37 weeks pregnant - house deal falls through

[physicskate]

I need some serious help. Mostly how to be ok with this shit situation. Sorry it's so long - don't want to dripfeed.

We found out I was pregnant at the end of July and I'm now 37 weeks. It was most unexpected as dd took years and ivf. Our expected little boy is a one hit wonder and could arrive at any time, but my gut says we've got 3-4 weeks.

So as soon as we knew the pregnancy was likely to progress (I've also had a couple of miscarriages), we knew we had to move. Our two bed is tiny and we don't have enough room as is. Toddler + newborn in this house isn't workable. This has been my mindset since last summer. I can't see any solution in our house and I now hate it. Literally hate it.

We accepted an offer on our house towards the end of September. Then went through the usual: got gazumped very quickly on a dream property. Finally had offer accepted on a place we both were happy with at the end of October.

We are in a three house chain, and we're the bottom. Our buyer and the house we're buying (and really us too) have been pushing for dates since January. I had visions that the house would be sorted before baby arrived, as I was about 16 weeks when we offered on the house.

Last week, we were told the top of the chain has charges on the property and that they were expecting to hear something each day. We did some research and found charges are either almost a no-brainier or a massive deal.

Yesterday, I spoke to the people directly above us (middle house) and they've now been told that none of the charges, that have existed for over 10 years, are sorted and that it doesn't look like there's enough equity to pay them. The house has been up for sale a number of times over the years and hasn't been sold (we now suspect these charges are to blame). The creditors are stalling as they either won't let the sale proceed or are going to make the asshole homeowner sweat, the irresponsible shit. Apparently no attempt had been made to sort these charges and they'd been kept hidden until at least mid-Feb.

We've been told we won't hear anything until April/ May and it's looking 50/50 that the whole things going to fall through. This will have been 6 months since the house above is offered on that property and 6/7 months since we offered on the house above. 8 bloody months since we had our offer.

A major draw for all concerned is the stamp duty holiday - saving us nearly £5k...

I've since learned I have absolutely no legal recourse - which is beyond crazy to me that I've spent money, divested funds that could have been making money, and when the deal falls apart, will likely have to pay stamp duty. Oh and if we sell and move to rental, we'd have to pay about £3k in early repayment fees for our mortgage. So if this deal falls apart, it will could us at least £10k in the long run. And yet I can do nothing about suing the pants off these assholes.

Why are verbal contracts binding in areas like employment but not property transactions??

In the meantime, we have absolutely no space for new baby. Nowhere to keep his clothes, a side cot/ Moses basket doesn't fit in our room (I moved into the nursery with dd when she was born until she was about a year). Most of our stuff is in storage and I don't even know the state of the Pram, if we kept steriliser etc... because we've been expecting to move at any time.

My over-riding thought is 'I don't want to be here anymore.' I am in a really dark place. I'm 37 weeks and have started losing plug. Braxton hicks all the time. I can't stop crying. I can't sleep and can't eat. And if someone says first world problems I literally might lose my mind. I know the stage of pregnancy I'm at is exacerbating all of this...

Sorry this is so long. What can I do? I can't see the wood for the trees. How do I cope? Will this likely lead to pnd if I can't get my head straight??

So here I am: fucked. My house is in boxes. I can't nest. I have nowhere to welcome my baby boy to and haven't been able to get things we do need because we just don't have anywhere to put it. But more importantly my head is super messed up because I just don't want to be here + hormones.

You need to evaluate your current space and make the best of a bad situation. It's not ideal, but it's far from awful as well - you have a roof over your head. We were in the process of buying a house when I was expecting DD. For the first 6 months we were living in my tiny 1 bedroom flat. Not ideal, but we made the best out of it.

I'd be tempted to go and move in with your Mum if she has room!

There are pros and cons to moving into rented and staying put.

It sounds like even if you couldn't afford a 3 bed you would benefit from a different 2 bed.

So sorry to hear how you are feeling. We were kind of in a similar situation to your vendors.

We accepted an offer on our house and had an offer accepted on another house days before the country went in to the first lockdown. Everything ground to a halt, but then our vendors started messing us about saying the house wasn't for sale then it was etc etc. They eventually withdrew it from sale.

Our buyers were further on in the process than we were prior to lockdown and were expecting a baby. Our solicitor was bombarded nearly every day, asking us to break the chain etc. We considered going in to rental, but like you, the costs felt to high. Our buyers baby was born and we started getting messages about how they couldn't go on like this. Totally understood their frustrations but we were under incredible stress too.

In the end we bought a house that we liked but wasn't what we really wanted. We thought we could make it work but 6 months down the line we have made the decision to cut our losses and sell. Massive mistake but at the time we felt we had no option if we wanted to sell our original house.

Poor you this sounds like an incredibly stressful situation to be in. I haven’t got any advice that hasn’t been offered, but just wanted to let you know I have had no problems getting a mortgage in principle while on maternity leave, so if you are not able to complete before baby and have to start again in the near future that shouldn’t be an issue.

Would also second what people have suggested about trying to find local accommodation for your mum if you are still in your current place. We also didn’t have space for my mum to stay when baby was born, but I actually think it was nicer all round to have her staying very nearby for several weeks.

@physicskate this sounds so stressful. You can get a mortgage while on maternity you just need proof from your employer what your wage would be when you return to work. I’ve done this personally myself.

