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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'That's more a Christmas present' aibu?

127 replies

Whosamawotsits · 07/03/2021 08:57

Its one of my children's birthdays coming up (DS11) he never wants anything, hasn't asked for anything other than a couple of cheapy things he likes. I'm planning on getting him a games console, he loved playing on them at family and friends houses (when we could go over there!) and has nothing but a knackered old tablet at home.
When discussing this with family and friends I've had a few say a 'big' gift is more of a Christmas present! I've never heard of this and can't seem to wrap my head around why they'd think that.
I personally don't think it particularly matters when you'd gift a big gift, but surely if you're going to think any kind of way about spending a little more money on a gift for someone, it's that itd be nicer to give it to them on their birthday rather than Christmas and make their day special?

YABU- Big presents- Christmas
YANBU- Big presents- Birthdays

OP posts:
gamerchick · 07/03/2021 10:18

Yeah you don't need to bow to the switch god you see on here because of his age. Unless that's what he's used to using at other people's houses. Never got the appeal with those things with cartridges the size of a stamp that cost 50 quid.

Puddingypops · 07/03/2021 10:18

That’s how I was brought up, big gifts at Xmas and a small gift or bit of cash on my birthday (like £20) it’s just how it was done in our family and it’s how I do things now (although I’m not as stingy).

However my DS birthday is early January so I always give him money as he has had most things he could have wanted for Christmas x

But some people do it the other way round! Family tradition is what I would call it (although I think I have said those words “that’s more of a Xmas present” myself lol

shinynewapple21 · 07/03/2021 10:20

And as another poster has said sometimes we've given a large gift which was joint birthday / Christmas and there were just smaller gifts to open at the other occasion.

MiaowMiaow99 · 07/03/2021 10:20

Like your DS, mine has low scale requests so gets what he wants either way. This birthday he's getting a new Switch, last Xmas he only wanted a Switch game.

Lockdownbear · 07/03/2021 10:22

I think I'd find out what his friends are on and go with it, rather than Switch.
Even if it means preordering. It was hard getting consoles during the last lockdown and that was before the new Xbox and PS5 came out.

Lemmeout · 07/03/2021 10:22

Your friend is a fine example of why believing in yourself is important.

Dogsaresomucheasier · 07/03/2021 10:25

Much easier to provide a big present at a birthday than at Christmas when you have to buy for other people and splurge on food. The big ticket gifts were always for birthdays here. Dh and I also went without at Christmas and made a fuss of each other for our wedding anniversary to spread the expense through the year.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 07/03/2021 10:25

People assume that what works best for them is what is best for everyone. As a family we always tended towards smaller presents for birthdays and larger for Christmas because there would be more time to play with them. But that was what suited us. There is absolutely no reason why it should be the same for everyone.

Luckyelephant1 · 07/03/2021 10:26

Why are there so many weird rules about something as trivial as this? Sadly aimed at mainly women. Life is enough of a minefield as it is. Get him what you like OP! Smile

YesItsAPeacock · 07/03/2021 10:31

Consoles are seen as more of a Christmas present because they are usually a shared thing, rather than for one person (or they were when I was growing up).

We also had the joint Christmas-and-birthday present for big things for one person (My Little Pony Dream Castle, circa 1988...).

MuddleMoo · 07/03/2021 10:33

We always go for a big present at birthdays and a smaller one at christmas, purely as we have less free cash at christmas and we need to buy a few presents.

kunterbunting · 07/03/2021 10:34

I've always done the bigger presents at Christmas, but that's only because the DC have always had to share 'big' presents (trampoline when they were younger; Wii when they were older - that type of thing).

I would have been wary of buying a 'big' item for any of the DC for their birthdays, as the others would have expected the sam (which is where sharing something they will all enjoy is easier).

kunterbunting · 07/03/2021 10:35

I'd perhaps have considered doing a big joint Christmas/b'day present for one of mine, had they had birthdays anywhere near Christmas. However, they're all in June/July, so Christmas is long forgotten by the time their birthdays appear.

