Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to stop seeing an interesting, good looking guy because of his wacky conspiracy theories?

56 replies

aurynne · 05/03/2021 01:19

I am in my 40s, separated a year ago. Recently I started using OLD (online dating) again, because I miss having someone around, and am also trying to get a FWB whom I got too close to out of my mind (see previous thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4080749-Friend-with-mind-blowingly-good-benefits-and-feelings?msgid=101799753 here).

I discovered the apps Bumble and Hinge, which give women all the control, as guys cannot contact us unless we specifically match their profile or "swipe right" on them, and I have been enjoying some chats and in face to face dates with 4 guys so far, all of which have been lovely.

One of the dates is a cute foreign guy with a sexy accent which I have seen 5 times so far, and I had started to consider taking the dates to the next stage. There is only one (big) problem which has slowly been creeping in as we chat about worldly events. Bear with me.

One of the things I loved about seeing this guy is that we talked for hours about al kind of interesting subjects, from our jobs to science, to religion, to economy to politics. And herein lies the problem too. Soon he started mentioning that the pandemic "is not all it looks to be". That Trump "was not as bad as 'they' made him look". That he and his family will never be taking the COVID vaccine because "Big Pharma's interests are in making us all a bit sick so we keep buying frugs from them, and the components of the vaccine is not what 'they' say they are". "They", apparently, are "The Media", who he believes are telling lies in order - I kid you not - to protect a higher elite of people who have a massive pedophile ring set together and that include satanic rituals with babies.

I swear it to you, Mumsnet, originally he sounded like a completely sane, intelligent, normal guy with 4 children, 3 of them adults, a good job and great hobbies he was starting to share with me.

Now he sends me links to Twitter messages from people who look for conspiracy theory clies everywhere. One shows a short video of a hospital with someone setting a camera ("this is a hospital in Israel, 'they' are setting the stage to fake that they have a lot of COVID patients"), a caption of the French president Macron being vaccinated where apparently the syringe needle did not retract ("this proves he did not REALLY take the vaccine", a link to an interpretation of the front cover of a 2018 The Economist saying that there are predictions on that cover that prove the existence of the 'fake' pandemic, the pedophile ring, etc etc.

It is exhausting. He does not seem to register that, once you become convinced that there's a conspiracy theory everywhere, your brain will interpret anything as a "clue" or a "pattern" to confirm what you already believe. That I work in a hospital, and sometimes we have cameras there... the news have come to talk about a case, or professionals to film a procedure... That I work with the same syringes that the guy in the macron video uses... half of the time they do not retract due to a faulty design... That when someone actively chooses to believe the most unlikely reason why something happens, therein lies madness, and they may as well end up in a mental institution with paranoia, looking for hidden patterns in the list of ingredients of cereal boxes.

But the fact is, I now find myself unable to take him seriously and my interest in him has evaporated. On top of being exhausted and fed up of feeling I need to disprove any utterly incongruent link, video or twit he chooses to believe.

Another of the guys I was chatting was similarly interesting at the beginning, but now that I checked his Facebook profile, it is full of similar conspiracies about the Coronavirus being a hoax, and the Government of New Zealand being in on a communist plan to enslave the population... every time there is a couple of community cases and a small lockdown ensues, he goes haywire posting about "government control of freedom", Jacinda Ardern "being in on it" about population mind control and all sorts of wacko posts with lots of exclamation marks in the end.

Are there really so many people (or is it mainly guys?) obsessed with these new conspiracy theories to the point of almost paranoia? It really is putting me off. And really making me concerned to the future of our species, if from now on anything that happens is going to be disbelieved and ignored as "fake news" and "a master plan from the evil Media".

Last night there were a series of massive earthquakes North East of New Zealand and there is a tsunami warning for most of the coastal areas. Well, some facebook posts have started to appear also saying this is fake news, and another trick from "The Elite" to keep the sheeple under control. Many of these people are ignoring the tsunami warnings. FFS, most of New Zealand could actually FEEL the shakes! Do they really think this was fake too?

Can be really turning THAT stupid as a species?

OP posts:
EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 05/03/2021 01:23

you really need to ask?

DdraigGoch · 05/03/2021 01:25

I wouldn't have the patience for that. I refuse to believe that any government could actually be organised enough to pull a conspiracy off.

NovemberR · 05/03/2021 01:26

Honestly? I got as far as Trump's not as bad...

I'd have blocked his number at that point.

Jumpintothefire · 05/03/2021 01:28

Run OP . He's crackers and there are loads of folk like that about sadly .

aurynne · 05/03/2021 01:34

What I will need to do is add to my profile: "If you believe in conspiracy theories, please swipe left right now". But it does worry me, the number of guys around me who appear to take all this seriously (and whom initially keep it well hidden under a disguise of normality)!

OP posts:
stopgap · 05/03/2021 01:35

I ditched an acquaintance this year as she started spouting QAnon conspiracy theories to me. I couldn’t imagine dating someone that dim.

