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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'That's more a Christmas present' aibu?

127 replies

Whosamawotsits · 07/03/2021 08:57

Its one of my children's birthdays coming up (DS11) he never wants anything, hasn't asked for anything other than a couple of cheapy things he likes. I'm planning on getting him a games console, he loved playing on them at family and friends houses (when we could go over there!) and has nothing but a knackered old tablet at home.
When discussing this with family and friends I've had a few say a 'big' gift is more of a Christmas present! I've never heard of this and can't seem to wrap my head around why they'd think that.
I personally don't think it particularly matters when you'd gift a big gift, but surely if you're going to think any kind of way about spending a little more money on a gift for someone, it's that itd be nicer to give it to them on their birthday rather than Christmas and make their day special?

YABU- Big presents- Christmas
YANBU- Big presents- Birthdays

OP posts:
Sparklehead · 07/03/2021 11:05

The only reason I can think of why people might say it’s more of a Christmas present is if you would be buying it as a joint present for both DC. We bought a Nintendo switch for our 3DC as a joint Xmas present, as we knew they’d all play with it. (It’s been a hit, by the way. As an aside, I would recommend you buy the Nintendo family subscription (I think it’s called that?) which is about £40 and then gives you access to dozens of the more old school Nintendo games, which my DC (and me and DH!) have enjoyed as much as the new release games.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/03/2021 11:05

I think I’ve done consols at Christmas to make it a shared gift. I probably similar or slightly more for birthday generally.

ElderMillennial · 07/03/2021 11:06

No I don't think that at all OP but I know some people have views on whether birthdays or Christmas warrant more effort / bigger gifts

Lweji · 07/03/2021 11:12

I also tend to spend the same for both. Or get a bigger one for one occasion and a smaller one for the other, if it's above the usual budget.
But DS's birthday is fairly close to Christmas.

It might be a good idea to pool everyone (or closer relatives) to contribute towards a good games console, so that they don't feel left out with their much smaller presents. It could be bumped up with a couple of good games or money to spend on it.

Holly60 · 07/03/2021 11:15

We bought our DC bikes etc for birthdays when they were young. Buy what you think they will like

getsomehelp · 07/03/2021 12:28

Slightly off topic.
There are constant threads on mn, re Gaming, consoles, agressive adults, raging kids, tantrums, major fall outs, kids up all night, kids failing at school, not doing their homework... etc
I would say if he hasn't even asked for a console, dont get him one.
Why would you willingly give him a grenade? Give him a bike, a guitar..... Anything else

VestaTilley · 07/03/2021 12:32

Neither are right or wrong - big presents can be for both occasions, or neither if the DC would prefer a few smaller things.

We do a big present if it’s required eg a new bike, but some small gifts as well, but as DC get older it’ll tend to be more smaller things I expect, with a big thing (tech or a nice watch etc) being more one-off’s as they get older.

Lockdownbear · 07/03/2021 13:29

@getsomehelp

Slightly off topic. There are constant threads on mn, re Gaming, consoles, agressive adults, raging kids, tantrums, major fall outs, kids up all night, kids failing at school, not doing their homework... etc I would say if he hasn't even asked for a console, dont get him one. Why would you willingly give him a grenade? Give him a bike, a guitar..... Anything else
If parents have issues with kids being up all night gaming they need to learn to work the parental controls.

Xboxes can be set to only operate between set times, times can be set daily, and for a maximum time period per day.

I'd guess Playstation and Switch can do the same.

BiBabbles · 07/03/2021 14:21

My children may get one 'big gift' at each gift giving occasion, there is more flexibility for big gifts on birthdays where I'm buying for one than when I'm buying for four.

While we may buy gaming paraphernalia as a big gift, we don't buy consoles as personal gifts though - they're family gifts that none of them 'own'.

To make things special, all my children have wishlists and about a month or so beforehand, we go through and discuss what is at the top of their lists. Sometimes it's surprising, last month my DD1 - frustrated that she'd spend her birthday spending hours on live lessons - had her "big gift" as a delivery of all the best treats from our local bakery to snack on all day. ~£36 on different types of tarts, little cakes, pork pies that arrived in a huge box filled with little unmarked boxes so it was surprise every time she picked one to open for us to eat. We didn't eat much else that day (the birthday dinner she had picked got moved to the next day), but it felt special to her.

