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Original poster

Child's mother really overstepping the mark

65 replies

angryrobloxmum · 09/03/2021 16:38

Sorry this is long.

Have name changed for this as could be quite outing. It’s more of a what would you do rather than ambu.

My dd is 9 and like a lot of 9 year old girls has been playing Roblox over lockdown and staying in touch with her class friends this way too. Now 9 year old girls can all be pretty horrible to each other, it goes with the territory. They fall out and makeup again multiple times a day sometimes. There is one girl in my dd’s class that has form for bullying. I’ve previously had to get the school involved as this girl was telling all the other kids they had to run away from her (small village school) and wouldn’t let her play with anyone.

Now this girl is incredibly spoilt, child model, own instigram page type. Very precious with a typical tiger mum. Her child has to be the most popular, best at everything, win every sports day etc.

My dd has been in group chats with friends on Roblox where this girl has also been present. There has been a certain amount of friction between them, but with lots of other friends present not so much a problem.

Anyway I was preparing dinner in the kitchen and shouted through to ask dd what she was doing. She shouts back that she’s talking to Janes mum (not real name). I’m like wtf and quickly go and see what’s happening, but just get the tail end of the conversation and the mother is saying that any silliness stops now etc. Some of dd’s schools friends point out to the mother (who’s logged on her own account) that Jane is guilty of bullying my dd to which the mother replies that bullying is a strong word and that this isn’t school. Anyway it goes and the mother leaves. My daughter and friends were left scared and upset.

I can’t understand why the mother felt the need to tell children off over social media rather than go to the parents.

I’m quite a quiet person and hate confrontation, but I’m so angry about this and just don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
FoxyTheFox · 09/03/2021 16:42

Block the mothers account so she can't message your DD over Roblox, I'd also block Jane too if she can't play nicely but that's up to you.

MrsWooster · 09/03/2021 16:42

Hmm. I’ve been on a similar chat now and again as the kids need to see there’s grown ups present... it depends what else was said, really-if it WAS just her telling the kids to collectively wind it down then I’d be ok with it, but if she is telling your dd off then I’d expect her to involve you - just as I’d expect you to involve her when if you tell her dd to stop bullying yours!

bluebluezoo · 09/03/2021 16:42

Now 9 year old girls can all be pretty horrible to each other, it goes with the territory

No, it doesn’t Hmm

Tell your child to stop engaging with the drama, and find genuine friendships where they are actually nice to each other, enjoy spending time with each other.

If this kid is horrible to her, she’s not a friend.

Don’t teach your kid that this is normal in friendships. It’s not.

nimbuscloud · 09/03/2021 16:43

I think I’d start with deciding that a 9 year old is too young to be dealing with online friendships.
Then I would pick up the phone and speak to Jane’s mother.

ChonkyChook · 09/03/2021 16:45

If you don't closely monitor what your child is doing on social media they'll end up talking to people you'd rather they didn't.

Teach your DD to come to you immediately if she's being targeted online, but other children or adults.

AIMD · 09/03/2021 16:46

I think the issue here ( and I’m really not trying to sound patronising) is lot of 9 years old unsupervised on an app where they can communicate with others.

I can see why the mother might have stepped in if she could over hear children being unkind to each other, as that is what you’d do if they were in a park or similar space, however it is unreasonable she doesn’t seem to address her daughter behaviour.

I’m not sure what the etiquette is with online gaming and parents joining. Seems weird for an adult to join in the conversation happening but then just being the children was obviously not working either.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 09/03/2021 16:50

The mother was clearly closely supervising the chat. I don't think she was overstepping at all, sounds like she was being responsible.

MessagesKeepGettingClearer · 09/03/2021 16:56

@bluebluezoo

Now 9 year old girls can all be pretty horrible to each other, it goes with the territory

No, it doesn’t Hmm

Tell your child to stop engaging with the drama, and find genuine friendships where they are actually nice to each other, enjoy spending time with each other.

If this kid is horrible to her, she’s not a friend.

Don’t teach your kid that this is normal in friendships. It’s not.

This.

And involve the school if needed. Bullying shouldn't be accepted. The problem is clearly with one child and her mother rather than a universal trait in every 9 yr old.

AnotherSoddingWalk · 09/03/2021 17:10

9 year olds should not be left unsupervised on online chat, especially on something like Roblox that has a reputation for being a hotbed for grooming.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 09/03/2021 17:10

WTF? She’s 9. I think you’re nuts to allow her free range to chat online.

Perhaps the other mother was supervising where you clearly don’t!

Bibidy · 09/03/2021 17:11

@MrsWooster

Hmm. I’ve been on a similar chat now and again as the kids need to see there’s grown ups present... it depends what else was said, really-if it WAS just her telling the kids to collectively wind it down then I’d be ok with it, but if she is telling your dd off then I’d expect her to involve you - just as I’d expect you to involve her when if you tell her dd to stop bullying yours!
I agree with this tbh.

