To DH would stop handing me random stuff .

[Cheeseismymiddlename]

DH has a habit of asking me to hold stuff, put stuff away or pass him stuff if I’m marginally closer to it then he is . I stupidly then stick out my hand to find myself blessed with various bits and bobs to dispose of or put away. For example ,
Hang up keys
Dispose of coffee pod
Change the TV remote
Put something in a drawer I’m closer too.
I can have my hands in a sink of washing up , or be mid chopping something and he’ll ask me to pass something like the tea towel, or turn the oven on.
I used to get robotically do it. Now I’ve realised it’s driving me internally nuts. When I do say no can you get it yourself, or refuse to open my hand out to his next little item for disposal I am asked “why are you being like that !”.
It’s really childish but it’s now absolutely doing my head in, doesn’t help when the children now seem to be following suit.
Oh, and don’t get me started on when I’m asked “ where do you keep ( random item) “ . It’s in the same chuffing place it’s been for the last 5 years. I don’t keep stuff hidden anywhere and you don’t need me to retrieve every little item for you.

It's because he thinks your his assistant.

My DH can be guilty of this, I pull him up on it every single time, and no, I don't hold, pass, find the thing he's looking for.

We could both be doing something and he will ask me to pass something, I point out that I'm busy too and his job is not more important than mine and to stop what he's doing and get it himself.

My DH always asks me for a glass of cold water, or to fill the cat's water bowl, when I have the hot tap on to wash dishes. Drives me mad! Inspired by this thread, I'm going to start telling him to wait.

DH is grown up who can do stuff for himself. Occasionally he will ask me to do something/put something away whilst I'm doing something myself. I just laugh and look slightly puzzled and he will immediately sort it himself. I find it very effective. If he calls from another room and I can't hear him properly, I just say 'I can't hear you' and carry on.

My partner has habit of doing things like standing by the laundry rack and asking me, “are these dry?” when I’ve got my hands full with something else. I say things like, “I could stop what I’m doing and go over there and touch them to check if they’re dry of you could touch them yourself to find out?” - I just try and phrase things in this way calmly and he cottons on more often now and does things himself, but it’s still a contentious issue at times!!

What happens @Cheeseismymiddlename if you just give the things straight back?

[quote Cheeseismymiddlename]@Sunhoop, and yes to shouting things at me from another room so I stop what I’m doing and go to him. Actually, I’ve canned that now. He still talks loudly from another room, I just loudly say back “ you do realise I’m in another room “ .[/quote]
Mine does that, I just refuse to answer. If he wants to talk to me he can come in to the room I'm in.

YANBU at ALL. I wonder if all men are like this, because my DH tends to be like this sometimes too. He has a few annoying habits, but they have become more noticeable since we have been together 24/7 on furlough since last March. (Apart from 3.5 months or so in the middle!)

Eg, sometimes, when I am on my laptop, or reading a book, (and he is watching one of his programmes on TV,) he will switch off his programme when it's finished, and say 'I'm going to the loo' or 'I am going in the garden...' Then he will walk up to me, and push the remote controls in my face to take them off him.

Firstly I don't want them because I am not watching TV, and secondly, why can he not put the fucking things on the arm of my chair, instead of making me stop what I am doing, to take them off him!

Another thing that irks me (as a pp said) is him talking loudly to me, when I'm in the kitchen (2 rooms away - with the microwave, kettle, washing machine, or radio on - sometimes all 4!) I am screaming inside 'I CANNOT HEAR YOU!' Like another poster, I have started ignoring him. So NOW he has taken to hanging around the kitchen to 'chat' to me when I am busy doing stuff in the kitchen.

It also annoys me when he says 'have you seen X, Y, or Z?' and he hasn't even bothered to look. When DD is here visiting us, she says 'have you actually LOOKED for it dad?' Answer is NO. He wants me to drop everything, and look FOR him!

Another annoying habit of his, is narrating anything he is watching. (Not all the time, but sometimes!) I am reading/ on my laptop/ composing something, and he keeps saying 'oooh see that guy there...' and 'this woman here...' I glare and say 'I am NOT watching it. I am not interested.' He gets huffy and says 'well I am interested!' So I am meant to just drop what I am doing, and listen to him gabbling on about this thing HE is watching that I don't give a shit about?!