I really sympathise OP, such a stressful and shit situation. I find myself with similar problems - heavily pregnant and purchase has just fallen through (we were supposed to exchange this week and be in just before baby arrives). We're losing thousands in survey and legal fees - about 7k overall. I hate the property we're in. It's just not home and I resent it. Last pregnancy I went crazy nesting. I haven't this time. I feel sad not to have a nice nursery or set up for the baby or our toddler. Its small things yes but they seem big right now. You just want everything to be perfect and sorted when you have a baby. No helpful suggestions sorry. You have my sympathies. Buying a house is a hideous process.

@Ldnmum7 that's exactly it! I am trying to get a bit of perspective. It's all so fresh and raw right now, which obviously makes the shock harder to take. I know that 'this too shall pass' and that a lot of it's hormones.

How are you coping/ making ready?? Was basically everything boxed up and ready to move?? Having crap everywhere piled high in boxes is driving me nuts. I just want to be settled. When there was an end in sight, I could cope with it... but this? Ugh it disgusts me!

I think because there's so much out of my control (labour, delivery etc...) that having this one more thing out of my control has just been a step too far over the last 24 hours.

I'm currently going absolutely mad on amazon. Screw it. And eating my feelings (at least I'm eating, right?).

Sorry if I missed this but what is happening with your own house sale? You said you were at the bottom of the chain but is no-one buying your property?

Yes - he's been waiting patiently since end of september. We can tell that he's (rightfully) getting rather impatient.

In your situation I’d pull out. There’s a reason why the house sale keeps falling through. It’s sad but right now you have a house and enough room. Some people manage in a one bed flat. This could potentially last months and you will lose even more money. Pull out and then when the baby’s older look again.

OK, you're not actually the bottom of the chain, your buyer is. So quite possibly even if you wait to see if the people further up can solve the issue of the charges he may withdraw anyway, leaving you in the same position. I think you have no choice but to give the people at the top of the chain a deadline of just a couple of days to decide whether they are going to sort these charges by payment or not and then pull out and reconcile yourself to being in your current home for longer. Meantime, is there anything else on the market which you can look at? You may lose out on a potential stamp duty saving but right now it's a theoretical saving anyway as your purchase is not progressing!

I just wanted to say (and hopefully things work out with this house move) that our house sale fell through when I was 36 weeks pregnant in 2018. I was beside myself, it was truly one of the shittiest times BUT we stayed put, had baby number 2 and a lovely maternity leave, saved up more money and moved a year later to a FAR better house than the one we were originally were going to buy. I'd have never thought it at the time as I was so bloody stressed but it really did all work out for the best in the end. There is light at the end of the tunnel

Update: apparently everything is sorted and the charges are no longer an issue. The people above us in the chain are pushing for exchange and completion on April 1 - the day after my due date!!

Dd was born at 40+5, after 3 and a half days of labour. My family has a very long history of going overdue. Plus I think I'm actually due more like April 4.

It would be fine if I knew baby wasn't going to be here yet. My pgp is bad again and I can barely walk. But I don't know that he won't have arrived yet!! I had a pretty tough recovery last time. Don't want to move when the baby is a couple days old...

Ahhh I don't know what to do!!

Move, you hate the house you're in and will regret it if you don't. But pay for full packing service, they're amazing! Take baby, changing bag and camping chair to new house, let DH deal with movers and DD at old house. My packers were so good I was unpacked at new house bar a handful of boxes on same day, pay them extra to put beds together, you've saved all the money you thought you had lost, spend some to make your move easy. Good luck!

Move. It sounds as though that is the only option. Line up help - your parents can stay in a Travelogue if necessary- and you'll be fine.

Good luck!

I would probably chance it and hope I wasn't in labour on moving day. Why April first and not any earlier? As the one with the most unmoveable deadline here, I think you should be pushing for whichever completion date suits you and everyone else should fall in line with that.

100% chance it. Worst case you will have a crappy few days but it's worth it in the long run.

This is so much worse as you had a tough road to having children and now reserve to enjoy them. Just think in a few months you will have your little one, be in a nice new house and this will be a memory.

House buying in England is awful. We have complete plebs buying our last house and the process was dreadful. The people we bought off were messed about do much because of our buyers. We thought it had fallen through multiple times. We were a week from moving, our vendors had vacated the house and were divorcing and buying separately to our chain. Our buyers then set about a series of pointless additional surveys and refused to commit to a date The house we were buying stood empty for nearly 3 months because our buyers messed about so much. I hated them by the end of it and wished we had pulled out of the sale.

Ask the people above if they are prepared to go into a rental and pay extra if you can afford it to cover some of their costs.
Or ask the people below if they would pay a bit extra to cover the costs of you going into a rental with more space.
The system is the UK is shit and I have no idea why its not sorted. In my home country we pay a consideration of an amount similar to £1 and the deal is legally binding and the buyer will lose their deposit if they pull out (subject to finance and the house being sound) and the buyer can sue the owner if the deal falls over for no good reason.

Go ahead with the move. Draft grandparents in. You can book yourself into hotel after birth. Let sh and grandparents sort ir

Definitely move. Do you have any family in the area? If so, could one of them get a spare room ready so you have somewhere peaceful to take the baby, if only for a few nights, should you move and go into Labour within the same couple of days?