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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

PUSHY, RUDE, AGGRESSIVE AND TOTALLY OBNOXIOUS - AIBU TO WANT HER TO JUST SOD OFF?

80 replies

somthinginthewoodshed · 06/03/2021 13:22

A woman came into the lives of myself and three friends around four years ago. She was quite pushy and made it clear she wanted to join our small circle. We didn’t mind - at first that is - as she shared many of our values and appeared friendly. As time went on though, this woman became an encumbrance and it was clear she had a massive chip on her shoulder: martyred, continually complaining, rude, and just plain offensive doesn’t come into it. Frankly her presence was draining and we were all tired of hearing about the bitter blows life dealt her despite our efforts to do nice things for her with no thanks. Since lockdown, not having her in our lives has been an utter relief but we are all dreading the time when restrictions are lifted because she will appear once again in our circle. We would like to tell her to just ‘Sod Off’ but as she was introduced to us by a friend whom we hold in high regard this is going to be difficult without offending the friend. AIBU to tell this woman to sod off? What would you do?

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 06/03/2021 13:52

*En masse

VainAbigail · 06/03/2021 13:54

@WorraLiberty

WHY NOT JUST TRY TO LET THE FRIENDSHIP DIE OUT NATURALLY, LIKE LOTS OF FRIENDSHIPS DO? YOU WOULD BE OUT OF ORDER TO TELL HER TO SOD OFF, ESPECIALLY AS YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HER BEING RUDE.
⬆️😂⬆️😂⬆️😂⬆️
1forAll74 · 06/03/2021 13:56

Have a meeting with all the good guys, and see what they all wan't to do about the bad guy, do a vote, and see what happens. Usually people have an idea if they are much disliked in a group.

Farthingale · 06/03/2021 14:04

If you're on a whatsapp group and she asks if you want to meet up you could reply like this

Pushy friend: Hi guys. Do you want to come over for dinner now lockdown has lifted
OP: Sod off
OP friend 1: Sod off
OP friend 2: Sod off

FamilyOfAliens · 06/03/2021 14:05

OP, you sound quite stuck up. And you seem to think your friendship group is some kind of Magic Circle set-up.

Are you worried your friends may end up liking her more than they like you?

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 06/03/2021 14:07

How old are you all, about 12? Honestly this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen, and I was around for Brian from Hull.

Bluntness100 · 06/03/2021 14:09

I think if you’re so rude as to tell her to sod off then you’d rightly loose some other friends, there are ways to talk to people and this isn’t it. Also clearly it’s not everyone who feels as you do.

You can politely avoid her, but if you’re bitching behind her back and playing a game of mean girls then I suggest you stop it.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 06/03/2021 14:11

Eviscerate her with the withering mn put down. Did you mean to be soo rude?
According to the mn school of manners She’ll be a shell of a woman. Unable to respond to such an attack

MNerGoneRogueAgain · 06/03/2021 14:11

This probably isn't helpful, but I think ghosting someone is quite cruel.
It's very hurtful and you as the ghostee don't know why it's happening.

But I don't have a 'and therefore you should do x' suggestion.

BlueThistles · 06/03/2021 14:12

I have no issue with closing the door on Pushy Rude Aggressive Obnoxious types....

and it's not us mumsnet keyboard warriors that have to endure her behaviour OP... it's You and your friends..

why would anyone want to spend time with a Happiness Vampire is beyond me.. I don't care why she's like this.. so Yes tell her to SOD OFF Grin

NotFabulousDarling · 06/03/2021 14:12

Are you living in Mean Girls OP?

Moondust001 · 06/03/2021 14:13

@MajorMujer

My question is.......why is the thread title in capital letters 🤔
Because the OP is PUSHY, RUDE, AGGRESSIVE AND TOTALLY OBNOXIOUS?
SooMoony · 06/03/2021 14:15

I feel a bit sorry for the pushy, rude, aggressive and totally obnoxious woman. She probably has no idea how much you and your friendship group dislike her.

FWIW I think friendship groups will change organically when lockdown is lifted, when we can see a certain number of people socially. I would rather see my family than a lot of friends, if I had to make a choice.

therealteamdebbie · 06/03/2021 14:18

She was quite pushy and made it clear she wanted to join our small circle.

are you a push over in all aspects of your life, or you just enjoy bitching about someone behind their back? Or are you at boarding school?

If you don't like her, just ... don't include her?

No need to be dramatic, childish and rude.

therealteamdebbie · 06/03/2021 14:19

@BlueThistles

I have no issue with closing the door on Pushy Rude Aggressive Obnoxious types....

and it's not us mumsnet keyboard warriors that have to endure her behaviour OP... it's You and your friends..

why would anyone want to spend time with a Happiness Vampire is beyond me.. I don't care why she's like this.. so Yes tell her to SOD OFF Grin

are you 12?

The "keyboard warrior" seem to be functioning adults who manage relationships in a normal and healthy way.

No dramatic and hysterical teens.

BlueThistles · 06/03/2021 14:20

I feel a bit sorry for the pushy, rude, aggressive and totally obnoxious woman. She probably has no idea how much you and your friendship group dislike her.

Why ? Hmm

TalktotheFoot · 06/03/2021 14:20

Has it occurred to you that the friend who you hold in high regard has actually palmed this person off onto you lot in order to get rid of her?

Franklyfrost · 06/03/2021 14:21

PUSHY, RUDE, AGGRESSIVE AND TOTALLY OBNOXIOUS

And writing in caps lock is...

sst1234 · 06/03/2021 14:21

Eh? Are you going to elaborate on what role this woman plays. Or was it a random single cell organism shape shifting as a woman who attached herself to you and your group of friends.

Mycatismadeofstringcheese · 06/03/2021 14:24

@MNerGoneRogueAgain

This probably isn't helpful, but I think ghosting someone is quite cruel. It's very hurtful and you as the ghostee don't know why it's happening.

But I don't have a 'and therefore you should do x' suggestion.

I think naming the offending behaviour works. Either they see the error of their ways and change, or they are so offenders they remove themselves from the group.

E.g. We’ve listened to your problems for 30 mins. It’s now X’s turn to talk and ours to listen.

JerichoGirl · 06/03/2021 14:24

As soon as I read this I felt like I knew who you were talking about. Fiona.
She's notorious for worming her into friendship groups then causing upset.

Sailawaysailaway · 06/03/2021 14:25

@OscarWildesCat

Has she infiltrated the WI?
Grin
therealteamdebbie · 06/03/2021 14:26

@LookingForSalt

As soon as I read this I felt like I knew who you were talking about. Fiona. She's notorious for worming her into friendship groups then causing upset.
😂. 😂 😂
Sailawaysailaway · 06/03/2021 14:26

If she’s not been in your lives since lockdown - what makes you think she will return?
Assuming you have things like WhatsApp, social media etc - and have all been in touch, why hasn’t she?

horizontilting · 06/03/2021 14:28

I COULD ALSO DO WITH A GOOD SHOUT TODAY. THANK YOU, THAT FEELS BETTER.

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