Inheritance Shame

[Lockdownschmockdown]

Nc for this because might well get flamed.
My parents worked incredibly hard when I was growing up. We had a big house, v modest family holiday abroad once a year and I went to a private school but there was not much spare cash.
They came into money in their late 40s and retired immediately. Since then, they have enjoyed copious amounts of worldwide travel, extending a new house, plenty of socialising and hobbies, private dental care with full implants etc.
Now they are in their 80s and their money has almost run out.They own their house outright but this is the extent of their wealth. They are fine with this as their money has seen them through a great life, especially the last 35 years.
Most of me is really pleased they had such a great life and i should not expect an inheritance. A part of me is upset that they didn’t think to save a bit for me. I’m a single parent in a challenging, low paid job (which I love and wouldn’t change for the world) and £50k would be life-changing. Also, I’m only a few years off the age they were when they gave everything up and retirement seems so far away.
One of my main life goals is to earn enough to set my kids up as well as possible for when I’m gone. I couldn’t imagine keeping all my (imaginary) wealth for myself. I’m sad I guess that my parents didn’t feel the same way.
Should say that we have a good relationship and they did give me a small sum for a house deposit about 25 years ago. I think it was £20k.
So AiBU and a grabby cow?
Or do you see where I’m coming from?

[therealteamdebbie]

Wow you really have no idea how privileged you are do you?

but HOW is that relevant to the thread?

It's about context and mindset. Otherwise you can tell the kids living in a mansion that they should be grateful for a boxroom to themselves when others share one for 3. In the context of a mansion, it would be a ridiculous comparison.

[thinkingaboutLangCleg]

I voted yabu, because I begged my mother not to leave me any money, but to spend her small savings on enjoying her retirement. She left me some anyway, and it was a big help to me, so thanks Mum anyway.

But I don’t think you’re grabby. My mum had very little, but yours burnt through a fortune and I am quite surprised they didn’t shower much on their kids. I’d feel a bit hurt in your position.

[Snookie00]

Interesting all these posters calling you selfish, awful, grabby etc. They sound selfish to me. I enjoy spending my money making myself AND the people I love happy. I can’t imagine living it up when the people I love are struggling. It goes against the value of family and caring for loved ones. People getting their knickers in a twist about £25k - it may seem like a fortune to some people but even 20 years ago it really wasn’t a life changing sum of money.

[Bluntness100]

Oh dear op

All this if I had, I’d give it to my kids. Well ehrm. Then earn it. And do just that. It’s all very easy to say how you’d behave,,,when you’ve nothing to give, not intent on earning it yourself, and putting your hand out.

[Sweettea1]

How dare they spend their money on themselves! Do you not think you have had enough from them? They have set you up with a good education help buying a home yet your not happy and want more sound pretty greedy to me.

[Mumoftwoinprimary]

I’m generally pretty anti inheritance and getting money from parents. Dh and I have always been fiercely independent. (And we put our money where our mouth is - my parents are comfortable and have given my brother a six figure sum but not us as we have always refused all monetary gifts.)

But on those grounds no one is entitled to the money - not the Op but also not her parents. They didn’t earn it.

£20k is a huge amount of money in the normal world but not in the world where people inherit £2m. It is the equivalent of someone inheriting £20k and giving their kids £200.

[therealteamdebbie]

What's depressing is how violently some posters react at the thought of someone going to private schools and receiving 20k. I mean it's not petty change, but come on, it's hardly life-changing, the jealousy and bitterness is completely over-the-top.

[Justri]

Yep,a very grabby cow...

[Bluntness100]

it may seem like a fortune to some people but even 20 years ago it really wasn’t a life changing sum of money

Wow, check your privilege.

[Ermidunno]

@therealteamdebbie

What's depressing is how violently some posters react at the thought of someone going to private schools and receiving 20k. I mean it's not petty change, but come on, it's hardly life-changing, the jealousy and bitterness is completely over-the-top.

It is for many. Check your privilege.

[Fuhfeuucdr]

They gave you £20k 25 years ago? They have already given you a massive leg up.

[HensTeeth44]

I'm sorry but it is life changing for some. It would be for me.