MorriseysGladioli · 05/03/2021 01:38

I must say I'm intrigued by what makes these people tick, but it must be very wearing.

TedMullins · 05/03/2021 01:39

Good grief, of course you need to dump this nutter! I’ve been chatting to people on apps and haven’t come across any with these beliefs so I do believe there are still men who think rationally. Whether or not they’re decent in other respects, who knows! What happened with the FWB? I read your other thread at the time, sorry to hear it didn’t work out

IhaveNotBroughtMySpecsWithMe · 05/03/2021 01:47

That's a block him from me.

grassisjeweled · 05/03/2021 01:56

Oh god no

Littlepaws18 · 05/03/2021 01:57

He maybe lovely, but he is a bad thinker. He rejects expert opinion, rejects rational and logical reasoning, takes evidence from obscure places to support his illogical views. This has already had an impact on his decision making ability- he's decided not to take the vaccine. This could be a fatal move for him and his family in the future. So if he approaches situations like this in this way he is not going to be able to make good decisions in your relationship. You honestly don't want to be with a guy like this- run for the hills!

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 05/03/2021 02:12

Send them both a message saying 'I've been abducted by aliens, but the sex is really good, so I'm not sure if I'll come back. Have a nice life'
Then block them.
Life's too short for that shit!!

SueblueNZ · 05/03/2021 02:22

OMG. I am also in NZ and you could be (but aren't) talking about my son-in-law. He shares precisely those same wacky theories. What with him raving on about Trump (still), covid and Jacinda, and his wife on her new happy clappy religious journey, I gave to stay away from them. I just will not tolerate being lectured to.
I think you already know what you need to do about this prospect, OP.

VettiyaIruken · 05/03/2021 02:34

Run. Those people are insufferable!
Not only are they bloody thick but they are convinced they are soooo clever and only clever people like them can see what They are doing.

Shnuffles · 05/03/2021 02:43

Clearly you're not compatible, so of course you shouldn't continue seeing him.

I wouldn't want to date someone who didn't agree with me on most major life issues (religion, saving/spending balance, political party). I can be friends with people without agreeing with them on many things, but living with someone with a vastly different worldview would be too exhausting. I want to be able to occasionally vent at home without driving my spouse up the wall or getting into a heated debate every time I open my mouth.

HeartsAndClubs · 05/03/2021 02:50

Who are the 5% who have voted YABU? Shock

Monty27 · 05/03/2021 02:53

He'd bore the tits off me. Excuse the phrase OP.

VettiyaIruken · 05/03/2021 02:53

Brain dead conspiracy theorists.

aurynne · 05/03/2021 04:53

I've just sent him a message explaining that due to our extreme polar oposite philosophies, I cannot see this going anywhere. I wonder what his answer will be. Probably a whinge about how I don't respect his freedom of opinion, or even an accusation of being "in on it" myself.

OP posts:
HeronLanyon · 05/03/2021 05:05

You don’t even need to ask surely ?
Fundamental incompatibility. Spotted early and non negotiable.
Leave him be, forget about him and move on.
That’s what you’d do irl surely ???

HeronLanyon · 05/03/2021 05:08

Oops crossed with your update. Well done op. Not sure why you are even wondering about his reply - I wouldn’t spend another moment thinking about him other than ‘whew, swerved that nutjob’
Next !

Nitpickpicnic · 05/03/2021 05:12

Be aware that I’ve found it’s almost impossible for middle aged men to go down the rabbit-holes of alt-right politics, Covid conspiracy etc and not hit up against Menz Rights. They seem to come up as a bundle.

And that stuff isn’t benign or just a bit ‘whacky’. It can’t be worked around, once it takes hold of their brains. It’s the kind of self-delusion mixed with straight misogyny that is very upsetting to women partners, and cuts them off from any chance of a normal life with family & friends as well.

I probably sound very dramatic. I wish I were exaggerating. If I were online dating, it’d be the first dealbreaker for sure. Well, equal first with decent personal hygiene. Only just.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 05/03/2021 05:37

Throw this one back, but you could send him a tin-foil hat as a goodbye gift. Although he's probably got a few already.

DeeCeeCherry · 05/03/2021 05:59

Are there really so many people (or is it mainly guys?) obsessed with these new conspiracy theories to the point of almost paranoia?

Yes. I'm sad about 1 friend at the moment who's gone down that path. I'm so taken aback. But I cannot be around him as it's all he talks about, conspiracy this conspiracy that and he's quite sharp with anyone who doesn't take on board what he's saying.

A quick browse of FB would show you how many people are utterly consumed by conspiracy theories.

I'm sure there must be articles out there by now advising on how to deal with family members and friends who've gone down this road.

pictish · 05/03/2021 06:15

Ugh...there is little more stultifying than listening to a conspiracy theorist. These self-important, boring know-it-alls and their absolute drivel which they insist on spouting at length. Very unattractive. No thank you.
Glad you’ve sent the text. God it could be years of listening to that pish. Run away now.