To DH would stop handing me random stuff .

[Cheeseismymiddlename]

DH has a habit of asking me to hold stuff, put stuff away or pass him stuff if I’m marginally closer to it then he is . I stupidly then stick out my hand to find myself blessed with various bits and bobs to dispose of or put away. For example ,
Hang up keys
Dispose of coffee pod
Change the TV remote
Put something in a drawer I’m closer too.
I can have my hands in a sink of washing up , or be mid chopping something and he’ll ask me to pass something like the tea towel, or turn the oven on.
I used to get robotically do it. Now I’ve realised it’s driving me internally nuts. When I do say no can you get it yourself, or refuse to open my hand out to his next little item for disposal I am asked “why are you being like that !”.
It’s really childish but it’s now absolutely doing my head in, doesn’t help when the children now seem to be following suit.
Oh, and don’t get me started on when I’m asked “ where do you keep ( random item) “ . It’s in the same chuffing place it’s been for the last 5 years. I don’t keep stuff hidden anywhere and you don’t need me to retrieve every little item for you.

My ex used to do this. Life is better now he's my ex. No advice except you must stand up and say how it makes you feel. If he continues to do it then I would seriously consider my future with a man who doesn't respect you.

Kids too can easily fall into this habit. My kids used to try and pass me their rubbish when out and about. I quickly taught them to look for a bin and take care of it themselves. Of course sometimes (picnic for example) we will all put rubbish in one bag, then one of us will take it all to a bin. It's ok to be kind and look after each other, but that's different to handing someone your rubbish or something else you just don't want in your hands.

Oh this is so annoying. I would just keep asking “Why are you giving this to me?” Until he gets the message.

I (still) get these occasionally and very much appreciate some of the replies, as it will be less tedious for me to vary the usual responses.

For talking to me in another room, I always ask him who he is talking to and then ignore if he doesn’t come into the same room.

A new variation I have noticed is that he will bring me things of mine, like a parcel that has just come, or a letter, or a cup of tea, but try to hand it to it me at the most inconvenient time or place, like when I am on my knees getting something from under the sink, or in the yard watching the pup.
I wouldn’t put it past him to brandish something at me when I’m on the loo.
This is am annoying new variation, as he supposedly deserves brownie points for bringing me my thingy and then can legitimately sulk/huff/moan when I rebuff him.

As a PP says you are the human Swiss Army knife. I think you have to explain exactly the behaviour that’s the issue, how it makes you feel and how you want it to change before you start calling him on it. So do that and then be super firm.

@Chicchicchicchiclana

When he hands you something say "what are you doing? I don't want that" it will make him think.

My DH used to be like yours OP and the response above is the right one - it works, as does simply turning away when something is handed to you. I did that and it broke the habit pretty quickly. It’s sheer laziness and I think my DH didn’t even realise he did it.

What I really can't stand is if this is done wordlessly.

I don't mind it if is accompanied by "would you mind holding this", but if it's merely thrust in my direction, it really gets my back up.

My dh used to ask me questions while I was brushing my teeth. I had to yell at him foamy mouthed several times before he got how irritating that was.

Asking you to do these things occasionally is asking for a favour. Asking you to do these things all the time is taking advantage of you.

Is he a surgeon, OP?

Yes it’s very annoying. Happens in family outings too where I get handed everything that no one else wants to carry, mostly as I have the bag. I now refuse to carry water bottles, umbrellas. When they get passed to me, I put my hand behind my back
It’s a life lesson, bring your own bag and only bring out what you yourself are prepared to lug around. Mine are teens though. I didn’t expect this when younger

@Chicchicchicchiclana and @Giggorata.

I feel your pain.

I think with DC but also with some adults I know, some of this behaviour is a reflexive form of competing for your attention with whatever or whomever else has your attention. It's a way of keeping your attention on him all the time.

Another useful one for mislaid objects; "Do you know where the TV remote is?" "Am I allowed three guesses?.
One I used at school; "Sorry, I didn't do A-level telepathy."
The one which colleagues tried (unsuccessfully) which really drove me nuts was an empty hand thrust out so that the desired object could be sourced: eg CF "Pen!"
me; blank look, or reply of "Hand!"

I can't believe he hands you a dirty coffee pod to deal with!

I would wander off to the toilet the next twenty times he tries to hand you a tea bag or a coffee pod or whatever.

It's very entitled. But I bet he doesn't see it that way and I bet he'd be indignant if you said stop doing that.

I used to get this a bit, no idea how it started but i just started dropping the thing on the floor, or letting it fall if he thought i was taking it (clue: i wasn't)

Any cries of "where is my..." from anyone in this house gets a resounding "i don't care" from me

When someone asks me lazily where something is I always respond with what appears to be a genuine "hmm, where have you looked?"

It helps them identify that they haven't looked anywhere and they should take the responsibility to look a few places first before just lazily asking me.

IF they list a few places that they've genuinely looked and it's truly odd that it's not in those places, then of course I'll help them find its whereabouts.

It's very effective

This sounds very annoying! I always get asked "have we got any..." which is usually food - I have no idea why he expects me to know.

Do it to him tenfold. Turn it into a silly game. If you see he's got a bit of litter in his hand deliberately make sure you're further away from the bin then he is so if he asks you say 'nah you're closer' and ask him to put your litter in the bin whiles he's at it. If he moans say 'ah so now you know how annoying it is!' Do the same with your kids. This is an annoying situation but not enough to warrant a serious discussion about 'feelings' and 'LTB' lol. Just play him at his own game and don't be a doormat.

My (grown up) kids do this too. I am constantly holding mugs, plates, wrappers they've absent mindedly passed to me, and thinking 'why the fuck am I doing this?'!

Where is? Is always met with - no idea in my house
I’ve lost my or I can’t find my...... response is oh that’s a pity
Talking or shouting from another room just gets ignored I’m quite deaf anyway so they should know if I can’t see them I can’t hear

This happens to me too! I'm then made to feel petty for not answering silly questions or passing things I'm a foot closer to than him even when I'm doing something else.

When I get "where is ....?" I just reply "All I can do is come look for it for you." Tends to remind him that I am not the keeper of things.

I think I'd just say "it's right there, I'm busy, can't you do it yourself?"

My dh does this. Once you are aware of it. It is actually really annoying. I have stopped being so useful, say I don’t know. Oh I haven’t seen it. Resist the urge to rescue him.
My favorite is when he wants something but won’t have it unless I am getting up anyway . Oh since your up could you ... whatever. It fucks me off, he would go without if it meant him getting up.
I don’t have a solution to that one yet.

Yes! "Can you put this in the bin/away/pass me that" when I'm making a tea or in the middle of something else and he's just standing there 😂