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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to feel like such a failure?

61 replies

CremeEggVictim · 04/03/2021 21:55

I’m feeling really low at the moment.

I’ve just been looking up people I was at uni with on LinkedIn and they all seem so successful - famous journalists, lawyers, editors. I’m a primary school teacher, single and depressed at 31.

I worked so hard to get into my uni and just lost all confidence there and feel like I’m completely good for nothing. We have a reunion soon and I feel like I’ll be embarrassed to say my job and the fact I’m single and suffering from panic attacks still years after graduating.

Do some people just have it easier than others? I just feel crap at my job and crap at life really.

Is it too late to turn everything around? I feel so stuck. 😔😔😔

OP posts:

VegetarianDeathCult · 04/03/2021 21:56

Don’t you like your job? Is there something you’d prefer to be doing?

Original poster

CremeEggVictim · 04/03/2021 21:59

I don’t love my job. I feel like I’m bad at it and everyone thinks I’m crap and laughs at me behind my back. The kids arrive on Monday post-lockdown and already I’m thinking of the stress of it all and how rubbish I feel at it.

I don’t know what I’d rather do. I just feel worthless.

OP posts:

weightedblanketlove · 04/03/2021 22:00

You are a primary school teacher. An incredibly hard and valuable job - particularly in covid times. Go there with your head held high! What exactly is making you feel like a failure?

You are also 31 - young, with your best years ahead! Don't let other people's success diminish yours.

Dkfhenzkghsm · 04/03/2021 22:03

Do you actually have any evidence for those things? I mean, I'm pretty confident you can't hear other people's thoughts for starters.

abw94 · 04/03/2021 22:03

Hey you! How is a teacher an embarrassing profession? I see teachers as the most highly qualified! You've done an awesome job this last year and you should be praised for this!! And you're single so what?! You've clearly not met anyone that is worth your time, you deserve someone as hard working and kind as you are.

I hope you attend the reunion and show how fantastic you have done.

Thedogscollar · 04/03/2021 22:03

@CremeEggVictim
Please don't feel like a failure because you most certainly aren't.
You have a hugely important role in society as a teacher please don't downplay your influence on a child shaping their interests, aspirations and futures.
Have you seeked help for your mood/ panic attacks? Please do as there is help out there.
As I've said though you are no failure infact quite the contrary so go to your reunion with your head held high. Be proud of your achievements, you really should be.

EyeDrops · 04/03/2021 22:04

I know that feeling and its horrible. I also went into primary teaching and just felt like I was absolutely crap at it, all the time. So I just want you to know you're not alone.

After 5 years teaching I was able to move into a different aspect of education which I am enjoying far, far more, but still often feel like a failure. Imposter syndrome.

Sorry that's not much in the way of advice, but I'd be willing to bet that no-one else would think you a failure! Particularly after what has been a dreadfully tough year for teachers. Your feelings are not how other people will see it. Nothing wrong with being single at 31 either!

Sending unmumsnetty hugs and I hope you are able to see yourself in a more positive light. I am sure you deserve to.

Original poster

CremeEggVictim · 04/03/2021 22:04

I do love the children I teach, but I feel like the adults and other staff think I’m crap. I feel like I had all these dreams for my future when I was younger and now I’m a not very good teacher instead.

Thank you though @weightedblanketlove that’s really kind. I know I need to stop comparing myself to others.

OP posts:

Thewithesarehere · 04/03/2021 22:05

You are part of the group who literally have put there lives on line and saved lives.

weightedblanketlove · 04/03/2021 22:05

I wrote a similar post on here under a different name last year and it cropped up when I looked for an old post. I was feeking a failure and like i was incomptent at my job. When I read it back recently I was shocked at how low I was feeling at that point. I'd had a crap week at work and it all felt overwhelming.

I feel it's a very normal.reactiin right now to not be enjoying your job and worried about going back. I will be non one is laughing at you behind your back. Every teacher I know is struggling with the workload and changes.

EyeDrops · 04/03/2021 22:07

Also don't forget that you will be seeing their cherry-picked career highlights on LinkedIn. Much like Facebook, Instagram etc, it will be in no way reflective of their life and what else they may have going on.

legohouse · 04/03/2021 22:10

I don't normally post but I felt I should.
You have a job that is wonderful, building the foundations for young lives.
You are young and have your whole future ahead of you.
Try not to compare yourself with others.

Sunhoop · 04/03/2021 22:16

YABU but we all feel like this from time to time. I've worked in the industries your uni friends are in and it's no more or less skilled than teaching. You're also probably paid more! Journalists like to toot their own flute too so don't let linked in fool you

Stoppissingonmyheather · 04/03/2021 22:23

What's wrong with being a primary school teacher you should be so proud of yourself and being young free and single at 31 is the place to be who wants to settle down and be boring in their 2os there is plenty of time for you to do that be proud of your achievements you are doing brilliantly and you should shout about your achievements and how much you live your job just because you are not in charge does not mean you have failed you are on a Journey and you will see the results of your work in years to come when your pupils grow up to be successful in their lives thanks to you

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/03/2021 22:25

Oh, OP. I'm late 40s and never did become the primary school teacher that I I grew up wanting to be (long story, was persuaded to do something else instead against my instincts). So you've achieved what I was never able to and I feel I neve achieved my potential.

