I have approached my manager about the bullying but nothing has been addressed and in all honesty, he is just as bad. AIBU to even think this is an option?

Thank you all x

You need to get in touch with your union and go through the formal grievance procedure. It is constructive dismissal.

Not a lot to add, except I hope I don’t know any of these people who are implying that mental health isn’t a good enough reason to take sick leave in real life. OP, go to HR. Your manager’s a twat.

[quote alixxx1]@RedRocketGirl first of all, sorry if I have misunderstood your comment, but does my post appear that I have an issue with him being a gay man? Because that couldn't be further from the truth. I stated that he is a gay man because I think he makes the inappropriate comments towards me being his wife and that people will talk about us having an office affair because he thinks it's not offensive, because he's gay. And I have just laughed it off multiple times, however my partner now has noticed it's a weekly comment my manager makes to me and my partner is just as uncomfortable about my manager stating that people will talk about us having an office affair and getting married. My partner isn't concerned that he's gay, my partner is concerned that this is borderline harassment and makes both me and him uncomfortable. Because when you put these comments on top of his behaviour towards me, it's getting beyond a joke now.

Secondly, I joined the union a few months back when things started to get progressively worse.

I have spoken to my midwife in a lot of detail about what has gone on at work and she has been supportive so I assume if I discussed with a GP a mental health assessment would show that I am suffering with work related anxiety. For a woman who once used to stick at work after hours and laugh from morning until night, I am now not that woman, because of work. I actually am at a very low point in my life because of this treatment and every week I feel worse. [/quote]
Hi OP, I felt that the way it was worded your concern with your bosses comments could be interpreted that it was due to his being gay and making jokes about 'people will talk' etc rather than it being about the comments themselves.

Especially because you said it makes your partner feel uncomfortable - the inference being because he's gay rather than that the comments aren't acceptable for a boss to making about someone they manage. Hope that makes sense. Have you asked him to stop making those jokes?

I feel that it muddies the water and that the issues that you are have are the discriminatory practices around your previous maternity leave and your current pregnancy and that your boss is making inappropriate comments that make you feel uncomfortable (rather than they are inappropriate because he's gay).

I forgot to say that there is a really good website / Facebook group called Ask A Manager - it's very American so the advise doesn't always translate exactly but she gives good advice about how to approach difficult conversations with your boss!

[quote alixxx1]@RedRocketGirl yes, it was my manager! [/quote]
Blimey he's an ill informed dick and could cost them a lot of money!
You need to go to HR straight away.

BTW I meant to say that having to deal with all this it's not surprising that your are stressed out and unhappy - none of this is acceptable, none of this is OK and you need to do what ever is right for you but please get formal advice asap don't put up with this harassment and bullying any longer!

Don't go off sick because you aren't sick.

Deal with the bullying with HR as previously suggested. It may be hard but face up and sort it.

If you are in a union then approach your union rep and find out how they can support you. They should know about formal grievance procedures and hopefully will provide someone to go along with you to any hearings. This does sound like bullying and that’s not acceptable. I hope you can get this sorted out

@RedRocketGirl I think I just worded it really poorly and I only mentioned his sexuality so people can get an idea of the full picture. Both myself and my partner have no issues with him being gay. My partner is uncomfortable because this is being said by my manager in the workplace, he couldn't care if it was coming from a gay man, a straight man, a straight woman, or a gay woman, he's annoyed that it is inappropriate full stop. And my partner isn't the jealous type either so I know that his concerns are because he's concerned that it's wrong.

Thank you for your replies. They're very informative.

Of course you're ill if you're shaking on the drive to work and crying in the evenings. Absolutely have some time off and away from such a stressful environment. Nobody should be made to feel that way at work and shame on the people on here who are trying to make you feel bad.
Contact your union and let them contact HR on your behalf. The allegations you are making are a serious matter and it seems clear that you are being descriminated against. What a twat - i'm furious for you.

Nothing much to add except to say that your manager sounds like a complete arsehole and I hope you get a decent outcome from this. It sounds a lot like a mix of bullying and harassment to me.

As for the person who said; 'If you don't like your job then leave', I beg to differ; people who act like the OPs manager and don't get dealt with make people's lives a misery - waking up and dreading going to work because of the actions of someone you have to work with is absolutely awful and something I have experience of.

