37 weeks pregnant - house deal falls through

[physicskate]

I need some serious help. Mostly how to be ok with this shit situation. Sorry it's so long - don't want to dripfeed.

We found out I was pregnant at the end of July and I'm now 37 weeks. It was most unexpected as dd took years and ivf. Our expected little boy is a one hit wonder and could arrive at any time, but my gut says we've got 3-4 weeks.

So as soon as we knew the pregnancy was likely to progress (I've also had a couple of miscarriages), we knew we had to move. Our two bed is tiny and we don't have enough room as is. Toddler + newborn in this house isn't workable. This has been my mindset since last summer. I can't see any solution in our house and I now hate it. Literally hate it.

We accepted an offer on our house towards the end of September. Then went through the usual: got gazumped very quickly on a dream property. Finally had offer accepted on a place we both were happy with at the end of October.

We are in a three house chain, and we're the bottom. Our buyer and the house we're buying (and really us too) have been pushing for dates since January. I had visions that the house would be sorted before baby arrived, as I was about 16 weeks when we offered on the house.

Last week, we were told the top of the chain has charges on the property and that they were expecting to hear something each day. We did some research and found charges are either almost a no-brainier or a massive deal.

Yesterday, I spoke to the people directly above us (middle house) and they've now been told that none of the charges, that have existed for over 10 years, are sorted and that it doesn't look like there's enough equity to pay them. The house has been up for sale a number of times over the years and hasn't been sold (we now suspect these charges are to blame). The creditors are stalling as they either won't let the sale proceed or are going to make the asshole homeowner sweat, the irresponsible shit. Apparently no attempt had been made to sort these charges and they'd been kept hidden until at least mid-Feb.

We've been told we won't hear anything until April/ May and it's looking 50/50 that the whole things going to fall through. This will have been 6 months since the house above is offered on that property and 6/7 months since we offered on the house above. 8 bloody months since we had our offer.

A major draw for all concerned is the stamp duty holiday - saving us nearly £5k...

I've since learned I have absolutely no legal recourse - which is beyond crazy to me that I've spent money, divested funds that could have been making money, and when the deal falls apart, will likely have to pay stamp duty. Oh and if we sell and move to rental, we'd have to pay about £3k in early repayment fees for our mortgage. So if this deal falls apart, it will could us at least £10k in the long run. And yet I can do nothing about suing the pants off these assholes.

Why are verbal contracts binding in areas like employment but not property transactions??

In the meantime, we have absolutely no space for new baby. Nowhere to keep his clothes, a side cot/ Moses basket doesn't fit in our room (I moved into the nursery with dd when she was born until she was about a year). Most of our stuff is in storage and I don't even know the state of the Pram, if we kept steriliser etc... because we've been expecting to move at any time.

My over-riding thought is 'I don't want to be here anymore.' I am in a really dark place. I'm 37 weeks and have started losing plug. Braxton hicks all the time. I can't stop crying. I can't sleep and can't eat. And if someone says first world problems I literally might lose my mind. I know the stage of pregnancy I'm at is exacerbating all of this...

Sorry this is so long. What can I do? I can't see the wood for the trees. How do I cope? Will this likely lead to pnd if I can't get my head straight??

So here I am: fucked. My house is in boxes. I can't nest. I have nowhere to welcome my baby boy to and haven't been able to get things we do need because we just don't have anywhere to put it. But more importantly my head is super messed up because I just don't want to be here + hormones.

You poor thing. Is your partner taking the load of trying to sort this for you?

Firstly speak to the people above you - would they be willing to go into a rental to proceed the sale? - they might - in which case problem sorted.

Otherwise sell yours and move to a rental. Take the pressure off yourselves and in 6months/12months time start again with the search. You might lose some money - but then you will be able to move with no chain so may be able to save some money because you are so proceedable - and as many people will have moved to take advantage of the stamp duty holiday there might be a lack of buyers putting you in a strong position.

Good luck. Your baby arriving safely is the most important thing.

