To DH would stop handing me random stuff .

[Cheeseismymiddlename]

DH has a habit of asking me to hold stuff, put stuff away or pass him stuff if I’m marginally closer to it then he is . I stupidly then stick out my hand to find myself blessed with various bits and bobs to dispose of or put away. For example ,
Hang up keys
Dispose of coffee pod
Change the TV remote
Put something in a drawer I’m closer too.
I can have my hands in a sink of washing up , or be mid chopping something and he’ll ask me to pass something like the tea towel, or turn the oven on.
I used to get robotically do it. Now I’ve realised it’s driving me internally nuts. When I do say no can you get it yourself, or refuse to open my hand out to his next little item for disposal I am asked “why are you being like that !”.
It’s really childish but it’s now absolutely doing my head in, doesn’t help when the children now seem to be following suit.
Oh, and don’t get me started on when I’m asked “ where do you keep ( random item) “ . It’s in the same chuffing place it’s been for the last 5 years. I don’t keep stuff hidden anywhere and you don’t need me to retrieve every little item for you.

When I was a teacher I had to train children not do this. Many thought that I was just there to be handed any random crap they didn’t want. Snot filled tissue anyone? Never ever put your hand out to receive the item would be my advice!
A young NQT teacher learned this lesson. A pupil handed him a bimetallic strip in a Physics lesson. He obediently took it from said pupil. The problem was pupil was holding it with tongs and the end the teacher grasped had been heating nicely in a Bunsen burner flame!

@Notgoingonholiday

littlepattilou everyone being at home definitely magnifies all the annoying habits. Roll on normality. The hugging thing is super annoying. They see it as being loving and nice but it's so inappropriate and you end up sounding and looking mean when you make it clear hugs are not wanted at that particular time! Years ago I had to make it really clear to my DH that I hated it when he came up behind me and hugged me when I was doing stuff in the kitchen. I know he was being nice but I found it really cringey and annoying as I was obviously busy. If he ever does it now I literally elbow him Unfortunately I am guilty of the remote control thing . I give it to DH purely so he can change TV to whatever he wants, but he's started saying 'I'm not a table!', so I am trying to be better.

Agree! And I am glad it's not just me that gets irked at the 'hugging at an inappropriate time' thing!

I get annoyed also, when DH says 'Am I not allowed to hug my OWN WIFE?' with a kind of look... (Like it's his 'right' to do it!)

It's not!

Those hugs are not hugs. They’re “do as I say. I’m in charge.”

@SenecaTrewe

My DH always asks me for a glass of cold water, or to fill the cat's water bowl, when I have the hot tap on to wash dishes. Drives me mad! Inspired by this thread, I'm going to start telling him to wait.

Or give him a glass of hot water, @SenecaTrewe!

I found it didn't take long to train this sort of behaviour out of my DP, he's a simple creature really.
He will call me from the other side of the house just to tell me some boring snippet of information or ask a question. I used to respond to the summons but now I just ignore him and if he questions it afterwards I say "Oh I didn't hear you, you should have come closer".
He asks stupid questions like "where is my favourite blue tshirt? Have we got anything nice in the freezer for dinner?" and I used to look! Now I just say "I don't know" and he looks himself.
He used to tell me if we'd run out of something and needed more on the next shop. I would tell him that he needed to write it on the shopping list otherwise I'd forget it but he would huff and puff and we'd argue. Now I just respond with "ok" but I don't buy it. He now writes it on the list without fail

My dh use to do this! Drove me mad. I started doing it back to him, so he'd say can you pass my the keys whilst I was chopping carrots so I'd of course, you chop the rest of these and I'll do the car. He doesnt do it now..

Yes! DH used to do this. And shout from another room. And ask me to google stuff. He even asks me to tell Alexa stuff. When he's in the same room as Alexa

I've just stopped. I say no. And we have a household rule that we don't shout from another room. If anyone does I ignore them.