Bullying and harassment in the workplace, along with discrimination of any description will ONLY get sorted out if those affected stand up and are willing to state, truthfully, what happened and companies take serious action to avoid it being repeated.

It is not your place, OP, to simply 'find another job'. Your employer has a duty to respond to your experience and ensure you are either fairly compensated for leaving the business or your manager is dismissed if it's proven he acted in a way which contravenes the company policy on such behaviour.

Get in touch with union asap. Reps can be fab. The toilet thing. I'd be petty and email manager saying about his reprimand re toilet break and that due to you being pregnant you will have to take comfort breaks and therefore perhaps someone else should cover the meeting. If he replies face to face send him an email stating what he said to you 'just to clarify'

Do you have one to one catch ups with him? Does he know you have an issue, raising it Would be my first approach then escalation to HR.

I hope you get it sorted, being pregnant during a pandemic isn’t the easiest x

Huge amount of great advice here (and some shite too- if work is affecting your health, mentally or physically, you can take time off. You can talk to union while off!) but one thing that jumps out to me is why go part time just before a second mat leave when that means your mat pay will be based on that. I don't think I'd be pushing the part time thing at the mo as it sounds like using sick leave and a grievance procedure you might be able to stick out full time one way or another.

Apologies if I'm barking up the wrong tree a d I hope you get some positive outcomes from your union as a starting point.

@8dpwoah I'd told him I will be going part time and then found out a few weeks later that I was pregnant! I'd wanted to be part time for a while, and after how I was being treat at work, It confirmed it was the best option. X

@8dpwoah I don't think I'll be able to keep my full time hours anyway now he's brought his friend in... he brought her in for a work building tour when I briefly said, I think part time will be an option. I'd not even officially said I was going to do it at that point.

[quote alixxx1]@RedRocketGirl I think I just worded it really poorly and I only mentioned his sexuality so people can get an idea of the full picture. Both myself and my partner have no issues with him being gay. My partner is uncomfortable because this is being said by my manager in the workplace, he couldn't care if it was coming from a gay man, a straight man, a straight woman, or a gay woman, he's annoyed that it is inappropriate full stop. And my partner isn't the jealous type either so I know that his concerns are because he's concerned that it's wrong.

Thank you for your replies. They're very informative. [/quote]
@alixxx1 - ahh yes I see, totally get where you are coming from. My concern was that by raising / referencing his sexuality it could distract the company from the real issue which is that he's an utter cock who clearly couldn't manage his way out of a paper bag! He clearly has no idea what he's doing.

There is so much happening to you that is so wrong. You don't have to out up with it and you don't have to leave. @8dpwoah is spot on as well re the mat leave, is there anyway that you could reduce your hours after you return (preferably to another department - definitely to a different manager!).

To the posters that say your not sick, you sound like your mentally struggling with it all and that's just as important as physical health. As to what you will be paid on sick, I'm not sure at all sorry. Maybe contact the CAB? If you do get less pay you might be entitled to other things (again I'm not sure) so try looking on entitledto website to work things out in both scenarios.

Do your work know you’re pregnant again ?

It sounds a really shitty place to work :(

@InfoInfoInfo

Don't go off sick because you aren't sick.

Deal with the bullying with HR as previously suggested. It may be hard but face up and sort it.

Except anxiety is a health condition like any other. If you need to, go the GP and get signed off.

You are being bullied and you are not well because of it. I'm glad you've spotted it now before you have a stress breakdown.

I was systematically bullied at work for 10 months and I was off sick for 7. I was so so sick. This picking away at you reduces you to feeling worthless.

I think he wants you out but cannot get you on performance. If you haven't changed your contract to part time then you should stay as full time for sickness but you need ACAS to advise you.