Phew.... thats alot to handle at your time in pregnancy. First thing you need to do is try and calm. Difficult I know. But you need to. Added stress is not going to help. Reorganise your current space. The baby is going to have to fit somehow. Can you use your living room as a bedroom in someway? I think if you can sort that you will calm a bit.

I can't quite make out where the 'bad' house is in the chain. Is the one you are buying? If it is then I would look elsewhere and forget it.

If it is the next one up - where the people you are buying from are going then I would get your solicitor to push at them to complete anyway - perhaps give a deadline at which you will have to pulled out (because if baby...) and if this means they fall to rental well that's up to them but they still get their sale.

Realisitcally this 'bad house is going to take a while to sort so you need to break the chain with it or be prepared to wait a long time - likely beyond the stamp duty holiday, and potentially into house price buoyancy beyond it.

Good luck anyway.

Dh is trying to say we can make our house work at least temporarily. But once I'm on maternity, I don't know that we'd get a new mortgage offer. And we cannot stay here for a year. The house now literally makes my skin crawl. I just don't want to be here is all I can think.

He's said he'll sort out the storage unit and find all the things. He's already tried that (twice) but still couldn't find loads of stuff I know we have from dd (like hats?!), or couldn't find stuff for my hospital bag (tens machine). That's part of he problem is that we've been ready to move for so long that the stuff you use and nice in a blue moon is now totally necessary!!

I've had to buy new shit that I know we already have and will (eventually have access to again). I'm not a wasteful person and it's another thing driving me absolutely insane!!!!!!

We are bottom of chain, then there's the house we want to buy, then top of the chain is 'bad'.

Sounds AWFUL.

If it were me- I’d put moving on hold for now. I’d get help unpacking boxes, and out all unnecessary stuff into storage so you at least have more room.

I’d treat myself to some lovely new baby things and a few decorative things to make the home nicer for you.

Then nest and rest.

I moved with a newborn and it was shit as the house needed so much emergency work, and the focus was all on the house not the baby. At least if you stay put for now, you can focus on your children and your recovery, not dealing with a new house.

Get as much help as you can.
Prioritise sorting hospital bag and baby’s things.

It’s so hard for you. A lot of stress. I agree with PP you need to imagine staying put and ‘re-imagine’ the space you have. Perhaps you can put lots on storage and focus on you/baby and the coming weeks staying where you are. The rest it seems you have little control over other than the people above you selling their home and renting. If they can’t do that then you can’t just yet. Unless then you forfeit the money and look for elsewhere? I think you really need to give where you are a good re-org/re-purposing rooms if necessary and then see this sale through and hopefully it might move

If your sale is due to complete imminently, I’d see if DH can sort a 6 month rental out for you and your family to have some breathing space. Either that or, unpack your boxes, focus on your newborn (you’ll manage, the baby doesn’t care about space and with spring on it’s way you can spend more time out of the house / activities for Dtoddler) and revisit moving in 6 months.

I really feel for you, but you DO have options. This isn’t overwhelming. You will be ok

You need to reevaluate the space you have now - it's no good saying you hate the house if it seems likely you are going to be there longer than planned - you will need to just make it work.

De-clutter, get rid of anything you don't need or use anymore, maybe look into getting more storage options, moving furniture to different locations in the room to possibly free up space, etc.

Obviously I don't know just how small your house is - but it shouldn't be the case that you literally can't fit in the baby unless the house is super tiny! Ours is a two bed house and we have a baby and toddler and have plenty of room!

Oh lovely, this sounds like a lot to deal with. Having a baby and buying a house are stressful enough without doing both at once, so don't be too hard on yourself.

I know you want everything perfect for the newborn but the baby won't know or care that the house is upside down as long as it's loved and looked after that's the main thing.

Are you speaking to your midwife about how you're feeling? Sounds like you need support. Also, you can bubble with someone else with a child under one so do that if you think it'd help.

Is it possible to temporarily rent somewhere to give you more space while you sell your house? Or can you put things in storage that you don't currently need until you move to make more space?

I would get a medium term rental for the sake of your mental health and move assp.
I would put buying on hold until you finish maternity, then start to gather your head together in this regard, things should be in an established routine with baby and start looking afresh.