AlwaysLatte · 07/03/2021 10:35

Big presents - both in this house!

Anniegetyourgun · 07/03/2021 10:40

It would be completely unnecessarily cruel to expect an 11-year-old to wait for the best part of a year for a present he really wants, just to satisfy some strange sense of "rightness" among people who are not his parents. I don't believe children should always have what they want as soon as they want it, but there are limits, and that one's just arbitrary. If his birthday were towards the end of the year it would make more sense.

Besides, by December he may well have got a little bored with the games he got in March and then you'll know what to get him for Christmas!

SeasonFinale · 07/03/2021 10:40

I would actually be more inclined to buy a bigger gift (if I had to choose) for a birthday as it would tend to be a one gift event whereas at Christmas we would buy a few gifts (but have to say sometimes even then it includes a bigger gift if it is something the DC really want and we want them to have it and we can afford it).

Buy him the Nintendo!

Lockdownbear · 07/03/2021 10:43

@kunterbunting

I'd perhaps have considered doing a big joint Christmas/b'day present for one of mine, had they had birthdays anywhere near Christmas. However, they're all in June/July, so Christmas is long forgotten by the time their birthdays appear.
That is my argument against joint gifts.

Mine are both winter birthdays and I see it as you wouldn't do joint gifts if their birthdays were in summer.

DH has the opposite view, it's great having birthday at Christmas because then you can ask for a joint gift.

My logic is if you want your kids to have expensive bikes or consoles then you have to buy them regardless of how you budget it.

SquigglePigs · 07/03/2021 10:44

I don't see any difference between Christmas and birthday in terms of present size and don't remember any difference growing up either.

ilovesushi · 07/03/2021 10:44

We do bigger presents at Xmas and smaller ones for birthdays, but that's just how we do it. I don't think there are any rules about this. We have done big birthday presents like bikes before because the timing was right for the kids to get one.

BogRollBOGOF · 07/03/2021 10:46

We don't have "rules" but we are affected by the practicality of DS1 being within a week of Christmas, and two boys of similar interest close in age.

We bought a Switch at Christmas as a family item rather than personal. DS2 has a birthday in the near future and will get more games, and the same would apply to DS1.

We tend to buy outdoor items like bikes/ scooters for the spring birthday and buy for both then as it's the start of the season for using them rather than opening in December and putting in the garage for 3-4 months.

As long as things work out "fairly" between children, it doesn't matter.

VodkaSlimline · 07/03/2021 10:50

We had equal big presents for both in my family but there were only 2 of us kids and one of us had a December birthday anyway. I would say that if you have more kids and their birthdays aren't near Christmas, it makes more sense financially to do bigger presents for birthdays. Then you can spread the cost!

couchparsnip · 07/03/2021 10:51

Weird idea. Surely people can afford to spend more on birthdays because there's only one to buy for?

AnnieGetYourPun · 07/03/2021 10:55

Get it.

My son (now an adult) never asked for anything. Even used to say “don’t want anything for Christmas...will let you know if I change my mind).

He’d get something “big” when he asked. Didn’t have to be birthday or Xmas. Now, he has Aspergers so, slightly different but, some kids get too much maybe? Others are a bit less demanding. Swings and roundabouts 😊

And it’s been such a tough year for kids.

Lockdownbear · 07/03/2021 10:55

@couchparsnip

Weird idea. Surely people can afford to spend more on birthdays because there's only one to buy for?
That depends on when birthdays land.

But I think the bigger gift at Christmas might be a throw back to shops doing savings schemes for Christmas, where Birthday gifts would come out of one, maybe two wage packets.

Tal45 · 07/03/2021 10:59

Christmas is bigger than birthdays at ours when it comes to presents. This is because birthdays involved a party pre covid which is costly and also because that's how it was for me growing up. We also have presents from FC and presents from family so that just means there's more at Christmas.
But I wouldn't assume everyone else should do it the same way, it's just what works for you x