Regardless, go to the doctor for help. I hope this is soon resolved

Having been an employer your biggest issue is with his comment re toilet break in the recent meeting. Rules regarding pregnancy are very strict. You need to go to HR immediately, I would consider his comment a serious breech, and he should be disciplined and educated on how this could seriously impact on the company.
His sexuality is irrelevant with regard to the “work wife “ comments. He may be gay but many people keep their sexuality private in work and other employees may not be aware he is gay. If he was straight it could be seen as sexual harassment. In a perverse way he may actually be doing it intentionally because he feels his sexuality protects him against a claim of sexual harassment. This is an abuse of power and he is hiding behind his sexuality.
He could cost his company a great deal of hassle and money if he continues to behave this way. No doubt if you leave he will target someone else.
Because you haven’t made a complaint he knows he can continue to behave in this way.
I have witnessed various forms of bullying in the work place and bully’s are clever. When no one calls them out their behaviour escalates, most of your co workers will be aware of what’s going on but no one will want to report it because they don’t want to be the next victim. It is also a way of maintaining control of other workers they manage so they do it in plain view.

I can't believe people are saying that the OP isn't sick and should continue going to work battling the stress and anxiety that she doesn't need during pregnancy.

OP speak to a healthcare professional about your situation and the effect it is having on you. They will be able to advise you much better than strangers online who want to stick the boot in on the grounds that mental health isn't proper illness.

OP, of course it’s fine to take absence with work related stress. Given that you’re pregnant I seriously doubt a GP would have any issue signing you off.

But whilst signed off you really need to raise that grievance or nothing will ever change.

Regarding sick pay - it depends on whether your contract has changed. Any written correspondence confirming the change to your hours means it probably has, even if you haven’t had a formal letter or contract, so they may well be able to base sick pay on part time hours from April.

Take some time off, space to breathe, and submit your complaint. It’ll go one of two ways - they’ll agree with you and take appropriate action, or they won’t. Which may result in you having to consider constructive dismissal, or may result in them offering you a settlement to go quietly.

At least raising a grievance will help to set out your legal position in writing and will ultimately strengthen your position.

@RedRocketGirl hahaha!

Erm no i won't be able to unfortunately, now they have recruited for my position, I won't get my hours back, as they don't need me. In fact, they don't actually need me part time seeing as I have been replaced which is annoying as that was never the agreement. I wanted to keep my job, on a job share basis. And they said this was possible but the rules got bent when he wanted his friend to come work for him.

Anyhow, I think being part time will actually help a lot considering how things are. It's a shame to lose the money. This is one of the reasons I raised the question AIBU to expect full time pay, if I go on the sick as a full time employee, in a month when I would have been going part time. It's not about the money though. It's a whole bigger picture and considering I spend so much time at work and around my colleagues, I don't want to be shaking and crying before I get there and crying on the phone on an evening.

Hope that all makes sense. It's all complicated and I am a bit all over the place considering the toilet conversation today!

Ah I see about the part time/maternity timing.

Have they actually confirmed your new hours/days in writing though and done all that properly? If they have then it's one for the union to unpick if you do end up on sick leave after your contract changes.

If you haven't had new contract etc I'd be looking into being belligerent about it and staying full time, but off, while your grievances are dealt with.

My Spidey sense is telling me they will have cocked up with the part time process somewhere down the line which, given the way they're treating you, I would be making the most of. But that's easy for me to say as an observer. But the fact they don't even know about basic reasonable adjustments for pregnancy like toilet breaks then it doesn't inspire much confidence!

If they have made it so that there isn't sufficient work for you even part time and before your mat leave, they are heading for big ACAS-related trouble but if the newcomer will be covering your leave I expect they would argue it is a transition/overlap kind of thing.

Have you got long before going on leave?

@Jubaju work know I am pregnant again, however this has been going on for some time before I was pregnant again. It's just got progressively worse and I actually found out from a customer that one of my colleagues had tried to embarrass me and catch me out for not responding to an enquiry (I was in a meeting at the time so I couldn't). She had asked the customer to call at a specific time and ask for me when I would be in the meeting and unavailable to speak. This said colleague then went to my manager and tried to humiliate me and make it look like I am not doing my job properly. The funny thing is this colleague is close to my manager and never has to do any jobs she doesn't want to do and then I have to do them. So it's evident that my manager and certain 'bitchy' colleagues are working together to make me feel shit. My manager actually told me that certain colleagues have been bitching about me... this obviously upset me and I was in disbelief he actually told me. I just think was he trying to make me feel shit?