I also get annoyed with him, when I am doing the washing up, or I am getting the washing out of the washing machine, and he grabs me and 'hugs' me..... RIGHT in the middle of a chore I am doing... I just glare and say 'what are you doing?!' He says giving my WIFE a hug! What's wrong with that?' I say, 'I am washing up!' or I am getting the washing out!' He also does it (occasionally) when I am on the way to the loo. I am bursting for a pee, and he blocks the doorway, throws his arms open, and says 'HUG!!!' It's fucking infuriating!

Another thing that irks me, is when we go for a walk, or are out in town, and we have to go single file, (coz someone is coming or the path goes narrow,) he ALWAYS says 'after you.........' It's irrational I know, but it annoys me, because I think 'I don't NEED you to tell me to go in front. If I WANT to go in front I will. Don't give me permission! I don't NEED permission!' When I say to HIM 'after you!' he looks irritated. He gives me the side eye, and reluctantly goes in front.

Ahhhh, that feels better. I needed that rant!

I am OK with him say, 85% of the time, but the other 15% he grates on me... As I said, I think almost a year of being at home with him 24/7 (apart from 3.5 months or so in the middle) is taking its toll. I have wondered a couple of times how I will cope when we're retired, but then again, we will be able to get out a lot more then, and meet other people, and resume old hobbies/take up new hobbies.

He is back at work a week tomorrow though woo hoo. (I am due back in mid April!)

Disclaimer; I am aware I have annoying traits too. But this isn't about me, it's about HIM.

I don’t get stuff handed to me but I do get asked to pass things. I always say “yes, doctor”.

" When I do say no can you get it yourself, or refuse to open my hand out to his next little item for disposal I am asked “why are you being like that !”."
The obvious answer surely is "because I'm not your skivvy and I'm wondering why you insist on treating me as if I am".

And there's a reason I have this username.

And I haven't had to say it for a very long time.

My DH will say can you help here and I now just say no I'm doing st already if I am.

It took me a while to figure out I never interrupt him unless it is an emergency really whereas he took it as normal to ask.
Turned out he didn't even mind me saying no once he'd got over the initial surprise.

He asks less now though!

He’s using you as a handy extension of his own arms. The habit needs breaking.

My husband started to get into the habit of saying ‘we need to do...’ and then leaving it to me to do, as if just saying it aloud was all the input needed from him. For example, ‘we need to add eggs to the shopping list’. ‘The carpet needs hoovering.’ ‘The dishwasher needs unloading.’ After a while, when I cottoned on, I just said ‘so do it then. Why are you saying it like it’s an instruction to your PA?’

@littlepattilou don't even get me started on the remote. Mine is always firing the remote at me even if I have said I don't want it. He still chucks it at me and ends up hitting me on the boob. I don't let him sit on the sofa beside me because if the remote or anything else is there he will pick it up and put it on my foot?!?!

I wonder if all men are like this
Thankfully not. My DH has never done any of that stuff. But he does like to own a toilet brush so he's not perfect.

He still chucks it at me and ends up hitting me on the boob

This raises a red flag for me. Why does it hit you on the boob? It would have gone straight into the outside bin the first time it hit me there. I assume that he can throw a ball with accuracy? I bet he has never hit a friend in the chest with a badly aimed cricket ball, for instance? This sounds deliberate and worrying.

Just don't take it. Pretend not to see him. If he queries it, pretend not to hear. It'll become easier for him just to deal with it himself.

My DH has a habit of shouting for me from whenever room he's in and expecting me to go and find him. I realised this when my toddler started doing the same thing. Now putting a stop to it...if they want my attention, they can come and find me.

Think if it were to pass something that's closer to me e.g remote control/tea towel, I would. Because he has form for palming his jobs onto you, I'd check first before accepting, I'd ask, " what is it ? " If it's giving me junk to put away I'd say , "no, do it yourself." Find a balance and stick to it.

My now ex did this. He just couldn’t be arsed.

