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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get son’s hair cut

79 replies

fedupslummymummy · 08/03/2021 11:11

I have an autistic DS who is 17. He has a huge sensory issue with hair and not being able to get his hair cut is distressing him immensely, so much that he’s starting to pull his hair out in clumps. He is now hugely self-conscious and wears a hat full time. He’s also very anxious about going back to college this week as he knows people will comment.
For background info he won’t let me anywhere near his hair...I clippered it for him during lockdown 1 and he was traumatised both by my inept barbering skills and the feel of my ancient clippers on his head.
A good friend is a hairdresser. Hearing his plight she has offered to come round and try and salvage his hair. I appreciate it’s at huge personal cost and I’m immensely grateful.
I mentioned it to my parents...DM is aghast as “it’s against the law and he needs to learn to wait”. DF is a bit more pragmatic and says I need to take a common sense approach and do what I think best. So WWYD??

OP posts:
Joeblack066 · 08/03/2021 11:47

Get it cut. He needs it. It’s a sensory issue not a vanity one. Stuff what anyone thinks.

Original poster
fedupslummymummy · 08/03/2021 11:55

@Cloudyrainsham

Oh I really feel for you. My autistic son is the same. We just do it with the clippers but he likes that.

You definitely should let the hairdresser cut it. Your poor boy, I can’t imagine how he’s feeling. Unless you actually live with this it’s hard to imagine how distressing it is for the person. Xx

I sit and watch him grab and pull at his hair, he’s in such discomfort!!! I’m glad you have a solution for your boy xx
OP posts:
purplebagladylovesgin · 08/03/2021 11:56

@MuddleMoo this absolutely.

This falls under care and support of a vulnerable person.

Original poster
fedupslummymummy · 08/03/2021 12:00

[quote purplebagladylovesgin]@MuddleMoo this absolutely.

This falls under care and support of a vulnerable person. [/quote]
Thank you all!!! Am far more confident in going ahead now. I’ve gone from “this is breaking the law” to “this is a welfare issue for my son that needs sorting”. Flowers

OP posts:
SpiderinaWingMirror · 08/03/2021 12:24

Do it. I would in those circs without batting an eyelid.

dogsaremypeople · 08/03/2021 12:28

Are you willing to pay her fine as well as your own seeing as you're telling people that you're getting her to do it, surely someone is going to report you.

Original poster
fedupslummymummy · 08/03/2021 12:35

I’ve told my parents and an anonymous forum on the internet...unless they report me I think I’m ok. I live in the middle of nowhere.

OP posts:
HaveeeeYouMetTed · 08/03/2021 13:19

I smiled reading your update that he's getting it cut today. He'll be so much more comfortable. Happy haircut day to your son! Smile

Starlightstarbright1 · 08/03/2021 13:24

My ds has sensory issues. If i had the option it i would take it. My ds told me exactly how many days till his hair cut

AnotherEmma · 08/03/2021 13:27

It's a shame you told your parents as YANBU at all. Hope your son feels better after he's had his haircut.

The state of my hair depresses me a lot, and I'm a neurotypical adult with very few places to go. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for an older teen due to go back to college, especially if they have autism Flowers

Skala123 · 08/03/2021 13:27

@dogsaremypeople

Are you willing to pay her fine as well as your own seeing as you're telling people that you're getting her to do it, surely someone is going to report you.
Get a grip. Firstly it's not illegal and secondly if it was illegal not everyone is into reporting their neighbours. Her son is so distressed he is pulling his hair out and you're being snipey about fines? Get some perspective.
dogsaremypeople · 08/03/2021 13:38

Well it is illegal for a start!

hellywelly3 · 08/03/2021 13:42

I’m all for everyone following the rules to the letter as I have. But this comes under providing care to someone with a disability. Get your friend round x

Original poster
fedupslummymummy · 08/03/2021 13:44

You have the same perspective as my DM. I’d be interested to know what you would do if you were in my position and how you would deal with my DS?

OP posts:
Original poster
fedupslummymummy · 08/03/2021 13:45

Sorry I meant to quote dogsaremypeople

OP posts:
CannotOperateOnThisFailure · 08/03/2021 13:45

We got some USB charging clippers last March - I tried to use my old clippers with a lead recently and couldn't believe how blunt, heavy, slow and unweldy the old ones were in comparison.

If your friend can do it quickly and safely - surely that's better than him ripping his own hair out?

Original poster
fedupslummymummy · 08/03/2021 13:46

@Starlightstarbright1

My ds has sensory issues. If i had the option it i would take it. My ds told me exactly how many days till his hair cut
I feel your pain Flowers
OP posts:
Whoopsies · 08/03/2021 13:47

I'm not a rule breaker at all and I would say absolutely do it.

PickAChew · 08/03/2021 13:47

I would, in your situation.

I'm lucky that my autistic 17yo has learned to live with his hair as he's not felt able to visit the barber for a year. I help him to brush some gel through it, after washing, to keep it off his face as much as possible and he's resisted the urge to hack it off, himself (which he has done before) .

If he couldn't cope with it to the point of self harm, I absolutely would allow someone into the house to cut it for him.

idontlikealdi · 08/03/2021 13:48

I wouldn't even question it.

WhyArePiratesCalledPirates · 08/03/2021 13:48

Get it cut.

JustDanceAddict · 08/03/2021 13:50

In garden with a mask, yes.

Babygotblueyes · 08/03/2021 13:51

From the title I was all set up to say yes, it was unreasonable, then I read the post. Sounds like it is truly mental health related care, and not unreasonable at all.

PickAChew · 08/03/2021 13:52

@dogsaremypeople

Well it is illegal for a start!
The young man has a disability and is in distress and self harming. Attending to a welfare issue like this is not illegal and never has been.
dogsaremypeople · 08/03/2021 13:53

I don't care what you do, my question was if you're going to pay her fine if you get caught?