If this were me I would sell mine anyway and move into rental. Give yourselves time to find something else with no rush or deadline.
We had a similar problem with selling our first house and ended up being stuck there for a further 3 years until we sold again

Honestly, sell the tiny house and start again!

I was in the same position as you when I was 32 weeks pregnant, our purchase transaction collapsed thanks to a dickhead vendor and we had to move in with my PILs for the last 2 months of my pregnancy and first 6 weeks of DS’s life. I’ll be forever grateful to them for putting a roof over our heads but can’t pretend it didn’t have a huge effect on my mental health and how I feel about those first weeks of motherhood. It was fucking awful. No advice really but you have my sympathy and solidarity, I hope you manage to get it sorted.

Take deep breaths and try to relax. My advice (which will be difficult to take but may perhaps be realistic) is to pull out of your house purchase, take your house off the market and accept however reluctantly that you need to stay put until after the baby is born. The baby can sleep in your room until you are in a position to move.
Next go through every room/cupboard/drawer in the house and ruthlessly get rid of everything you do not need right now and are not likely to need in the next few months. Use FB marketplace, freecycle, the local tip etc to get rid of stuff. You can almost always replace cheaply with second hand stuff if you find later you wish you had kept something. This will give you something to do to distract yourself from the situation. Let yourself grieve the lost new home and be as angry as you like but try to accept the situation for what it is. What has happened has happened and you cannot change it, try to focus on living in the moment not dwelling too much on what might have been. I feel for you, the whole business of house selling/buying is hugely stressful, more so when in your position.

OP how stressful I know how you feel - I have been stuck in a house that also makes my skin crawl for about 3 years. It’s a tiny townhouse with no garden and an awful layout and has been an absolute nightmare to have a baby/toddler in. Shit location on a main road with no amenities to walk to and on top of a massive hill. No nearby parks to walk the pram around etc. I spent the year sat in the front room in a heatwave almost demented.

OH was finally persuaded to put it on the market end of 2019 but of course coronavirus hit, and then we had no hope of selling. We finally have an offer now, but I still feel white hot rage at my Oh for putting me through this and not agreeing to sell before covid hit.

Sorry that turned into a big old ramble about me! But I know how oppressive and awful a shit house can make you feel with babies and toddlers in the picture. Are you able to describe the layout of your house a bit more so suggestions can be made as to storage etc?

I appreciate the supportive messages. I know I'm completely over-reacting. I just feel like I was promised and imagined in my head, well, better. Hormones. Just totally overwhelmed.

Our house is cute, don't get me wrong, but it's just a pokey two up two down. Kitchen (not kitchen diner), sitting room (not terrible size). Two bedrooms and bathroom upstairs. Our bedroom completely taken up by bed and two wardrobes. Although the wardrobes are currently almost empty and that's where we're going to have to put baby's clothes and 'stuff' nappies etc...

DD's room is technically a double and I'm sure we could make better use of the space there, but it's just a really awkward shape. Double bed won't fit because it's got a bit of wall sticking out into the room than means a double bed is too long to fit width wise (very hard to explain!!) next door turned the equivalent room into two tiny rooms - it's quite long but awkward!!

Oh and the issue of help! That was some of the point of the move as there is space for in laws or my mum to spend the night! Neither live close enough to spend any real time here without an overnight stay... so was planning on my mum coming and staying for about a month when dh goes back to work. Nope. Can't do that now!

I just don't see how this 'system' of buying a house is workable!!!? How can I change it?? Write letters to mps? Take it to tribunals? Why does seemingly everyone acknowledge how shit it is but not try and change anything!!!!!!!!

Apologies if I missed it, are you in England?

If so, you have absolutely no recourse whatsoever until exchange. People are free to change their mind until the very last second, and you lose all the funds already spent on the process.

It's a nightmare system. You really should have been made aware there's always a risk of a chain collapsing until the exchange is done.

I would get rid of one of the wardrobes and put the newborn in there for now when he arrives. They don't an entire wardrobe full of clothes. On the plus side, the weather will improve so you will be outside more.

