To think menopausal rage is mostly ok

[LowJinks]

Ok so I think I'm probably peri-menopausal at age 44. I've had other minor changes I think are hormone related but the main one is absolute red hot rage. So far I think I've actually used this to my benefit as in said things which really needed to be said and no longer been willing to put up with bad behaviour or comments by others. I don't know why I didn't do this earlier maybe I just wasn't angry enough. However this morning I've just beaten the shit out of a Henry hoover head. Carpet brush attachment was broken but wouldn't come off the pipe to put on another. Said pipe is now bent having been bashed on the wall and hit with a hammer. I axed off the plastic head too. The ring of plastic is still on the pipe. I've thrown all the broken bits in the garden with axe and hammer. Husband gave me a funny look and asked if I've stopped raging yet. Will it get worse? Is it always a bad thing?

No. That's not ok.

Rage and anger aren't the same things. Anger brings clarity - that can be extremely helpful for many women and help them to finally stop putting up with shit. Rage is literally a 'red mist' - not helpful, not clear, not productive, and very, very frightening for the people around you.

Battering the shit out of the hoover isn't 'saying what needs to be said'. It's a sign that you need help. Go talk to your GP. I think because sometimes it is hard to get help for menopause we talk ourselves out of asking for help; I had one phone appt and a blood pressure check and walked out with the lovely, lovely HRT in my hands.

Nothing about this is ok or amusing. You are out of control. I highly suggest HRT.

Rage is never ok.

Being that angry is never ok, stop trying to justify it.

No not acceptable and abdication of responsibility.
It takes womanhood back to the 1890s when hysteria was a reasonable medical diagnosis. It undermines the equality many women have fought so hard for.
Appalling attitude.

Oh dear I think I possibly made the hoover anecdote sound more worrying than it really was! I was also chopping kindling this morning (very calmly) if that helps. I would be described as mild mannered even shy by others. Female relatives have sometimes said I can be a bit of a doormat. So I was thinking that getting angry about things I should be angry about isn't such a bad thing. Speaking plainly or bluntly not shouting and screaming I hasten to add. I have always been the kind of person who doesn't want to create ructions or make waves. This hasn't always done me any favours. It's good to know that HRT is helpful with this if it does become a problem though. I don't want to become a harridan

I've been angry for five years now. Only broken a few things though.
Not allowed HRT (another things that gives me rage).

I'm with you OP. I'm generally a total doormat but did go through a menopausal rage phase for a few months and I absolutely stuck up for myself! Sadly back to being a doormat now

I'm pretty mild mannered mostly, but I admit I've had to curb my actions a lot because of these menopause rages. I've had to think about the others I live with and find other ways to vent any anger. Not be a door mat, but also not be completely unreasonable.
I did have a go at a doctor once how unfair it was having to put up with everything as a woman and he agreed with me! He did offer HRT , but I resisted. I got through it with some herbal remedies but I appreciate that some people will need hormone replacements. Maybe I was one of the lucky ones but I still find elements it hard ( the heavy periods , the hot flushes etc etc)
It is horrible , it's not called ' change of life' for nothing and I bet it's caused many a divorce as you do see things and life so differently and men don't really understand that well either

If you’ve been too passive in the past, work on assertiveness.

Aggression isn’t OK!

Alienating friends , family and colleagues is problematic - especially as a temporary worker. Oh and deliberately avoiding relationships for fear of becoming raging psycho can be lonely sometimes. I would happily take up permanent residence in a sauna over the rages any day.

Thanks for starting this thread OP - it shines a light on the rage that hit me last night. I too am 44, periods starting to tail off, have not read up on menopause or anything yet as I still look and feel young.
I was after discussing with my sister how shit doctors have been towards us and our bodies in childbirth etc, then booking my health assessment online (mandatory for work) with Bupa I could only pick the gender rather than sex of the doctor. So when someone (an actual fucking doctor) shared a stupid photo on an old camping Whatsapp group of a tent that looks like a vulva, pink with flap entrance, complete with pink dot up top. It’s so offensive I won’t post it here but it’s on sale on eBay somewhere.
I just got SO angry! I rarely lose my temper - 2 boys with ASD have developed my levels of patience to martyr level. I left the group straightaway and then regretted it as now I could not reply and tell him what a dickhead he was being and wish him a happy IWD. So I ran upstairs to ask my DH to reply instead and he didn’t. The rage, I was still angry when I woke up for 5am wee and could not get back to sleep, still angry after a 5k run and have only just calmed down.
Is there any outlet for this anger? Was thinking I need to join some feminist organisation but maybe just need HRT. Better hope Bupa give me a female doctor.....

Part of being an adult is managing your own emotions. Smashing a Hoover isn't acceptable behaviour

second I'm glad it's not for me who is still angry after a run. I do it, but don't tell me it's going to calm me down.

I’d imagine taking an axe to something could be quite satisfying. People saying your partner should leave after this frankly fawlty towers-esque outburst need to get a grip, it’s one of the more eye roll-y hair trigger Mumsnet responses and you should ignore. However, I do think if left unchecked this might result in you breaking something you regret or really upsetting someone so I agree with the posters saying it’s not really normal behaviour that you need to put up with. If this happens more than once in a blue moon then you need to nip it in the bud. Good luck with it x

I would be upset and afraid if my partner did this. Plus short of a hoover. I am menopausal too and can't have HRT. I have been told to rip old newspapers in my room if I am feeling ragey. It does help a bit. I also write stuff down and tear it up. Much better than wrecking your appliances.

I'm dreading this to be honest. Pretty sure I have started perimenopause, getting my hormone levels tested on Tuesday. My Mum struggled with hormones and I remember being quite scared of her when I was a child which isn't good, she never really hurt me or anything, but could get quite angry. As a Mum myself I understand a lot more of that now, unfortunately she is no longer around. I tend to get more emotional and moody, but can also rage. The other day I ended up crying on the phone to my boss which wasn't good, I had to apologies and say I was unwell. Feel a bit mortified about the whole thing tbh.

My mum was also horrific for ten years. She walked out on me and my wonderful dad and married a total twat of a man (which now she’s through the other side she deeply deeply regrets) and quite often flew into rages about the most bizarre and things and slapped me on more than one occasion. It was hell, I still have anxiety when I think about those years. I struggle with hormones but I’d try anything to avoid ending up like that. From what I experienced from the outside, there was no positive side to it.

Taking an axe to Henry the Hoover is better than taking it to Henry the man OP. I used to want to kill people, & I won every argument, & lost many important relationships. I’ll never be sure if it was the meno or the Tamoxifen that I took for 5 years after I hit the meno. Judging by some of the replies here these people have not gone through the meno, yet.

If a man had posted about taking an axe to a hoover, everyone would be urging his wife to get the hell out, not be grateful that it was not her.

No, dear god, not a harridan, women are meant to be mild mannered at all times

No I hated the way I felt and had to go on hrt it’s made a huge difference yes I still have bad days even weeks as in January this year, but I can cope now as I just want to withdraw rather than be angry.

Judging by some of the replies here these people have not gone through the meno, yet.

I'm going through it. I've never wanted to take an axe to anything.

Carpet brush attachment was broken but wouldn't come off the pipe to put on another. Said pipe is now bent having been bashed on the wall and hit with a hammer. I axed off the plastic head too. The ring of plastic is still on the pipe. I've thrown all the broken bits in the garden with axe and hammer.

Did you do all this in silence or turn the air blue as you did it?

Did husband/kids/pets witness it?