It depends what was specifically said, but if Jane has shown her mum the chat where mean things have been said about her (or something similar) I can't see why her mum is in the wrong for stepping in, even if it is via social media.

Although I would expect some kind of follow-up text to you to let you know what had happened and what she had said.

Jumpers268 · 09/03/2021 17:17

My almost 6 year old plays Roblox on his iPad. I have it on my phone (linked to his account) so I can monitor any chats etc (he's pretty clued up though and has to ask me before he plays a new game). A friend from school invited him to join a game that I think, personally, should be banned and I replied saying "* (his name) is not allowed to play this game. Please don't invite him". I didn't feel the need to speak to their parent, as it's up to them to monitor their child's online activity.

In your situation, it would hugely depend on the context. What had they been saying to each other or to the mother's daughter? Was she specifically speaking to your daughter, and if so what had your daughter said previously?

Alwaysandforeverhere · 09/03/2021 17:19

Yabu purely for not knowing what an earth was going on. You left a 9 year old child alone chatting on the internet.

Imapotato · 09/03/2021 17:24

I’m one for not getting involved in children squabbles unless it get serious. That woman had no right to intimidate children online. If she had an issue with what was being said she should have contacted you or the other parents.

When dd2 was your dds age she had an incredibly intense friend with an incredibly intense, overbearing, strict yet neglectful mother. This woman had actually phoned my 9 year old dd and was saying things like “Jenny (not her real name) is having nightmares that you’re not going to be her best friend Anymore. You are always going to be her best friend aren’t you? She needs you to be her best friend” I walked in and made dd2 hang up. This is only one of the strange and concerning things this woman did. I’m glad they’re now at different secondaries and no longer in contact. But she was forever messaging me and their other friends mum causing issues!! I’d just always stick to being really neutral and none of the things were ever serious in my opinion.

So basically some parents are a nightmare. If she does it again take over the chat and just tell the woman if she has an issue speak to you first and not your dd.

BraveGoldie · 09/03/2021 17:36

Based on the words you heard from her, I don't see what the parent did wrong- she didn't single anybody out and basically tried to 'turn down the heat' a bit. Quite right to be monitoring them, just as you wouldn't leave a pack of nine year olds unsupervised to play in real life.

Imapotato · 09/03/2021 17:40

Quite right to be monitoring them, just as you wouldn't leave a pack of nine year olds unsupervised to play in real life.

Wouldn’t you? My dds went out to play when they were that age and I certainly didn’t follow them around to supervise them at all times. Kids need to learn how to sort out minor issues for themselves without parents constantly jumping in and making the situation more of a big deal than it needs to be. It’s good for them.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 09/03/2021 17:44

I think a bit of supervision is no bad thing where social media is concerned. It gets toxic and fast.

Stovetopespresso · 09/03/2021 17:45

I had something similar happen years ago, another parent jumping in to a situation rang me and said all sorts of awful angry things because she as she later admitted she was tired and stessed.

I wouldnt talk to the mum who is probably blind to the situation and could be volatile, i would ask the school, who are experienced professionals, to see what they advise you.

lljkk · 09/03/2021 17:48

upshot is no one will want to play with Jane any more, so way to go Jane's mum.

ExhaustedGrinch · 09/03/2021 17:51

I stepped in similarly the other day with my 10yr old and his friends on Minecraft. Although the things being said were sexual and disgusting, I simply said "Hi Grinch here, just so you know I am listening in to what's being said and I do know all your parents. Any more and I'll be contacting parents and letting them know what's being said" I did end up blocking the one who continued to use disgusting, vile sexual remarks though. I should have done so right away but gave him a chance because his home life is absolute shambolic and didn't want him losing yet another friend.

StepOutOfLine · 09/03/2021 17:55

I wonder what possessed the mother of the girl that YOU have called every name under the sun to call out your daughter and her friends.
Rather looks like the boot might be on the other foot doesn't it.

Ponoka7 · 09/03/2021 17:55

You need to get to the bottom of what happened before Jane's mum got involved. Are the girls now ganging up on Jane because of what went on?

Whiskeyontherocks · 09/03/2021 18:01

If there is a bullying issue you need to address that through the school. You can play on Roblox without using the chat function. 9 is far to young to be using Chat rooms without supervision

Emeraldshamrock · 09/03/2021 18:02

The DM couldn't have said this over roblox they're on discord too? Roblox is chat secure.
There is a group chat log for discord if it is how they're communicating they'll have typed evidence of issues.
Can you see the chat logs to get an idea.
It isn't usual for them to be fighting so much it isn't healthy.
Before you go to their DM I'd check facts.
DM should have come to you first, I agree.
It can surprise us what our own say and do online.

Emeraldshamrock · 09/03/2021 18:03

I've been there check the log.

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