It takes time to retrain them but it's so worth it!!

I call this the "Hand me gene" and there's only one cure - don't take anything handed to you.

DP would hand me a cup to put down and he'd be standing right by the table. And muggins here would take it. Eventually I just stopped accepting things he tried to hand me and he doesn't do it now, but it took a while

@growinggreyer

He still chucks it at me and ends up hitting me on the boob

This raises a red flag for me. Why does it hit you on the boob? It would have gone straight into the outside bin the first time it hit me there. I assume that he can throw a ball with accuracy? I bet he has never hit a friend in the chest with a badly aimed cricket ball, for instance? This sounds deliberate and worrying.

I think this may be a little bit of a leap based on one small anecdote.

If it had been just the once, maybe, but she says it as if it is a regular occurence. I have never been hit on the boob by someone throwing a tv remote at me. And if I was, my reaction would mean that it was the first and last time.

@growinggreyer

If it had been just the once, maybe, but she says it as if it is a regular occurence. I have never been hit on the boob by someone throwing a tv remote at me. And if I was, my reaction would mean that it was the first and last time.

If you toss something at someone to catch, you tend to aim mid chest as that’s the easiest place to catch. If that person is not responding, then it is likely to hit them mid chest, or mid boob. It doesn’t really sound like he’s aggressively lobbing it at her boobs. I’m not sure this is a LT abusive B situation.

I'm trying to train my 8 year old out of this. Yesterday I said to her 'I'm not a shelf' when she randomly handed me some objects

I'd hate that.
Clearly, he thinks you are his indentured servant.
Stop facilitating him.

So why have I never been hit in the chest then? I am a Primary school teacher and often play rounders, tennis etc and you can imagine that the kids I work with are not the best at throwing. I have been hit on the head once or twice but mainly the ball goes sailing past me. I have never been hit on the boob. If it happened regularly I would want to know WHY?

Wow that's really entitled behaviour. So unattractive. It's utterly wild he can't see ow out of order he is. If you can be arsed you can explain it to him. I think if he can understand how it's not just about the thing you're passing it's about being lazy and entitled and not respecting you he might start to get it.

But honestly I'd worry that behaviour like this is a sign of contempt in a relationship.

@snowdropsandcrocuses. Good words, I know what you mean. We are kind to each other, this is both our second marriage and hopefully we are both aware of the pit falls and getting petty.

When I do say no can you get it yourself, or refuse to open my hand out to his next little item for disposal I am asked “why are you being like that !”

May I suggest "because I'm not your servant"

@DaphneDuBois

He’s using you as a handy extension of his own arms. The habit needs breaking.

My husband started to get into the habit of saying ‘we need to do...’ and then leaving it to me to do, as if just saying it aloud was all the input needed from him. For example, ‘we need to add eggs to the shopping list’. ‘The carpet needs hoovering.’ ‘The dishwasher needs unloading.’ After a while, when I cottoned on, I just said ‘so do it then. Why are you saying it like it’s an instruction to your PA?’

What his response @DaphneDuBois ?

Exh never stopped with the “where is my...?”

Drove me crazy.

The kids do get “wherever you left it”, although to be fair Dd rarely does it and is more organised than I am. In her rare lapses we get “he’s taken my....” because her first thought is always to blame Ds!

Ds is younger and does the “where’s my” a lot. He’s being assessed for adhd so it’s hard to know how much to push back on this.

I just hand it back and walk off. He used to hand me his wrappers in the car. Until I chucked them on the floor so now he keeps his rubbish to himself.
He used to always ask Where's this or that so I'd say why would I know, it's not mine.
He rarely asks now.
Some men are just perpetual boys.

My DH always asks me for a glass of cold water, or to fill the cat's water bowl, when I have the hot tap on to wash dishes. Drives me mad! Inspired by this thread, I'm going to start telling him to wait.

^^
Oh god this would drive me mad!