Apart from looking for another property, there's not much else you can do unfortunately.

A very similar thing happened to me a couple of years ago op. It was absolutely awful and down to our horrible horrible buyers pursuing two properties simultaneously and trying to play them off against each other at crunch time. Absolutely disgusting process and I can’t believe it’s legal. I still dream about the property we lost out on although I can see now that where we’ve ended up is more practical if not less beautiful.

My advice would be to do everything you can to make the move happen; sit down with your DH and be really clear on how much spare cash you can sink into saving the chain, and don’t go any further than that, but accept you may have to write off some money to make this happen.
If it still all falls through - have a really good hunt for the stuff you want and again, if it can’t be found, ring fence some cash to buy nice new stuff for the baby. Investigate local hotels and air bnb to see if family can stay there while they help?

I really feel for you and hope you get through it all ok!

Got a few ideas.

1. Are either of you anticipating going to any events etc in the next few months? If not, buy a load of plastic boxes and pack up yours, DP’s and daughters clothes that won’t be worn anytime soon. Just keep a capsule wardrobe for the spring and ask if you can store everything else in relative’s garage.
2. You can buy extra slim cots, would this be an option?
3. You could put a double bed in your daughter’s room and she could share it with your DP, you could then sleep in a single bed in your room with cot along side
4. You can buy changing stations which fold down from the wall. I’m pretty sure you can buy them from Wayfair.
5. You can buy over-door baby storage like this

www.amazon.co.uk/Vesta-Baby-Hanging-Organizer-Hooks/dp/B07W7XCKL4/ref=asc_df_B07W7XCKL4/?hvlocphy=9045622&hvlocphy=9045622&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&hvptwo&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvnetw=g&hvadid=410783859005&hvadid=410783859005&hvpone&hvpone&hvlocint&hvlocint&ref&hvpos&hvpos&hvdev=m&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-863966079301&hvtargid=pla-863966079301&hvrand=5395209038011826544&hvrand=5395209038011826544&adgrpid=94286489491 You could buy a few for the bedroom and bathroom doors.

Yep the moving system here is absolute shit

You poor thing, that all sounds fucking awful!

If it were me, and everything was ready to move, I'd first make sure your bag is sorted in case the new baby arrives unexpectedly. Then, see if the people you're planning to buy from will still sell - maybe they have to move into rented accommodation or something while they wait for their new house to become available, but they might be willing to do that. Give them a short deadline, after which you may have to pull out because of the baby.

If they're not interested in selling until their new house is sorted out, I'd look and see if you can find something you could rent for 6 months-a year that would be more suitable for you and the new baby than where you currently are, and still sell your current house. There's nothing wrong with living in a rental house for a while, especially in these circumstances, and if it's only for a while it might make it easier to choose somewhere quickly. You can then decide whether to carry on with your chain or look for something new to buy with a bit less pressure!

If none of those options work out or appeal, you'll be able to make your current house work for as long as you need it to. Babies can take up very little room, and you'll be able to fit their stuff in, even if it's all not in the most convenient places. It will all be ok, even if it feels horrendously stressful at the moment.

I hope everything goes smoothly for you, especially with the birth, and that your sellers get their act together quickly so you can have a lovely new house!

This all sounds incredibly stressful for you. However this is just how it is with our house buying system. Expecting to be moved in 6 months is very optimistic.

You say you cant manage with a the new baby in this house but with a bit of organisation and unpacking the baby's stuff I'm sure you can make it comfortable.

It's not ideal or what you wanted but I'm afraid you'll just have to make the best of it.

I would pull out of your purchase and rent - you could then be in within 2-3 weeks. Remember prices might go down so even taking into account stamp duty you are better off in a year. A large bedroom plus smaller room is fine for a year

In the meantime tell the people you are buying from your intentions and reasons, they may decide they would prefer to sell to you and rent themselves. In this case problem is solved

Can the people you're buying from go into rented? If I was them it's what I'd do whilst I found another house because unless the house is very easy to sell I wouldn't want to start that process again.