YANBU, I’m having flashbacks to a user ex. He was always forgetting his wallet and so I’d have to foot the bill for absolutely everything. We didn’t live together and were at that stage when you’d usually be going Dutch. Example would be a very early date at Nando’s, I’m giving my order - “Uh, I’ve forgot my wallet, can you get mine then I’ll pay you back.”
He never paid me back or ever took turns. “I really want to see the new Marvel film, do you wanna come with me?” “Uh I’ve forgot my wallet could you pick this one up and I’ll get it next time. I’m a bit hungry could you get me a hotdog, some nachos, an XL coke and some pick and mix? Get yourself some popcorn or summat?” “nice day, wanna meet up for a couple of beers after work. My treat of course!” (Forgot his wallet didn’t he?).

Anyway, we’d arranged to meet up somewhere like Pret for lunch and a walk in a park on our lunchbreak. By this time, he actually owed me quite a bit of money and I was on the verge of breaking up with him. This day, miracle of miracles HE REMEMBERED HIS WALLET. We are queuing and he asks what I’m having. I explained I wasn’t feeling too well and didn’t feel like I could eat a full meal so I was just going to get a Flat White and a Macadamia Nut Cookie. “Oh,” he says “That’s an idea! I’ve got a free voucher for a coffee and a cookie. Hang on, mate could you add a Flat White and a Macadamia Nut cookie to my lunch order? I’ve got a voucher here.”
Then he smiles and hands me the Coffee and the Cookie. I was embarrassingly pleased with him for this as it was the biggest “gesture” of our pathetic relationship. I said “Awww thanks that’s really sweet” and turned away from the tills.

He goes “erm...what are you doing? You’ve still got to order yours.”

Queue confused look.

“You didn’t think that was for you did you? God no. I just wanted you to HOLD it for me. How many hands do you think I have?! I need to carry all my meal deal don’t I? Just help me carry this to the table and then go back and queue for yours, I’ll sit over there and wait for you but hurry up cos I don’t want my coffee going cold.”

That was our last date. What a dick.

Why do men think we are some sort of ornamental crap holder?

“What’s stopping you doing it?”

Every time.

[quote GreenSlide]@littlepattilou don't even get me started on the remote. Mine is always firing the remote at me even if I have said I don't want it. He still chucks it at me and ends up hitting me on the boob. I don't let him sit on the sofa beside me because if the remote or anything else is there he will pick it up and put it on my foot?!?! [/quote]
😂

littlepattilou everyone being at home definitely magnifies all the annoying habits. Roll on normality.
The hugging thing is super annoying. They see it as being loving and nice but it's so inappropriate and you end up sounding and looking mean when you make it clear hugs are not wanted at that particular time! Years ago I had to make it really clear to my DH that I hated it when he came up behind me and hugged me when I was doing stuff in the kitchen. I know he was being nice but I found it really cringey and annoying as I was obviously busy. If he ever does it now I literally elbow him
Unfortunately I am guilty of the remote control thing . I give it to DH purely so he can change TV to whatever he wants, but he's started saying 'I'm not a table!', so I am trying to be better.

@knobblykneesandturnedouttoes

My ex used to do this. Life is better now he's my ex. No advice except you must stand up and say how it makes you feel. If he continues to do it then I would seriously consider my future with a man who doesn't respect you.

Typical MN response

This isnt LTB territory, he probably doesn't even realise hes doing it. It sounds like a habit you both fell into.

Just tell him it annoys you. No need for an argument.

@NameChangedForThisFeb21 I have known a few people like your ex! A couple of ex boyfriends (who only lasted 3-4 weeks unsurprisingly!) AND a couple of (ex) friends!

Always came out with just a fiver. Would buy the first 'round' and then I would buy the next, and the they'd only have a pound left, so I had to buy anything else for the rest of the evening.

I also used to get these same people bringing a packet of cigarettes out, and they'd have just 4 in the pack. They'd get one out and offer me one, then I'd get mine out and offer them one, then they'd get their last two out and offer ME one. Then as they'd ran out, I would be using MY cigarettes for the rest of the evening. So just FOUR of their cigarettes were gone by the end of the night, whilst I'd be down by 10 or 12.

(I stopped smoking 25 years ago BTW, this was the late 1980s.)

Yes of course, you cook the dinner and I'll look for your keys.

I like this one when you're in the middle of a different job. He gets to take over and finish your job, in exchange for you doing his request for him.