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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get son’s hair cut

79 replies

fedupslummymummy · 08/03/2021 11:11

I have an autistic DS who is 17. He has a huge sensory issue with hair and not being able to get his hair cut is distressing him immensely, so much that he’s starting to pull his hair out in clumps. He is now hugely self-conscious and wears a hat full time. He’s also very anxious about going back to college this week as he knows people will comment.
For background info he won’t let me anywhere near his hair...I clippered it for him during lockdown 1 and he was traumatised both by my inept barbering skills and the feel of my ancient clippers on his head.
A good friend is a hairdresser. Hearing his plight she has offered to come round and try and salvage his hair. I appreciate it’s at huge personal cost and I’m immensely grateful.
I mentioned it to my parents...DM is aghast as “it’s against the law and he needs to learn to wait”. DF is a bit more pragmatic and says I need to take a common sense approach and do what I think best. So WWYD??

OP posts:
pintoffginplz · 08/03/2021 13:55

Do it! Bless him ❤️ it will help him so much. My boy has autism and sensory issues with his hair/head so I completely understand.

Mellonsprite · 08/03/2021 13:55

@dogsaremypeople

Well it is illegal for a start!
FFS, her son is pulling his hair out in clumps due to distress. What did they say about Dom Cummings, a reasonable excuse of similar? This is a far more reasonable cause,
Original poster
fedupslummymummy · 08/03/2021 13:57

@dogsaremypeople

I don't care what you do, my question was if you're going to pay her fine if you get caught?
As you wanted a very specific answer to this question, if it stopped DS from pulling all the hair out his head in pain then yes. Yes I would.
OP posts:
dementedpixie · 08/03/2021 13:58

@dogsaremypeople

I don't care what you do, my question was if you're going to pay her fine if you get caught?
There won't be a fine so it's a pointless question
Nooch · 08/03/2021 14:30

I would do it OP.

Until people are in your shoes, they have absolutely no idea what it’s like to parent a child with complex needs. If he is so distressed by it he is causing harm to himself and there is a solution to it of course you have to take it. You can mitigate the risk by your friend wearing PPE and doing it outside as you say.

It is unlikely you would get fined anyway. People are only usually fined for repeat offences to my knowledge so that’s a moot point.

Original poster
fedupslummymummy · 08/03/2021 18:31

I now have a very happy young man!!! He has lovely short, neat hair. He says a weight has been lifted in more ways than one! Thank you people of Mumsnet Smile

OP posts:
PussyCatEatingEasterEggs · 08/03/2021 18:33

Well done OP.
You have done the right thing.

Frazzled2207 · 08/03/2021 18:35

Fab outcome. Totally the right thing.

Knittedfairies · 08/03/2021 18:49

Fantastic! (If she's fined because some busybody reported her, I'll make a contribution.)

LadyCatStark · 08/03/2021 18:56

@dogsaremypeople

I don't care what you do, my question was if you're going to pay her fine if you get caught?
Oh wind you neck in. No one in their right mind would issue a fine to someone for trying to help a disabled person in distress. Well done to your friend OP for helping out!
Kitdeluca1 · 08/03/2021 18:57

Absolutely do it, his additional needs are causing him to physically harm himself it’s bothering him that much the poor lad. As long as your as safe as possible then why not, the footballers are on tv every week with fresh trims. Fuck it, get your boys hair cut!

Rainallnight · 08/03/2021 18:59

I’m normally a Covid rules stickler but I say get her round. It’s a health/mental health/welfare issue if the poor thing is pulling out his own hair.

I hope your DS feels better soon.

clarepetal · 08/03/2021 18:59

Do it! And don't give a shit about what people think. It's hard enough at the moment. Flowers

LolaSmiles · 08/03/2021 18:59

That's a good resolution OP. I'm glad your son is less distressed now.

rwalker · 08/03/2021 19:01

I can't see how it's any different than some one having a career in

crack on get it done

AnotherEmma · 08/03/2021 19:02

@fedupslummymummy

I now have a very happy young man!!! He has lovely short, neat hair. He says a weight has been lifted in more ways than one! Thank you people of Mumsnet Smile
Yay! Smile
StoneofDestiny · 08/03/2021 19:14

👏👏👏Common sense decision OP

Etinox · 08/03/2021 19:17

Brilliant! 👊🏽

FireflyRainbow · 08/03/2021 20:04

Get it cut op. Most of my friends and family have still been getting haircuts by hairdressers that go to their home or vis versa. I know it's not allowed and I haven't had mine done before people comment. I am debating it now though 😂

FireflyRainbow · 08/03/2021 20:04

Oh just see you have! Glad your son is happier now.

Greenmarmalade · 08/03/2021 20:05

I’m so pleased for him and you Smile

Notaroadrunner · 08/03/2021 20:10

@fedupslummymummy

Thank you all for your supportive comments. She’s coming round today. DS is over the moon.
Hope she did a great job and that he gets on well back at college. It's hard enough trying to settle back without him fretting about his hair, and you fretting about him.
Modestandatinybitsexy · 08/03/2021 20:24

Very please that you DS is happy. Well done 👏🏻

Petitmum · 08/03/2021 20:57

Great news op - a victory for common sense!!! I despair at the number of people on here who have said you are breaking the law.

I have a DS with severe autism, it's not easy dealing with sensory issues.

Original poster
fedupslummymummy · 08/03/2021 21:12

@Petitmum

Great news op - a victory for common sense!!! I despair at the number of people on here who have said you are breaking the law.

I have a DS with severe autism, it's not easy dealing with sensory issues.

Thank you!!! It’s difficult when one of the people shouting about you “breaking the law” is within your own family. I can’t believe she’d rather see her own grandson tear out his own hair than seek a common sense solution. But as a lot of PP have said, you need to be living and experiencing life through the eyes of a person with disabilities before you can appreciate how difficult it is. Hugs to you Flowers
OP posts:
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