Camphillgirl · 07/03/2021 14:47

My sister has several children so it’s smaller presents at Christmas and special present on birthdays. There is no right or wrong. Whatever suits your family is right for you.

n00b1 · 07/03/2021 14:57

DH’s family are like this. Christmas is always seen as a bigger deal for gifts and he was genuinely surprised that I bought him something big for his first birthday when we were together, thinking I’d wait a couple of months till Christmas for something like that. In my family, big gifts were always birthdays since that’s all about you. At Christmas obviously parents and grandparents etc were buying for everyone so the money had to go further.

SIL bought one of her DC a computer for their birthday once, and I remember MIL commenting that you’d think it was Christmas with what they’d spent on him. Made no sense to me, as his mid-year birthday, with the other DC birthdays a few months either side, makes way more sense than trying to spend the same as all of them at Christmas.

sunset900 · 07/03/2021 14:58

I tend to spend equally on Xmas and birthdays now but previously the birthday present would have been 'bigger' as I only had the one present to buy but at Xmas had to buy for more people.

NuniaBeeswax · 07/03/2021 14:59

My parents were like this. I could understand if my birthday was close to Christmas but it's in the middle of July...

Farcry66 · 07/03/2021 15:00

We do much bigger gifts at birthdays because it's a day about them. Also, at Christmas I have lots of gifts to buy so I can't afford to spend that much on everyone in one go!

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 07/03/2021 18:00

Never heard of only giving a big present at Christmas. Always have a big birthday present in this house. Surely it's easier to do a big present for a birthday when you haven't got the expense of having to buy Christmas presents for everyone else?!

Lockdownbear · 07/03/2021 18:08

Surely it's easier to do a big present for a birthday when you haven't got the expense of having to buy Christmas presents for everyone else?!

That logic only works if you don't have birthdays in November, December, January or to a certain extent February. The next birthday I need to buy for is end of October!

Ludoole · 07/03/2021 18:10

I think birthdays are extra special as its that person's special day. I'd rather spend more on birthdays than Xmas.

Sapho47 · 07/03/2021 18:30

@Whosamawotsits

Its one of my children's birthdays coming up (DS11) he never wants anything, hasn't asked for anything other than a couple of cheapy things he likes. I'm planning on getting him a games console, he loved playing on them at family and friends houses (when we could go over there!) and has nothing but a knackered old tablet at home. When discussing this with family and friends I've had a few say a 'big' gift is more of a Christmas present! I've never heard of this and can't seem to wrap my head around why they'd think that. I personally don't think it particularly matters when you'd gift a big gift, but surely if you're going to think any kind of way about spending a little more money on a gift for someone, it's that itd be nicer to give it to them on their birthday rather than Christmas and make their day special?

YABU- Big presents- Christmas
YANBU- Big presents- Birthdays

I think its because games consoles get release for the thanksgiving, blackfriday, Christmas period.

So there's a bit of a Christmas's association with them as that's when everyone gets them

Sapho47 · 07/03/2021 18:33

@getsomehelp

Slightly off topic. There are constant threads on mn, re Gaming, consoles, agressive adults, raging kids, tantrums, major fall outs, kids up all night, kids failing at school, not doing their homework... etc I would say if he hasn't even asked for a console, dont get him one. Why would you willingly give him a grenade? Give him a bike, a guitar..... Anything else
Indeed before the 80s all children were calm, polite and delightful. Adults of the time also famously non aggressive.

*Why would you willingly give him a grenade?

Give him a guitar*

Yep something pure and wholesome when was the last time you ever heard of a musician being in trouble?

gamerchick · 07/03/2021 18:39

What a load of generalising shit Hmm

goodbyelenin · 07/03/2021 18:51

Surely it's easier to do a big present for a birthday when you haven't got the expense of having to buy Christmas presents for everyone else?!

I also find that bizarre. There's no need to blow the budget completely either. Surely you can be generous with your kids without having to go overdraft Confused

and you don't need to buy Christmas gifts for "everyone" if you have a low budget!

katienana · 07/03/2021 18:53

I tend to buy more quantity wise at Christmas and spend more on one item at birthdays. Ds1 has had an xbox and a segway the last 2 years. I think we'll run out of ideas this year!

Lweji · 07/03/2021 21:17

Why would you willingly give him a grenade? Give him a bike

So that he can get himself killed on the road? Wink

Gamers are safer, including, as my DS has pointed out, from COVID. They don't leave the house and socialise online. Grin

3CCC · 07/03/2021 21:18

@PolarnOPirate

Weird! Birthdays are more special than Christmas, surely, as only 1 person gets presents!
That's what the deal was with presents when I was a kid
MrsJBaptiste · 07/03/2021 21:22

Christmas definitely bigger than birthdays here although the kids would try and say otherwise!