...to stop seeing an interesting, good looking guy because of his wacky conspiracy theories?

[aurynne]

I am in my 40s, separated a year ago. Recently I started using OLD (online dating) again, because I miss having someone around, and am also trying to get a FWB whom I got too close to out of my mind (see previous thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4080749-Friend-with-mind-blowingly-good-benefits-and-feelings?msgid=101799753 here).

I discovered the apps Bumble and Hinge, which give women all the control, as guys cannot contact us unless we specifically match their profile or "swipe right" on them, and I have been enjoying some chats and in face to face dates with 4 guys so far, all of which have been lovely.

One of the dates is a cute foreign guy with a sexy accent which I have seen 5 times so far, and I had started to consider taking the dates to the next stage. There is only one (big) problem which has slowly been creeping in as we chat about worldly events. Bear with me.

One of the things I loved about seeing this guy is that we talked for hours about al kind of interesting subjects, from our jobs to science, to religion, to economy to politics. And herein lies the problem too. Soon he started mentioning that the pandemic "is not all it looks to be". That Trump "was not as bad as 'they' made him look". That he and his family will never be taking the COVID vaccine because "Big Pharma's interests are in making us all a bit sick so we keep buying frugs from them, and the components of the vaccine is not what 'they' say they are". "They", apparently, are "The Media", who he believes are telling lies in order - I kid you not - to protect a higher elite of people who have a massive pedophile ring set together and that include satanic rituals with babies.

I swear it to you, Mumsnet, originally he sounded like a completely sane, intelligent, normal guy with 4 children, 3 of them adults, a good job and great hobbies he was starting to share with me.

Now he sends me links to Twitter messages from people who look for conspiracy theory clies everywhere. One shows a short video of a hospital with someone setting a camera ("this is a hospital in Israel, 'they' are setting the stage to fake that they have a lot of COVID patients"), a caption of the French president Macron being vaccinated where apparently the syringe needle did not retract ("this proves he did not REALLY take the vaccine", a link to an interpretation of the front cover of a 2018 The Economist saying that there are predictions on that cover that prove the existence of the 'fake' pandemic, the pedophile ring, etc etc.

It is exhausting. He does not seem to register that, once you become convinced that there's a conspiracy theory everywhere, your brain will interpret anything as a "clue" or a "pattern" to confirm what you already believe. That I work in a hospital, and sometimes we have cameras there... the news have come to talk about a case, or professionals to film a procedure... That I work with the same syringes that the guy in the macron video uses... half of the time they do not retract due to a faulty design... That when someone actively chooses to believe the most unlikely reason why something happens, therein lies madness, and they may as well end up in a mental institution with paranoia, looking for hidden patterns in the list of ingredients of cereal boxes.

But the fact is, I now find myself unable to take him seriously and my interest in him has evaporated. On top of being exhausted and fed up of feeling I need to disprove any utterly incongruent link, video or twit he chooses to believe.

Another of the guys I was chatting was similarly interesting at the beginning, but now that I checked his Facebook profile, it is full of similar conspiracies about the Coronavirus being a hoax, and the Government of New Zealand being in on a communist plan to enslave the population... every time there is a couple of community cases and a small lockdown ensues, he goes haywire posting about "government control of freedom", Jacinda Ardern "being in on it" about population mind control and all sorts of wacko posts with lots of exclamation marks in the end.

Are there really so many people (or is it mainly guys?) obsessed with these new conspiracy theories to the point of almost paranoia? It really is putting me off. And really making me concerned to the future of our species, if from now on anything that happens is going to be disbelieved and ignored as "fake news" and "a master plan from the evil Media".

Last night there were a series of massive earthquakes North East of New Zealand and there is a tsunami warning for most of the coastal areas. Well, some facebook posts have started to appear also saying this is fake news, and another trick from "The Elite" to keep the sheeple under control. Many of these people are ignoring the tsunami warnings. FFS, most of New Zealand could actually FEEL the shakes! Do they really think this was fake too?

Can be really turning THAT stupid as a species?

God my FIL is like this. When we see him or speak to him conspiracy theories always creep into the conversation. We havent actually landed on the moon, theres microchip in the vaccine, blah blah blah. Its fucking tedious.

So, yeah, if you have the choice NOT to have someone in your life like this, id take that option.

Are there really so many people (or is it mainly guys?) obsessed with these new conspiracy theories to the point of almost paranoia?

No but, like other types of weirdo, they are overrepresented in the men who are single at 40+.

I wonder what proportion of people believe this sort of thing. I know a couple who think like this and they aren't the brightest

This is why these people are single

@aurynne

I've just sent him a message explaining that due to our extreme polar oposite philosophies, I cannot see this going anywhere. I wonder what his answer will be. Probably a whinge about how I don't respect his freedom of opinion, or even an accusation of being "in on it" myself.

The temptation to mess with him though “my handler says you’re getting too close” 🤣

It gives people an opportunity to do a deep dive into one very narrow subject and become an authority on it. All without having to read anything themselves or even have a thought of their own. All served up in a YouTube video.

Then they can bray on about it incessantly.

You have given him way too much benefit of the doubt. Ditch. Move on. Plenty more fish in the sea.

Clearly he is intellectually sub-par. These men people always are.

And I can bloody vouch for the earthquakes (I bet he’s in Auckland, am I right?)!

I don't think his intention is to meet women. His intention is to convert and this gives him a ready made audience.

Key phrase to watch out for in OLD I've found is: "I'm looking for a woman who is 'wide awake' just like me!"

