To think menopausal rage is mostly ok

[LowJinks]

Ok so I think I'm probably peri-menopausal at age 44. I've had other minor changes I think are hormone related but the main one is absolute red hot rage. So far I think I've actually used this to my benefit as in said things which really needed to be said and no longer been willing to put up with bad behaviour or comments by others. I don't know why I didn't do this earlier maybe I just wasn't angry enough. However this morning I've just beaten the shit out of a Henry hoover head. Carpet brush attachment was broken but wouldn't come off the pipe to put on another. Said pipe is now bent having been bashed on the wall and hit with a hammer. I axed off the plastic head too. The ring of plastic is still on the pipe. I've thrown all the broken bits in the garden with axe and hammer. Husband gave me a funny look and asked if I've stopped raging yet. Will it get worse? Is it always a bad thing?

Having lived with a DM who was in a menopausal rage for about 10 years, I would have to say that no, it's not a good thing. I get what you're saying about it making you speak up for yourself and I've read articles where it says that losing oestrogen makes women more like men i.e. less accommodating, more willing to put themselves and their needs first, less eager to make themselves likeable, etc and those aren't necessarily bad things. But be careful that you don't turn into a harridan who's horrible to live with, because that's the flip side.

You took an axe to a domestic appliance for no apparent reason. Does this sound like a good thing?

Did you literally take an actual axe to a hoover???

I’d have told you to leave and would be ensuring any children weren’t subject to witnessing the behaviour and thinking that it was ok.

I am 46. I have just started HRT a week ago so this is a topic I've been pondering (yesterday I stomped on a lamp until it shattered - so solidarity).

The realisation that we put up with a lot of shit is good. We need to stop accommodating so much.

But for me, the rage takes over my day. I rage at the people in the shop, at DH, at my boss. Sometimes I act on it and sometimes I stomp around angrily. The rage consumes me, I can't get anything done, and then leaves me exhausted. It isn't productive and it is getting in the way of my relationships.

So far, the HRT is pretty great. It isn't all in yet, but I can already feel some positive effects.

I’m 49, post menopause now for about 4 years, I’ve not taken HRT. I get angry but not experienced this type of rage. The symptoms ramped up after my periods stopped and just get worse. In your situation I’d see the Gp about hrt.

Not rage but very impatient! Intolerant! Not sure if this is actually covid cabin fever. Hi

If you actually axed something that is quite premeditated. The axe must have been outside ??? That is quite concerning.

@zafferana

Having lived with a DM who was in a menopausal rage for about 10 years, I would have to say that no, it's not a good thing. I get what you're saying about it making you speak up for yourself and I've read articles where it says that losing oestrogen makes women more like men i.e. less accommodating, more willing to put themselves and their needs first, less eager to make themselves likeable, etc and those aren't necessarily bad things. But be careful that you don't turn into a harridan who's horrible to live with, because that's the flip side.

Yep! My mum still doesn’t acknowledge this happened. But she was a nightmare to live with. I couldn’t leave home fast enough. She was a good mum prior and since. But it damaged our relationship for a decade.

That amount of rage is not good.

Please do not minimise the extent to which you are being affected.

Yes, it's almost certainly hormone driven, and so not a reflection on your core personality. But that does not make it acceptable, and it is horrible for your cohabitants.

You need to take steps now to manage this.

Start reading up on HRT - it's particularly useful for peri in younger women

No that's really not ok and you shouldn't think it's ok.

This is not okay at all. You need to get help, smashing things up is unacceptable.

I have an appointment next month to discuss HRT having realised that I am fucking miserable for one week a month and it isn't fair on those I live with. There are no excuses.

Anger is a normal emotion but how you're handling your anger and what you're doing when angry needs to be controlled.

Look at simple anger management techniques which should prevent you from losing control.

I would consider leaving you. I am peri menopausal myself and get irritated often, but smashing things is unacceptable.

Do you have children and if so, did they witness this?

You sound terrifying. Especially the fact you think it's ok. It's not ok.

I had terrible, uncontrollable rage. It was just awful. I never took an axe to anything, but I did throw a bag of pasta at a wall.

I actually lost my job though. I was a contractor, so easy to get rid of. I lost my temper momentarily with the person who organised my diary. I raised my voice ( she was being extremely unreasonable but still no excuse) I immediately apologised, then sent an email explaining the menopause rage with more humble apologies.

Got sacked the next day.

It definitely is not a good things and it destroys relationships.
I had a choice - go mad and live in a hut in the woods with 500 cats, going about ranting like a crazy lady or take HRT or anything else that helps.
It isn't fun for anyone to have to walk on eggshells because you are in a menopausal rage and it can break down a relationship very quickly.

Also one of my colleagues said to me, if you don't start taking HRT I'm not working with you anymore. I started taking HRT.

No menopausal rage is NOT OK. It can get you into a lot of trouble and expense if you don't nip it in the bud. Taking an axe to the hoover? you may need to try a few different HRT medications before you find the one that suits you best.

How can you possibly think taking an axe to a hoover is ok? What would you have thought if your husband did it? Get help.

You need professional help! Speak to your Dr or book at a menopausal clinic at your local family planning clinic! YABU to think this is normal behaviour.

nobody likes living or working with bad-tempered people op.

This is not normal or OK. If you spontaneously lose control wreck things, what next? Insult or hit a person?

I’m 52, and have sometimes gotten wound up or irritated, but kept it to myself. I’ve certainly never trashed anything.

I agree with others you some advice/help/HRT

This has to be a wind up. Surely nobody could think taking an axe and a hammer to a hoover is normal? If I lived with you I'd be talking to your gp, and quite probably moving out, at least temporarily.
You ask if it could get worse. Unless you take an axe to the kids, I don't think it could get much worse! Talk to your doctor.