[therealteamdebbie]

Ermidunno

I am not sure you understand what life-changing mean.

[Bluntness100]

One of my main life goals is to earn enough to set my kids up as well as possible for when I’m gone

Ok, how will you do this, coming from a low paid job? What are you doing to achieve this goal of setting your kids up well?

[echt]

@therealteamdebbie

What's depressing is how violently some posters react at the thought of someone going to private schools and receiving 20k. I mean it's not petty change, but come on, it's hardly life-changing, the jealousy and bitterness is completely over-the-top.

What violence? What jealousy? Bitterness?

All inferred by you.

[GrumpyHoonMain]

You got money towards a house deposit. I’m only a little younger than you probably, but in 1996 I was still a young teenager and had had just started to save my house deposit. Lived with my parents, paid bills, supported younger siblings’ expenses, and was so bitter because several of my friends who didn’t have refugee parents had (like you) received chunks of money from inheritances and some could even afford to buy mortgage free at 17 or 18.

25 years later, however, I am the biggest earner of the lot. Because I never had anyone to rely on I had to chase money and increase my salary, take promotions I wasn’t entirely comfortable with but needed to fake it until I could make it. I never had the luxury of a private education or taking a lowpaid but enjoyable career - that you could enjoy your job wasn’t something I even realised you could do until fairly recently.

So yeah try and be a bit more grateful for what you did receive because it was a huge amount and some of us didn’t even get that.

[Fairyliz]

I actually think you are getting a hard time on here op. I assume they inherited from their parents?
When my parents died I inherited about £100k. I have given my two DC’s £30k each for house deposit.
So on the sort of basis if they inherited two million I would have expected them to give you more than £25k.

[ParkheadParadise]

People getting their knickers in a twist about £25k - it may seem like a fortune to some people but even 20 years ago it really wasn’t a life changing sum of money.

It would have been a life changing sum to me.

[CakesOfVersailles]

When you say came into money in their 40s, you mean an inheritance right?

Personally I think if you make your own money you can spend it as you wish. But if you inherit money, and you have children, I feel like you should preserve it as best you can to pass on as a legacy.

On the other hand, I feel like no one should plan their lives around an inheritance or bank on getting one as a lot of things can happen.

Frankly they have not managed their money that well if is is almost gone now. That is a lot of money to blow through.

But at the end of the day, family is more important than money. Don't be bitter over it even if their choice is mind-boggling to you.

[HaveANiceFuckingDay]

What someone said above .. 20k for a house deposit AND you went to private school .. fucking hell
I could wax lyrical about how I’ve had fuck all and expect fuck all ... I did what I needed to do and get on with it .. I expect nothing

[SugarfreeBlitz]

@Lockdownschmockdown I do understand your point, that from 2 Mill you'd expect a bit more, maybe a trust fund for the grandkids?

But I am also speaking as someone who's never had anything! I've been given no house deposit and no education paid for by my parents or support to attend FE

. I think on one level you are incredibly fortunate - and yes I do think they frittered it, but also glad for them that they had a good life. It's a lot of money to go through.

[JustLyra]

@therealteamdebbie

What's depressing is how violently some posters react at the thought of someone going to private schools and receiving 20k. I mean it's not petty change, but come on, it's hardly life-changing, the jealousy and bitterness is completely over-the-top.

Average house prices in the UK at the time was 56k. London was 79k. 20k deposit is massively life changing for anyone now, let alone then.

Alongside can expensive private education the OP was very well set up by her parents.

[Ermidunno]

@therealteamdebbie

Ermidunno

I am not sure you understand what life-changing mean.

Being able to buy a house because you have enough cash or a large deposit for one rather than being in a low paid job living wage to wage unable to save for a deposit so paying over the odds in rent knowing you’ll never be able to afford to actually own your home and have that security? That is life changing for many.

[Lockdownschmockdown]

@Bluntness100 I have invested in a property portfolio but that is not the point of this thread.

[Bagamoyo1]

I assumed they’d inherited maybe £200k, in which case giving you £20k was fine. But if they inherited several million, then they’ve been very tight to not give you more. Very tight indeed. And I’d very extremely pissed off if I was in your position.