So, you're doing WAY better than I ever did and you're still really really young.

Original poster

CremeEggVictim · 04/03/2021 22:25

Thank you so much, everyone. I really appreciate how kind you’re being.

@EyeDrops do you mind me asking which aspect of education you’re in now? I wonder if a move from teaching might be the thing. I do like lots of elements of it but I just don’t know how much more I can take of it. Although, as others have said this has been an especially odd year for teaching and I did find the remote teaching very hard. It’s nice to know I’m not alone with the feeling rubbish all the time thing!

OP posts:

VegetarianDeathCult · 04/03/2021 22:29

@CremeEggVictim

Thank you so much, everyone. I really appreciate how kind you’re being.

@EyeDrops do you mind me asking which aspect of education you’re in now? I wonder if a move from teaching might be the thing. I do like lots of elements of it but I just don’t know how much more I can take of it. Although, as others have said this has been an especially odd year for teaching and I did find the remote teaching very hard. It’s nice to know I’m not alone with the feeling rubbish all the time thing!

Maybe take this as an opportunity to think about a career change, if teaching isn’t fulfilling you. Also, school reunions aren’t compulsory. I have one of the jobs you list as more prestigious, and at 48 I’ve never gone to one.

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 04/03/2021 22:29

I can only imagine how much your university peers will want to hoist you on their shoulders and declare you a hero, after their experiences of trying to homeschool their little darlings for the past year, if ever there was a time that being a teacher, especially of littles, will be majorly appreciated, it’s now! People ground down with work and caring for children will envy your freedom. People with apparently high-powered jobs may be riddled with stress and dealing with their own anxiety and panic attacks.

It’s easy, especially when you’re down, to imagine that the rest of the world has it much better than you. But I guarantee that many of the people you’ll meet again would swap with you in a heartbeat. If anyone does look down on you for having a successful career and all your options still open at 31 - well, do you really care what that sort of person would think?

EyeDrops · 04/03/2021 22:31

@CremeEggVictim

Thank you so much, everyone. I really appreciate how kind you’re being.

I work in boarding (independent school) - I was lucky to make the segue in, I love it. I was always more into the pastoral side of teaching, so working in a boarding house looking after kids really suits me. I still stress and compare myself to others all the time, but I enjoy my work SO much more now.

Hold your head high and give yourself time - you have plenty of working years ahead of you to explore other paths if you want!

Original poster

CremeEggVictim · 04/03/2021 22:31

@Thedogscollar thank you - that’s so kind. I actually did finally contact the IAPT during lockdown and was put on the Generalised Anxiety Disorder CBT program. I’m now on the waiting list for more CBT but I think it’ll be a few months. I also worry that having poor mental health never really goes away and maybe I’ll be stuck with this for ever 😞 I can’t imagine a life free from feeling this rubbish all the time.

OP posts:

OneKeyAtATime · 04/03/2021 22:31

Teachers can be looked down upon in Britain but in other countries they are very well thought of you know

ExhaustedGrinch · 04/03/2021 22:34

Have you ever heard of Impostor Syndrome? It sounds like it might be that, it's not a mental illness as such and it's extremely common. Have a Google and see if it fits in with how you're feeling, if it does then there may be videos/books that will help you overcome it.

Original poster

CremeEggVictim · 04/03/2021 22:35

@CurlyhairedAssassin thank you. And late 40s is also not too late to become one if you still want to! I feel like teaching is something you can start at any time, and actually I wonder if I might have enjoyed it more if I’d done it as a second career with more life experience. There was a dad in his 50s on my course who was retraining.

OP posts:

SecretSpAD · 04/03/2021 22:36

People lie on LinkedIn as much as they lie on Facebook. Someone I know changed her entire job title in her previous job to make it look like she was a director when she was a programme lead!

It's hard, but no good ever came of comparing your life to other peoples. You are only in competition with yourself. It is incredibly difficult to get to that point though - I think it took me a good decade before I stopped comparing my career with the people I was at medical school with. I can honestly say that once I did, I felt happier.

Your main issue is that you seem unhappy in your current career and, after seeing threads about teachers on here I can't blame you. You are young. You have a lot of transferable skills. Maybe look at getting out of teaching and into something you find more rewarding?

Most of all, from someone who is nearer 51 than 31 - you have more time than you think you do. It is society that tells you that you must meet artificial milestones at defined points in your life. Your life is undefined and your adventures are in front of you....

Original poster

CremeEggVictim · 04/03/2021 22:36

@EyeDrops the pastoral side is a big part of what I like too. Working in a boarding house sounds interesting. I will bear that in mind. Thank you.

OP posts:

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