Is DM being unreasonable? Harmless cause?

[WormingAround]

DH has ringworm confirmed by doctor. It’s in the centre of his chest.
Didn’t think anything of it until my DM said “oh my goodness how has he managed to get that it’s spread by skin to skin contact”.

Myself, DD and DSS do not have it.
DSS is in school (mum is keyworker) and DH sometimes plays football outside.

Is there a harmless explanation of how he’s caught it? I don’t have much knowledge of skin/fungal infections but we’re in lockdown so I suppose DM is suspicious of how he’s managed to catch it.

I feel stressed about it.

Thank you

The complete inability of some to understand what bad mental health can do to you is truly shocking.

She isn't just sleep deprived, she's an anxious person with a shit-stirring mother. Unless you've been in the situation yourself, you can't know how you would react.

It's great some of you (seemingly) don't suffer from any mental health problems, but this woman is currently struggling and you're being the typical mumsnet vipers. Aren't women meant to support other women?

Does his football team have that thing where someone takes all the kit home and washes it each week and everyone gets a random shirt the next week or does he have his own kit? Because if it’s the former and someone has washed it on a low temp it could be from the kit.

@justcannotwithyou

The complete inability of some to understand what bad mental health can do to you is truly shocking.

She isn't just sleep deprived, she's an anxious person with a shit-stirring mother. Unless you've been in the situation yourself, you can't know how you would react.

It's great some of you (seemingly) don't suffer from any mental health problems, but this woman is currently struggling and you're being the typical mumsnet vipers. Aren't women meant to support other women?

Fair enough, but if op doesn't open her eyes to the potential serious damage her stirring mother will cause, things will probably get a lot worse . No natter how understanding her husband is I would think he will pretty soon get fed up of these kind of insinuations, I know I certainly would if the situation was reversed. Op has not really responded to the numerous posts confirming how easy ringworm is to catch and she still doesn't appear to be taking it on board

Ringworm normally lives on skin - al the time. It’s only when it grows out of control that we notice it as ‘ringworm’.

Oh and cats can be asymptomatic carriers so your cat could have ringworm with no signs.

@Mydogmylife

Yes, and I would have mentioned it to my husband, mainly because he's number one and just like I would like to know if his mother was trying to cause trouble for us, I would want to be honest with him and let him know. Then there could possibly be a discussion regarding things like not mentioning things to her, going LC or even NC. I can't imagine I would have my mother around for long if she was doing this sort of thing.

And I know she is struggling to take it on board, but I did refer to that in an earlier post.
She is tired and she is anxious, she tells her mum about the innocent ringworm her husband has and her bloody mother rubs her hands together and thinks "let's cause some trouble..."
Op's brain goes into overdrive, googles and sees "SKIN TO SKIN CONTACT", and in her current state of mind, that's all she sees and trying to tell her otherwise will fall on deaf ears until she has calmed down. That's anxiety coupled with sleep deprivation. That's what that does to you.

She did however say my comment helped her, maybe because I didn't attack her and say how bad I felt for her husband and whatever horrible things have been said to this woman having a bit of a wobble. She came here for help as she can't get that from her useless mother, we should be able to give that to her without making her feel worse.

www.dailypaws.com/cats-kittens/health-care/feline-parasites/ringworm-in-cats-what-to-do-and-how-to-avoid-them

I had it on my neck/chest once too. No one had been near me for weeks, I was single at the time and I really am not a lover of hugs/unnecessary physical contact. Anyway, turned out another girl in the office had caught it from her pets but had not realised what her rash was (she thought it was eczema and was treating it with e45) and was spreading it to the rest of us in the office via the surfaces we all touched. I was definitely, definitely not shagging her.

