PUSHY, RUDE, AGGRESSIVE AND TOTALLY OBNOXIOUS - AIBU TO WANT HER TO JUST SOD OFF?

[somthinginthewoodshed]

A woman came into the lives of myself and three friends around four years ago. She was quite pushy and made it clear she wanted to join our small circle. We didn’t mind - at first that is - as she shared many of our values and appeared friendly. As time went on though, this woman became an encumbrance and it was clear she had a massive chip on her shoulder: martyred, continually complaining, rude, and just plain offensive doesn’t come into it. Frankly her presence was draining and we were all tired of hearing about the bitter blows life dealt her despite our efforts to do nice things for her with no thanks. Since lockdown, not having her in our lives has been an utter relief but we are all dreading the time when restrictions are lifted because she will appear once again in our circle. We would like to tell her to just ‘Sod Off’ but as she was introduced to us by a friend whom we hold in high regard this is going to be difficult without offending the friend. AIBU to tell this woman to sod off? What would you do?

martyred, continually complaining, rude, and just plain offensive doesn’t come into it.

Well if it doesn't come into it, what's the problem?

continually complaining, rude, and just plain offensive doesn’t come into it.

it's becoming difficult to see WHO is being described here

Oi Op, I'M NOT PUSHY, RUDE, AGGRESSIVE, but I admit I can be a bit obnoxious. In any case I don't want to be your friend any more, so there.

She’s probably better off without YOU in HER life.

This woman is very similar to the one you describe, Sandgrown. All four of us have reached the point with the woman where we just don't want to spend any more time with her. She has offended each of us in turn with sarcasm and snide remarks if we get something she wants, i.e. work, taken out to dinner, given flowers and resents the fact we have families that we spend time with. When the four of us went on a holiday together she got really nasty because she wasn't invited to join us - who would want to go away with someone like her? She invites herself to 'sleep on the floor' in our homes if there is a gathering involving alcohol because she doesn't want to drive. She also makes everything political and when Labour lost the last election she was so aggressive it was frightening. She is crass and insensitive and is unlike anyone I've ever met before, but have read about. She reminds me of the lover in Fatal Attraction. The advice earlier is right, we need to just ghost her and if the friend we like very much gets upset, I'm afraid that's unfortunate. I have wondered if the 'nice' woman is trying to palm her off on us anyway.

If this is some knobby attempt at a witty Meghan thrashing thread you can fuck the fuck off, carry on fucking off until you get back here and then, you can fuck off all over again!

OP, totally with you now. This woman is a momentum supporter, I’m not surprised you want rid.

@kooked

If this is some knobby attempt at a witty Meghan thrashing thread you can fuck the fuck off, carry on fucking off until you get back here and then, you can fuck off all over again!

Is that you Meghan? Touchy, much?

@somthinginthewoodshed

This woman is very similar to the one you describe, Sandgrown. All four of us have reached the point with the woman where we just don't want to spend any more time with her. She has offended each of us in turn with sarcasm and snide remarks if we get something she wants, i.e. work, taken out to dinner, given flowers and resents the fact we have families that we spend time with. When the four of us went on a holiday together she got really nasty because she wasn't invited to join us - who would want to go away with someone like her? She invites herself to 'sleep on the floor' in our homes if there is a gathering involving alcohol because she doesn't want to drive. She also makes everything political and when Labour lost the last election she was so aggressive it was frightening. She is crass and insensitive and is unlike anyone I've ever met before, but have read about. She reminds me of the lover in Fatal Attraction. The advice earlier is right, we need to just ghost her and if the friend we like very much gets upset, I'm afraid that's unfortunate. I have wondered if the 'nice' woman is trying to palm her off on us anyway.

They sound like twins! Her name isn’t Kathryn is it?

Oh stop with the

'We'
'Us'
'All four of us'
'Our small circle'

And grow up. You're individual women. If you don't want this woman as a friend then do something about it individually instead of acting like a group of cowardly sheep.

Unfortunately, this is where you get to if you have put up with unpleasant behaviour for fear of causing a fuss. It might be easier to see her, challenge her and then have her storm off and cancel the friendship of her own volition.

Don’t tell her to sod off, but call her out whenever she is rude or obnoxious. She will either chance or decide she doesn’t want to hang round with you any more. Win win.

E.g. We’ve listened to your problems for 30 mins. It’s now X’s turn to talk and ours to listen.

😂😂😂

No one in the history of all time has ever said this in a group of friends

you can fuck the fuck off, carry on fucking off until you get back here and then, you can fuck off all over again!

Wow. Is that new? I’ve never heard it before. It’s genius.

😂

Since lockdown, not having her in our lives has been an utter relief but we are all dreading the time when restrictions are lifted because she will appear once again in our circle

Perhaps she has used lockdown to ghost you 👻- just saying...

OP are you Amanda from Motherland?

ALL CAPS fail, reflexives fail (unless Irish).

YABU

OP you don't have to explain your reasons to anyone... or justify your decisions or choices...

if you dislike someone you dislike them ... 🌺

Just be careful that your other friends feel the same way as you . She may be a Wendy and you will be the one excluded. Often happens .

I was latched onto by a needy neighbour for whom I did a good turn. Then I found myself doing more and more good turns for her as she began to take over my life. Knowing that I worked at home she used to "drop by" and still be there 2 hours later when I had work to do.

One day she came banging on my door and shouting my name while my nephew was here. Knowing my feelings he gave her down the banks and told her to sod off. He instructed her that she was not to come without ringing first. Thereafter I gradually cut her visits down to once a fortnight and eventually froze her out.

You can always cut her out of news of outings and meetings by simply not telling her about them and blocking her number on your phone. When you do see her you can cultivate being "busy busy must hurry" and remove yourself from the scene.

One of the good things about covid is the opportunity to change things and make new beginnings.

Ha ha Sandgrown, 🤣 her name isn’t Kathryn but they are definitely twin personalities. Sneakysnoopy, this woman is a replica of your neighbour and a bloody nuisance. Yes, all four of us are sick of her to answer previous questions and I agree we should be forthright and not worry about offending anyone. We are seniors as a matter of fact - all retired. We thought we’d get some advice from MN via me and you haven’t disappointed. Thanks!

If you are a senior as you out it then surely you have the maturity just to end the relationship with this woman.
Life is too short to be friends with people you don't like. It's really not that difficult.

Life is too short to be friends with people you don't like. It's really not that difficult.

wholeheartedly agree 🌺

Two options - gaslight her (very mean) or include her in fewer outings and speak your mind if she's obnoxious to you. Please don't gang up on her though as that's what the very very mean girls do (as opposed to the mean girls - see above).

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY HOW REAL HUMANS BEHAVE.