I've seen this bandied about a lot...I'm very much 'fast asleep' where these men are concerned 🤣

Yes, good decision OP. I only know one conspiracy but luckily. She's vulnerable, recently bereaved and divorced, her boyfriend is the source - prolific weed smoker and down the Q hole. She used to roll her eyes at him but now she spouts the same stuff. I'm not going to argue with her, though I do challenge obvious lies. I'll be here when she emerges, just have to hope she doesn't do too much damage in the meanwhile.

Yanbu op. I like WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants suggestion above!

Sorry to hear about the tsunami warning and hope everyone in NZ stays safe.

My partner of 1.5 years had mentioned a conspiracy theory a while back and I was ready to pack it all in. Why are men so susceptible? He was thankfully just talking about it and now we joke about others who are fully down the rabbit hole but honestly I don’t have time for this shit. My brothers in-laws are all down the hole (or the father in law is and the women just followed). He was all over a local Facebook group posting stuff about Covid being a hoax and Trump doing “decent things but you’re all to ignorant to see it” wow!!

His reply: "True I agree with you, basically you come from a scientific view while I am baesed on spiritual view like rudolf steiner. I went hard on the subject for the only reason of the poison vaccine they're pretty much forcing people to take and i wish you will realise it's not worth the risk. Except from that I could see plenty of compatibility and plenty of fun together."

Definitely the right decision. I am a health professional. Love, there is no "poison" in that or any other approved vaccine. I have access to machines who can analyse exactly what is in it, as do many other researchers and health professionals in the World. Do these people really think a vaccine full of poison was not going to be found out in about 100 labs all around the World? But hey, these guys don't really let facts get in the way of a good conspiracy.

What a bloody disappointment :(. He did look and act very normal until the subject came up. Thanks for the support sisters!

One of you was asking what happened with my FWB, he is still around, however we are both aware this is going nowhere, and his initial plans of leaving in March/April are now in doubt due to COVID. So in the sake of not wasting any of our times anymore and set us both free to move on (he is, after all, looking for a mother for his future children who I won't be) we are trying, once again, to go back to just friendship. This time we're being more successful than the first time, when we lasted 2 days, and seeing other peple is helping, at least for me.

Entertaining conspiracy theories is fine. Wittering on about them all the time and sharing links would be a no. That’s basic EQ if nothing else.

Not sure about the aetiology of conspiracy theories but honestly I just can’t give these people any headspace.

Run. Run like the wind.

Honestly though, there’s no need for conspiracies. The media IS controlled by a tiny handful of multi-billionaires who fill it with stuff that suits their purpose while occasionally being lent on by the government. They “sell” us wars and enemies, which benefit certain profitable industries and maintain the status quo. And extremely wealthy and connected people like Saville, Epstein, Weinstein, Prince Andrew etc, do engage in disgusting activities, usually undiscovered/covered up, which are completely beyond the pale of normal people’s morality. Big Pharma does often prioritize profit over life’s. It’s a small leap from these horrible facts about the world to some of the more “out there” stuff.

Good choice. I ditched a fairly long time friend after they decided to believe in QAnon and MAGA. Ain’t no one got time for that bullshit.

@Nitpickpicnic

Be aware that I’ve found it’s almost impossible for middle aged men to go down the rabbit-holes of alt-right politics, Covid conspiracy etc and not hit up against Menz Rights. They seem to come up as a bundle.

And that stuff isn’t benign or just a bit ‘whacky’. It can’t be worked around, once it takes hold of their brains. It’s the kind of self-delusion mixed with straight misogyny that is very upsetting to women partners, and cuts them off from any chance of a normal life with family & friends as well.

I probably sound very dramatic. I wish I were exaggerating. If I were online dating, it’d be the first dealbreaker for sure. Well, equal first with decent personal hygiene. Only just.

Not over-dramatic at all, perfectly sensible!

My mum is like this!!! Had to listen to it constantly!! She even started saying Michelle Obama was trans gender! She was absolutely devastated when trump didn't get in said she couldn't sleep!

We have recently gone no contact so fortunately I do not have to listen to this daily.

I think it’s good to have some logical thinking skills and read between the line with some news however this is way beyond that! Run away quickly.

I once read “if you have ever organised a meet up / party / been a project manager and realised how hard it is to get 10 people to do what they are supposed to do, on time and in secret then conspiracy theories seem even harder to believe”

Oh ffs of course he loves Steiner and his ableist, nazi, ghost library nonsense. You're well rid op.

You answered your own question. He’s “exhausting”.

Just don’t go there again.

Well done for getting rid OP. It sucks but being close to a conspiracy nut is so knackering. I lost my brother down the QAnon rabbit hole and it's actually quite sad. Sometimes I see glimpses of the old him and think "oh yeah, this is what he used to be like", and then he turns back into this paranoid, very intense rambler. I tried to engage with his ideas but you just can't argue with these people because they genuinely believe they're right and we have been brainwashed by the mainstream media. He's all about Trump being our saviour, 5G being used for mind control, Covid being a hoax/deliberately introduced so big pharma could sell vaccines, vaccines being used for mind control... It's bloody endless and I really resent it. It sounds all consuming, but I guess that's what cults do.

Sorry, rant over. OP, he's probably a decent man but I couldn't deal with the 24/7 conspiracy theories either. It sounds like you handled it really well and were tactful about it.

I had a date last year with a guy who mentioned the word sheeple. It was just the one date. There were other huge red flags and I am thankful I didn't pursue. It terrifies me when I think about what it could have been like being with him.

Even that reply is annoying. Well done OP!