@Mydogmylife - I am taking the comments on board. I understand I am probably far off the mark with my thought process and it helps to read all the comments. I haven’t gone to my DH with this in light of all the comments so they’ve helped massively

@justcannotwithyou - every single one of your messages hits the nail on the head with how I’m feeling so thank you for just getting it. Anxiety is a horrible leech on all rational thinking and lots of people don’t understand that if they’ve never been through it themselves

[quote WormingAround]@Mydogmylife - I am taking the comments on board. I understand I am probably far off the mark with my thought process and it helps to read all the comments. I haven’t gone to my DH with this in light of all the comments so they’ve helped massively

@justcannotwithyou - every single one of your messages hits the nail on the head with how I’m feeling so thank you for just getting it. Anxiety is a horrible leech on all rational thinking and lots of people don’t understand that if they’ve never been through it themselves[/quote]
I know it is and I know it's incredibly hard to try and make people understand what it's like. I'm so glad you've been able to calm down and are feeling better

@justcannotwithyou - I totally agree that this should be discussed with her DH , but being VERY CLEAR that she regards this as nothing more than shit stirring from her mother. This still does not seem to be the feeling from the posts. I repeat that if the position was reversed, I would be gutted that my partner even entertained that I had been cheating in this scenario no matter how sleep deprived.

@Mydogmylife

I get that. But I also get anxiety and mental illness, so while I might be upset that it ever crossed my husbands mind, if I knew he was having these struggles I would need to be the logical one and think "It's not his fault his mind (and mum) is doing this and he's not in any way trying to hurt me". But I think you need to have an actual real understanding of mental health to be able to separate yourself from it like that.

[quote justcannotwithyou]@Mydogmylife

I get that. But I also get anxiety and mental illness, so while I might be upset that it ever crossed my husbands mind, if I knew he was having these struggles I would need to be the logical one and think "It's not his fault his mind (and mum) is doing this and he's not in any way trying to hurt me". But I think you need to have an actual real understanding of mental health to be able to separate yourself from it like that.[/quote]
I think you are , incorrectly, assuming that I have no experience with anxiety. You are also assuming that DH has the experience/knowledge to 'separate' his feelings and accept being distrusted in this way- not easy as I'm sure you will acknowledge . Especially if he can see his mil stirring the pot, and I'm sure this hasn't been the first time. Anxiety, horrible as it is , does not give you a free pass to hurt your partner . Proper discussions need to be had, for the sake of both partners, this ringworm nonsense is just a symptom

@Mydogmylife

I am assuming that he knows his wife is having a hard time, especially with a support system like this. I can't imagine being the husband in this scenario and being too upset with my wife. I would recognise it as her struggling and be really angry with my mother in law for planting these thoughts in her head and would tell her as much.

It's all fine though. The Op came on here and got the help she needed. She hasn't mentioned it (though the husband should know what his mother in law seems to think of him and have words) and seems fine now. I don't think there's a bigger issue in this relationship other than a woman struggling and having a mother that frankly, should probably be put on the back burner until Op is more able to cope with her mothers behaviour if nothing else.

@Puddingypops

I currently have ringworm on my chest it’s come from athletes foot, no one else has it no animals. Just me, ignore your mum.

You haven't been near OPs husband have you?

I had it a couple of years ago on my thigh really close to my groin. I can promise you that noone other than my DP (who didn't have it) had been anywhere near there in 15 years.

Think about how Athletes foot spreads, infected foot hits a floor, someone elses foot hits the same place a few minutes later, and now they've got athletes foot.

Ringworm is a similar sort of fungus, so spreads the same way. Someone scratches their own itchy patch of ringworm, touches a doorhandle. You husband comes along a couple of minutes later and touches the same doorhandle. Its then on his fingers ready to spread to his chest.

If you ask me, Its a fairly big leap to go straight from fungus to cheating in the absence of any other evidence

Also, I thought I'd gotten rid of mine with cream and it reappeared about a year later, so your husbands may have sat there since pre-lockdown for god knows how long, until it finally decided to show its face.

Easy to catch and it isn’t just from skin to skin contact at all, you can get it from touching infected surfaces too like any other infection. If your DS is a toddler, it’s exceptionally common in toddlers because they’re kind of disgusting . My 2 year old had it a few months ago, no idea where he got it from because we were in lockdown and hadn’t really been anywhere. Guessing the soil in the garden or something along those lines.

Crikey, growing up in the country you can get it by touching a fence even! Anywhere animals have been. Wouldn't even cross my mind to think it has to be from cheating 😳