to get him fired

[obviouslynamechang]

OK I don't know if it would result in firing...

Basically I am friends with a woman I worked with, we were really close friends at one point. She has made no effort and the friendship has become non-existent mainly because of her DH.

Her DH is quite outspoken on social media. He posts a lot of elitist and outrageous things including racist things - not explicitly "i hate black people" but more like "black people are not as clever because..."
he is factually abusive - he doesn't let her do things, go out, speak to people - she always refers to it as a form of love and thinks it's amazing, often trying to tell everyone how amazing her husband is and no one else matters. (We are late twenties btw).

He's just posted something that incites hate speech on social media and a lot of other colleagues (we all have gone on to new jobs) have messaged me, shocked. Especially the black members of our group which my friend is (was?) in.

Would it just be stupid to anonymously send it to his work? He works for a large city company which needs to uphold its standards. He has a well paid high position. His social media is set to the same as an influencer so he can track things so it's a public business account.

Its absolutely awful, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I tried to get someone fired.

If its so bad, why don't you call the police, as its surely a potentially racially aggravated offence? He may not be charged, but given a warning of some sort.

Do it.

Half your post is about your friend - you’re doing this out of spite aren’t you?

He sounds awful but you sound vindictive. Depending on the nature of what he's saying, reporting him may be absolutely the right thing to do but you need to think about your reasons for doing so. Make sure you're not reporting him because you're annoyed with your friend for not paying you enough attention and putting her husband first... "revenge" on your friend for this is not a good reason to get someone fired. But if you're reporting him because you're genuinely convinced that what he's saying is racist and inciting hatred, then that's different.

Also I’m not white either - but all this reporting of posts and ‘cancel culture’ just drives people underground. Most of the racism in the U.K. is insidious - the people who openly post ridiculous things are probably protected in some measure. He may be best friends with the equally racist VP.

If he is big and bad enough to post these abhorrent comments on a public site, then he is also big and bad enough to face the consequences.
I would also hope you’d do the same whether you like him or not.

Why on Earth are you calling these people friends?

Behavior like his is how America came to be. Like segregation, and tearing down their gravesite and communities for infrastructures because they dehumanized them. I would definitely report his job of his behavior before he spread the hatred to people

Hide their social media posts and get on with your life. If they're racist report them to fb, instagram or whatever.

You sound vindictive and blaming someone for being in an abusive relationship is disgraceful. His posts were racist but you aren't coming off in glory either.

I had a similar situation with a friend who got with a bloke (we used to work together etc, a very similar situ to yours!) He is a horribly racist, EDL supporting c*nt. The stuff he put on social media is despicable.

My friend started expressing the same views and changing. Both DH and I told them their views were disgusting and cut off the friendship -blocked on everything etc. We haven't spoken for years now.

I never really knew about abuse red flags etc at the time (only learnt signs thanks to MN), and now can see he was a controlling, abusive prick to her too. I do wish sometimes I'd kept the door ajar for her if it came to her needing to escape.

If I'd thought about it more at the time, I would have reported to the police and his employer for sure.

So - yes I would absolutely report it - you can do it anonymously. I would cut all contact with him, and be honest with your friend if she queries it.

Put her at a very long arm length, and be there for her if she needs help getting out in the future (If you want to be there for her, of course - and if that doesn't happen, it sounds like you'd benefit from less contact with her anyway!)

Report him. Racism needs to end and maybe getting a telling off (or worst) at work will make this person see that what he is doing is wrong.

You aren't much of a friend. If you want to ruin her for your own gratification, then at least have the guts to put your name to it. I can't bear racism, but I not a coward. I don't hide behind anonymity, and I certainly don't do it in the name of "friendship".

You sound like a very bitter person

Awful situation, OP. Do you feel up to challenging him on the post? Just keep repeating "but why?"
report it to the platform as hate speech?
Give him a deadline to remove it or you'll fwd to his employer, and the next time just report it immediately?

Definitely do it.

@whostolemycheese I I completely agree about UK racism. If reporting people like this makes them go underground (and I totally get what you’re saying) how do you think we can tackle it? I think losing your job sends a strong message that racism isn’t okay but if it just drives underground, do you think there is a better approach? (This is genuine btw)

I would do this, and have done this, anonymously in a heartbeat - just be mindful that whilst you have done the right nthing - you can't control whether the company choose to act on it

@PeteWicksSexyPirate there’s no easy answer. Humans are social creatures so what Britain’s doing now (teaching kids about different races in schools, companies’ zero tolerance policies against discrimination, diverse representation to a certain extent) are the best way forward. Perhaps more community activities that focus on what brings people together.And if someone was making very inflammatory remarks (e.g people of a certain religion deserve to be burnt for instance) they should be reported.

However laws on ‘blasphemy and inflammatory remarks are used to jail people who speak out against the government of the day where I come from ...so I have seen how easily speech policing can become extreme. Also we need to draw the line - someone who made a thoughtless off the cuff remark vs someone who does it repeatedly.
In hindsight actually think what the husband said might indeed be worth reporting but I don’t trust the OP - I think she’s just spiteful.

Yes...do it, he needs to be held accountable

I honestly can’t believe people are calling you vindictive and bitter OP, or thinking that ‘getting someone fired’ is worse than them being a racist. These ridiculous deflections is how bigotry survives. Of course you should report him, he deserves to be fired, and if I was you and my reports led to his firing I’d be proud that I’d helped eject this vile individual from his organisation.

Is it that easy to get someone fired by drawing attention to their social media account? Really? Assume someone in his company already saw it and is aware, he is not exactly trying to hide it is he?
And how would you actually do it? Do you have the email to HR or the CEO? I'm not saying this guy should be left to keep with his atrocities but why are you so keen to go offer him specifically? There are far too many people out their which are bullies and post all kind of crap..
First thing to do IMO is to stop looking at his SM account, cut contact with them and if they ask, simply express your dismay.

I have reported someone to their employer for racist stuff on social media. I choose not to do it anonymously because I wanted them to know that despise what they were doing/saying.

Your comment about how she isn’t helping herself is vile.

Yes, do report it. And I say this whatever your motives. He’s a racist and turning a blind eye to this is never okay.

Yeah do it OP, he shouldn’t be in a position of power where he has to manage anyone with those kinds of views about people.
He sounds like the kind of person who would be an awful manager.
His own fault if he loses his job.